


Charlotte

by dannihowell (iguessicantry)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Adoption, Anxiety Disorder, Coming Out, Domestic, F/F, F/M, Family Drama, M/M, Phanfiction, Rape/Non-con Elements, Same-Sex Marriage, Self-Harm, Teen Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-01
Updated: 2014-03-14
Packaged: 2018-01-15 17:28:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 46
Words: 120,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1313251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iguessicantry/pseuds/dannihowell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Dan's little sister needs a home, he and Phil offer a place to stay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue| Part One

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize for the very strange formatting mishaps throughout this story, the changing of their last names, and the over abundance of typos. Lol I didn't have a beta. I'll fix them eventually. Enjoy!

Part One

 

Charlotte was always a panicky child. Her brother, Dan, often soothed her. Their parents were lost with how to deal with her. They could not figure out why their six year old suffered from stress and anxiety attacks. Dan knew why. Between the piano lessons, gymnastics and dance competitions, and being the all-around perfect child, the little girl sometimes cannot handle it all. Their father, David, insisted that the children maintain a certain level of skill and perfection. Dan had his own worries but Charlie came first. She called out for him when she felt her chest tightening and her world falling apart. She would not go to anyone else but Danny.

Dan was sixteen years old and had recently graduated from secondary school. He would start A-levels soon and he was sure to do well. He was bright and a good boy by most standards but that was not enough. He was set to go to University to study something to make his father proud. He would much rather study media or maybe drama but that would be irresponsible. His father said Dan should choose something ‘clever’ like law. He would not pay for anything else.

Charlotte was in his arms once again. She had come home from another dance competition. She reached out for him, opened her mouth to speak but only a sob erupted.

“What’s happened?” he asked her, rubbing her soothingly on the back.

“Third p-place!” she finally blubbered out. 

“That is amazing, Charlie. Well done. Don’t cry.”

She was too fucking young for this, he believed. He knew how she felt. What bothered him the most was that Charlotte obviously could not handle this level of stress. His mother, Lena, still did nothing to stop the maltreatment. She went into the kitchen without so much as a hello as her son calmed her crying child. She knew what was coming and did not want to watch it happen. Dan swears he would never do this to his children if he ever had any. However, that probably will never happen, he thought.

As he was comforting the little girl, the pain was setting in again. He was hiding behind the A* marks, trophies, certificates and medals for his outstanding work through school. He was not athletic but he was brilliant. Despite these awards all over their home, Dan felt worthless. He knew what Charlotte was feeling; the panic and anxiety over what appears to be nothing. Someone else would say that the Howell children were spoilt and overly competitive. That was so far from the truth. They only aimed to please. So, when Charlotte cried from not receiving a first place medal, she was not crying because she could not take the medal home, she cried because she could not face her own father with empty hands. Her entire self-worth rested within his approval. He had raised her that way.  

Their father walked into the living room to see Dan holding her. “Put her down.”

Dan sighed and placed Charlotte on the floor. He crouched in front of her then moved the curly flyaway hair from her face. His father took her arm and pulled her towards him.

“Dad, please—”

“Shut up!” he barked at him. “What do you have to say for yourself?” He grabbed her by both arms forcefully. She shook when he spoke.

“I’ll try harder next time.” She straightened up and tried to be strong.

“You always say that!” he shouted at her. She grimaced but quickly worked to stop her crying by blinking quickly. He released her from his grip; she fell to the ground. He did not even look at her. He stalked off in anger and left them. Dan rushed to Charlotte, who was now crying silently. She was not allowed to cry. He would call her weak and brattish. It never helped the situation either so she had learned to keep her cries to low, almost silent, volume.

Dan was the one who ensured that she stopped crying. He was the one who made sure she was put to bed. He kissed her on the cheek before turning out the light. He told her, “I am so proud of you, Charlie. I love you.”

She muttered a sleepy “I love you too.”

The next morning Dan woke up with a pain in his chest and he could not stop shaking. This was a day when he forgot. He forgot that he had a future better than the present. He forgot that nothing lasts forever and he forgot that he had people who depend on him, Charlotte in particular. Maybe he did not forget. Maybe Dan did not want to know what the future held because all he saw was a life full of painful moments like last night. He did not want to think that life was full of happiness and good times because the truth was it was not. In his mind, for every happy moment he lived, two horrible ones would replace it.

This was Dan at age sixteen. This was Dan when he planned for the five hundredth time just how he would die. This time he thought he would go to sleep with toxins running through his blood. He simply would not wake up.

Dan did not want to wake because there were mornings when he woke up with a smile. A smile caused by the dreams of his favorite singer doing things he shouldn’t to him; sometimes he dreamed of that boy who sat in front of him in history class. That was his first C. His father did not speak to him for a week.

Dan did not have anxiety attacks like Charlotte. He locked himself in his room and thought too much when he failed. He did not eat and as much as he wanted to cry, he could not. He was certain he was not normal. He had liked boys for as long as he could remember. The feelings had never been that strong before but fuck—they were now. Dan would never be normal.

He knew what his parents, mainly his father, thought about people like him. His mother thought they were confused and lost souls. His father thought they should have the ‘gay’ beaten out of them. Every time he said something about ‘them,’ Dan’s heart skipped a beat. Dan would never feel loved.

Dan could not live like this anymore. The constant fear of being found out and the wish, the want, the need to change who he was, was becoming too much. His friends did not know. They did not know about his controlling father and his apathetic mother. They knew Dan as the funny, sometimes awkward friend who they can always count for a laugh. So when they called his house to tell him about the barbecue (where there would be free beer), Dan pulled out his fake smile, voice included, and told them he would see them there.

That afternoon, Dan made his way over to the back garden just opposite his. His friend, Carrie, was having small gathering to celebrate the end of their high school careers. Many of them were going to different colleges to complete their A-levels then travelling during their gap years then straight into Uni afterward. It would be the last time that they will all be together. He would not be travelling though. He did not plan to wake up Monday morning.

It was warm with a cool breeze. The sun was out with only a few clouds in the sky. It was a rather pleasant day to be honest. Then, Carrie pulled him over to the patio and he meets him. Phil.

He was a little shy at first but after a while, Dan found it easy to jump from topic to topic with him. Phil told him that he planned to study media or communication and Dan envied him as Phil talked so passionately about it. Dan told him he was going to study law or something and Phil laughed because he could not see Dan as a lawyer at all. His eyes were too honest. Phil could tell he was keeping something back but he did not push.

Phil’s easy-going manner and somewhat strange behavior drew Dan even closer to him. Carrie repeatedly tried to get them involved in her drinking games but they were preoccupied. Phil was going on and on about some nonsense topic. Dan was caught in the trap. Phil’s eyes, his hair, his voice were all too perfect. The sky was starting to darken and some of his friends have started to leave. Dan did not want to go but he could hear his mum calling for him. He figured it had something to do with Charlie. He said, “I have to go.”

“Can I have your number?”

“What?”

“C-can I have your number? I thought we were getting on and well…“

Dan did not say anything. He wanted to give in so badly. He really did but he could not. Phil’s face changed to one of sudden realization and he blurted out, “Sorry! I’m so sorry. I thought you were—“

“I am.” It was the first time he had ever said it aloud. Dan was gay. Dan was gay. He sighed because Phil still looked confused. He did not say it loud enough but he certainly did not want to say it again. He nodded instead and grabbed a clean napkin from the table. He wrote down the number carefully because he really did want to hear Phil’s voice again.

“I live right there,” he said pointing to his house behind the fence.

“I’ll call you later, yeah? Maybe we can go out one day. I mean, you’re so close and everything. I’m staying with Carrie for the holiday before I start Uni in September.”

Dan nodded and smiled widely. This was not a fake smile. It was real and so was the boy in front of him with the black hair, sweet smile and a napkin with Dan’s number on it. He leaved when he heard, “Daniel!” from over the fence once more. Dan did not care that he had just outed himself nor that Phil might tell Carrie, who might tell everyone he knows. Dan was smiling when he entered the house. Maybe he could hang on just a while longer. Just maybe he could.

     

 


	2. Prologue Part Two

Part Two

Phil was in the living room with his cousin, Carrie, and she wanted to know all the details about his date. She did not know who it is and it was driving her insane. Carrie had always been that cousin that Phil treated like a sister. She was only about a year younger and they visited each other’s home quite often during childhood. So when Phil told her he had a date coming up, she absolutely had to know every single detail; name, age, nationality, cuteness from zero to ten, how they met, did he think he could marry someone like that? It was a big jump, first date to marriage, but she did not care. 

“Who is it?”

“No one important.”

“Your smile says otherwise. Tell me now, you git!”

“No.”

“What’s his name?”

“It’s none of your business. At least, not yet.”

“Yet!” she proclaimed, jumping on to her sofa where he was sitting and trying to watch television.

Carrie accepted the fact that this mystery person was a guy because she always had. Their family was never one that categorized as old fashioned or prejudice. Phil came out to Carrie when he was twelve and she said, “I knew you had a crush on Jeremy!” Phil had turned a bright red from embarrassment in the validity of her statement (he did fancy Jeremy) but soon calmed in the knowledge that she still loved him. When it came to his parents however, Phil waited until he was older. They were a close-knit, loving kind of family but he did not want them to think this was some sort of phase or that he did not understand his own sexuality due to his age. At 14, when he had gotten his first boyfriend, Phil asked at the breakfast table, “Mum, can I go out tonight?”

“I don’t see why not. Where are you going?”

“To the cinema.”

“Oh that should be nice. Have fun with your friends then,” she told him, passing a plate of pancakes to him.

“Uh… I’m going with my boyfriend.”

The kitchen went silent. The only sound made was Phil’s plate hitting the wood table.

“Phil’s got a boyfriend!” his brother, Matthew, exclaimed with a laugh. “Aye, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

“Don’t spoil it for him, Mattie. Is he a nice boy, Phil?”

Phil laughed. He laughed and even harder laughed causing his mother to look at him with concern.

“I’m sorry—I’m laughing because I thought you would be mad or something. I-I just told you I have a boyfriend and you want to know if he’s nice? Did you hear me? I’m gay.”

“Yes, Phil. Honey, we kind of always knew,” she said with a light tone. 

“You did?” he choked. “How?”

“Son, when you were five you came and told us you fancied Ollie Cooper, that station 6 news presenter; the young one with the good looks.” His father, Nigel, said chuckling at the memory. “He was quite the looker if I do say so myself. You would never see another little boy so interested in current events like you were. If that wasn’t a red flag, I don’t know what is.”

“I don’t remember that,” Phil said shaking his head.

“We do!” his parents sung in unison.

“It’s nice to know you’re alright with all this. It’s seems to be very entertaining.”

“It is!” Mattie chuckles. “Have fun tonight!” He raises his eyebrows suggestively at his younger brother and Phil swats him on the arm in reprimand. They went about their day as if it was another. Phil felt the world rise from his shoulders and he smiled non-stop all day and all the way through his date with Charlie. He had gotten his first real kiss that night.

***

“It’s someone who you met recently and they live somewhere close by.”

“What are you getting at Carrie?”

“That this guy has to be someone I know. You don’t live here. I’m not stupid. Let me think.

Is it Will?”

“No, I don’t know who that even is.”

“Simon? Leo? Harry? Who? Come on! Tell me.”

“No.”

“I can’t think of anyone else who likes boys.”

“You’ll never guess, so please stop.”

“I’ll just follow you.”

“Don’t! I mean it. He doesn’t want to let anyone know. I want to honor that. Please.”

Carrie looked at him apologetically before sighing. “Okay. He sounds like a dick if he doesn’t want people to know about you. Don’t let that happen again. I don’t want to see you like that again.”

“This is different. He’s different from Charlie. I can tell. He’s great. Da-,” Phil stops himself just in time. He’s going to keep this promise for as long as he sees fit. He doesn’t need his younger cousin babysitting him.

“What were you going to say?”

“Um d-different. Very different.”

She looked at him suspiciously but did not press any further.

“What are you gonna wear? The blue polo looks nice,” she said pleasantly.

Phil giggled as she suddenly changes the subject. “It does. Do you think that’s alright for the first date?”

“Yeah. Maybe the first of many firsts.”

“Maybe.”

Phil thought about his firsts. They were all with that boy named Charlie Casey. Even as Phil thought about it, he felt a slight pain in his chest. There were many hard feelings over their recent break up, his first break up. “Phil?” she said after seeing him drift off.

“Yeah, sorry. I can’t stop thinking about him. I don’t know if this is right. It was just two months ago.”

“It’s good to move on.”

“But, I love—loved him,” he corrected himself and sighed, carding his fingers through his hair.

“I know but we talked about this. He didn’t love you the same way. The way he lied and everything. Phil, you called me at half 3 in the morning, crying because of him.”

Phil remembered. It was still etched in his mind like that fucking drawing the boy bought for him the previous summer. A caricature artist had drawn them together, Phil with a comically big head and Charlie laughing at him. It was a summary of their whole relationship in one piece of art. They had walked the boardwalk, eaten candyfloss and stared up at the night sky whilst sitting on a beach towel laying on the sand. The day was fucking perfect but Phil did not think he would go to that beach without thinking about him.

They had started soft and slow like 14 year-olds should. They were friends all through primary school and just started secondary school about two years before having their friends pass ‘do you like me?’ notes for them. Phil had his first kiss behind the cinema in the town center instead of at his front door like he imagined. The two of them had left the movie, which they spent holding hands and laughing at the comedy together. When they stepped outside, Charlie spotted his parents across the square. He pulled Phil into the alley next to the theatre without explanation. He saw them pass, counted to ten before checking to be sure.

“What are you doing?” Phil whispered worriedly.

“Just saw my parents. I can’t have them ruining this perfect night,” he smiled at the cool recovery.

“It’s perfect?”

“Yeah. Don’t you think so?”

Phil nodded, unable to speak. He had that butterfly feeling in his stomach again for the fiftieth time that night. Charlie, who at the time was slightly taller, leaned in closer so that their noses brushed together. Phil’s heart was beating so quickly that he swore it would jumped right of his chest. Their eyes met, Charlie holding his gaze on Phil’s and breathing shallow. He connected their lips sweetly.

Charlie’s kisses were something he missed. By the time they were sixteen, they started getting a bit closer. Okay, a lot closer. Which resulted in Charlie knowing just where to touch Phil to make him call his name. They had watched porn together and one thing lead to another. Charlie wasn’t shy about the situation at all. He teased his boyfriend about his blushing face and his hardness.

“Stop,” Phil whined.

“You’re so precious though. Are you embarrassed? It’s just porn. It’s straight but it does a good enough job from what I can see.”

“I don’t like it. Why is she moaning so much?”

“She feels good, Phil.”

“She’s annoying,” he said. His face was flustered and his bulge growing.

“I’m getting mixed messages, love.” Charlie paused the VCR and turns to Phil to take a complete look at him. They were in bed together on a Saturday night. Charlie’s parents were on a trip, as they always were it seemed, and Phil was staying over because his boyfriend ‘needed his cuddles.’

“I need your cock.”

Phil choked on nothing because of his bluntness. “What are you going to do with it?”

“Fucking hell!” Charlie moaned in half frustration, quarter anticipation and quarter lust. Phil was still innocent despite Charlie’s mission to corrupt him. “Tell me what you want, babe. You can trust me.”

Phil gulped and shifted away from him. He was a little uncomfortable because they have never gone farther than sloppy hand jobs and a few blowjobs with Phil on the receiving end. Charlie did not see the way Phil moved away because he was too busy reaching into Phil’s boxers, making him cry out. Charlie freezes, afraid that he was hurt him but Phil’s smile goes wide. “Go on. I want you to keep touching me.”

“That’s it. Keep talking.” Charlie griped Phil’s length and started stroking. The boys got far that night. He was well prepared with lube and condoms though the decided against using them. Phil had a fleeting thought that maybe he should use one but Charlie caught him in a kiss and grinded into him. That thought was long gone.

The next day, Phil’s arse was sore and he could not go home until that night. For his first time, it was good. It hurt a bit but Charlie took care of him the next day and did not tease him about it.

Their relationship was one that made people talk. They were admittedly adorable but far from obnoxious. They did not hold hands or kiss for too long in the hallway. There were no cutesy names for the other. They fought sometimes but it never escalated past a few hours of ignoring the other. A year and a half later, they soon found themselves unable to cope with one particular disagreement.

It was not until they were seventeen, going on eighteen, that they were separated for a long length of time. Charlie’s parents were travelling to the south of England to care for his ailing Gran. They insisted that he come along because they could not leave him by himself for that long. He had left just before Christmas with promises to call every night while he was gone.

By the end of January, Phil seemed forgotten. Charlie almost never called and when he did, it was for a few minutes. During every call, Charlie seemed distant and distracted. Phil tried to gage was going on but couldn’t figure it out. He thought maybe his Gran wasn’t getting any better so Charlie might have been stressing about it.

In March, Charlie was back. His gran had made a full recovery and his family moved back. Phil was ecstatic, showing up not long after Charlie called him to tell him to come over. They went out to hang out with a few friends, returned to Phil house at two in the morning and headed straight for his room.

“I missed you.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything.”

“What do you mean everything?” Phil asked confused with his hand on Charlie’s bare skin and their mouths just a few centimeters apart.

“Nothing. Kiss me.”

He did so happily. Phil finished undressing him and himself before pouring the clear liquid on his fingers. The stretch was barely there and Phil laughed. Charlie asked what was so funny and Phil murmured lowly, “I see you kept yourself stretched for me. Tell me, did you think of me when you were getting off?”

“Phil! You were the innocent one—fuck!” he screamed. “Right there, Phil, baby. Right fucking there.”

Phil could not wait to have him any longer. Soon he was inside him. Panted breaths escaped his mouth between kisses. The exclaimed names left their lips and they fell into a deep content sleep after being separated for so long. Charlie’s arm found its way around Phil’s waist pulling him closer still. He was not even awake as he did it. It came like second nature.

The next morning, however, Charlie was gone. He’d left a note saying Sorry, forgot I had plans today. The vagueness of his words didn’t calm Phil’s broken heart.

***

A few days later, they were in Charlie’s room. After another vague explanation of Charlie’s strange behavior, he pushed Phil on to the bed and stripped him. He rubbed his thigh against Phil’s crotch to get him started. Soon they were taken into each other. And as Charlie rode Phil, moaning and pushing himself up to come back down forcefully, he reached climax shouting curses, incoherent words and the wrong name. Phil came with him but didn’t miss it.

“Brennan?”

“What?”

“You just shouted that name. Who is he?”

“No one. Don’t worry about it,” Charlie breathed. He was coming down from his high, feeling drowsy already. It was intense as only Phil could deliver… or so Phil thought.

“No, Charlie! Who is Brennan?” Phil asked with more force in his voice.

“No one important.”

“Get off me! You’re lying. I know you are!”

Charlie lifted himself off Phil. He was covered in the white of his climax but then, felt far from blissful. Phil got off the bed in a huff and grabbed his boxers from the floor.

“I’m sorry.”

“What are you sorry for? Tell me!”

“Brennan…”

“What about him?”

“He’s my boyfriend.”

“I’m y-your boyfriend. I have been for four years!”

“I’m sorry.”

“Stop saying that!” Phil was in tears. He had been lied to and it was the first time anyone has ever betrayed him so deeply. He knew his words were lies. He was not sorry. He was not the one in tears; Phil was.

“It was all a mistake, Phil. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Charlie rose from the bed to cover himself as well. Phil threw on his clothes, ignoring Charlie’s pleas to stay.

“We’re over,” was all he said then the bedroom door slammed.

That night Phil called Carrie because there was no one else he can talk to about this so late at night. She told him to calm down but made it clear that he had a right to be angry. He talked her through the last few months of his relationship and she let him rant and be upset. She finally got him to a point where he could go to sleep and forget about Charlie for just a few hours. He thanked her for letting him be a nuisance and she laughed softly, saying, “Good night. Love you.”

Phil did not speak to him for the next week. He kept calling the house but Phil screened every call. Phil stopped functioning it seemed. He found it hard to eat, to sleep, to think when he was this sad. His mum grew worried and asked him if he wanted to visit Carrie for a bit. Easter was coming so he had a break coming up anyway. He agreed, knowing that a few days out of his room would be good. Everything reminded him of Charlie; the posters above the bed that he often mocked lovingly and the dent in his wall from when he pushed Phil against the door too hard in passion.

The day before he was set to leave and spend the week with his cousin, Charlie showed up at the door. He shifted anxiously as Phil decided whether he should let him in. He did but only because he really did miss him. Once up in Phil’s room, he confronted Charlie, unleashing every thought that has passed his mind in one simple sentence. “I thought you loved me!”

“I do!”

“Then how could you do that? You don’t do that to someone you love!”

“Like I told you, it was all a huge mistake.”

“Explain,” Phil demanded, crossing his arms.

“When I was at my Gran’s, I got bored. I went into town and I started talking to a guy named Brennan. He invited me out a few times to parties and things. I didn’t even know we were on dates until the fifth time.”

“How do you not realize you’re on date?”

“Let me finish. Phil you were not around and I was lonely. And I-“

“You ignored me for two months! How do you think I felt?”

“The same way I do now. I miss you, Phil.”

“Good. Go back to him then since he’s so good at keeping you entertained.”

“He broke up with me two days ago.”

“Why?” Phil was not very sure he even wants to know but maybe Charlie had gotten a taste of his own medicine.

“I told him about you. I tried to be honest but he wasn’t having any of it.”

“Do you want me to feel sorry for you?” Phil voiced with a sting in his words. “You want me to feel fucking sorry for you?” Charlie was taken aback by the uncharacteristic use of a profanity. It seemed so out of place coming from Phil’s mouth, in his poster-covered room filled with toys of his childhood. The innocence seemed sucked out of the room.  

“It’s not like that. I just want to be with you again!”

“Then leave me when someone better comes along?”

“No!”

“You can’t do this to people, Charlie!” he screamed. “You can’t just decide to fucking upgrade when you get bored! You’re a user. It’s always been this way hasn’t it?” Phil accused. “What? What are you—“

“You’ve been using me ever since we started going together. Damn it, Charlie!” Phil became hysterical, shouting in his face. “Everything we’ve ever done together—all the sex—was it because I was the only one around? All it took was two month for you to completely destroy everything we’ve had!”

“No! Phil—“

“Shut up! You admitted it yourself. You cheated on m-me,” his voice broke and he’s crying so hard that he was having trouble taking in air. Every time he should have inhaled, another sob broke through. Charlie moved closer to him and Phil pushed him away moving into the corner shouting, “Don’t fucking touch me! You’re a liar and you are disgusting. Leave!”

“But I love you!”

“You’re lying!”

“Please forgive me, Phil. Baby I-“

“We’re done! Get out!”

His door swung open and his mum stood in the doorway surprised at scene, her full-grown son in hysterics and his boyfriend with tears on his face. “What’s happened? Why are you shouting? I can hear you both from outside.”

“I want Charlie to leave but he won’t,” he cried.

With a stern look on her face, Katherine told him, “I think it’s time you left. Please go.” He nodded, wiped his own tears, and leaving the room.

When he had left, Phil’s mother took him from the corner and gave him a warm embrace.

“Do you want to tell me about it?”

“He cheated on me,” he muttered.

“Oh my. You must feel awful. You loved him, didn’t you?” Phil nods as his head is resting on her shoulder and she rubs his back comfortingly. “This is going to hurt for a while, Phil.” She kissed him on the head and pulled back to look at him. His cheeks were red from the shouting and his eyes accentuated by bags underneath. This was Phil’s first ever break up and she knew he needed a good distraction for a few days. “You know, it’ll get better one day. I know it seems like the world’s going to end but it will not. You’ll go spend a few days away from here and away from him. When you get back, you’ll feel better.”

“Okay,” he said in a small voice. She smiled softly, finding it almost sad that her six foot tall adult son was still very much her baby.

“It might help to think about it like this: One day, you’ll meet someone new. You’ll fall in love again. You’ll forget this awful feeling because they make you feel so very happy. Some day in future, maybe soon or a long time from now, you’ll meet someone who treats you well and who loves you just as much as you love them. One day, you’ll be happy this happened. You will see that without this, you wouldn’t have all the wonderful experiences with the new person. Can you think about that?”

“Yeah, mum.”

“I’m saying all this because the same thing happened to me at your age. But if it didn’t, I wouldn’t have met your father or had you and your brother. I understand what you are feeling and I want you to know, it will get better. The sun will rise again.”

—————-

The sun was setting and the moon making its presence known. Phil was kissing Dan on the bench in the park. It was only them bar a few people walking their dogs but they were hidden by the willow which hung its branched all around them. This was Dan’s favorite spot in the entire world, made even better by Phil’s hands on his waist and Phil’s lips on his. It was their first date but they felt like they had known each other for years. Dan was young, only sixteen then. Phil thought he was intelligent and funny and cute and—Phil ws already head over heels for the boy. He can hear Carrie’s voice reminding him to be careful. Before he left that night, she warned, “Don’t let anyone use you. You deserve better.”

Dan couldn’t use him. Dan was no threat to anyone. He was small, timid.

Someone shouted on the field from behind and Dan pulled away, turned to see whom it was and exhaled audibly when he saw no one.

“You alright?” Phil asks.

“Yes, I just c-can’t let anyone see me. Phil, no one knows.”

“Knows what?” Phil knew what he was hinting at but wanted to hear it Dan’s own words.

“That I’m g-gay. No one knows. They can’t. They would hate me. I understand if you don’t want to be with me.”

“But I do. We can work around that. I like you, Dan.”

“I like you too. Um—can I have another kiss?” he asked softly, looking down at his fingers.

Phil lifted his chin with two fingers and connected their lips for long sweet kiss. A breeze flowed through the willows’ branches, making the hairs on the back of Dan’s neck stand up. “I really like it here,” Phil told him. “I’m happy you brought me here. I’ll try and find it again when I start Uni.”

“I can always show you.”

“Do you want to be more than this?”

“Yeah. I really do.”

Phil smiled wider than he has in a long time. Charlie was already forgotten because Dan took his hand on the walk home. It was dark and no one can see them. He let go when they approach his street but Phil understood. He pulled Dan into the nearby shroud of trees to kiss him once more.

“Good night, Dan.”

Dan smiled up at him then whispered, “Good night, Phil,” pecked him on the cheek and walked back to his own house. He kept looking back to see if Phil was still there and he was. Dan hoped he always would be.


	3. Prologue Part Three

Part Three

Dan and his mum, Lena, were in the kitchen cooking dinner. He loved cooking and on days like today, he can actually stand being around his mother. He was a little anxious because Charlotte was not home. She was at a piano competition with his father, who told Dan to stay home because he ‘distracts her.’ Dan prayed for her sanity that she wins. If Dan had enough money, he would take Charlotte far away and let her enjoy her childhood without anxiety and all this pressure. A boy could dream, right?

He was happier now though. He had been dating Phil for almost two years now though no one knew but them.

“Can you rinse the lettuce for me?”

“Yes, mum.” He showed a toothy smile, and took the bunch of romaine lettuce. He began humming a song that had been stuck in his head all day.

“Oh, you’re very pleasant today.”

“I’m pleasant every day,” he laughs.

“I guess you’re right. You seem happy, Dan.”

“That’s because I am. A-levels went well and I can’t wait to start Uni with Carrie. I’m happy she’s decided to stay close.”

“I am too. You know, Dan…”

“What?”

“I’m going to miss you when you do finally leave to live in the student halls.”

“You will?”

“Of course. You’re a good boy. You help around the house and help with Charlotte. She’s become quite a handful and your father isn’t helping any. I don’t know what will happen when you go.”

“Mum, why do you let him do that to her?” Dan asked softly, trying his hardest not to sound accusing. They were having such a lovely afternoon together.

“Dan, love, there’s nothing I can do about it. His word is law. Why do you think I don’t work? He doesn’t let me. I have shielded you from this your entire life but I think it’s time you knew. I have no say in anything that goes on in this house. I have an English degree but I haven’t used it since you were born. I was going to teach, you know. I’m so sorry for everything he does to you two. He pushed you but you came out stronger in the end. I’m not sure I can say the same for Charlotte. She’s so unhappy.”

“Dad’s a fucking bastard.”

“Language, Daniel.”

“Sorry, mum.”

She accepted the weak apology because how else was he meant to feel but angry. She had been hiding her husband’s control over her for almost half her life. But she knew with Dan leaving their home, she had to say something just in case he went too far one day.

“You shouldn’t hate him though. He does love you. He wants the best for you both but he has a horrid way of showing you. He’s keen on making you both—“

“Perfect robots,” Dan interrupted. “That’s all he’s ever wanted. He doesn’t want the best for us. He wants children that he can show off and say ‘Hey look. I made those.’ He doesn’t care.”

“Why don’t we talk about something else?”

Dan’s shoulders fell. “Alright.”

“Your formal is coming up soon, hmm?”

“Yeah,” Dan sighs and puts a pot of water to boil on the stove.

“We’ll get you into a lovely tux, right?”

“Mum, I’m not going.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t have anyone to go with.” That was not really a lie. He knows he could not show up there with Phil as his date. He has to bring someone of the opposite sex and he would rather spend the night at Phil’s apartment than with some girl he did not even like.

“Now, how in the world does a nice handsome boy like you not have a girlfriend at this age? Carrie’s a lovely girl. What about her?”

Dan turned on the faucet to stall his answer. He was contemplating tell her the truth. He felt the tension in the room grow steadily but they had talked about so much that day. Maybe she would understand. She just said it a minute ago, that she would miss him when he left. He knew she loved him. He had not washed any of the vegetables that sat next to him on the counter but he turned off the faucet. “Mum, I don’t want a girlfriend.”

“Why is that?” she asked worriedly.

Dan gained a minute amount of courage before looking her in the eyes and telling her, “Because I have a boyfriend.”

She just stared at him blankly and started chopping the onions on the cutting board.

“I’m gay.”

She ignored the comment and continued preparing the onion. He eventually looked away, feeling the blood drain from his face. He started washing the vegetables and they finished cooking the meal in silence. His father arrived with a smiling Charlotte a few hours later. She was brandishing a blue ribbon for winning her competition. “Look, Danny!” she squealed.

“Congratulations. I knew you could do it,” He picked up the seven year old and kissed her on the cheek.

“Are you alright? You look like you were crying,” she noted with a look of worry on her face.

“I’m fine. Mum and I were cooking. The onions made me cry,” he lied. “It’s time you got washed up, hmm?”

“Okay!” He let her down and she ran up the stairs to the bathroom after handing the ribbon to David.

“How are you, Daniel?” he father asked with a smile.

“I’m okay, Dad.”

“Good.”

He patted Dan on the back and goes into the kitchen to see Lena.

Later that night, Dan helped his mum wash up the dinner dished. He could not take her silence anymore and he asked, “Do you still love me, Mum?” It had hurt to voice that phrase. That question should never end with the word Mum.

“Of course, I do. It’s not your fault.”

He surprised by her very modern way of thinking. He never thought she would be one to accept him.

“It’s just that I can’t stop thinking about where I went wrong.”

“What?”

“Something happened that made you this way, Dan. I blame myself. I should have been more careful.”

“Mum, nothing made me this way. I was born like this. I have always been gay.”

“Oh, Dan. Listen to your dear old mum. I’m sorry. It’s my fault. I won’t tell your father. We’ll get you all sorted out and back to normal.”

“What do you mean, back to normal?” he asked with a sting his words.

“Calm down. We’ll fix this ourselves. You will grow out of this or we’ll find a cure or something.”

“A cure? I’m not sick!”

“Stop shouting. He’ll hear.”

“Fuck him and fuck you!”

“Daniel!”

Dan ran out of the kitchen, grabbed his jacket and runs off. Lena was left in the kitchen stunned. When David asks what happened, she tells him, “I don’t know. There’s something wrong with the boy.”

——————-

After two bus rides and a ten-minute walk later, Dan arrived at Phil’s apartment. Phil was now in his second year of Uni, studying media. He now had his own flat, a small one with only three rooms. Dan loved going there because it felt like his second home. Phil always welcomed him with a hug and a sweet kiss. No matter what, Dan could always come in. On those nights that his parents thought he was out with a few college friends, he was with Phil. In the past two years of their relationship, they did tell one person about it or rather, she stumbled upon a moment of passion. Last summer, when Phil was moving into his flat, Dan was helping along with his older brother and his parents. Carrie came later in the day and did not find it surprising that Dan was helping. She knew they were friends. When she walked into the bathroom and found Phil pushing Dan up against the tile, kissing him, palming the boy, she screamed at the sight, instantly getting their attention.

“Carrie?” Phil gasped. He jumped away from his boyfriend who now had a look of terror across his face. Phil grabbed her wrist, pulled her into the bathroom, and closed the door so that no one else could hear them. She looked back and forth between them, both now flustered and Dan trying to conceal his arousal. She squeaked and put her hands over her mouth, her hazel eyes wide open.

“Where do we begin?” Phil sighed.

She squeaked again, apparently smiling under her hands. “Oh my god. Dan? You’re gay?”

He glanced over at Phil, whose lips were a bright red along with his cheeks. He had just been kissing those lips. He nodded slowly.

“This is the mystery guy?” she asked Phil.

“Yes, this is him.”

She squealed and jumped in excitement. She always liked knowing everything about everything and this was the biggest secret of all. She was not a gossip, she just liked being well aware.

“Please don’t tell anyone. He hasn’t come out yet,” he told her when he saw how happy she was.

“I won’t. I promise. Does Aunt Katherine know? Does Matt know?”

“No, they don’t even know. Please keep it to yourself.”

“I will. I will. Oh my god. Oh my god. Dan… I never would have guessed Dan.”

“Why not?” Dan finally chimed in. “We talked for hours at your barbeque last summer.”

“I was knackered. I don’t even know who was there to be honest,” she admitted lightly. “Oh

Dan, welcome to the family.”

“Um thank y—“

“Last summer?” she shouted suddenly, interrupting Dan. “How long has this been going on?”

“Shush! We’ve been together since the week after we met.”

She swatted Phil on the arm, causing him to whisper, “What the hell?”

“You couldn’t tell me you were dating on of my friends. I thought it was some random. And

Dan of all people.”

“What does that mean?”

“He’s so perfect for you,” she smiled. “I saw the way you were kissing just now,”

“Carrie…” he whined. Dan let out a quiet giggle at Phil’s slight embarrassment. They were getting excessively passionate when they should have been unpacking. Phil had started talking about Dan leaving a few things in the flat so that he could stay overnight and Dan replied with, “I bet you would like that.” Phil nodded a firm yes and pushed Dan to the wall. They were enjoying themselves until Carrie decided to come look for them.

“I’m happy for you—for you both,” she said gesturing to them. “You’ve both been so much happier lately. You especially, Dan. I was wondering if you had someone new in your life.”

Dan smiled and moved from the wall to get closer to Phil, who reciprocated and hugged him. “You alright?” he asked softly.

“Yeah, I am.”

Carrie kept her vow to them both. She and Dan became even closer afterwards. She covered for him when he was with Phil, instead of at her house as he told his father. Dan’s father thought his son had finally gotten a girlfriend because he was spending so much time with Carrie. Dan often laughed at the thought when it crossed his mind. That would make life too easy.

***

Dan had a key to Phil’s flat but knocked anyway. “I’m coming!” he heard from inside. The door swung open. With a dark tone, Dan said, “I could have been a murderer.”

“Nice to see you too, Danny.”

Dan stepped into his flat and waited for it. Phil locked the door then wrapped his arms around Dan’s waist like he always does and kissed his neck. Dan mewled in the familiar touch and turned in the embrace to kiss him back. It was a simple peck on the lips. Phil could tell something was wrong when he looked in Dan eyes. They weren’t happy like they usually were. Phil walked him over to the sofa and sat down with him. “I thought you were staying home tonight.”

“I told her. I told her that I’m gay and she said she was sorry. She was sorry for the mistakes she made when I was growing up.”

“Danny, you came out?”

“Only to my mum. She doesn’t hate me but she still doesn’t understand. She thinks I’m sick or something. She thinks that it’s her fault for not being careful enough. I yelled at her and ran out.”

“At least she doesn’t hate you. That’s something to be happy about. Right?”

“You don’t understand. I am a mistake. She thinks I am one of her mistakes!”

“Calm down, love.”

“No!” he shouted at him and got up off the sofa. “I am tired of it Phil. I am tired of lying and sneaking around. I am tired of being the strange one. Why can’t I be normal for once? Why am I always the wrong one? I have to be fixed! I am tired of hiding this. Being with you… is the hardest thing I have ever done.”

“What are you saying Dan?”

“I am tired of loving you. I don’t even love myself anymore. I don’t have the strength for this. I am tired of being… me,” he finished his rant with a sob. “I can’t stay.”

“Are you leaving? Are you breaking up with me?”

Dan did not answer. He just left and let the door slam shut. Phil did not know what to think of it all.

***

It’s one am when Dan decides to finally go home. He doesn’t think he can return to Phil’s flat. He took out all his anger on him and said things he did not mean. He said a lot of things he didn’t mean. He managed to get a cab and gives the driver that last of his money. He stepped out of the car and see that the living room lights are still on and that means that had sat up worrying about him. When he gets inside, he takes off his jacket in advance, throws it on the coat rack and tries sneak into his room unnoticed.

“Daniel!” he hears his father shout. “Where have you been?”

“Nowhere.”

“Liar! Tell me this instant where you’ve been.”

“I am eighteen! I don’t have to tell you anything that isn’t your bloody business,” he snapped. His father came after him and grabbed him by the front of his shirt. “As long as you live here, everything you do is my business.”

“David, let him go please,” his mother plead.

“Shut up!”

“Do you want to know where I was? I was with my fucking boyfriend! There, I said it!”

“What the hell are you going on about?”

“I am gay! I told mum earlier. That’s why I left,” David threw him to the ground and turned to her.

“You knew? And you didn’t tell me?” He grabbed her by the arms and screamed in her face,

“You made him this way! He’s always doing woman’s work and acting like a fucking pansy.”

“Stop!” Dan shouts at him.

 Dan felt a hard kick to his side. He looked up to see his father standing over him. He kicked him again and Dan cried out. He tried to get up but the kicks keep coming. The entire time he could hear his mother crying, “Sorry. Sorry. Sorry” and his father shouting insults at him. Dan reached for her to help him get up, the beating draining him of his strength. She did not help him up. All she did is watch. Dan curled into himself, taking the majority of the blows to his back.

“Stop!” he shouted repeatedly. It took all of him to kick his father in the shin and get up. Dan caught a glimpse of Charlotte standing in her doorway. He sickened him to know that she had been watching the entire time. “Charlie, go back inside!” he shouted at her and she shook her head no. His father turned his attention to her and strode over to her door. Charlotte jumped and ran back into her room. Dan was afraid he would hurt her so brings the attention back to himself.

“Dad, it’s me your mad at! Leave her alone!”

“Don’t speak to me, you faggot!” he barked at him. Dan went silent and backed away towards the front door.

“You shouldn’t treat me like this! I’m your son!”

“You’re no son of mine. Now get out,” he growls.

***

Dan did not get back to Phil’s until 3 am. He used the key this time and opened the door slowly. Phil comes to see who it was, knowing that it must be Dan as he is the only one who had the spare key.

“Dan?” he gasped upon seeing his face. His lip was bleeding, he winced when he stepped into the entryway and he was shaking. “What happened? Where did you go?”

“Home,” he trembled.

“She told him?”

He shook his head as Phil takes his hand and led him into his bedroom. “Sit down,” Phil told him. Dan looked awful. To comfort him, Phil placed a hand on his back and Dan screamed in pain. “No!” 

Phil could not see many bruises on his exposed skin, which was not very much. Dan was wearing a t-shirt and long blue jeans. There were two or three on Dan’s arms but nothing more. Taking the hem of Dan’s shirt and lifting the fabric up, Phil saw why Dan could barely walk. There were angry blue and purple bruises all over Dan’s torso. Phil wondered if he had broken a rib but from the way Dan was sitting on the bed, he did not think it was that bad. That is, until he looked at his back.

“Baby…,” he gulped. “He did this to you? Your own father?” Phil had never seen anything like this before. He knew other LGBTQ teens went through this but he was lucky enough to have parents who understood and supported him. “I’ll take care of you okay?” Dan nodded sleepily. Phil knew he had had a long day and needed to sleep. He took him into the bathroom to get him cleaned up. He was bleeding in several places: his nose, his lip and various place where he somehow lacerated the skin. Dan sat on the toilet cover and Phil got to work. He placed the cloth under the tap of warm water, rung it out, and lifted Dan’s face. He took a moment to look at his eyes. They were dull and devoid of feeling. Dan looked numb. Phil gently wiped away at the blood. It took him ten minutes to clean up his face and body. He cleaned the wounds carefully, hearing Dan wince at the rubbing alcohol he used as disinfectant. “Phil,” he groaned. “I’m sorry for what I said.”

“We’re okay. All that matters right now is you,” he shushed him.

Phil undressed Dan, helped him into a pair of pajama bottoms, and clean t-shirt. He pulled back the duvet on his double sized bed for him and tucked him in. He kissed him good night before returning to the bathroom to clean up the mess. Phil joined him in bed and tried to spoon him, forgetting about the bruises that litter his body. Dan groaned in his sleep, shifted in bed and opened his eyes. When he did, Phil was greeted with a strained smile. “I love you,” he whispered to Phil when he was sure that it was him. But who else could feel this warm?

“I love you too. Go to sleep now, baby.”

Dan closed his eyes again, a small smile still present on his face. Phil settled for a kiss to the cheek for intimacy. He stayed up all night watching Dan sleep before drifting away himself at around 6 am. He knew Dan could not go back home and he felt guilty for being happy about it. He wanted Dan to live with him. He wanted to wake up to Dan’s scent, Dan’s voice and Dan’s face every morning. He wanted to fall asleep to the sound of his gentle breathing. He wanted Dan to be with him for as long as possible. He thought maybe this was a sign Dan needed him even more than he thought. Soon, Phil found out he needed Dan as well.


	4. Prologue Part Four

Part Four

It had been a month since Dan moved in or was kicked out. Lena came by and dropped off a few of his clothes and things. She didn’t even look him in the face. He was still bruised all over, his eye showing the evidence of a battering. Dan told her Phil was a friend of his. He didn’t tell her he was the boyfriend that caused his father to attack him. She didn’t seem to care at all. Dan knew what she was doing. Lena was always apathetic towards her children. Though she wished their father treated them better, she never really made the effort to see that he did. She never abused them though some may say this was a form of neglect. Dan was tired of it all and asked her to leave them a little after she arrived. Before she left she said Charlotte really missed him but she couldn’t bring her. He had some kind of activity or sport to take her mind off it. He begged his mother to take Charlotte do the doctor because he noticed her panic attacks were getting worse. She shrugged and left. Phil watched the interaction and Dan take deep breath and press his body up against the door when she left.

“Charlie will be okay, Danny,” he said approaching Dan as he stood still staring at the floor.

“No. I been there for her entire life. I’m the one who makes sure she’s happy. She isn’t as strong as I am. I know she’ll wake up from a nightmare and I won’t be there to calm her down. She’ll stop breathing and drown in her tears. I’ve seen how bad those attacks can get. She needs me!”

“I know. I know,” Phil calmed him. He took him away from the door, further into the small flat. Phil could tell that Dan didn’t sleep that night before. He was stuck in a stupor from the beating. Sometimes he’d stare off into space for no reason and suddenly wince when Phil tried to bring him back to Earth. He eventually convinced Dan to go back to bed and rest.

***

Dan woke up a few hours later on his own. He got up from the bed to find the space outside the bedroom darkened as if no one was home. He figured Phil went out for food or something so lay in bed for a moment thinking about what his life has come to. He had no real home. He was living off his boyfriend who could not possibly support them both; he was a Uni student after all. His friends did not know about this and he thinks that when they do, they would want nothing to do with him; then he thought about Charlotte, his baby sister. Did she even understand what happened? Why did she have to watch it all happen? Dan started to get angry at the thought and gets up to find a distraction on the telly.

He went out into the lounge area, turned on the light then hears, “Carrie’s died.”

He yelped in fright, clutching his chest. He takes a moment to catch his breath and looks at Phil who was sitting there alone with the phone in his hand.

“What?”

“Carrie. She died today,” he said softly as if he was speaking to himself.

“She died? How?”

“Tom said she had a heart attack. No one was home when it happened. They found her in the living room. How does an eighteen year old have—have a heart a-attack? Why?”

Dan almost immediately forgot about everything that had happened in the past few days and rushed to Phil’s side. He took the phone out of his hand, placed it on the sofa next to them and wrapped his arm around Phil so that he was engulfed in Dan’s embrace.

“What else did he say, Phil?”

“Nothing. He—He couldn’t talk much.”

“Okay. I can’t believe she’s…” Dan cannot even finished the sentence. The tears were now pricking his eyes as reality sets in. She meant so much to him. She was his best friend other than Phil. And then there was Phil, who knew her his entire life. They were so close and Dan worried about how Phil would take this. He was usually so strong for Dan but at the moment, he was bawling, crying, “Why? Why?”

Dan could give him an answer. He did not know why someone so young, so physically active, so wonderful could die at this age. Dan rest his head on Phil’s and they cry together because they have just lost someone so important to them both. She was the first person Dan ever trusted to know about his relationship. She was the reason why they were brought together in the first place. Now, she was gone.

***

It was the day of the funeral. They were both dressed well, in dress pants, collared shirts and ties. It was a simple gesture of respect and loving for the person who was now departed. It was mid-July and the sun was much too hot and bright for such a solemn day. There were young people everywhere. It was a sad sight. It was obvious someone still in the height of his or her youth has just passes away and on lookers shake their heads in sympathy.

Phil had not said much in the past few days. He would answer questions when asked and that was pretty much it. He was sitting next to Dan in the reception hall of the chapel. People from Dan and Carrie’s high school flood in along with family members. The pastor of their church begins the service with a few words. Dan hopes Phil is listening because his words are hopeful. He said she could only know happiness now, she would remain forever young, and she would forever be with us all. It was cliché but if anyone needed to hear those words, it was Carrie’s best friend in the entire world, Phil. Her brother, Tom, made the eulogy but broke down half way through. The tone of the day never lightened after that.

Later that night, Dan spoke to her mother, Lilian, who had now lost her husband and her daughter. It turns out heart disease ran in their family, though no one ever died at such an early age. Carrie’s father, George, died when she was three at the age of 30 leaving behind his wife and young children. They knew the children were at risk of heart disease too and they took precautionary measures like remaining active and eating well but it did not stop it from happening anyway. Now there was only two left. Tom had moved away from home years earlier. He was 28 and engaged. She told Dan who empty the house felt without her. She could not take the silence because ‘Carrie sings—No, she sang from sunrise to sunset.’ Her little girl, the sweet, happy, loving child was gone and Dan thought of losing Charlotte and nearly broke right then. He kept himself together for Phil though, who could not stop crying.

***

“I miss her.”

“Hmm? Are you still awake? Phil, love, you haven’t slept in days.”

“I miss her,” he repeated. Dan sat up in their bed to stop himself from falling asleep again.

“I know. I do too.” He took Phil into his lap and kissed his hair, trying to soothe him though he knows it won’t do a single thing.

“She didn’t deserve…” he said softly, his voice so low Dan can barely here it but he does and he nods.

“She didn’t,” he agrees. “She was the sweetest, kindest person.”

“Can I tell you something? I-I’m afraid to say it because—I think…”

“What is it?”

“I keep wishing—wishing it was me instead of her. It’s not fair. She was so talented and smart and lovely and—it should have been me or something.”

“You are all those things too. Death doesn’t pick and choose who it takes. It’s all luck in timing. We all go eventually. This is going to hurt for a while but the ache in your chest will fade. You’ll only remember the good things about her. When my gran died, that’s how I felt better. I remembered everything good we ever did together. I still smile when I think about her.”

“I don’t want to live if she can’t. I can’t get the thought out of my head. M-Make it stop.”

“It’ll all be over soon. I am here for you, Phil. Do you remember when she was going to formal and we saw her off?”

“She looked so beautiful,” he sniffled as the tears made their way down his cheeks for what seemed like the millionth time. No one could argue that it was not. The past week has been a positive nightmare for their entire family. She had worn red, possibly the best color for her and she looked brilliant.

“Yes, she did,” Dan smiled in the dark. He hoped Phil could hear the smile in his voice and tone, that somehow that would just make him feel better, as if he could absorb the happiness through osmosis. He suddenly let out a chuckle and laughed, “Do you remember how she screamed when she found out about everything?”

“I remember how happy she was for us,” Phil laughed softly. “And how she always tried to catch us in the moment, trying to see us kiss or worse. She was so nosey.”

“And loud.”

“And wonderful…”

“And one of the best people I will ever have the chance to meet.”

“Am I included in that group?”

“Always and forever,” he smiled again. This time he was certain Phil heard the smile in his voice because before he could stop he felt him shift up the bed and kiss him on those smiling lips.

“I have a feeling she’s watching,” he murmured jokingly. “She’s probably awing at us in heaven.”

“Definitely,” Dan agreed. He kissed Phil again before hugging him close and snuggling back under the covers. For the rest of the night, they talked about all the good times they had with Carrie. Over the next few weeks, whenever Phil began to dwell on it, Dan would sit him down and they would talk through it. Dan found himself talking Phil down from the edge. That one particular night, he would been gone all day and came back to Phil staring a bottle of pills on the bathroom counter. It seemed to be lucky that Dan came home when he did. He thought back to the conversation they had when he told him it was all about luck. Death always is, even when you have planned a foolproof method; it is a bit of an oxymoron.

Afterwards, Dan never left his side. He had seemed to forget about everything that happened after he came out to his family. His father had refused speak to him and his mum was listless as usual but all that simply did not matter. He had Phil for as long as he could protect him, whether it be from the outside world or himself. Phil did end up seeing a grief counsellor to help him through his thoughts about death and living. Dan, of course, supported him. By the time he was set to return to Uni that September, Phil felt he had recovered. Dan sent him off with a kiss and a few words of confidence.

“I love you.” 


	5. Prologue Part Five

Part Five

For the past few years, their lives had been calm and without tragedy. It was also mid-March and it seemed strange to do it on a day like that one. It was raining, it had been for two weeks straight, but Phil could not wait any longer.

Phil was twenty-eight years old then, and he had been working with the same production studio since he was on work experience in university. He had a career and he had helped Dan find his own niche in the company as well. They were both ready to move forward in their relationship.

Dan was twenty-five but still acted much like a child at times. It was charming to Phil, and he overlooked the pouting and the use of baby talk to get his way. They had just bought their first home together; a cute little town home with three bedrooms because the price was good. They could not foresee a reason to use all the space so they had a guestroom and an office, a lot more than most people had. They were young and comfortable.

Phil walked into the laundry room to find Dan cursing under his breath about the towels needing to dry in the sun but the fucking weather. He was cranky for some odd reason. “Danny?” Phil asked.

“Yes?” he answered agitatedly.

“Put them down,” he told him softly entering the room to stand next to him at the washer.

“What? Phil, what are you trying to do? I need to do the wash because—”

“I’ll help.”

Dan smiled softly and stepped aside to let Phil take over. “Thank you.” Phil nodded and took the towels out of his hands, putting them on the indoor drying rack.

“Why are you doing my job?”

“I need to ask you something and I want to make sure you’re not thinking of anything else when I ask.”

“What it is?”

“Later,” he smiled.

Dan just accepted it and moved to the kitchen. Bills covered the table, as well as junk mail and weekly circulars from the local markets and they all stared back at him. He tackled the trash first, throwing away all the credit card offers and random nonsense about timeshares and car insurance. He started muttering under his breath again, this time about the environment and why the they need to use this much fucking paper—

Phil came in shortly after and sorted out the mess before Dan could even ask why. “Phil?”

“Yeah?”

“Have I done something good?”

“You could say that.”

“What is it?”

“Later.”

Dan laughed at his simple reply and wondered what Phil had planned. For the past few years, Phil had become his entire life. Some would say it was an unhealthy way to live within a relationship, to be completely and very dependent on the other person but their love was not exactly like that. They needed each other equally. If Dan woke up and Phil was not there right next to him, he would jump out of bed and look for him, getting half-angry at him for scaring him. If Phil sensed Dan getting uncomfortable holding his hand in public, he would let go, understanding Dan’s fear absolutely. And if either of them was ever late coming home, the other paced the foyer of their home, jumping into their arms. It was clear they were in love. Phil lived life to the fullest while Dan worried. Dan still tried his hardest to make Phil laugh and stick out his tongue. Phil was mature while Dan procrastinated; Phil was the messy one when Dan was borderline OCD. They were the complements of each other, which suited them perfectly.

Later that night, after Phil did the dishes (also Dan’s job), he turned on the stereo to their favorite song. Dan had confused smirking at him and telling him, “You know I’ll sleep with you anyway. No need for the production.”

“Hush,” he said reaching out for Dan to take his hand. He did and Phil led him off the couch and straight into his arms. He wrapped his arms around Dan’s waist holding him close and swaying back and forth to the music. Dan rested his head on Phil’s shoulder and Phil still could not believe Dan was taller than he was. He did not saying anything about that though, he enjoyed the warmth of Dan’s lips on his neck as he had started kissing him.

“Dan,” he whined because this was not his intention. He really did have something very important to ask him.

“Phil—love—what—is—it?” Dan asked between kisses.

“Baby, you and I have gone through so much together and I love you more than I have ever loved anyone else.”

“Phil?”

“Let me finish. I do not think I could live without you. Will you marry me? I want everyone to know that you’re mine.” Phil took out the small blue box out of his pocket that Dan somehow did not notice until just now.

“Phil…”

“What?”

“I was going to ask you the same thing,” Dan smiled and left him standing there stunned. Dan ran out of the room (yes, he ran) and returned with a similar ring box. “I’m not as articulate as I usually am right now,” he said starting to tear up at the situation. “But will you marry me?”

“Yes! You still haven’t answered my proposal,” he laughed.

“Yes, of course I’ll marry you, you spoon.”

“You’re so… you’re so you.” Phil took the ring from Dan and put it on the left ring finger as Dan did the same. As soon as he was done, he kissed Dan, connecting their lips in a tender kiss that left their mouths tingling.

***

The next evening, they decide to stay in as it was still raining. They were watching a movie together when Phil drops some popcorn on the sofa and Dan begins.

“Phil, can’t you eat like a human being. It’s not that hard.” Phil pursed his lips, feigning anger. He knew how Dan was and he did not let it get to him. He picked up the little pieces that have fallen and ended up turning over the entire bowl.

“Sorry,” he apologized, before Dan has a chance to say anything. Dan started laughing because Phil was just so damn clumsy to the point where he pitied him. Phil started laughing too because the mood was light again and Dan’s laugh always made him laugh. “Are you laughing at me?”

“Who else, you clumsy oaf?”

“Hey!” he shouted playfully and pushed Dan onto the couch to tickle him. As he was caught in a fit of giggles, Dan’s phone rang. He called for a timeout so Phil could let him answer. “H-Hello?” he said, still going.

“Charlie?” Dan asked quizzically, trying to stop himself for giggling. Phil stopped his movements when he heard the very familiar name. “I’m on my way.”

Dan explained what had happened to Phil and grabbed his car keys. “Be careful,” he told his fiancé.

The slick roads were cause for concern. “I can’t wait to meet her.”

“I hope she won’t mind staying here with us. With you especially.”

“She will love me,” he pouted. “I’m baking cookies.”

Dan rolled his eyes, laughed, and he was out the door. Phil watched him leave from the front window in the lounge. When he saw that Dan was out of sight, he set off to the kitchen. Phil wondered what they were going to do with a teenager in the house. They did not even have a houseplant other than the cactus that required little care. Some days, Phil thought they could barely take care of themselves.

“Are we ready for this?” he muttered to himself.

Yes, they certainly were.

 


	6. The Girl Named Charlotte

 The Girl Named Charlotte

Spring ~ March

 

"Get out!"

"Daddy, please! Stop shouting! I’m sorry!"

"Get out now!"

"Mum, are you just gonna let him do this? Why aren’t you saying anything?"

"That’s it!" He came closer to her, grabbing her arm roughly, pulling her towards her bedroom door.

"Dad, stop! What are you doing? Mum, help me!"

They were in the hallway. Charlotte tried to make him release his grip by pulling her arm away but he was stronger than she realized. Why was he so mad at her? She did not mean to. This was not part of the plan, she knows. ‘Please do not let him hurt me’. She had to make him let go. It hurt. It really hurt.

"Dad! Dad!" She screamed.

"Oh, honey," Lena, her mother said. Was that all she had to say about her husband throwing out another one of her children? She was only fifteen, her baby. What kind of mother let this happen? What kind of father did this? Who actually thought this is the best way to deal with this. Charlotte did not.

Her opinion did not really matter here. She, apparently, made bad decisions. However, she was fifteen after all. It came with the territory. However, this time, she had to admit, she had taken it to a completely new level.

They were in the front room. On another day, her mother would be glad to spend this precious family time together. Where was all the family time bullshit now? Thrown away like the little white stick that she knew she should have thrown in the neighbor’s bin instead of their own. If anything, she thought they should be celebrating. They would soon have another little life to control and fuck up. This was not the first time this scene had played out. The only difference was that Charlotte instead of her brother. She was not standing in the doorway of her bedroom crying because Dad was screaming at Dan for being who he was. Even she understood that at the age of seven. Dan loved whom he loved and he could not help it. The same way he could not help but protect himself when Dad kicked him in the ribs. The same way he could not help but reach out for mum when he tried to get up and escape the beating. She just stood there, the way she was standing here now.

"Mummy!" she said, trying to play the precious baby girl card. "Don’t let him do this again!"

‘Good god woman! You are running out of children! Why is she still just standing there? Is she crying?’

She could not believe this. She was almost more upset with her for crying, and doing nothing, than at her dad for kicking her out. At least he had initiative. He had passion. Charlotte decided to bite his forearm so he let her go. Teeth met skin, he let go, and pulled away. However, in that split second, his other arm grabbed her again and he held her firm. He smacked her hard. She should have seen that one coming. That bastard.

"David, please," Lena said. Finally! A reaction. "Charlotte is sorry. I know she is. We can work through this. We have options. Please stop." She whispered that last part as if she was afraid he would shift from Charlotte to her.

"Charlotte’s sorry, is she? Sorry will not make up for this one. Not this time.” he shouted at her. "She’s a whore!"

Whoa. Whoa. Whoa! She only slept with one person, one time. That did not make her a whore. It made her … She did not know. She was just a girl. A girl who was going to become a mother. Am I a woman now? What am I exactly? Now is not the time to ask.

Her face still stung from where he slapped her. It did not help that her tears are in full swing right now. Her lip split and the salt of her tears made it even worse. She was not sure if it was because of the slap or because of her constant lip biting. Either way it fucking hurt.

"Dad, I can’t leave!" she said. "Where do you expect me to go?"

"That’s not my fucking problem!"

"Yes it is! I’m your child! It’s almost midnight and it’s raining. There’s nowhere for me to go.

Let me stay. Please."

"Get out." he said, teeth clenched. She had not seen him this angry in a while. Not since Dan.

She was pushed out the door. Wait. When did he have time to open it? Before she knew it, it closed. She banged on the door, shouting, “Mum! Help! Open the door!”

The neighbor’s lights came on. It was then she realized how loud she was. She must have woken up most of the neighborhood with her carrying on. Fuck it.

"Mum, open the door!"

A few seconds later, just as I say ‘door’. A hoodie fell down beside her. She looked up to see him throwing her clothes out. What the fuck? That was a great hoodie and now it was wet. Damn it! He really needed to stop this now. Come on. At least have the sensibility to pack everything into a bag so it can give me a concussion as it falls out the window hitting me on the head. Two birds, one stone and all that. She will give him a break. He was not thinking clearly. He was heartbroken. She was his last chance.

His last hope at perfection it seems.

She picked up the hoodie and put it on. It had her phone in the pocket. It was then she realized her mum must have put it in there when she saw what he was planning to do. She was almost certain she had left it charging on her desk. She caught a few of her clothes. A shirt, a jumper, her school skirt. Does he think she was going back after this? No. Nope. Not going to happen. This is enough trauma to last her the term.

St. Catherine’s can kiss her--Hey, he stopped throwing things down. Mum calmed him down.

Charlotte knew she was on her own now. She could call a friend. She could call him. She could not call him. Not yet. Dan! She thought. He would help me. She hoped that he would pick up. Please pick up. Please.

“H-Hello.” he said. He was giggling as he answered.

“Danny.” She said because she doubted he realized that his little sister should not be calling him at midnight.

“Charlie? What’s wrong?”

“I need you to come and get me. I’m standing outside and it’s cold and he won’t let me back in.”

“What? What do you mean?”

“Dan, he’s kicked me out.”

“I’m on my way.”      

Summer ~ June

She had moved in with Dan. He treated her like a princess despite her growing abdomen. It did not seem to bother him nearly as much as it bothers their father. However, everything bothered Dad; lazy days, gay rights, and Simon Cowell. He really just did not appreciate the little things that made people truly happy.

The night Dan came for Charlotte, he pulled into the driveway and immediately got out, running to hug her. He looked into her face, searching. He found the red handprint on her cheek and she winced as the pad of his thumb brushed against it. He raised his eyebrows as if to say ‘Did he do this to you?’  She nodded.

Dan looked up at the house, the one where he spent the first 18 years of his life and sighed sadly. He said, “Let’s go.” and they were off. In the car, he had a hard time keeping his emotions in. He literally screamed, “That fucking bastard!” while pounding the steering wheel with his fists. She could see that anger issues ran in the family. Here she was, about to bring another Howell into the world. She hoped there was only one and not two because that ran in the family as well.

As they entered the city, Dan was quiet. He kept adjusting his hair and seemed nervous. She asked, “Dan, are you ok?”

He just looked over and nodded. They approached a row of townhouses. Each with their own driveway and front garden. He parked at the fifth one on the left and turned off the engine. “I have something I need to tell you, Charlie,” he said. She looked at him and raised her eyebrows, telling him to continue.

“I don’t know how you’re going to take this but I- I live with this guy and we’re sort of romantic and we’re sort of engaged as of last night and I’m totally in love with him.”

“Dan? What’s his name? Who is he? Is he cute? Oh my god! Danny’s in love!” She said in a rush of excitement.

“Phil. His name is Phil. He is cute. Very cute” Dan said with a fondness in his voice. He looked so happy. How could this be wrong? If Dan was this happy, then how could this be wrong?

“I’m glad to see that Dad didn’t manage to brainwash you.”

Charlotte smiled. It was the first time she had ever been praised for being a freethinker. It was nice. 

They get up out of the car and head into the house where she is greeted with the strong scent of cinnamon and a very tall emo kid. He pulled her into what has to be the best hug she might ever get and said, “Oh, Dan. She’s adorable! Can we keep her?”

“It looks like it.” Dan smiled.

“Come in. Come in. I made cookies. Okay, well they came a nice freezer pouch and I turned on the oven.” Phil said.

He was quite cute. She could see why Dan liked him. Well, loved him.

She said, “Sounds wonderful. They smell amazing. I’m so hungry nowadays,” as she walked further into the house. She wondered if Dan would notice the hint. If he let her stay, he would soon have two kids to take care for instead of one. He did not. Of course not. She turned around to see Phil hugging him, arms around Dan’s waist, hands in Dan’s back pockets, whispering into his ear. Oh god, that was cute! She cleared her throat to get their attention. Dan looked up and his face instantly reddened. Charlotte cannot help but laugh.

He said, “Let’s show Charlie her room and the rest of the place. It’s late.”

\------

It was almost the summer holidays. Her new classmates were okay and she had made a few friends. Overall, it was the same boring thing. She did have to change schools and go to a new one. She was not the proud shining example that Saint Catherine’s School for Girls wanted display in the pamphlet. Lena gave Dan legal guardianship and he enrolled Charlotte into a school not very far away from his house.

Dan was an interesting person. He and Charlotte never actually talked about her pregnancy. He never asked why their parents kicked her out. If she tried to bring it up, he would change the subject. It was so typical of Dan to avoid an issue instead of face it. She knew their mum must have told him so she still cannot see why he would not talk about it with her.

At dinner, Charlotte asked for a second helping of some foreign dish Dan made.

“Oh. Of course Charlie,” Phil said handing her the serving plate. “Charlie?” he asked.

“Yeah, Phil?”

“Please don’t take this the wrong way, but are you…”

“Am I what? Hungry? Yes, very!” She said just to watch him squirm.

“No. I-I meant are you… pregnant?”

“Yes. Of course,” She said as if she always had been. It was just her natural state of being.

He looked at Dan and Dan would not meet his eyes. He only stared at his plate. Rice was never that interesting.

“Daniel, can I see you in the other room?” Phil said steadily. Dan shook his head ‘no’ but still would not look him in the eye. It was more entertaining than it should have been.

“I guess we’ll just have to discuss this right here and now.”

“I’ll go if you need privacy,”

“No, it’s okay. It’s you we’re going to be discussing.” Phil replied.

 

Dan suddenly spoke up. “Phil, I didn’t tell you because… I didn’t know if you wanted an instant family. You, me, two kids… It’s a bit much for you to handle all at once. I was scared ok?”

 

“Dan, you don’t need to be scared. I love you and Charlie and we’ll take care her just the same. I wouldn’t leave you. Plus, I always thought we’d make great parents. We started off with a teenager and I think we’re doing pretty well so far. Aren’t they the hardest to handle? Babies just sit there.”

Dan and Charlotte laughed at his comments. Problem solved.

Fall ~ October

She was due in a month and rather large. Like big. There was no other way for her to put it. There was fucking human being growing inside of her and Charlotte was tired of her. Yes, it was a girl. Yay.

It may seem like she was a little unhappy but the truth was, considering her circumstances, she could not be happier. She was just a bit irritable. Dan and Phil were brilliant though. She loved them both so much for just accepting her so easily and whole-heartedly. Dan was her brother but he really did not have to. Just look at her parents. They really dropped the ball on this one. Get it together.

Phil and Charlotte really got close after the ultrasound check-up in July. They were sitting in the car (Dan had to work) afterwards, and he turned to her and said, “Wow, a little baby girl,” in a hushed voice as if he could not believe it.

“Yeah,” she responded. “I wonder if she’ll look like me or him.”

“Who’s him?”

“William.” I whispered.

“Where is William?” he asked quietly, matching the tone in her voice.

“Back at home. He’s in Uni now.” Charlotte said while looking down at her nails.

“How old is he, Charlie?

“He just turned 19.”

“Oh.” he murmured. He was surprised and frankly, so was she. She never said it aloud before and it just hit me, what she had gotten herself into. “Does he know?”

“I’m not exactly proud of this, Phil. I don’t want anyone I used to hang out with to know about this. They keep asking to see me and I always make up some excuse.”

“Well, I think you have to tell him. He deserves to know if there’s some kid walking around with his nose on her face.”

She laughed at this and looked up to see him smiling down at her. “Okay. I will” She responded. “But can you drive me to his house? I know he’s on holiday now. I’d rather do this in person.”

He nodded and said, “Of course. We can go right now, if you like.” Charlotte agreed.

She directed Phil to the right house, he parked, and they get out. Charlotte knocked on the door and William answered. He was about to say something when he looked down and his eyes told her he was not expecting to see that she was expecting.

“Hi, Charlie. What’s up?” he said slowly.

“Nothing much, really. Just the usual: School, laying around doing nothing and prenatal appointments. The usual.”

He just smiled nervously. “Who’s this?” he asked gesturing towards Phil who standing behind her awkwardly, looking around, trying to not to disturb us. He was adorable, as stated.

“This is Phil, my brother’s fiancé.”

William nodded. “Hi, Phil. Come in. Let’s talk.”

After an awkward 2 minutes of silence, Charlotte blurted, “William, it’s yours. It is a girl. Just so you know I’m not naming her after you.”

He just sat there staring at her. He face was indescribable. It was a cross between surprised and something Charlotte cannot figure out.

“You’re keeping it?”

“Yeah, she’s mine.”

“You didn’t tell me about this? You can’t just do this to me!”

“Do this to you!” She shouted back. “Look what you did to me! I’m the one who has to go around with the evidence of that one night under my shirt.”

“Oi, don’t blame this on me! You wanted to do it that night.”

“No, I didn’t! I was only 15 and I wasn’t ready.”

“You didn’t say no.”

She knew he was not lying. There was too much pressure from him and from her own friends.

“That’s not the issue here. The fact of the matter is that in a few months, you will have a daughter and she’s staying with me.”

“Well, I’m not gonna help you.”

“I thought you would say that. You’re such a twat!”

“Get out!” he said raising his voice and getting up.

Phil stood up and towered over him like a bodyguard. He said, “I suggest you calm down before this gets out of hand. I may do something that you’ll regret.”

Wow. Go Phil! William froze and sat back down on the sofa.

“I have one thing to say to you, William.” Phil started. “Whether you like it or not, you’ve fathered a child. You have a responsibility to her.”

William just sat there and nodded. Phil said they should head home and start dinner. Just as that are leaving, William’s mum, Georgina walked in and stopped dead, staring at Charlotte’s stomach. “Hello, Mrs. Sommers,” she smiled. “Sorry I can’t stay. We need to get home.”

“Okay,” she said still a little surprised.

“Good bye.”

Phil and Charlotte get back in the car and burst into laughter. “Did you see his face?” she laughed.

“Did you see hers?” he said.

She hugged him and said, “Thank you for being there for me.”

He just said, “No one shouts at my sister but me and Dan.”

They were family now.

\-----

 

It was around five in the evening. Charlotte was helping Phil cook dinner. She had stopped going to school now and lazed around the house so she decided to help as much as possible.  She had an appointment that day. Again, Phil was there.

“Charlie, why don’t you stir this while I go let Dan in?”

“Sure.” She nodded and did as he said.

A few minutes pass and she saw no sign of either of them. Charlotte turned down the burner and walked into the lounge to find them cuddled up on the couch. “Do you have to do this now? Dinner’s ready.”

“Sorry. We couldn’t help it”

“Yeah, sorry.”

Charlotte laughed. “Dinner’s ready.”

\-----

“How did the appointment go?” Dan asked.

“It went well. Your niece is doing alright.”

“You do realize you have to name her Danielle, right?”

Charlotte thought Dan was an idiot.

\-----

Winter ~ December

Johanna had been born almost 6 weeks earlier. She was a small baby and very quiet. She hardly ever cried. Her eyes were blue and green, that is, they could not seem to choose a color they wanted to be just yet. She had huge cheeks, a little wisp of brown hair and a little pink mouth. She was by far the prettiest baby Charlotte had ever seen. Dan and Phil seemed to agree, as they were always taking her out of her crib to hold her. She would never want for attention. Those two just showered her with love and spoiled her rotten. They already seemed to have a head start. Charlotte’s room was filled with, in addition to her necessities, stuffed animals and teddy bears that Dan kept bringing home. She told him Johanna did not need them. She did not even know what a teddy bear was. His only reply was, “I’ll give her as many presents as I want and there’s nothing you can do about it.” She was going to be the most spoilt child in Britain Charlotte was sure. But right then, she was small and precious. 

It was Christmas Eve and Charlotte was trying to convince Phil, a 28 year-old, that he had to wait until Christmas day to open his presents. He just sat there and pouted. This man was in charge of a team of writers for a children’s show. It fit him. He was so childlike.

Dan came in and he did not look too happy. He had the phone in his left hand and he looked nervous.

Charlotte got up and handed Johanna over to Phil to hold while she talked to Dan in the next room. She grabbed his arm and pulled him into the kitchen.

“Dan, tell me what’s wrong.”

“Mom and Dad are coming here tomorrow.”

“What? Why?”

“They want to see her.”

“No bloody way. They can’t come and see her. They can’t just announce that they’re coming to see my baby. They can’t even think about her!”

“Charlotte, you’re being ridiculous.”

“I’m ridiculous? She was born over a month ago and now they want to see her? Bullshit!”

“Calm down. There’s nothing they can do to her. Phil and I will be here too,”

It was then she realized why Dan was so nervous. Phil.

“Dan, how are you going to explain Phil?”

“The same way I told you about him.”

\-----

The next morning, Charlotte dressed Jo-Jo in a simple red dress with a white ribbon tied behind her back. Charlotte dressed in a comfortable red jumper and jeans.

“Merry Christmas!” Dan said when he saw them on the stairs.

“Merry Christmas,” she replied with a yawn.

Phil was sitting at the table, leg shaking, clearly anxious about something.

“Did you tell him about Mum and Dad?” Charlotte whispered.

“No, I told him he couldn’t open the presents until you and Johanna came down stairs and we could start filming her first Christmas.”

“Oh.” I said with a laugh. “Phil, you can go ahead and get started.”

It was noon when they called. They were on their way. Johanna was sleeping again so the three of them decide to just relax and watch something on TV. The doorbell rang and they all jumped up at the same time.

Dan said, “Sit down, you spoons. I’ll get it.”

Phil and Charlotte sat down while Dan left the lounge to get the door. They heard him open the door and we both rush over the archway to eavesdrop. Dan said “Hey. Come in. It’s freezing.”

“Hello, Daniel.”

“Hi, Mum. Hi, Dad.”

“Hello.”

Their father sounded… not mad. Strange.

“Uh, before we go in, I have to tell you something. I live here with my fiancé. He’s great and he’s just in the next room, ready to meet you.”

“Alright, Daniel. Let’s go then.”

They came in with smiles and they actually look warm, nice even. Charlotte swore they were up to something. Phil stood up and introduced himself. He shook hands with their father and it went well.

Little to no awkwardness. Good for you, Phil.

Their mother sat down next to Charlotte on the couch. She pulled her into a hug but she just sat there. Charlotte was not ready this. She betrayed her. As far as Charlotte was concerned, her mother left her for dead. As for her father, she could not even look him in the eyes. It was all too much and she left to go upstairs.

She can feel an attack coming on. She made herself take a deep breath. In and out. In and out. In and out until she felt a little better. Charlotte went into her room to find Johanna wide-awake. She picked her up and told her, “It’s time to meet your beloved grandparents.” She did not do anything but stare back at her mother. Charlotte could have used some words of encouragement or even just a smile. Johanna coughed and that was close enough.

Charlotte went back into the lounge holding Johanna close to her chest and her mother got up. She looked at her and nodded, telling her that she was okay. She could hold her now. Her mother walked over quickly and took her granddaughter in her arms for the first time, cooing over how pretty she was.

“Oh, look at her David. She has your eyes.”

“No, she doesn’t, Lena.” he said walking over. He looked at her and laughed. “She’s looks just like Charlotte but yes, she does have my eyes.”

“That’ll change,” Charlotte smirked. “Her eyes can’t decide what color they want to be. Today, they’re green,” she explained.

Dan and Phil sat quietly watching the scene, smiling. Everything was gone well so far. Dan was relieved. He scooted over and put his arm around Phil’s shoulder. He turned towards him and his head started moving towards Phil’s own. They foreheads touched and Dan giggled. They were sharing some kind of secret message. Their eyes met intensely and they kissed. Just a peck. Nothing much. Nothing Charlotte had never seen before, living with them for almost 10 months. David turned around to see the exchange and cleared his throat.

“Sorry,” Dan said, pulling away from Phil.

“It’s okay Dan,” he said. “I understand. Your mother spoke to me and she said it sounded like you were happy.”

Dan and Charlotte shared a confused glance that said, ‘Since when have you given a rat arse about someone else’s happiness?’

“Really?” Dan said.

“Yes, really. I haven’t been happy in a long time. Dan, I’m really sorry about what happened between us. Same goes for you, Charlie.” he said looking straight at her. “It’s just that with Charlotte gone, the house feels even emptier. That’s why I want her to come back home to live with us,” he added turning back to Dan.

“No! You can’t make me! I’m sixteen now, I don’t have to do what you say.”

“You’re right. You are old enough to live with whomever you choose but think about this: Do you want to burden your brother and his, uh, fiancé with you and a baby to take care? It takes a lot of money, Charlotte. It isn’t fair.”

He was right. She barged into their happy simple lives and made it 2000 times more complicated. “You’re right, it’s not fair at all.”

“Wait just a minute! Charlie and Johanna can stay as long as they like. Phil and I have great jobs. We can afford 10 kids. They are not a burden. How dare you say something like that? You don’t know how Phil and I feel.”

“Danny,” Phil said softly trying to calm Dan down.

“Daniel, I just want her home.”

“Charlie, it’s your decision. Do you want to go?”

“Uh, um… no.” I answered. ”You guys are great and Johanna already knows you and I just can’t…”

“That’s fair enough. Just promise us that you’ll stay in touch?” Lena said with pleading eyes.

“Yeah sure, Mum.” Charlotte agreed.

“Good. Now that that’s settled, can we have some lunch?” Phil asked.

“Yeah, let’s eat.”

Charlotte and Johanna head over to William’s house for dinner. After his mum figured things out, she made sure to see Johanna as often as possible. William was not going to ruin her chances of seeing her first grandchild.

 

Spring ~ April

It had been a year since this all began. Johanna was so big now at six months old. Dan could not stop remarking at how fast she was growing. Phil just said, “She needs to stop before it’s too late. Baby cuteness is the ultimate cuteness, after kitten cuteness that it.” No, really. He did. 

It was a nice Saturday. We were all sitting in the garden, on the grass with a blanket underneath us. Jo-Jo was crawling around the blanket while we tried to contain her. Where exactly was she heading?

Dan and Phil were both laying down and Jo-Jo kept pawing at Dan’s leg, trying to climb on him. He sat us a little and picked her up. “Yes, princess?” he said playfully. “You requested me?” Phil sat up too and started making funny faces at her. She giggled, “Dada.” Phil looked over at Charlotte, eyes wide.

“She’s always with you, Phil. It’s only natural that she calls you that. It’s okay.” Charlotte with a laugh. Phil was too adorable when he was embarrassed or nervous.

She was back at school now. Johanna stayed home with either Phil or a babysitter. Charlotte was doing well despite having a baby at home. She was getting ready for GCSE’s. If she did well, she would move on to A-levels. She did not know what she wanted to be then but Dan said it was okay. He would support her as he always had.

\-----

One day, not too long ago, the guys sat her down after dinner and said they needed to talk to her. Phil started by saying, “We know that you’re almost done with high school and want to go to college then university. We know how worried you must be. It’s not easy to do all that with a baby.”

“It isn’t,” She said confusedly.

“What we want to tell you is that your brother and I would love to take care of Johanna fulltime. We love you both and want to see that enjoy your teen years as much as possible and work towards something that will help you both in the end. She’s really not a bother to us at all.”

“Yeah, we’ll take care of her if you choose to go to a Uni far away or close by. We don’t want you to limit yourself, Charlie.” Dan said. “Will you let us?”

“Considering we’re two guys, it’s probably the only way we’ll get a baby. Adoption is so hard and nerve-wracking. We always wanted children. We’ll just take yours.” Phil added with a little smile in his voice.

There was only one thing she could do then. She pulled them both into a group hug and kissed them both all over their faces.

“Is that a yes?” Dan asked.

“Yes! Johanna already thinks you’re her mother and father. You really need a haircut, Dan.”

They all laughed and started talking about where she should apply and what she wanted to do.

\-----

Back on the blanket, Jo-Jo kept repeating ‘Dada’ repeatedly and Phil kept replying

“Yes?”

“Stop it. You’ll confuse her. What would William say?” Dan asked, laughing.

“Oh, right. I’ll stop.” Phil said with a slight pout. Dan kissed him softly on the cheek and Phil smiled wide.

They were getting married in June. They were so happy.  Charlotte was happier than ever before. Completely content and optimistic. She had Dan and Phil to thank for that.

It had only been a year since this all started. The crazy, wonderful truth was that it was only the beginning.


	7. The First Night

**The First Night**

* * *

 

**Charlotte**

“Are you all settled in now?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

“Call us if you need anything.”

“Yeah. Oh! Here’s Johanna.” I said handing her over to my brother-in law, Phil. It was Move-In Day at Uni and my family came to help, including Johanna who was almost three years old. I could not do much in the way of actually moving anything but I kept her entertained and got to spend a little more time with her before they take her back home. Dan and his husband, Phil, offered to care of her while I’m away.

"Are you gonna say bye to Mummy?"

"Bye-bye." she said, waving her little hand floppily. Phil was holding her and she started to play with his hair, which had gotten much longer now. I gave her kiss on the cheek and turned to Dan to give him a hug. When I tried to pull away, he kept his grasp around me and wouldn’t let go.

"Dan…"

"What? I’m not letting you go."

"You can’t stay here, you know?"

"I know just let me hug you a little longer. It won’t be the same around the house without you."

"I’ll miss you all, so much." I say quietly. I think if I speak any louder, I might start to cry.

"You have no clue."

Phil came to join us and we all stood there is my room, hugging for about 5 minutes before Johanna exclaimed, “I wanna go home!”

"Okay, sweet. We’re going now." Phil told her.

I kissed her again and they left. I looked around the room and noticed the whitewashed cinderblock walls and peeling paint on the closet door and I groaned. This was going to be just great.

I heard a knock at the door and went to open it.

"Dan, you-"

I stopped when I saw that it was not Dan at my door. It was Phil and his bright blue eyes were brimming with tears. He must have given Johanna to Dan before returning because he was there with open arms bringing me into a hug. Remember that hug I talked about at the very beginning. Forget that. This was 1000x better.

He whispered, “I’m gonna miss you, love.” That broke my heart.

 

* * *

 

**Dan**

Phil and I walked out to the car. He put Johanna in her car seat, which she did not like but seemed okay with that day. She was probably on her best behavior because her mum was not there. I sat in the driver’s side and when Phil finished buckling her in, he sat down next to me. I started the car, hearing the radio come to life and a pop song came on. I heard mumbled singing from behind and I turned to see my niece swaying back and forth to the song and singing along in gibberish. She did not quite know the words yet. Phil turned to me and laughed. “Does she have the X-factor, Dan?”

“Definitely.”

I smiled and sang along as well. Phil joined in and it was a pleasant hour-long journey back to our house.

Around five that evening, we arrived and Jo-Jo had fallen asleep in the back seat. I turned off the engine and stepped out to go in the back seat and get her. Phil grabbed Johanna’s backpack and all the things that Charlie had left behind from the move, heading inside the house. As I tried to unbuckle her, Johanna whined and batted my hand away.

“Come on, Jo. It’s time to go inside.” She closed her eyes again but I unbuckled her anyway, pick her up, and put her head on my shoulder as she was cradled by my forearm. I closed the car door and headed inside after Phil. I sat down on the couch and turned on the TV. She picked up her head from my shoulder to see what was showing.

“It’s SpongeBob,” I told her. She moved to turn around and sat up on my lap. Whenever this nonsense was on, she was quite content.

“Hey, Dan. Can you help me get dinner started?” Phil called from the kitchen.

“Yeah, I’m coming,” I replied, getting up from the couch and placing Johanna on the ground so she could not fall off anything. The house had been baby-proofed so I knew it was okay to leave her in here by herself for a few minutes. As I was leaving the room, I turned back to see her glued to the screen, blue eyes never straying.

I entered the kitchen and saw Phil’s top half in the fridge. I came up behind him and hugged him, pulling his lower half closer to my own.

“Not now, Dan. We need to make something and Jo-Jo’s in the other room.”

“I know. I just wanted to touch you.” I said pouting.

He stood up straight, holding vegetables in his right hand and pushed me away with his elbow.

“Alright, Dan. Just a kiss.” he said. He put the vegetables on the counter and turned around to face me.

I leaned in to give him a chaste kiss on the lips but like always it became something more. My hands moved to his waist as I stepped closer towards his body. His hands moved to my hair, running his fingers through it. Our noses touched, faces instantly heating up from the passion of the slow kiss. All of a sudden, I felt something weird at my foot. I pulled away from Phil to look down. It was Johanna and she had walked into the kitchen and started poking at my toes.

“Jo-Jo, stop. That tickles.”

“No! It’s squishy!” she giggled.

“How did we not hear her come in?” I said to Phil while she continued poking.

“Because we were a bit too distracted.” he laughed.

“We can’t do that anymore. We have to be able to hear and see everything she does.”

“Don’t overreact, Dan. It’s okay. We just have to be more aware of our surroundings.

Charlie isn’t here to watch her like before.”

I nodded in agreement. He was right. We just had to be more careful. I just could not help it that when I kissed the man, I fell away from reality. It was always been like that; since I was sixteen and he was eighteen, before anyone knew about us and everything was bliss.

I bended and picked her up as she giggled.

“You are very naughty, Jo-Jo.” I said holding her above my head.

“Nuh-uh” she denied while she laughed. She wiggled in my hold, kicking her feet to get away. I pulled her down closer to my face to give her a big sloppy kiss on the cheek. Her curly brown hair fell in front of her face and she squealed, “Eww, Danny!”

“I guess I’m the only one who likes your kisses.” Phil chimed in.

“Don’t be so sure of that.” I cheekily replied. He swatted me on the arm playfully.

“I am sure. I was your first. Your first kiss, your first boyfriend and your first…”

He did not finish because Johanna had stopped kicking and was now listening intently, as if she knew exactly what he was going to say.

“Shut it.”

I put her on the counter but she did not like it and wanted to get down.

“Why don’t you two go back in the lounge? I don’t really need help after all.”

“Alright. She’s really fussy today. I hope tonight goes well.”

It would be the first time in Jo’s entire life that she would spend the night away from her mum. Guessing from her reaction earlier that, it truly had not hit her that Charlie will gone for a while. It was almost too easy today.

After a simple dinner of chicken, vegetables and pasta, Phil and I sat down on the couch and relaxed for a bit. It was only 6:30 but we were both exhausted. The move was tiring and then we had to drive back home which completely drained me. I felt myself starting to doze off and Phil rested his head on my shoulder. I perked up immediately. We could not fall asleep with a toddler wandering around the house. Johanna was sitting in front of us on her mat playing with some blocks. She built a small tower of red blocks and then knocked it down, giggling. She was satisfied then but what would happen when she got bored again. I would not risk finding out.

“Phil, wake up. We can’t fall asleep yet. We have to give her a bath and put her to bed.”

“Okay.”

After her bath, I handed her over to Phil who was waiting with a book to read to her in the plush white armchair in her room, which used to be our office. She was clean from head to toe, now wearing a ‘Dora the Explorer’ pair of pajamas.

“Come on, love. Are you ready for a bedtime story now?”

“Yeah, I wanna hear the story now, Uncle Phil.”

She shuffled around on his lap until she was comfortable. She leaned back so that her back was flush against his chest to put her head right below his chin. He started the story and I stood in the doorway to watch. Phil was always the best at reading these books to her. He used different voices for different characters and she loved it, laughing at the right parts and answering his questions because she was so interested in what he was saying. He was animated but calm and she always fell asleep afterwards.

I went back to the bedroom to get ready to sleep as well. It was around nine, a bit early for me but I was too tired. Phil came in not too long after and told me she was in bed now, asleep.

“Well, that was easy,” I told him.

“It was,” he yawns.

We changed into our sleep clothes, me in my shirt and boxers, him in his PJ bottoms. I climbed underneath the duvet and he followed. Phil turned off the lamp on the bedside table and turned towards me. He draped his arm over my waist and pulled me in closer. I could feel his warmth, his breath at the nape of my neck. I fell asleep quickly because of the soothing repetitiveness of his chest rising and falling against me.

I woke around one a.m. to the sound of crying. The baby monitor on the bedside table was beeping red and I knew it is Johanna, who was now awake and upset. I got up, not bothering to tell Phil, and made my way into her room. The first thing I did it turn on the light. I remembered that when you were this young, sometimes the dark was just as terrifying as any made up monster. I saw our little girl in her bed, tears falling down her face, cheeks red. I walked over to her, pulled the duvet back and picked her up immediately. We sat on the bed together, Johanna crying into my chest.

“What’s wrong?” I asked. She kept crying loudly, unable to calm herself down to talk to me. “Are you scared of something? Did something scare you, Jo-Jo?”

“I want my mummy!” she sobbed.

“Mummy’s at school, sweet. She isn’t here now.” I said wiping her warm tears away with my thumb.

“I want Mummy!” she screamed, this time.

I held her close to my chest sideways with her legs draped over my lap. I rubbed her arm and repeated, “It’s okay. She’ll be home soon. Don’t worry. It’s okay.”

By then, Phil was standing at the doorway. “Is she okay, Dan?” he yawned.

“Yeah, she’s just missing Charlie. Go back to bed, I’ll handle this.” He waved goodnight and went back to our room.

“Are you feeling any better?” I asked because the crying stopped and she was only sniffling. She shook her head and repeated, “I want Mummy.”

Just then, the phone in the hallway rang. So I picked Johanna up, carrying her on my hip. I answered the phone without checking the callers’ ID. It was Charlotte and she was hysterical.

“Charlie, why are you calling this late? Is everything fine?”

No, she answered. Nothing was fine. She was too far from home, too far away from her family, friends and especially Johanna.

“Calm down, now. Shhh, Charlotte. You have to calm down or else it’ll get worse.”

“Danny, I miss her.” She sobbed into the phone.

“She misses you too. She’s right here. She couldn’t go back to sleep without you.”

“Can I talk to her?”

“Yeah, of course.”

I told Johanna it was her mum and she gave me a little whimper of confusion and then her face lit up in realization. I put the phone to her ear and after hearing Charlie say something, Johanna squealed, “Hi, mummy!” Charlie continued her conversation so I just kept quiet.

“I’m okay…Yes… Yes, Mummy. Good night.” Johanna finished the conversation and moved her head away.

“Hey, Charlie. Are you alright, love?”

“Yeah, I just really need to hear her voice.”

“She seems to have calmed down a bit too. I should get her to bed. Can we call you tomorrow?”

“Please do. I’m weird and lonely,” she says with a sad chuckle.

“We will. Goodnight. We miss you already.”

“I miss you all too. Good night.”

I hung up and put the phone back. Johanna was sleepy now and had her head resting on my shoulder. I went back into her room and tried to put her down in her bed but she whined and clutched onto my t-shirt. It was almost two in the morning now and I had to get up for work in a few hours, but Johanna did not understand that. I decided to sit down in the white armchair and held her until she falls asleep. I turned off the light, sat down and moved her onto my lap. She laid back and I held her in a loose embrace. After a few minutes, I heard her breathing become steady and faint snoring. Too tired to move from my spot, I rested my head on the back of the chair and let myself drift off to sleep. I knew today was far too easy.


	8. The Talk

The Talk

 

* * *

 

**Phil**

About once or twice a week when Dan came home from work, we took Johanna to the park. I had her all day because I only went to work three days a week while Dan went every workday. On the days I did have to go in, Johanna stayed home with our sitter or went to nursery. Dan and I worked at the same production company; him as a video editor and me as a writer. It was a nice job. A great job actually. It allowed me to stay home with Johanna, who I was incredibly attached to. She was like my daughter. Her mother had gone off to University for her second year. Johanna’s father’s, William, was around but not much but Johanna did not seem to care. She had me and Dan constantly hovering over her. She was almost 4 years old then and becoming more independent but I wanted to carry her in my arms and never let her go as if she was still a newborn. I guess you could say I was overprotective. But, she was our little girl.

“Phil, I’m home!” Dan shouted as he walked in the front door.

“How was your day?”

Before he could answer, Johanna got up from her spot at the little arts table we bought her, ran over to Dan, and attached herself to his leg.

“Uh- fine! It was good.” he said chuckling, while trying to move his leg and make his way into the lounge where I was sitting. “Hello, princess. How are you?” he said in a playful voice.

“Good!” she smiled, looking up at him. “Danny, can we go to the park now?”

Johanna always called him ‘Danny’. Dan usually hated it when people called him that. Charlotte outright refused to call him anything else when she first came here. Johanna picked it up from her mother and it stuck. She called me Uncle Phil and sometimes ‘Philip’ after Dan, who liked to mock me for something and she would laugh at my reaction. She was a cheeky little thing but I loved her.

Dan made his way into the living room, Johanna still attached to his leg holding him down and making it a little difficult to walk. He stopped and picked her up. “We can’t go to the park until you finished getting ready. Go put on your trainers please.” he said putting her down. She ran off, brown ringlets flying into her face, to the hall closet to put them on. They were the Velcro kind and she was happy she could do it all by herself. Dan walked over to where I’m sitting and bent down to kiss me on the cheek.

“Hello, again.”

“Hello, I’m glad you’re home.” I said pulling him closer. I pulled his head down to kiss him on the lips. This was so much better than that little peck he gave me. He pulled away only to give me another peck again.

We were bit much but we had been like that for almost thirteen years then. I fell hard for him during my gap year. I was eighteen, just finished my A-levels and visiting a cousin who went to high school with him. She had invited a few friends over for a small barbeque and Dan was one of the first to arrive. We sat and talked for a while. For five hours actually. Just on our own, in her backyard on the small patio. He was younger. Sixteen. I asked him for his number, assuming he was gay. He hesitated a little and I picked up the hint. He nodded and wrote the number down on a blue napkin marked ‘Happy New Year’. My cousin didn’t feel the need to buy a new set just because of the decoration and said that these worked just as well. A few days later, we agreed to meet up in town and just walk around for a bit. I can honestly say that was the day I fell in love with him. He told me about his family and their views and asked me if I was alright with keeping us a secret. I would do anything for Dan. We dated while he figured out who he was and he wished he was. We dealt with his self-hate and identity crises. Two years later after that first date, he showed up at my flat, bruised and sobbing. I let him in, warmed him up and cleaned his wounds. He slept in my bed that night and almost every night since then. We married two years earlier and nothing really changed. We still bickered about absolutely nothing just to hug afterwards. We still shut out the world with a kiss.

“Danny, I’m ready! Let’s go!”

Dan stood up straight and made his way for the stairs.

“Jo-Jo, I’m gonna run upstairs very quickly and change. I’ll be right back.”

“Hurry, please!” she shouted after him as he went upstairs. I laughed at her and she giggled, running into the lounge. She climbed onto the couch and kneeled right next to me.

“What do you want, Jo-Jo?”

“A piggy-back ride!”

“Okay, jump on.”

I got up off the couch and picked her up, placing her behind my head so that she was sat on my shoulders.

“You’re so high up, Uncle Phil! I’m never coming down!” she exclaimed.

Dan came downstairs, dressed in a pair jeans and a graphic tee. He grabbed the keys from the hook and we all went down to the park which was on the next street over.

\------    

Dan and I loved taking her to the park. That day was a little cool but still comfortable and we could just sit on the bench and talk while she played with the other children. She made a few friends who lived in the neighborhood. One little boy, named Thomas, was very attached to her. He was always there with his either his mother or older brother. He was about five or so and a very sweet kid. His older brother, who was about nine, was a bit worrisome and appeared to be bully to the younger children. His name was Henry and he was pretty big for his age as well. I knew if I were five years old, I would be terrified of him. I let Johanna get down and soon came Thomas running over to play with her.

“HI, you wanna go play spaceship?” he asked her.

“Ok, but I get to steer!” she commanded. Johanna always got what she wanted with Thomas. Dan and I sit down on the wooden bench facing the roundabout and swings. Johanna climbed to the top of the play structure and yelled, “Hi, Danny! Hi, Philip!” I could tell she got a huge kick out of that. We both waved to her. From where we were sitting it, sounded like she said ‘Hi, Daddy’ and it made me smile. I wished we had kids of our own in those moments. Johanna was a lot to handle so we were satisfied. But one day, Charlie would graduate, move out, maybe get married and take Johanna with her. The thought saddened me a little because the future was so uncertain. Dan noticed my change in demeanor and sometimes I still think he can read my mind. He moved over to me so that we were even closer. After a few minutes of just listening to the din of the playground, he grabbed my hand and held it in his own, resting them both on his thigh. I leaned my head on his shoulder loving the closeness.

We lived in the neighborhood for a while and we never had a problem being close in public. No one ever said anything derogatory and people rarely looked at us when we went around holding hands. So when Dan turned his head to kiss me on the forehead, I did not think anything of it. About a minute later, we heard some commotion on the playground. I lifted my head up to see what was happening. Johanna was yelling at Henry, the bully, with Thomas by her side.

I heard her say, “Stop saying that! Stop it! It’s not nice!” I could not hear what Henry was saying but he looked menacing. Johanna kicked him in the shin and ran over to us, Thomas trailing after her. Her cheeks were red and her blue eyes on the verge of tears. I picked her up and sat on my lap to ask her what happened.

“Henry called you and Danny a bad word.” she said quietly looking down. Her face was scrunched up in anger and she was trying really hard not to start crying.

“Jo-Jo, it can’t be that bad. What did he say?” Dan asked.

“Nuh-uh.” she said shaking her head. “I don’t know what it means but I know it’s bad.”

I looked at Thomas who was still standing there and asked, “Thomas, what did your brother say to her?”

“Uh- He s-said….” Thomas stuttered. “He said that you and Dan are… uh— um… faggots and then he said some other stuff.”

Dan and I were shocked to say the least. “Thomas, do you know what those words mean?” I asked calmly. They were not in trouble so I want to make sure he doesn’t feel like he is. He shrugged and shook his head.

“Guys, it is a bad word. A really bad word and we don’t want to ever hear you say it again. It was okay this time because we asked.” I said.

They both nodded. Jo-Jo looked up at me and asked, “Uncle Phil?”

“Yes, sweet?”

“What does that word mean?”

I looked to Dan and he looked like he was searching his brain for the right age appropriate answer. I was still a little lost myself.

“Well, uh- you know how me and your Uncle Dan love each other very much?” I started.

She nodded.

“Some people don’t think it is right for us to love each other and be married.”

“Why?”

“Lots of different reasons, love. Many reasons that most of the time don’t make much sense. Some people think that because we’re two boys, we shouldn’t be able to be married. They think that only a girl and a boy should be able to. So, to make us feel bad they’ll use that bad word.”

“Does it make you cry?”

“It used to. Not anymore. Danny and I choose to ignore the word and the people who say it so that they stop. They don’t deserve the attention.”

“I shouldn’t have kicked Henry then, huh?

“No, that you should have done.” Dan chimed in. I elbowed him playfully and laughed a little. That is not what we’re supposed to be teaching a four year-old.

“But Uncle Phil, I still don’t understand why you shouldn’t be married or live together. I- I think it’s fun living with both you guys.”

“It’s ok, Johanna. You’ll understand when you’re older. But for now just remember, you can love anyone you want to no matter what.”

I tried to reassure as best as I could. I want her to know that she will always be accepted and loved. I want her to know that she should do the same for others.

“Good, ‘cause me and Thomas are married!”

“Really?” Dan laughed

“Yes, we got married under that tree right there” Thomas said, pointing to a large tree on the edge of the playground. He was a pretty brave kid. We were practically her fathers and he did not even ask for her hand in marriage. He just took it. Although, I had the slightest feeling it was Jo-Jo who proposed and not him.

“That’s a lot of responsibility, Thomas. Do you think you can give Johanna everything she needs?” Dan asked.

“No… I don’t know yet. But I’ll try.”

Did I mention Thomas was a sweet kid? This whole thing surprised me because their mum was a really good friend and neighbor. Henry must have gotten those ideas somewhere else.

“You newlyweds should go and play some more before we have to go.”

“Ok. Let’s go,” Johanna said, hopping off my lap, grabbing her husband’s hand and running to the swing set.

“You handled that pretty well, Phil.”

“You think so?”

“Yeah, you didn’t tell her too much but she understands what we have is our right and her right as well. The right to love and be happy.”

“That’s very well put. You’re so posh, Daniel.”

He swatted my arm playfully and we went right back to our original position, my head on his shoulder and his hand in mine.


	9. The First Day of School

The First Day of School

* * *

 

**Johanna**

I woke up and the first thing I did was pick up my tiara from the table next to my bed and put it on. I was a princess and it was time to wake up my prince charmings. I was leaving the castle that day to go to school. A real school with big kids. I jumped off my bed and opened the door. Sometimes it made this scary noise so I opened it fast so it did not last for very long. I heard nothing in the hallway so I knew that they were still sleeping.

I had to be very quiet if I wanted to sneak up on them.

I listened at the door, putting my head right up against it. I did not hear anything so I turned the knob and went inside. It was very, very dark. I smiled because this was going to be easy! I got on my tippy toes and walked over to the big bed. I saw that Danny’s face was turned my way and Uncle Phil was hugging him. Danny turned over and snuggled into Uncle Phil but he did not see me. Since I was still really little I had to jump up into the bed to scare them. I put my hands on the duvet and climbed up using my legs. I stood up and walked to the middle of the bed. I jumped and shouted, “Wake up! It’s time for school!”

Danny made a loud noise and said, “Johanna! We’re trying to sleep!”

“I’m trying to go to school. Wake up!” I said with my serious face. Uncle Phil put his head in the pillows and told me, “Jo-Jo, go back to your room. We still have an hour at least.”

I really wanted to get ready and have my first day of school. I crawled up the bed and sat on

Uncle Phil’s back. “I want you guys to get up. I wanna go to school now.”

“School doesn’t start for three hours, Johanna. Let us sleep, we’re too tired right now,” he said.

“How come you’re so tired?” I asked. They are always awake before I am.

Danny yawned and said, “We went to bed too late and now we want to sleep.”

“What were you doing up so late?” I asked them but they did not answer. Uncle Phil looked up at Danny and Danny smiled back. I did not know what that had meant so I wanted them to stop. “Danny, get up!”

“Okay, princess. Okay.”

“Yay!”

Danny sat up and yawned again. He kissed Uncle Phil on the cheek and said, “Good morning, love.”

“Morning.”

\-----    

Uncle Phil made us all pancakes for breakfast. After I finished eating (I actually ate everything this time, not just the parts covered in syrup), I got dressed in my new uniform. It was green and white. Mummy picked it up before she went back to school. She said I looked precious. I said I thought so too. When I finished, Uncle Phil was dressed too and standing at my door.

“Are you ready, Jo-Jo?”

“Can you do my hair? It’s all messy!” I did not want to look messy for the first day.

“Okay. What do you want?”

“A princess ponytail, please.”

“What’s that?”

“The way mummy does it. She puts my hair up and puts the tiara on my head so that it won’t fall out.” and I show him with my hands how to make the ponytail because he never does it as good as mummy does.

“That’s sounds very fancy for school. It might break when you go out to play or someone might take it. Are you sure you want to wear it?”

“I won’t wear it. No one touches my tiara. I’ll leave it at home.”

“Good idea,”

He went into the drawer and pulled out a comb. He told me to sit on the stool and he did my hair. It looked so pretty. I did not need the tiara after all.

***

I was all dressed, waiting for Danny to come down, so we could all leave. Danny always took a long time to get ready. Uncle Phil always complained about it. I always laughed when they argued. It was not a real fight so it was alright. 

“Dan, we’re going to be late!”

“Yeah, Danny!”

Uncle Phil whispered in my ear, “Say: you’re such a diva.”

“You’re such a diva!” I yelled to the top of the stairs.

“Hey, you can’t call me that.” he said coming down the stairs. “Only Philip can call me that.” Danny winked and Uncle Phil smiled like he always does.

“It was Philip who told me to.” I said wagging my finger like the woman on TV. I thought she looked funny so I did it to make them laugh.

“Come on. Let’s go guys.” Danny said opening the door. “You look lovely, Princess.”

“I know.”

“Johanna?” Uncle Phil had the look on his face telling me to be polite.

“Thank you for the c-complim… compli… Thank you.” I could never say that word. It was too hard!

“You’re welcome,” Danny laughed.

We all got into the car and I still had to sit in a booster seat. I was a big kid! I was going to real school now so I should not have had to. Danny said it was for health and safety. I did not really care. I wanted to sit on my own like a big kid.

\------

I saw my new school outside the window. I was so excited. Thomas would be there and he said that I could play with him before we had to go in. I could play with him at break time too. I could not wait.

Danny and Uncle Phil got out of the car first Danny opened the back door to let me out and grabbed my backpack. He gave it to me and we walked inside. There were kids everywhere. Some were playing with their friends and some were crying. I did not want to go to a school where kids cry. Were they scared? What were they scared of? I really did not want to find out. Thomas told me school was fun so why were they crying? I did not want to stay. I pulled on Danny’s hand to tell him so.

“What is it, Jo?

“I don’t want to stay.” I whispered. It felt like everyone was listening.

“What? Why?” He said getting down to talk to me. “You were so excited this morning.”

“Everyone looks so sad, Danny. I don’t want to stay. What if the teacher is mean? What if there are more kids like Henry. I really don’t want to stay. Please don’t make me stay.” I was going to cry. I knew I was because they both had to leave me here. I knew.

“Johanna, calm down. Let’s take a deep breath, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Good. Do you remember when you first went to nursery? When you didn’t cry but the other kids did. You knew it was a fun place, right?”

“Yeah. It was. Can I go back? I don’t think I like primary school.”

“No. No, you have to go to this school. Jo-Jo, it will be just as fun. Maybe even more fun.

They have a bigger playground.” He smiled but I can’t really believe him right now.

“Uncle Phil, don’t make me stay.” Maybe he would let me go back to nursery. I felt tears on my face and I wished I could stop them but I was so scared. He picked me up and I laid my head on his shoulder. I did not want anyone to see me crying.

Uncle Phil said, “We’re gonna go to your class and tell your teacher that you can’t stay.

Alright with you, Jo-Jo?” I nodded. I could not talk then.

He carried me all the way down the hall to the class. He said hello to a really nice looking lady and she told, “Hello, I am Miss Jennifer. What’s your name?”

“Johanna,” I told her in my quiet voice.

“Well, Johanna, don’t you want to come play with us? We’ll have a lot of fun.”

“Promise?”

“Of course.” She had a nice smile. I thought she was okay. I saw some other kids playing with the Legos. I loved Legos!

“Can I get down now?” I asked Uncle Phil. He put me down on the ground then got down to talk to me.

“So you do want to stay now that you saw the Legos, huh?”

“Yes.” I answered. “Hey, you played a dirty trick. You knew about the toys, didn’t you?”

“Yes, I’ll admit it,” he smiled. “But aren’t you glad you decided to stay? There are toys everywhere and lots of new friends to make.”

“Yeah, yeah. Can I go play now?”

“Go on then.”

I walked over to the big rug that was made of big puzzle pieces. I asked one the other girls if I could play with her. She said that I should help making the castle. I loved castles. I was a princess with two prince charmings. That was one more than Cinderella would ever have. I thought of them but when I looked up, they were gone. Rosie, the girl who let me play with her, and I finished our castle. She’s really nice. I like her.

* * *

 

**Dan**

Miss Jennifer promised Johanna that she would have fun and Johanna simply accepted it. Johanna then accused Phil of tricking her. She went to the rug in the middle of the room and started playing with some of the other children.

Miss Jennifer turned to us and said, “I think you should go now before she gets bored and wants to go home again.” We followed her to the hallway, walking far enough so that Johanna could not see us from the classroom.

“Oh, I’m Dan Howell-Lester and this is my husband, Phil.” I pointed to Phil and he waved. “We’re Johanna’s guardians while her mother is at Uni. If there’s ever a problem just get in touch with one of us.”

“Nice to meet you both. I’m Jennifer Standish.” We shook hands with her and she gave us a reassuring smile. “I’m sure Johanna will be fine but I will be emailing things like progress reports and field trip info. Just things like that. I’ll make sure that at least one of you gets them.”

“That sounds great. We both have to be a work pretty soon so we’re gonna go now.”

“Have a nice day. See you at three o’clock for dismissal.”

“Bye.”

Phil and I walked out of the school, heading to the car. As we’re walking, he turned to me and asked, “Do you think she’s alright?”

“Who? Miss Jennifer?”

“No, Dan. Jo-Jo. Do you think she’ll be fine?”

“Yeah, I think so. You got her to stop crying. Well done by the way. I was more than a little skeptical when you told her we were going to go tell the teacher she couldn’t stay.”

“My mum did the same thing to me when I was younger. Every year until Year 5.” He laughed at the memory.

“Well at least we’ll know what to do next year if this happens again.” I added.

“Dan, Charlie’s graduating this year. We might not be taking care Johanna any more. We won’t take her to school or see her every day. Charlie may move out after graduation. What if Charlie wants to move to London or somewhere else far away?”

Phil’s entire attitude changed within the space of ten seconds. He stopped smiling and I swear he was going to cry.

“Phil, don’t play the ‘what if’ game.” I told him. “We always knew that someday Charlie would graduate and want to start her life. We always knew that, Phil. But I guess we didn’t think we’d fall in love with Jo-Jo so easily. She feels like ours.”

He sat up a little, looking me straight in the eye. “I want kids of our own, Dan. Kids that no one will take away.”

“Phil, are you sure about that? Do you want to start that long process of being rejected and heartbroken?”

I wanted kids too but I just could not take it. We were a same-sex couple and it was extremely difficult. I really did not want to go through that. But I always thought of Phil. I would do anything for him.

“Yes, I’m sure. I want to start the process as soon as possible.” He was serious. He actually wanted to do this.

“Alright. We’ll look up agencies tonight after dinner. After Jo’s gone to bed.”

“Good.”

\------    

Phil and I finished our work day and got back in the car to pick up Johanna. We walked in the front door of the school and there she was, smiling and holding an art project she had finished. She dragged us both over to a group of kids and pointed to a little girl with a green ribbon in her hair. She told us that her name was Rosie and that they were best friends. I picked up my excited little girl and we said bye to all her new friends.

When we got home, I relaxed with Phil on the couch for a while before starting dinner. Phil took Johanna outside to play for a few minutes and I noticed he looked a little worried. About an hour later, I called them inside and we started eating. Johanna was going on and on about her day when she told us, “Rosie asked me if I had two daddies today,”

“What did you say?” I asked.

“I said, ‘No, I have three.’ She told me she has one grandmother and two cats.”

Phil and I laughed and it was a little bittersweet. I knew he was still thinking about Charlie coming home and moving on. If it did not happen next year, it could happen the year after or the year after that. I understood his anxiety over the whole situation. He loved her so much. His mood changed again and he said, “Johanna, what do you think about having a cousin? Another kid who would come to live here and be just like a brother or sister?”

I thought I was angry but the shock had numbed me. We had not even called one agency and already he had Johanna thinking about a new kid coming into the house. Johanna simply answered, “That would be so cool. Thomas has a little brother who still goes to nursery and he likes bossing him around.”

I remained silent for the rest of dinner. Phil did not even notice. It was not until later that night, as we were sitting on our bed with our laptops, that he said something to set me off.

“Isn’t it great that Johanna wants a little cousin?”

I did not answer. I did not know what to say and I was still very angry with him.

“Dan? Are you okay? You’ve been quiet all night.”

“No. I am not okay. You shouldn’t have told her anything about this. We don’t know if we’ll even find an agency that will give us a chance.”

“I didn’t think it would be that bad to mention something like that to her. It might just happen and I thought it would be okay to see if she would be willing to accept someone else into the family. If we don’t get to adopt, then no harm done.”

“Phil, you don’t understand. You might get her hopes up and then…”

“Is this really about what I asked Johanna? Dan, are you scared of trying?”

I could not answer and tell him the truth. I could not tell him that the whole thing terrified me. I did not do anxiety and rejection very well. Since I stopped telling everyone I was straight, I had to take a lot of both. I stopped looking people in the eye and began avoiding public places, fearing that someone homophobic would know about me and they would hurt me in some way.  

“Yeah. I am.” I admitted finally. “I don’t think I can handle rejection if it came. I can’t afford to get my hopes up. I’m really happy right now and, Phil, I really don’t want to lose this feeling.”

“Danny…” He pulled me in for a hug. He stroked my back and held me tight. “I know. I know. I’m happy too. I just really want children that are ours completely. Johanna is a perfect daughter but at the same time she’s not. She belongs to Charlie. I want to have a child that I can raise with you. I want to share that with you.”

“What if we tried and they…”

“What if they did? Nothing would change. I would still be your husband. You would still see me every day and every night. We would still be us. Nothing can change that. Nothing. Dan, I wouldn’t ask you to do this if it could hurt you in any way.”

I nodded because he was right. Nothing would change really. The only thing that would change us would be if they did say yes. We would become parents. A little boy or girl would call me ‘Daddy’. The thought made me smile. Phil saved the day, as always. Time and time again, I realized Phil would see me through anything.

“Phil?”

“Yes?”

“I would really like to raise another little girl.”

“Me too,” he kissed my forehead. I could feel him smile against my skin. He sat up and pulled his laptop in front of us.

“Are you ready?”

“I’m ready when you are.”


	10. The New Kid

The New Kid

It was 2015 and it was chilly. Dan and Phil took their niece, Johanna, on a little tour of London. She had always wanted to go and it was her birthday so they decided to treat her. They went on the London Eye, in which she exclaimed, “I am now the queen of all of England,” as they reached the top and could see London beneath them. Phil told her that was probably illegal to say and she laughed. The train ride was long but Johanna knew how to keep her uncles entertained. She told them stories of the kids at her school and how strange they were. She said one kid made fun of her because she was so much taller than they were and so she kicked the bully in the leg. That had been her go to reaction since she was four. She told them how she missed Thomas and she wanted to visit for the upcoming holiday. She missed them, Danny and Uncle Phil, too.

It was November and very cold. Dan and Phil decided that they would stop in to Starbucks and get hot chocolate before catching the 4:48 to Manchester. They had a little over an hour to enjoy London and celebrate the rest Johanna’s birthday. She was seven years old and felt very grown up sitting there with Dan and Phil in Starbucks.

“Danny, do you think I can come back to live with you? I don’t like my school.”

“No, Jo-Jo. You live with your mum now. School will get better. I promise.”

Johanna made a face that said “I think that’s pure bollocks” but not in so many words.

“Don’t you believe me?”

“No. Not at all. Don’t you want me to come back? Isn’t the house all quiet without me?”

Dan looked at Phil because they both knew what she said was true. They loved her more than the loved themselves and missed her dearly. Charlotte graduated from Uni and did very well. She was offered a job immediately in the next city over. She took the job, of course. What college graduate doesn’t? She took Johanna too. She couldn’t leave her little girl behind again so they pack up one day in July and they were gone. Phil was the most devastated by the move. He and Jo-Jo were extremely close. Any time Johanna was upset and needed comforting, Phil was the one to do it. He spoiled her too but not too much. So when she asked to come back to their house, it took all of him not to say yes. He knew that if he said anything like that he would raise her hopes up just to watch them fall. Phil couldn’t bear to see that so he kept quiet.

“You know, what? Let’s ask your mum if you can stay on extra day and go back to school Tuesday instead.”

“Yes!” She said grabbing his jacket and pulling him into a hug. Johanna turned to Phil, who was still staring at Dan, and said, “Uncle Phil, aren’t you happy that I’m staying?”

“Of course, angel. I’m a little distracted today. But I am glad you’re staying the extra night.

We’ll make a fort in the lounge, like we used to.”

“Can we make cookies too? The cinnamon kind?”

Dan went to call Charlotte to ask her if they could drop Johanna off the next afternoon instead of tonight. He saw that he had a missed call from an unidentified caller. He saw the number and recognized it as the adoption agency. It was a Sunday, so it was very weird for them to call outside of normal hours.

“Yes, I think we have some of the mix in the cupboard.” Phil answered.

Dan decided that he would call Charlotte then the agency. He didn’t want to forget his promise to Johanna as she was smiling so much at the prospect of sleeping over and missing school.

“Hey, Charlotte. Yeah, we’re having a great time. Do you think you would mind if Johanna stayed with us one extra night?” he asked hesitantly, trying to give Charlotte the heads up that he sort of already promised it to the birthday girl and she really couldn’t say no.

Johanna looked up at Dan with wide blue eyes and hands clasped, praying that her mum would say yes.

“Yes? She can? Yeah, we’ll bring her home tomorrow. Thanks again. Alright. Yeah, bye.”

Dan hung up and said to Johanna, “Well, I guess we’re stuck with you for the night.” She squealed in response and the guys just had to laugh. She was missing a few teeth so when she smiled, you could see little holes in her mouth but she looked adorable anyway.

“Phil, I missed a call. I’m going to outside for a bit and call them back.” Dan said, getting up and putting on his coat. Phil was a little confused as to why he couldn’t just call them here but didn’t ask. He nodded and turn his attention to Johanna, who’s started another sordid tale of playground drama. It was more entertaining than it should be.

Dan made his way outside and pressed redial. After two calls, someone finally answered. It was Mrs. Whiting.

“Hello, Mr. Howell is it?”

“Yes, it’s Dan Howell-Lester. Someone called me earlier and I’m returning the call.”

“Yes, we called earlier because we found a placement for you. A little boy. He’s just been put up for adoption. We need someone to foster him immediately. Do you think you can do it? Tonight would be best.”

“Really? Wow. I’m in London at the moment with my husband and niece. We won’t be back home until later this evening. We would love to have him. What’s his name? How old is he?”

“His name is Michael and he’s five years old.”

By now, Dan’s smiling wide and he can see Phil at the table with Johanna staring at him. He was ecstatic, he and Phil would finally have a child of their own after years of going through three different agencies. “He’s five? What happened to his parents?”

“Uh- The case file says that his mother is terminally ill. They don’t have any family so he was going to be fostered anyway. At the moment, he’s staying with an elderly neighbor who is moving to another city. Uh… Yes, it says she wants him to be placed with a family as soon as possible. One that was ‘modern’ as she puts it.”

Dan laughed at the thought. What an odd specification to list on your son’s paperwork. “We can’t wait to meet him. We’ll call when we get home. I’ll see you later tonight.”

“Yes. Goodbye.”

Dan put his phone in his pocket and walked back into the cafe. He approached the table with a huge smile on his face and kissed Phil on the cheek. “Guess what?”

Phil smiled at the sudden affection. “What? Why are you so happy all of a sudden?”

“I got a call from the adoption agency earlier. I talked to Mrs. Whiting and she said they have a little boy waiting for us to take him in. We have a son, Phil!”

“Dan, that’s amazing! This is so sudden. Johanna, your cousin is coming home tonight!”

“My cousin? I don’t have a cousin, Uncle Phil.” She looked at them both to explain what the fuss was about.

“Do you remember how we told you about having another kid come and stay with us, like a brother or sister?” Phil had that talk with her every time they got close to adopting. It never went through so Johanna never thought about it again, until now. She nodded in response. “Well, a little boy coming tonight, —Dan, what’s his name?”

“His name is Michael.” Dan sat down at the table now. People were starting to stare at the overly excited giant in the black leather jacket.

“Do we have to be back at home soon or can we catch our scheduled train?”

“Wait, there’s another kid coming to live with you? What if he’s horrible? Will you send him back?”

Dan chuckled at her questions, “I’m sure he won’t be horrible. He’s younger than you and no, we won’t send him back. Everyone deserves a home.”

“Dan? Do we need to get back sooner?” Phil asked anxiously.

“Oh, right. No, we can call them when we get back to the house later.”

Johanna sat in silence as the two men talked about their son, her new cousin. She felt forgotten already and he hadn’t even met them yet. She always thought that they would only have her and felt very secure in that fact. But with a new child in the house, they will forget her completely. No more trips to faraway places and no surprise gifts from Uncle Phil. No, he would give all his gifts to Michael instead because he would live with them and Johanna was too far away to bother.

Too excited to finish their drinks, the guys threw their cups away and each took Johanna by the hand, walking back to the train station. She felt a little better now that she had their full attention again.

 

They drove home from the train station. Johanna was quiet and Phil noticed.

“Johanna, are you alright?”

She was playing with her curls, not really paying attention to anything, thinking about losing Dan and Phil to some other kid. So, when Phil asked her, she ignored him.

Phil looked at Dan to get his attention and Dan raised his eyebrow.

“I don’t think she likes the idea of us adopting Michael. She’s been quiet since we left London.” he whispered.

“We’ll see tonight when he gets here. We’ll deal with it then.”

They approached the same row of townhouses they’ve lived on for close to ten years. It was dark already because it was November. The trees had lost their leaves already and the neighborhood looked a little sad and too quiet, much like Johanna.

Dan parked in the driveway and they all got out. Phil opened the door and Johanna walked in, kicked off her shoes, and ran upstairs to her old bedroom which they had kept the same for her visits.

“We should call them now. Do you think the room is ready?” Dan asked as he walked in and took off his coat. Phil didn’t answer right away. “Phil?”

“Yeah, the room should be just fine. I’m going to talk to Jo-Jo.” Phil made his way up the stairs and turned left, towards Johanna’s room. 

“Jo-Jo? Are you in there?” he asked, knocking on the door.

“Yes,” she responded in a quiet voice. It sounded like she was crying or would be in a matter of moments. Phil open the door to see her on the bed still wearing her coat. Her face was covered in tears, her nose was running and she tried desperately to hide both. Phil immediately sat down on the bed next to her and brought her into his lap. She made a little whining noise and pushed him away.

Phil felt a little heartbroken when she did that. She always told him everything. No matter what.

“Johanna, tell me what’s wrong? You never push me away.”

She looked at her shoes for a few seconds and then said, “You’re going to forget all about me and I won’t see you anymore.”

“That’s not true at all.”

“Yes, it is!” she said picking her head up to look him straight in the eye. “You’ll have Michael and forget about me.”

Phil kissed her forehead and wiped away her tears with his thumbs. “You know that isn’t true. The only thing that will change is that you’ll have someone to play with when you visit, which you will do like always.”

“You won’t take me anywhere anymore. I-I won’t be your princess anymore.”

“Yes, you will. We will still takes trips together. We’ll just take Michael with us. You have to understand, he needs a home and we have more than enough room for him. You liked living with us, right?” She nodded.

“Well, we want to let a little boy, who doesn’t have parents to have a home too. Johanna, you have a lot. You have a mum and a dad. You have me and Danny. That’s four people who will give you a home. This little boy has no one. Do you think that’s fair?”

“No.” She thought about it for a moment and said, “You have to promise that you won’t forget me,” she pleaded. “Everything’s changing too much and I don’t like it.”

“I promise I won’t forget you. You’re my little girl. You always will be. Danny won’t forget you either. We love you too much. You have to promise that you’ll never forget that, Princess.”

“I promise.” She smiled, feeling better now that Phil reassured her.

“Let’s go downstairs, order a pizza and watch a movie. We have a visitor coming who will probably enjoy that as much as you do.”

They went downstairs together, Phil carrying Johanna in his arms. Dan was in the kitchen on the phone, “Bacon or pineapple? On the pizza, I mean.”

“Bacon, please.” Phil answered, knowing that Johanna loved it.

Dan finished the order and walked into the lounge to his husband and niece.

“He’ll be here in a little bit. They’re on their way.”

“Good. Everything should be all set and ready for him.” 

About fifteen minutes later, the doorbell rang and Dan got up to answer. It was the pizza. He sighed a little, disappointed. He was on edge and he couldn’t figure out why. This wouldn’t not be his first child. No, in fact, he felt like he’s raised two, Johanna and her mother. He guessed it was because Michael wasn’t family. He didn’t know him at all and was afraid of scaring him. He didn’t know what kind of home he came from. He just knew the boy was losing his mother. Dan paid for the pizza and placed it on the breakfast table in the kitchen. Johanna came in to get a plate and saw her uncle with a worried look on his face.

“Danny?” she asked.

“Yeah?”

“Are you nervous?”

“A little.”

“Because of him?”

“Yes. I’m nervous because of him.”

“Why?” she said easily. “He’s a little kid. Are you nervous around me?”

“No, of course not.”

“You shouldn’t be nervous, Danny. You’re really fun to live with and he’s lucky he gets to.”

“Thank you,” He looked at her for a second before grabbing her in a hug. He kissed her all over her face.

“Danny! Eww!” she shouted and squealed, laughing.

The doorbell rang again and Dan ran to open it. When he did, he saw Mrs. Whiting stood there holding a child with one hand and a suitcase in the other. The boy tried hiding behind her skirt so Dan couldn’t see his face just yet.

“Hello. Come in.” Dan said backing away from the entrance. Mrs. Whiting stepped forward inside and the little boy followed. He looked around with wide brown eyes and was met with Johanna’s blue ones. “Hi,” she said with a smile, standing part way in the kitchen. He didn’t respond to her as he was being pulled into the lounge.

Dan led them further into the house and they followed. Phil got up from his seat to shake Mrs. Whiting’s hand. He looked down at the boy and noted. “Dan, he looks a little like you.” He had a mess of brown curls and big brown eyes. The noses were different but he still looked like him.

“You’re right, Mr. Lawson. He does. I didn’t see it until now.” Mrs. Whiting commented.

“Hello, Michael. I’m Phil and this is Dan.”

“Hi.” his voice was small and he still looked a little scared. “Can one of you sign some paperwork for me? I need to go soon.”

“I will,” Phil said.

Phil took her into the dining room, leaving Dan alone with Michael.

“Hi, Michael. Would you like to have some pizza?” His face lit up and he nodded. “Okay, follow me.”

Johanna was standing in the kitchen eating when the two came. She gave Dan a look that said, “See. He’s nothing to be afraid of.” Dan sighed and got a plate down from the cupboard to put the pizza on. He turned around and Michael was sitting at the table waiting for him. He smiled because the boy seemed to have made himself comfortable.

“This is Johanna, my niece.” Dan said putting the plate down in front of him. Johanna came to sit down next to Michael and smiled at him with her not so toothy smile. He giggled because he thought she looked funny.

“What’s so funny?”

“You don’t have teeth,” he giggled.

“Yes, I do.” Johanna laughed, gesturing to her mouth. “Only two are missing, I still have loads more.”

“What happened to them?”

“They fell out silly. Everybody’s baby teeth fall out.” she pointed out. “Yours will too.”

“Nuh-uh.”

“Yeah-uh”

“Nuh-uh”

“Yeah-uh”

“Okay, you two. Eat up.”

\-----

Meanwhile, in the dining room, Phil was signing the last of the documents.

“Please realize that you are only his legal guardians. We still have to start the full adoption process…”

“Alright, when do you think it will be finalized?”

“About a six months to a year. There are so many factors.”

Phil was so excited at this point. They had tried so hard to get the chance to be parents and Michael was here now and he would be their son.

“His mother very sick in hospital and doesn’t want him to see her. I don’t know how much he knows but when the time comes, I will call you. It looks like it will only be a few days now,”

Phil dreaded that day already. How do you tell a five year old that, on top of having a completely new home, he will lose his mother as well?

“Will there be a funeral for her? Maybe Dan and I should visit her to let her know we would take good care of him.”

“There will be no service. She doesn’t have anyone to plan one. Michael is the only family she has in the world. She knows everything about you already. Just worry about telling Michael.”

“Trust me, I am. Let’s go back and see how he is.”

Phil and Mrs. Whiting walked to the kitchen to see Johanna and Michael laughing. Dan was eating a slice of pizza and rushed to wipe his hands so he could shake Mrs. Whiting’s hand. Phil was happy that Johanna was here tonight. Michael feel more comfortable with another kid around.

“I’m leaving now, Michael.” Mrs. Whiting said.

“Bye,” he said waving his hand. He turned his attention back to Johanna and continued making faces.

“Thank you so much.” Dan said.

“You’re welcome. He seems happy here already. I’ll be checking in on you later this week. Your husband will tell you what we talked about.”

Dan remembered the circumstances that caused Michael to need a family in the first place.

His mother was sick. Phil showed Mrs. Whiting out and returned to get something to eat.

“Uh… can I have something to drink?” Michael asked. It was obvious he didn’t remember their names so Johanna had the bright idea to say, “Danny, can you please bring me a napkin? I dropped some pizza.” She looked at Michael who looked like he was trying to commit the name to memory. Dan said, “Sure.” and handed it over. Phil brought over the glass of Juice for Michael.

“Do you both live here?” Michael asked.

“Yes, we’re married.” Phil answered.

“You guys are married?” The couple looked worried. They didn’t know if he was used to this or if he would think it was weird.

“Yes, we are. Phil’s my husband.” Dan answered tentatively.

“Oh. Is she staying here too?” he asked pointing to Johanna.

“I am tonight. Then I have to go back to my house; which I hate. I want stay here.”

“Jo-Jo, we talked about this.” Phil admonished.

She pouted and Michael giggled.

Dan looked at his family and smiled. Johanna stopped pouting and started laughing along with Michael. Phil moved closer to him and they both watched the children eating and smiling. They both had curly brown hair that bounced when they laughed too hard. By the end of that night, the two fell asleep slept in their fort in the lounge while watching a classic, Harry Potter.

Dan and Phil made their way to their bedroom and got ready for bed like normal. Phil was on the bed checking his phone and putting it to charge while Dan undressed. Dan climbed in bed and rested his hand on Phil’s thigh. Dan started kissing his neck and moving to straddle him.

“Dan, I don’t think we should. We have two kids downstairs and I need to talk to you.”

“What about?”

“Michael’s mum. Mrs. Whiting said she’s going to pass away any day now.”

“What are we going to tell Michael?”

“I think we should tell him, she’s gone. But she’ll be watching over him. My mum said the same thing when my gran died. It made me feel better.”

“Okay. He needs to know that he always has a home here. He’s taken a lot of changes lately for such a little boy.”

“You’re right. You always know what to say, huh?” Phil said, moving upwards to kiss Dan. When he tried to pull away, Dan just followed him back down onto the bed never letting their lips separate. Phil’s hand found the elastic of Dan’s boxers and pushed them down so that he could feel his warm skin.

“I thought you said we shouldn’t.” Dan chuckled.

“We’re not.” Phil retorted. He reached over to the lamp and turned it off. Then pushed Dan onto his side of the bed. Phil climbed on top of him and began making out with him. After a few moments of closed eyes, hitched breaths, and fingers moving through now wavy hair, Phil pulled off him and simply said, “Good night.”

Dan laid there for moment staring at the ceiling, wondering what just happened. 


	11. The Wedding

The year was 2018, and the little family wasn’t so little anymore. Dan and Phil had just become fathers again. Another child who was in their care had just officially become a Howell-Lester. The three year old girl’s mother had died of an overdose when she was only one and a half. They called her Sophie and she was extremely quiet. She didn’t cry when anything was wrong. She just sat there, hoping someone would figure it out. Sophia Howell-Lester had wavy blonde hair and hazel eyes with specks of green. They didn’t know anything about where she’d come from, only that she didn’t have a soul in the world to love her.

Michael was now seven and loved having a little sister. He made her laugh with all the faces he made. Johanna still visited every so often to see her little brother and sister, as she liked to call them. Charlotte was getting married next week to an American named Marc. He was as tall as Phil and had a muscular build. He had recently graduated from medical school, and he was a pretty nice guy. They planned to move to the U.S. by the end of the month but Johanna was not hearing any of it. She was now 9 years old, very talkative, and a little sassy. In other words, she was just like her mother. Everyone came over to Dan and Phil’s for dinner the Sunday before and Johanna made her issue known to the entire family.

“No! I’m not moving.” Johanna said, slamming her fork down.

“Johanna Howell, you will not speak to me that way.” Charlotte warned.

“Why can’t I stay here? Mum, please. I belong in England with my cousins and Danny and Uncle Phil. Don’t take me away from them!”

“I’m not leaving you here. That’s 4,000 miles distance. Johanna, you’re coming with us. We already talked about this. Now eat.”

“I hate you.” And with that she got up from the table and ran to her old room, which was now Sophie’s. Meanwhile, downstairs, the men and children stared at Charlotte with wide eyes.

“Don’t act so bloody surprised. She never does anything without drama.”

Marc cleared his throat and Dan and Phil went back to eating. Ever since Charlotte moved out and took Johanna with her, Johanna’s held a bit of animosity towards her mother. They fought constantly, much more than a child her age should fight with her mother but here they were. Johanna’s father didn’t communicate with them much at all, even though Jo knew her paternal grandmother very well. With a working mum and empty house to come home to, Johanna started acting out. When Charlotte said she was marrying Marc, the man she’d been dating since Uni, Johanna didn’t really have a reaction until they announced that after Marc finished school they would marry and move to the US. Johanna had a fit and ran away. They didn’t find her for a few hours. Marc found her at the school’s playground, swinging absentmindedly.

Dan and Phil heard the news over the phone and they were happy for Charlotte but knew

Jo-Jo wouldn’t take it well at all. Johanna visited the next weekend and begged them to let her stay. Phil had to leave her with Dan and find something to occupy himself. He wouldn’t see his princess for a while if they left the country. Dan told her that it was her mother’s decision and they had no say in it. He did not tell her that in fact, they would gladly take her back, not wanting to bring her hopes up.

 

“Aunt Charlie, do you have go to America?” Michael asked, begging on behalf of his cousin.

He hated seeing Johanna upset.

“Yes, I do. I couldn’t live without my husband.” She said smiling at Marc.

“Hey Phil, how have you been? How did that new project go over?” Marc asked, trying to shift the focus of the conversation.

“It went well. The producers really like the idea. The new interactive format should go over big.” Phil answered animatedly. He was thirty-eight now and still acted a little silly when he was excited. Dan laughed a little, commenting, “He’s very happy about it.” A little hand pulled at his sleeve and he turned to see Sophie trying to get his attention.

“Yes, Sophie?”

She cupped her mouth in such a way to say she’d rather whisper than speak aloud in front of everyone. She said, “I’m done now. Can I go play now?”

“Yes, let’s clean up and then I’ll take you upstairs.”

Dan got up from the table, leaving and placing his and Sophie’s plates and cups into the sink. He washed his hands and picked her up, walking up the staircase. When he reached the landing, he put Sophie down and she ran to her room. Dan was going towards his bedroom to fix his hair (he was still a diva) when he heard Sophia call him.

“Daddy!”

“Sophie? What’s wrong?” he asked worriedly.

He walked the short distance to Sophia’s room and found her patting Johanna’s back trying to comfort her. The three year-old looked worried and Johanna picked her up and placed Sophie on her lap.

“Johanna…” he said standing in the doorway.

“Danny, I don’t want to go… I can’t go.”

 “Why not? America might be fun. And guess what? You might not have to wear a uniform anymore.”

“That’s a dumb reason to leave my entire family behind. Mikey and Sophie are like my brother and sister. I can’t leave them. I can’t leave you, Danny.” She sobbed quietly, not exactly proud of her inability to handle the situation. Dan came over and sat down next to her on the floor. He put his arm around her shoulders and she leaned over. Dan began rubbing her arm like he always did when he tried comforting her. He leant over, kissing the top of her head.

“I know you think this is the end of the world. It isn’t. You’ll still see us. Maybe not as often as you would like, but we can call and video chat. You can visit during your holidays. Johanna, it won’t be that bad.”

“Please ask my mum to let me stay.”

Johanna had to keep trying. Dan didn’t respond but he did think about it. Charlotte called for Johanna because they were leaving soon and had an hour-long drive.

“See you next week. Bye.” Dan called as they backed out of the driveway. Phil was upstairs bathing Sophia, and Michael was in the lounge watching a movie. Dan went upstairs into the bathroom and greeted them both. He walked in, sat down on the toilet seat and said, “Phil, we need to talk,”

“What’s on your mind?”

“Johanna.”

“You’ll have to explain. She’s more of an umbrella term,” he said chuckling. Sophia took some of the bubbles from the bath and put it on her head, giggling.

“Dan, go get the camera!” Phil said, completing forgetting what Dan needed to say.

“Phil! Pay attention.”

“Oh, sorry. What did you want to say?” Phil said, turning to look at his husband. 

“I think we should tell Charlotte that we want Johanna to live with us again. That is, if you want her to.”

Dan knew Phil would agree so that wasn’t really the issue. It was getting Charlotte to leave her child behind in another country.

“You know I do. How do you suppose we tell her?”

“I was planning on giving her call later tonight explaining that if she thought Johanna was a burden or anything, she isn’t. We would gladly keep her.”

“What if she says no?”

“Well, the next time we see Johanna, she might have a strange American accent.”

Just then, Sophie giggled getting the attention of her two fathers. Her entire face was completely covered in suds and all she did was laugh.

Phil wiped her face, washing away the soap and bubbles. “It’s time to get out now. Time for a bedtime story.”

“Papa, I want to read Max and Ruby.”

“Alright, Sophie. Let’s get you dry first.”

Dan got up to leave, going to the lounge to check Michael’s homework and send him off to bed. Their routines were set, they had children to raise, bills to pay but they always had room for one more, namely, a little girl they loved dearly.     

The next Saturday was Charlie’s wedding. It was garden style and very small. Dan and

Charlie’s entire family showed up which wasn’t very many people and Marc’s family lived in the US. Johanna and Sophie were the flower girls and Michael was the ring bearer. Charlie wore a short white wedding dress and crown of white roses, instead of a veil, atop her brown curls. The morning was hectic, of course. They were chairs to set up, a groom to calm down, a bride to dress up and children to keep clean. They had pictures to take before the ceremony started and in every last frame, Johanna struggled to smile.

By three o’clock that afternoon, everything was set and a harpist began playing Canon in D as the girls made their way down the aisle. Dan and Phil stood next to a nervous Marc, who was smiling but the anxiety obvious to his guests. Sophie threw out way too many petals at the start of the march so by the time she reached the archway, her basket was empty. Instead of staying on the bride’s side, she walked over to her father, Phil, to give it to him. The crowd awed at the little girl while Johanna went over to get her. Michael came down the aisle smiling, walking in perfect step. He looked adorable in his little tuxedo with silver cloth in the pocket. The entire family still marveled at how much he looked like Dan, some even joking about his having a love child with some unknown woman.

Then, it was her turn. Charlie stood at the front of the garden, which was in full bloom, and began walking towards her soon-to-be husband. She had eyes only for him, never breaking her stare from his. She got to the archway where the vicar stood, waiting to marry them. They exchanged simple vows and had a simple kiss, not getting too passionate as her parents and daughter were sitting right there. Everyone clapped and stood as the couple walked to the town car taking them to the hall where the reception would be held.

Later that evening, Dan and Phil made their speeches, both joking about Charlotte’s sarcastic personality and wondering how Marc could put up with. They told her they were proud of her and wished them lifelong happiness. Charlotte began tearing up and rushed over to them to give them a hug.

The party was in full swing after the couple had their first dance to The Way I Am by Ingrid Michaelson, their favorite song. It was a little old but they loved it. They gently swayed to the music and after the first verse, Dan and Phil joined them, signaling to the crowd that they too could come and dance. The guests who were still seated began hitting the side of their champagne glasses with their forks and the couple kissed, giving into the crowd.

It was time to cut the cake and Charlie looked all over for Johanna, knowing she wouldn’t want to miss it. No one could find her in the main room. Phil found her outside sitting on the bench.

“Johanna! Why are you sitting out here all by yourself?” Phil started with frustration but ended in worry.

“I couldn’t stay in there. Mum’s having so much fun and I’m so sad. I didn’t want to spoil it for her.” She said, kicking her feet, looking down at the pavement.

“I guess that’s a good enough reason. Still upset about the move, huh, Princess?” he asked, crouching down to meet her eye level, taking her hand in his.

“Yes.” He could hear the sadness in her voice and his heart broke a little.

“Well, I was supposed to keep this a secret but… No, I won’t tell you.” He stood up turning away from Johanna, who was now curious about this secret.

“We should go inside. We’re missing cake.” He finished, reaching out to take her hand. She took it, and pulled on it. “What is the secret?” Johanna asked defiantly.

“I can’t tell you yet, Jo-Jo,” he said with a smirk. “But I promise, you will be happy. Can you promise to perk up a little for the rest of the party?”

“Okay, but I want to know what’s going before we go home tonight. I mean it.”

Phil took her hand again, walking into the hall where her mother and new step-father stood feeding each other cake. Jo-Jo did keep her promise to have fun at the party. She danced with Phil and Dan trading places with Sophie between songs. Charlotte danced with Michael and the night went brilliantly.

The guest started to leave the hall, heading home. Dan and Phil kissed Charlie good bye and Johanna’s lip started to quiver. Phil kneeled down taking her into a hug, and asked, “Are you ready for that secret?” She nodded hesitantly because, frankly, she couldn’t take any more surprises.

“You’re coming home with us.” He smiled. Johanna face lit up and she looked to her mother who nodded grinning down at her. She jumped into Phil arms, chanting, and “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.”

Phil picked her up and when he looked in her face, she was crying.

“Why are you crying, Princess?” Phil asked, almost certain those were tears of joy.

“I’m not crying” she pouted. Everyone laughed including Sophie who probably didn’t know what was going on.

“Can we go home now?” Johanna asked.

“Yes, of course.”


	12. The Rules

“What’s today?” Thomas asked.

“It’s the third of November.” Johanna replied. “Why?”

“I need to buy a gift. Your birthday’s next week.”

She hit him on the arm with the back of her hand. “You mean you haven’t gotten it yet?”

“Joey!” he exclaimed, laughing at her sudden burst of violence. “What does it matter? You’ll still get one.”

“I guess.” She answered, rolling her eyes.

Johanna and Thomas had been best friends for seven years now, since she was three and he was four. They somehow managed to maintain a friendship even after she moved and changed schools. Thomas made sure of it. When she moved away at age six, he had asked Dan if he could come over when she visited, not wanting to take Johanna away from her family. Dan, of course, said yes, he and Phil always liked him. Thomas spent many weekends with the family. When Michael was adopted, he acted like an older brother and the two got on well. After Charlotte married and moved to the states, leaving Johanna in their care, Dan and Phil soon realized they had four kids instead of three. If Johanna was home, so was Thomas. In short, Thomas was a part of this family just as much as Johanna was. His older brother, Henry, only became more of a delinquent as he got older. He was now in high school, that is to say he was enrolled but he rarely showed up. They had a working mother who was almost never home before bedtime so Thomas spent his evenings at their house and his mother was grateful to them.

“You know, I think Uncle Phil will let me get my ears pierced this year. I am turning ten.” Johanna told him with her eyebrows raised trying to seem like he should be interested.

“Oh, you’re not gonna turn girly on me now, are you?” Thomas groaned.

“Never.” She laughed. “If I did that, then no one would hang out with you. I would be too pretty and you don’t have any other friends.” She finished getting up from the couch and running upstairs to her bedroom, giggling the entire time.

“Hey!” Thomas yelled following her.

It was safe to say they were inseparable. They often acted like an old married couple. They fought constantly just to forget the argument a minute later. Phil often reminded them of their pretend marriage when they were younger, on that fateful day in the park. They groaned and made faces about how nasty the thought was. They were friends and nothing else.

They had come home from school with Michael. He went across the street to his friend’s house to play video games for a few hours of before Dan or Phil would come home. Sophie was at day-care until Dan went to go pick her up. Phil stayed home that day but went out to get a few groceries. For some reason, every time he went to the shops and came back with enough food for a village, they always ran out within the week. Luckily, he and Dan were working well-paying jobs and could afford their ever growing family.

“Take that back!” Thomas yelled coming up the stairs.

“No! It’s true!” Johanna shouted back.

Thomas got to the top of the stairs and took the left to her room. “I’m gonna get you, Joey!”

\-----    

Phil had just left Tesco and was returning home. The back seat was covered filled with reusable canvas bags filled with food. He prayed that this time it would last until the weekend. He turned into the driveway and parked, making sure to leave space for Dan while avoiding Michael’s bike. Phil kept telling him if he didn’t watch it, he would run over it and not look back. With all the bags to take in, Phil decided to have the kids help. He got out of the car and went inside. He looked around and didn’t see anyone in the lounge or the back garden. The house was eerily quiet until he heard, “Thomas, stop!”

“Johanna!” Phil called upstairs.

“Yes?” she replied, clearly laughing.

“Come down stairs to help with the shopping. Bring Thomas with you.”

“Coming!” she yelled back, this time a little more composed.

Phil went back outside to start and the kids followed him. “What was so funny, Jo-Jo?” Phil asked curiously.

“Thomas got mad because I said he didn’t have any friends and wouldn’t stop tickling me. He knows I hate being tickled.” She finished, giving him a dirty look. Thomas smirked knowing he’d won this battle.

“Alright, you two.”

They hurried to get the shopping inside because it was already very cold now. Michael came home a few minutes later, happy to see that he missed having to complete the chore. Phil told them all to get started on their homework; Johanna needed to revise for math, a subject she wasn’t very strong in, so he helped her after getting dinner started.

Dan came home about thirty minutes later with Sophie, breaking the quiet of their home. Sophie became more talkative and louder as she got more comfortable with her family. She ran into the house yelling, “Papa, look. Look!” She had a piece of paper in her hand and when Phil picked her up into his lap, she showed him her drawing.

“It’s you and Daddy!” pointing to the figures on the paper. She made sure to draw Phil in his glasses. As he got older he wore them more often, not wanting to bother with contacts some days.

“It’s beautiful, sweet.” He took it from her and admired it for a few seconds. “You even have my glasses just right!”

Dan came in shortly after, greeted the kids at the table and pecked his husband on the cheek.

“How are you, love?” he smiled.

“Great. Dinner will be ready in an hour.” Phil told him, knowing he was probably starving. 

An hour later, they were all done with homework and sitting around the table eating. Dan told Phil about what happened at work that day and Phil listened intently. They were still going strong after almost 10 years of marriage and 22 years of loving each other. Their anniversary was next summer and instead of taking a private holiday for themselves, they decided to take the entire family to the states to visit Charlie, who was due to have her baby in May. She was praying for a boy this time.

The evening went well after that with the normal routine of baths and bedtime. Phil was tucking Jo-Jo in when he asked her, “Do you know what you want for your birthday yet?”

“Uh— can I get my ears pierced? Please…” she begged.

“Alright, we’ll go after your birthday, Princess.” He laughed. “I think you’re old enough now.”

“Thank you!” she squealed.

“I’m trying to sleep!” Sophie yelled at them from across the room.

“Sorry,” they said in unison, laughing.

“Good night, girls.” Dan called from the hallway.

“Good night.” They responded.

Phil gave them both a kiss on their foreheads, turned off the light and shut the door. He went downstairs to make sure the stove was turned off and the door was locked. He laughed at how domestic he was. When he was 20 years old, living in a small flat with Dan, he never envisioned his life like this. In fact, he never saw himself having children. When he turned into the lounge, Phil saw Thomas sitting there. In the after dinner rush to clean and be cleaned, no one noticed that Thomas was still there.

“Tommy? What are you still doing here?”

“I don’t want to go home, Phil.” He admitted. “My brother is there with his friends. They scare me.”

“Oh.” Phil knew Henry’s story all too well so he couldn’t ask Thomas to go home. “You can sleep in Michael’s room. I’ll call your mother to let her know where you are. You can go home in the morning and get ready school. That sound good?” Phil proposed.

Thomas nodded, smiling wide, grateful. They went upstairs going to separate ways. Dan snuggled up to Phil after the long day and the house was quiet with everyone in their rightful place.     

The next Wednesday was Johanna’s birthday. She explicitly said she didn’t want a party so Dan and Phil made a celebratory dinner instead. After dinner, Michael and Sophie gave her the new book in series she was reading, Dan gave her new jumper she’d been asking for since September and Phil gave her a set of art supplies because whether she believed it or not, Johanna had talent. Her mother sent her a box of American candy that she knew Johanna would like. Thomas was there as well and when he went to hand her the gift bag, he pulled back saying, “You have to promise not to go girly on me,” pretending to be serious.

“Let me see it, Tommy! What is it?” she asked excitedly.

He handed it over and she practically attacked him in gratitude, giving him a hug. “Thank you! Look everyone, its earrings. Pretty ones too!” she showed them to everyone. They were small studs made in the shape of a skull. Not exactly what they expected but Johanna loved it.

“I’ll wear them as soon as I get my ears pierced on Saturday. Thank you, Tommy!”

She thanked everyone for a great tenth birthday and their evening routine began once more.

Thomas slept over again.

\-----

The next day, Phil didn’t have to work but once again he had to make a trip to the shops after running out of milk, something they simply couldn’t live without. Johanna and Thomas came home from school and Michael went to his friend’s house, avoiding his homework for as long as possible. Johanna was lying on the couch in the lounge with Thomas lying in the opposite direction, lying head to head.

“Joey?” he asked quietly.

“Yeah?” she asked a little confused as to why he didn’t just come out and say what he had to say.

“We won’t be going to the same school next year.” He said finally.

“Yeah, you’re in Year 6.” Johanna responded, agreeing with him. “Why are you telling me something I already know?”

“I’ll miss you. Won’t you miss me?” he asked sitting up and looking at her. Truth is he was terrified of high school. His brother’s friend made sure to tell him of all the horrible things that could happen to him. He would miss having Johanna around to make him laugh, making him forget about his problems. She could always do that.

“Yeah, I will.” She replied. “But you can still come over and stuff. You live down the street.”

“I know, Joey. Can I ask you something? You have to promise not to laugh.”

“I won’t. Just tell me.” She sat up looking at him as he became so suddenly serious.

“Will you be my girlfriend?” he whispered, too embarrassed to ask any louder. He didn’t want to lose her and figured this was the only way to keep her.

“You’re what?” She wasn’t sure what she’d heard him say.

“Girlfriend.” He said louder. “Joey, I think I like you.”

“Why?” She was genuinely confused. The girls at school thought she was weird and hung out with boys too much.

“You’re not like the other girls. You’re cool. You don’t care if your hair isn’t perfect or if your socks match, even though it’s against uniform.” he laughed. “Don’t you like me?”

She had never thought about it before. “You’re my best friend… I don’t know if I like you like that. I don’t know if I like anyone like that. ”

“Oh,” he sighed, tilting his head back on the couch. Johanna felt guilty because Thomas was down and she didn’t know what to do. “How do you know if you like someone?” she asked.

“Uh—I don’t know. I think that maybe you kiss them and if you like it then you know if you like them.”

“Do you want to kiss?” She asked with eyebrows raised a little surprised by his answer.

He nodded.

\-----    

Meanwhile, Phil was pulling into the driveway, returning with the milk and a just a few other necessities. He didn’t need help this time so he made his way inside. Michael was going inside as well so Phil opened to door and let him go ahead. Michael put his coat on the hook and walked towards the lounge, then stopped dead in his tracks. Phil walked towards him to see what made him just stand there. They both saw Thomas kissing Johanna.

“Johanna!” Phil shouted. She jumped, surprised by the volume. “Thomas, I think it’s time you went home.” He nodded and rushed out of the room because he’d never seen Phil so cross.

Michael was still stood in the archway of the lounge, eyes gaping.

“Michael, go start your homework. Now!” Phil demanded. The little boy ran off afraid to see his father this angry.

“Uncle Phil, I’m sorry.” Johanna apologized, shaking her head.

“Why was Thomas kissing you?” he asked, lowering his voice, sounding very authoritative.

“Um. Uh— I don’t really know,” she answered looking down at her shoes. Phil paced the room seething. Johanna was his daughter as far as anyone was concerned and just like any father, he didn’t approve of boys kissing his little princess. She was far too young and no boy would ever be good enough.

“We are going to set some rules, Johanna.”

“Okay.” She said in a small voice, still not raising her head to meet his gaze.

“You are not allowed to have boys in your room anymore. You are not allowed to date until you are twenty-five. You are not allowed to kiss any—“

Dan walked in the door with Sophie in his arms and saw an angry Phil and a very guilty looking Johanna.

“What happened?”

“I caught Thomas kissing her.”

Dan laughed, putting Sophie down and walking over to Phil to calm him down. He knew

Phil was extremely over protective of Jo-Jo. “Phil? It couldn’t have been that bad. She’s only ten.”

“Exactly, Dan!” He exclaimed. “She’s only ten.”

“Jo-Jo, did you want to kiss Thomas?” Dan asked the frightened child.

“No… Yes. I don’t know. We were just—seeing if we liked each other, “she admitted. “ We don’t!”

“Where is Thomas?” Dan asked.

“He ran home. Uncle Phil scared him.” She said quietly, not wanting to be lectured for anything else tonight.

“Phil!” Dan scolded. “You know he’s a good boy. They’re just kids being kids.”

“I still think we should set some household rules for this kind of thing.” Phil maintained his firm stance.

“Alright. Let’s discuss this at dinner. Michael needs those rules too. We won’t have a double standard.”

“Did you really kiss a boy? Eww!” Sophie said, making Johanna groan, Phil sigh and Dan laugh more than he had all day.

\-----    

At dinner, Dan announced that he and Phil would have rules now about who could be where and with who. Dan thought about this sincerely because he couldn’t assume that Michael would like girls and that Johanna and Sophie would like boys. He had his own experience to know that much. So he said, “No one is allowed to have friends in their room with the door shut or when no one else is home. Stay downstairs. Understood?”

The two oldest kids nodded. Sophia wasn’t even paying attention. She was trying to hide her broccoli in her napkin.

He continued by stating, “Don’t kiss anyone in the house because it makes your Papa mad,” messing with his husband.

“Dan, this isn’t a joke.”

“It isn’t but you’re taking it way too seriously. They haven’t even left primary school yet.” He chuckled.

“I promise I won’t kiss any boys. They’re mean. One pushed me into the sand pit,” Sophie proclaimed.

“Thank you, Sophie.” Phil said. “You’re my favorite.” He whispered.

“Hey!” Michael and Johanna shouted. Sophie stuck out her tongue at them.

Dan and Phil smiled and laughed, sharing a look, both knowing they really had nothing to worry about. For now…


	13. The Date

The Date

“Is everything shut off?” Dan asked Phil as he walked in and shuts the door.

‘Yeah,” he replied climbing into bed. He put his glasses on the bedside table and turned to his husband, trying to get his attention.

“Is everyone in bed?” Dan asked, still looking at the screen of his phone.

“Yeah, and I was thinking we could…” Phil said, biting his lip and taking the phone out of his hand.

“Phil!” Dan whined, reaching for it. But just as he saw the look on Phil’s face and felt his hand on him under the duvet, he only said, “Oh… I would like that.”

Dan leaned over, putting his hand on Phil’s waist, bringing him closer. Phil connected their lips in a kiss while fisting his hand in Dan’s t-shirt. Dan straddled Phil in one swift move and Phil lifted his t-shirt off for him. Phil admired Dan’s still amazing body, running his hands up down his sides. Dan bent down, kissing him and pulled his shirt off. Phil sat up against the headboard so that Dan was straddling his thighs. He attacked Dan’s neck, leaving faint love bites, careful to make sure they’re not going to last long. Dan moaned softly and ran his fingers along the elastic of Phil’s pajama bottom. Just as Phil moved his hands into the back of Dan’s shorts, they heard “Daddy! Papa!” from the hall. Dan jumped off Phil, put on his shirt and rushed out, Phil following behind him.

“What’s wrong, Sophie?” Dan asked worriedly while Phil sat down on her bed.

“I’m scared,” she whimpered. “I saw a monster at the window.”

“Okay, let me look outside to make sure there are no monsters,” he sighed. “Jo-Jo, couldn’t you have handled this?” Dan walked over to the window, parting the curtains to see a plastic bag hanging off the tree outside. It was swaying from the wind and probably looked terrifying from behind the curtain.

“She started shouting for you before I could ask what was wrong.” Johanna answered back sitting up on her bed.

“Mhm,” he responded, annoyed.

“See, it’s only a bag, Sophie.” Phil explained. He hugging, trying to comfort her.

“Papa, I’m still scared. Can you read to me?” she asked, making that face she knows will get her whatever she wants.

“Yes.” Phil sympathized. He didn’t want his daughter to be scared so he has no choice really. Dan closed the curtain, walked to the door and said, “I’ll be waiting,” and left.

Phil returned to their bedroom ten minutes and two stories later, ready to pick up where they left off. He found Dan fast asleep on top of the duvet. His hair was fanned out on the fabric and his mouth hanging open. Phil turned off the light, got on the bed and brought Dan under the duvet for a quick cuddle before he fell asleep too.

The couple hadn’t been able to get intimate for a few weeks now. Every time they had the opportunity, a child would ask for their attention, something would go wrong or they were just too tired. Their relationship wasn’t based on sex but it sure was a perk. Phil was Dan’s first and only lover and he still loved the way he would bite his neck, kiss his jaw line, and use his fingers in all the right ways in all the right places. Phil, the nurturer, always gave Dan what he needed and Dan would gladly repay the favor.

Their relationship was under strain. Lately, their lives had become more hectic; the house needed repairs, the wash was piling up and neither of them had had a moment alone with the other outside of sleeping in the same bed. They both would snap at each other but because of their years together knew it didn’t mean anything.     

A few days later, they both had a day off and the children were all at school. They had gotten up at the normal time to feed everyone, pack lunches and get Sophia dressed which did in fact did require the strength of two people. She had a tendency of running away when you tried to dress her. Yes, she was old enough to dress herself but given the choice, Sophia would go to school in her underwear. Dan dropped them off at school, which took about 15 minutes and when he returned, Phil practically attacked him with kisses right in the entryway.

“Hello, to you too.” Dan laughed.

“No talking,” he demanded. “Just kissing.”

Dan gladly followed orders. They kissed and undressed instantaneously, leaving a trail of clothes in the hall and on the stairs. Entering the bedroom a few seconds later, Dan pushed Phil on top of the bed and climbed on top of him.

“Lube.” Phil said, not needing to elaborate.

Dan searched for the tube, which had been hidden away for obvious reasons. He finally found it, wiggling it in front of Phil’s face. Phil smirked and took it from him.

“Do you—,”

The phone rang. The bloody phone rang.

“Just let it ring,” Dan begged.

“It could be the children,” Phil sighed, resigned. Phil took his phone from its charger and looked at the ID. It was Sophie’s school.

“Hello. Phil Lester, speaking.” Phil answered.

“Yes, Mr. Lester? Your daughter, Sophia, needs to be picked up. She’s just vomited and has a slight fever.”

“Alright, I’m on my way.”

He hung up, put his phone on the bed and gestured for Dan to get off.

“What’s wrong?”

“Sophie’s sick. One of us needs to pick her up. I’ll go.”

“I’ll come with you.”

They got dressed. Dan made sure to put the little tube all the way to the back of their drawer, again for obvious reasons, and they left to get their sick little girl.

Later that night, Sophie refused to take the medication the doctor prescribed and Michael decided that he wants to argue with Dan about everything. In short, the pair didn’t filter in their bedroom until after midnight, exhausted and in desperate need of painkillers.    

It was a Saturday morning, two days after their last attempt that the house was quiet and everyone was still asleep except them. Phil woke up around six and decided to treat his hubby to a lovely morning. As Dan slept, Phil kissed his shoulders and collarbone (he slept shirtless the previous night, almost as a tease). Dan stirred and rolled over away from him. Phil sighed and tried again. Putting his hand on Dan’s waist, he turned him over, and caused him to wake from all the movement.

“Phil,” he groggily mumbled.

“Dan… everyone’s still asleep. Why don’t we have a little fun?” Phil urged, moving his fingers from across Dan’s torso. He saw a smile spread on Dan’s face as he registered what this meant.

Dan turned a little so that he was flat on the bed and Phil laid on top of Dan, half of him between Dan’s legs. Phil’s tongue ran up and down Dan’s chest as Dan’s fingers twirled his black locks. Phil swirled his tongue around his nipple while playing with the other one. He could feel Dan getting hard through his boxers.

“We should hurry before someone wakes up,” Dan whispered. Phil sat up and kissed all over Dan’s neck and jawline while sliding his fingers across the waist of Dan’s boxers. The door burst open, Phil jumped off Dan just in time and pulled the duvet up.

“Good Morning!” Sophie squealed. “I’m all better!” Her long blonde hair flew behind her as she ran into the room and climbed onto the bed.

“That’s great!” Phil coughed. His face was flushed from what they almost did and a mix of embarrassment and annoyance.

“Sophia, do you remember what I said about always knocking?” Dan asked.

“Oh yeah… I forgot. Daddy, can you make pancakes today?”

Dan laid his head back on the pillow. He was not exactly ready to go downstairs just yet.     

After taking a cold shower, he met Phil downstairs in the kitchen. They were alone then so he said, “We need to start locking the door every time.”

“I agree,” Phil chuckled.

“Aren’t you as frustrated as I am?” he asked, whining a little. “This keeps happening. Every time we get anywhere, something happens.”

“I know,” he said, sighing and taking Dan’s hand in his. He rubbed the back of it with his thumb in a soothing circular motion. “I think I have an idea. You’ll like it.”

“What?” Dan really hoped it would worked because he was not sure how much longer he can put up with this.

“How about I ask Grace to babysit tonight? We’ll go out have a nice date and I’ll reserve a hotel room. What do you think?”

“Phil, that sounds … a little too perfect. I bet someone will call us half way through the evening because the house is on fire or something.”

“Well, we should try. Should I call her?”

“Sure.”

\-----

“Dad, why are you all dressed up?” Michael asked Dan as he walked into the lounge to finishing putting on his shoes. He was wearing a pair of nice pair of jeans and collared shirt under a blue jumper.

“I’m going on a date.”

“With who?” Johanna laughed.

“If you must know,” he started. “I’m going out with the most gorgeous guy in the world. Be good for Grace and uh— Thomas, you can sleepover but sleep on the couch.”

Thomas blushed because he knew why he could not go upstairs anymore. He and Johanna decided that neither of them really liked kissing so they would just stay friends. They were back to being just kids again. The doorbell rang and Dan went to let Grace in.

“Hi, Grace. Come in. They’re all sitting in the lounge.”

“Hi, Dan. Okay.”

Dan led her into the house, near the entrance of the living room. “As you know, we’ll be back tomorrow morning. If anything happens, you’ll know what to do,” he said while checking to see if his phone had enough battery strength just in case something did happen.

“Yeah, I got it.”

Grace lived down the street and she was the neighborhood babysitter. She was sixteen and pretty responsible so Dan stopped worrying and tried to enjoy his evening from that moment on. Phil came downstairs dressed in dark blue jeans and a dress shirt. He looked great and Dan let him know by the way he stared.

“Stop it,” Phil gushed.

“You look good.” Dan said taking his hand. “Grace is here so we can go.”

\-----    

“That was so good!” Phil told him for the third time. They had just left a little Italian restaurant and were walking to the car as Phil commented over how good everything was.

“It was.” Dan agreed. “Now, what’s next?” he asked, unlocking the doors with the little remote.

 “I reserved a room for the night at the Hilton.”

“Fancy now, are we?” he grinned.

“Only the best for you.” Phil winked.

Driving to the hotel, Dan got a little distracted as Phil put his hand on his knee out of pure habit. He shifted in his seat a little and coughed to cover up his slight embarrassment. Phil noticed his movements and pulls his hand away.

“Thank you,” he said letting out a loud sigh.

“What’s wrong?” Phil asked confusedly.

“I couldn’t concentrate with you touching me.”

A smug look ran across Phil’s face but he did not say anything. He just smiled. They arrive at the hotel, park and head to the concierge to check-in. They had packed a small bag before they left and Dan carried on his shoulder, while holding hands with Phil on the opposite side. They go upstairs to the room and walk in calmly. Dan put the bag on the table by the window then sat down on the bed, checking his messages once again. He had checked five times already. Phil would have been a little irked if it wasn’t so adorable the way Dan fussed over the children.

Meanwhile, Phil started to undress, taking off his shirt and jeans slowly, in no rush this time. They were going to enjoy their evening. Dan locked the screen, looked up and saw a very naked Phil stood in front of him. He gulped because frankly, he’d forgotten about the whole point of the evening while he was in worried father-mode.

“Well, aren’t you going to join me?” Phil said quietly, seductively.

“Yeah.” Dan got off the bed and unbuttoned his shirt idly. His attention was focused on Phil’s naked body and his obvious erection.

“You look like you need some help,” Phil commented, noticing Dan’s dilated pupils and the way his fingers kept fumbling over the buttons. He strode over to him and began stripping him for the third time this week, only this time they won’t be interrupted.

Within a few moments, Dan was laying bare on the bed; waiting for Phil. Phil went into their bag, seeking out the lube. He quickly climbed back on to the bed, keeping eye contact with Dan, and threw the lube to the side of the bed. Dan put his hands on Phil shoulders as Phil leaned down and kissed him languidly. Dan gave in, letting Phil have his way, moaning softly. Phil’s tongue played with Dan’s while Dan tried to calm his breathing, a little hard now since he was only using his nose. Phil’s hands slid underneath his body from both sides, hugging him and bringing him slightly off the bed. He moved under Dan, forcing him on top. They continued kissing and caressing each other’s skin, Dan’s hand finally making its way between them. He felt liquid on Phil’s stomach as he was already leaking. Dan took Phil into his hand, not stroking but moving his thumb over the head. Phil made a little noise at the touch.

“You’re getting me all wet,” Dan joked, mumbling on Phil’s lips.

“I would say you were the one making me wet,” Phil replied cheekily. His eyes were half closed, shifting his them from Dan’s eyes to his lips. Phil felt Dan grin against him as his leaned in and kissed again, still playing with the tip. “Mhm, Dan. Let’s get on with it.” Phil moaned and bucked up slightly.

“Look at who is frustrated now,” Dan retorted and smiled at his husbands squirming and whining. Dan was hard now too, seeing Phil this way always did it for him. Dan pushed Phil down so that he was flat on the bed and moves down his body so that the tip of Phil’s length was touching his bum. He twisted on top of Phil and took a hold of his now swollen, leaking member. Using the precum, Dan stroked him up and down to give him a little relief. Phil put his hands on Dan’s thighs, gripping them as he was being pleasured. Dan ran his thumb over Phil’s slit again, making Phil cry out, “Fuck!”

“Don’t worry, you’ll get too.” Even in the middle of sex, Dan can’t stop making jokes at Phil’s expense. Phil smiled still because as stupid as Dan was sometimes, he loves him. Dan doesn’t stop his hand as he reaches for the lube. Instead he uses his free hand to pick up the tube and uses his teeth to flip open the cap. He does eventually stop stroking to pour some of the substance on to his left hand. He rubs his fingers against his palm to warm it up before stroking him. Phil groaned when Dan attaches his hand to his member. The lube was still a little cool but that only added to the sensation of being touched again. Phil put his hands on Dan’s waist and said, “How are you still so beautiful?” admiring Dan’s slightly tanned skin and flat stomach. Even after being together for so long, Phil appreciated every little thing about Dan.

“You keep me young. I think you’re bloody gorgeous,” Dan replied, smiling down at him. He leaned down to give him another short kiss. Dan saw his shirt on the bed and without a second thought used it to clean his hand. He knew that by the time they were done, his hand would be tightly gripping Phil’s beautiful black hair.

Dan twisted back around and took Phil’s member in his hand. He repositioned himself and slid the tip in, pausing for a second to relish in the amazing warmth. It was like their first time all over again. They spent the evening together, eating and laughing in the living room of Phil’s first flat. After a few heated kisses, the found themselves in the bedroom in the same position they’re in now. Of course, they went much slower back then as Dan was new to the whole thing and Phil couldn’t think of hurting him.

Dan was feeling Phil fill him completely and he moaned out in elation. It was so unspoiled, so pure. It was just them, no ringing phones, no shouting children; nothing but them. Dan’s hands found Phil’s chest and he used them to raise his lower body only pushing down on him a little, mostly using his knees. He pulled up to the tip and comes back down slowly.

“Dan, baby. Go Faster.”

“Shush…” Dan gave him a coy smile. “Patience, Philip.” Phil could not help but smile.

Dan brought himself down, squeezed around him, making Phil murmur, “Jesus—“

“Don’t bring him into this,” he retorted, teasing Phil even further.

Phil had enough. He used the hands around Dan’s waist to tug him forward, ran his lips over his neck to shut him up. He bit and sucked just a little and moves up Dan’s jaw, kissing him even more. He reached Dan’s lips, licked his bottom lip then began nibbling on it. Dan opened his mouth to let out a noise and Phil joined his mouth to his.

“Mm.” Dan let out a few noises and whimpered because Phil was moving in and out of him slowly but getting faster as he continued. As Phil thrust upwards, he caused Dan to squeak into their mouths and eventually move his head to Phil’s shoulder. “Faster,” he whispered into his ear.

Phil jerked upwards faster, forcing Dan to move up his body a little. Dan was moaning and groaning right into his ear and Phil joined him, breathing heavily because Dan was his and he was been waiting too long to have him. They needed this. This closeness, their bodies writhing together, Dan’s lips nibbling on Phil’s ear as Phil moved his hands to Dan’s ass. He gripped him firmly and started jerking even faster, getting rougher, making Dan squeal in surprise. “Phi—Fuck!” Dan’s mouth hung open as Phil hit his spot repeatedly. Phil slid his hand in between them and wrapped his hand around Dan’s length, immediately flicking his thumb across the top and stimulating his slit. Dan whimpered, “Close,” shaking and twitching all over from the pleasure coursing through his body. Dan gripped Phil’s hair, tugging on it to control himself because the feeling in too great. “Me too.”

Phil dug his feet into the mattress, bore down with his heels, and jerked into Dan hard and fast, hitting his spot with an incredible speed and force causing Dan’s eyes to roll back as he saw stars, lost in the feeling. He was clenching around Phil’s length, his warm body giving Phil a completely new sensation. They came together, connected, in perfect sync, in tune to each other in every way.

“I love you, Dan.”

“I love you too, Philip,” he smiled smugly and kissed his cheek.


	14. The Trip

It was June 6, 2019 and our little family was up early today at 4 am. They had a flight to catch. A long 10 hour flight with a sleepy four year old, energetic eight year old and an irritated ten year old.

Dan and Phil just packed the last of the bags, five in total for a week-long trip to Florida to visit Charlotte, who had had a baby boy about a month earlier. His name is Charles and he already looked like her. Johanna swore against it. “He looks like Marc. I really don’t know what you people are looking at,” she said when their video chatting. Phil noted, “He looks just like you did until you grew hair. Then your mother put a barrette in to let other people know you were girl.” Johanna gave him a pointed look so Dan laughed at them. “Did you have to name him after you, Charlie?” Dan asked, still laughing at Phil and Johanna.

“A man can name his son after him, right? I can too,” she retorted.

“How do you feel about this, Marc?”

“Charlie gets what Charlie wants,” he laughed and kissed her head.

“Alright, it was not like it was a weird name or anything.”

“Exactly,” she agreed.

“What date are you all coming again?”

“The sixth, Charlotte. Don’t forget,” Dan told her.

“Marc will remember. He’s picking you up. I’m going to put Charles to bed. I’ll call next week. Alright?”

“Bye!” they all said.

The shuttle van arrive to take them to the airport. Everyone took their bags and carry-ons outside before Phil locked up the house. Dan sat Sophie on his lap because she had already fallen asleep again. They all arrives at the airport in half an hour and go through check-in and security easily. The airport wasn’t crowded and they made it through to the gate without a problem. With an hour left until the flight, Dan got himself and Phil a cup of coffee; it would their third one for the day. The children were still sleepy so they sat in the row of seats across from them and spread out to sleep. Phil rested his head on Dan’s shoulder.

“You alright?”

“Yeah.”

Dan pecked him on the forehead and smiled, watching them all slowly drift into sleep.

\-----    

Twelve hours later, they were in Orlando, Florida waiting for Marc to pick them up. Dan’s phone had international calling so it was easy to get in contact with him. They sat inside the huge air conditioned building because it was ridiculously hot already even though it was only 11 am in Florida. Marc texted Dan and told him he would be there in five minutes.

The flight had gone fine. The food was okay for airplane food but they packed extra snacks in their carry-ons anyway. There were people everywhere so Sophie clutched onto the bottom of Phil’s shirt making it hard for him to walk. “Sophie, Papa needs to go to the bathroom,” he told her. She shook her head and doesn’t let go.

“Come on,” Dan said, picking her up. “Are you going to get fussy now?” he asked as Phil walked to the restrooms.

“I don’t want to get lost is ‘merica,” she said.

It was a reasonable explanation so Dan nodded and held her closer to calm her.

“Dan?” he hears from the automatic doors at the front. Dan turned around to see Marc, who had gotten very tan since the last time he had seen him.

“Hi, Marc. Nice to see you, mate.” Dan held out his hand because he can’t give him a proper hug with Sophie in his arms.

“Good to see you too. I missed that accent; you sound posh as usual,” Marc laughed, shaking his hand.

“Oh, Shut up,” he laughed.

“Hello, Sophie,” he said patting her on the back. “Where’s Phil?”

“He’s coming back now.”

Phil joined them and there were hello’s and a ‘you’ve gotten so big’ for both Johanna and Michael. Marc helped them outside to the minivan he borrowed from a friend. It was hard moving around a family this big and their luggage.

\-----    

“Jo-Jo!” Charlotte shouted from the door, as she hopped out of the car.

“Hi, Mum!” she called back. She ran over and hugged her mother.

“I missed you, sweet.” Charlotte told her. “How are you?”

“Good.” She could not stop smiling. Johanna did miss her. She was her mum and no matter how much they had fought, she was always happy to see her in a video call or standing in front of her. “Come inside.”

The house she and Marc lived in was beautiful to say the least. It was a large four bedroom with a huge yard wrapping around. It had a pool, covered in an enclosure because of the huge mosquito problem of having standing water in the part of the country. They were relentless. Marc’s parents owned the house and let them live in it while the couple got situated in the U.S. Marc and Charlotte were working so of course paid most of the expenses.

Sophie ran over as well when she saw Charlotte. “Aunt Charlie!” she squealed. “Hi, beautiful.” Charlie responded, bending down to hug and kiss her.

Charlotte walked into the cool house and showed them the family room so they had somewhere to sit. Marc, Dan and Phil came in with the bags with Michael following close behind.

“Was the flight good?”

“Yeah, everything went fine,” Phil, answered.

“You must be hungry,” she said. “Are you all hungry?”

“Yes!” the kids shout.

Charlotte took out a few baking dishes covered in foil. She had already cooked for the occasion because there were more people coming. “Marc’s family will be by soon. They want to meet you all. He has a younger sister Michael’s age.”

Marc picked up two bags and said, “Let me show you where you’ll be sleeping.”

“Okay.” Phil picked up two bags and waits for Marc to lead the way.

Dan picked up the rest of their bags and followed him further into the house, down a hall way with several door. Marc went down to the very last one and they followed. “Nice,” Dan said.

It was a pretty big room, furnished simply with a beach feel to it. “Really feels like a hotel room.”

“Thanks! We’ll send you the bill after you leave,” Marc joked. “The kids can stay in the room two doors down. It shares a bathroom with this one.”

“That sounds great,” Phil, grinned.

“Where’s Charlie junior?” Dan asked.

“He’s asleep in our bedroom. He’ll wake up soon,”

\-----

About a half an hour later, they heard a car pull up and people coming to the door. Marc opened it and greeted them, letting them come in out of the heat.

“Hi, Mom, Dad. How’s it going, Shay?” Marc said.

“Marc, where are they?” his mother asked.

“In the family room with Charlotte,” he answered, holding the door open for them.

Dan saw a heavy-set woman with short blonde hair and a man with dirty blonde hair and a reasonably large gut enter the room. He was immediately brought into a hug.

“Hello! You must be Dan!” she said, crushing him in her embrace. “Is this Phil?” she said without easing her embrace.

“Sorry about that. She gets excited,” the man, told him, his voice deep and bellowing into the room. “I’m Ben and this is my wife, Sharon.” Ben introduced them and then turned around to the little girl behind him, “Oh and my daughter, Shayla.”

“Hi.” Dan and Phil said, a little overwhelmed by Marc’s parents.

“Let’s eat everyone!” Marc shouted, opening the door to the back patio.

\-----

“So how long have you two been married?” Sharon asked them. Everyone had gone through their meal and all the kids had gone into the yard to play with Shayla’s water toys. She left some behind when she last visited. Charlotte was inside feeding Charles while Marc cleaned up the kitchen.

“It will be ten years next on Saturday,” Dan told her, looking at Phil lovingly.

“Ten wonderful years,” Phil added and smiled back.

“What an accomplishment! No one stays married anymore it seems. We’re going on 30 years ourselves. It was nice, isn’t it? To have someone who loves you just as much as you love them?” Ben said clasping his wife’s hand on the table.

Dan and Phil nod in agreement. Phil said, “It makes you feel whole. Like no matter what happens, he’ll be there for me and I have nothing to worry about. If I do something wrong, he won’t judge or humiliate me. He just loves me.”

“Here I thought, you were doing that for me with nothing in return,” Dan commented, laughing a little.

“It was all true. I wouldn’t be so happy if it weren’t for you,” Phil smiled.

“Aw, you’re the cutest couple I’ve ever seen. Don’t tell Charlie I said that.” Sharon gushed.

“It was okay. She knows.” Dan chuckled.

Meanwhile in the yard, all the children were running through the sprinkler attached to the garden hose. It was the best treat for the hot summer day.

“How old are you?” Michael asked the girl with her long blonde hair tied up in one.

“I’m nine,” Shayla answered.

“So am I,” he responded, trying to look cool.

“That’s nice, I guess…” she trailed off and rolled her eyes. Johanna laughed at Shayla’s feistiness. Michael lowered his head out of embarrassment. Shayla sat on the grass while waiting for the sprinkler to turn her way again, spraying water all over. Sophie walked up to her and tapped her on the shoulder. “Yeah?”

“Do you know where Disney World is?”

“Yeah, I been there lots of times.”

“Is it fun like on the telly?”

“Better.”

Sophie smiled and sat down next to her. She stared at Shayla for a while.

“Okay, I’ll tell you more.” Shayla relented.

Johanna and Michael were on the other side of the sprinkler, bickering quietly.

“Do you like her or something?” Johanna queried.

“No. I was just being nice,” he said defensively.

“She didn’t think so. It was cute, little Michael’s growing up,” she cooed over him.

“You’re only a year older than me,” he groaned, rolling his eyes.

“Yeah, but I have experience in these things,” she said smugly.

“No, you don’t! You kissed Thomas once and he doesn’t even like you. That doesn’t count as ‘experience’,” he said, making the speech marks with his hands.

The sprinkler turned off and they all look to see why. Marc shouted, “No more for today! Can’t waste the water guys! Come inside!”

They walked into the house. Sophie was very excited, Michael was annoyed and Johanna was walking around like she knew some huge secret. Later that afternoon, the kids were all asleep and it was only five o’ clock in the afternoon. The jet lag got them. Dan and Phil made the effort to stay awake as well. They were not in their twenties anymore so it was quite a struggle to be completely honest. Charles was awake though, with his wide brown eyes staring at Phil. “Hello,” he said. The baby said nothing. “Mhm.” Dan face palmed at Phil’s odd conversation with the newborn. How he loved him. 

\----    

The next day was Friday and a perfect day to go to Disney. Phil had woken up incredibly early for this time zone but he wasn’t alone. He went to check on the kids to find them all staring at him.

“Morning,” he said, without a hint of sleepiness in his voice.

“Morning, Pop,” Michael answered from the day bed. The girls slept on a full sized pull-out sofa bed near the window in the back.

“Uncle Phil, can we get up now? We’re hungry.”

“It was okay. I’m sure your mum won’t mind if we went out to the living room and started breakfast.”

The all crept out of bed and mimicking their father, tip-toed into the hallway, creeping slowly into the living room. A door across the way opens. They hear, “What are you lot doing?”

They were frozen. “Morning, Charlie.” Phil straightened up because before he looked extremely guilty. “We didn’t want to wake anyone up this early. I thought I would make breakfast. Maybe a little toast.”

“No need to sneak around. This is your home too, as long as you’re here. I’ll get a real breakfast started. Marc likes when I make strawberry covered waffles and whipped cream all over. Does that sound good?”

“Yes!” the kids screamed.

Charlie turned on the lights and television, and she began making a huge breakfast for the entire family. Dan came out when he smelled the bacon that she decided to add to the meal. The sound of a baby crying filters into the open space that is the living room/kitchen. Marc opened the door to their bedroom and said with a whine, “Charlie, he needs you.”

“Marc!” she retorted with a death glare. “Really? You can help too.”

“I wish I could, babe. I’m missing two very important pieces of equipment,” he laughed and winked.

“Oh, I’m coming,” she sighed, pouring a cup of batter into the waffle maker. “Can you finish this then?”

“Sure, I know I can do that.” She swatted him on the arm as he comes to her side. Dan and Phil share a knowing glance with him. “She refuses to call herself sassy,” he shook his head, smiling.

“I heard that!” they heard her call from the bedroom.

\-----    

A few hours later, Phil and Sophie were standing in the Magic Kingdom. He wore a pair of cargo shorts and a light blue polo with his prized camera hanging around his neck. There are people everywhere so Sophie, who’s wearing a pair of mouse ears with her name on them, clings to Phil even harder than at the airport. It was okay this time because he thinks she really would get lost here if she let go. Dan had taken two oldest kids to find something to eat that wasn’t ridiculously expensive and was actually food. Phil was standing in line with Sophie to meet Aurora, or Sleeping Beauty, which was her favorite. Phil spotted her before Sophie because of his height and he said he had a surprise for her. “What is it? What are we in line for, Papa?”

Soon, the line moved and when Sophie saw the princess, her eyes opened wide and she screamed, letting go of Phil’s shirt suddenly not afraid to get lost and hugged her instantly.

“Hello!” the actress said in surprise. She looked up at Phil, who was so happy to see Sophie reaction, and made motions with her hands ‘take a picture.’

“Oh right,” he said remembering his duty to his daughter. “Sophie, look at the camera.”

She didn’t even hear him; she was still hugging the princess. Phil took the photo any way. Sophie finally let go and told her, “I like you the best and your prince has the same name as my papa!” Sophie always liked this movie because Prince Philip saved Princess Aurora from the evil fairy.

“Really? That’s funny,” the actress smiled. “Let your papa take another picture. This time can you smile with me?”

Sophie nodded and turned towards Phil, glancing sideways at her favorite character. He snapped the photo and showed it to her.

“Time to go, Sophie,” he said.

“Bye…” she trailed sadly.

“Let’s go find Daddy,” Phil said leading her away from the line. Sophie looked back and waved to the princess. The princess waved back regally and Sophie never smiled so much in her life.

That night at dinner, they were all exhausted except Sophia, who couldn’t stop talking about her hug with the princess. She rambled on and on even as Dan was giving her a bath and dressing her in her pajamas. She finally stopped talking when Dan out in in bed. She dreamed of the beautiful princess and her handsome Prince Philip.

\-----    

The next day starts much like the one before. They have early morning breakfast and then spend much of the day in the backyard pool. But today was a little different. It was Dan and Phil’s tenth anniversary. They weren’t making a big deal out of it but everyone congratulated them at the breakfast table and made them share a quick peck to the lips at request. It was mostly ‘be more romantic guys’ from Charlie.

There was a free standing porch swing in the yard, shaded by a cloth that sits on top and a short palm tree. Dan walked over with Phil, hand in hand for a little peace and quiet with his husband. Phil sat down so that he was sitting to the left of Dan. Dan leaned over and bumped into him playfully, still looking at the kids splashing in the pool as Charlie watched them with the baby.

“Hey Lion,” Dan said softly, playing with the tips of Phil’s fingers.

“You haven’t called me that in years,” Phil whispered, as there’s no reason to talk any louder.

It was quiet here. Quiet and welcoming. Phil rested his head on Dan’s shoulder.

“I miss it,” Dan said than pecked him on the forehead.

“Hmm. It was been ten years, Dan. How did that happen?” Phil asked a little louder.

“Phil, we’ve been together for 21 years. That’s the number I’m wondering about,” Dan noted while brushing the hair out of Phil’s face.

“It has been a long time and every moment was perfect. Just perfect…”

“Do you remember that date we had last autumn? One of my happiest memories,” Dan sighed heavy with nostalgia. Over the years, Phil always knew what to do to make him happy, never faltering, and always selfless. Dan didn’t know what he did to deserve him. It baffled him at least once daily.

“The sex was really good,” Phil stated bluntly. “Phil! I swear I never thought you would be so rude.”

“We’re married. I can say it,” Phil laughed.

“You’re such a twat,” Dan chuckled lightly. “I love you, Lion.”

“Love you, too.”

\-----    

That evening, Marc’s family came over to celebrate the occasion. Michael hid away in the bedroom from Shayla who was giving him dirty looks while they all watched a movie. Johanna thought it was funny at first but enough was enough. Shayla maybe her cousin now, but Michael was her little brother first. No one treated him that way.

“Shayla?” Johanna said.

The girl turned around from her spot on the ground. “Yeah?”

“Why are you so mean to Michael? He’s only trying to be nice.”

“I know he likes me. I can always to tell.”

“He doesn’t like you, so you can stop.”

“Oh,” Shayla replied deflated.

“What?” Johanna asked, eyes squinted.

“Nothing.”

“You like him too, don’t you?”

Shay didn’t answer and turned her attention back to the TV.

Meanwhile, on the adjacent love seat, Sophia was looking at Charles with funny faces trying to make him laugh.

“Aunt Charlie?” she asked Charlotte.

“Yes,”

“Where do babies come from?”

“Uh… Dan hasn’t told you yet?”

She shook her head.

“Okay, uh—oh boy—sometimes when a mummy and a daddy really love each other, the love spills over. They hug and kiss and get real close and the baby is born nine months later,” she told her. It sounded like a safe enough explanation for a four year old and it didn’t sound blatantly made-up like a fairy-tale.

“But I don’t have a mummy. Where did I come from?”

“Dan! Phil! Come here please!” Charlotte called.     

Phil save the day with the truth. He told her she had a mummy who passed away when she was a baby. Dan and Phil loved Sophie so much, that they decided to keep her because they couldn’t have babies of their own.  

“Oh,” was her only response. They all figure the subject will come up again later when she’s a little older and can handle everything.

During dinner that night, Marc’s dad raised his glass to toast the couple. “Here’s to ten years of marriage and lifetime left to go.” His mum started weeping along with Charlie. The guests of honor blush and raised their glasses too.

“Congratulations!”

Shayla looked at Michael, who was sitting across from her. “I’m sorry,” she mouthed. “It’s okay,” he mouthed back. Johanna raised her eyebrow at the exchange and smiled. No one messed with her brother.     

A few days later, they were ready to go home. They were leaving in the afternoon and by the time they get back to England it will be morning there. Charlie and the baby accompany them to the airport and Dan kissed his little sister and nephew good bye at security. It was reminiscent of when she went away to Uni. He didn’t want to let go now either.

“You have a plane to catch, Danny.”

“You should be coming with us. I miss you,” he whispered.

“I miss you too. I miss all of you. I’m starting to sound like a Yankee,” she joked. “That’s the worst thing about it. We’ll visit as soon as Charles is old enough to handle the long flight.”

“Alright, we’ll call you when we land.”

“Good.”

She hugged and kissed Johanna a few more times, knowing she would miss her daughter. She had half a mind to say she had to stay here but kept her mouth shut. Charlie didn’t want to start World War III right there in Orlando International. “Bye, Jo-Jo.”

“Bye, mum,” she was still hugging her and her words are muffled by Charlie’s body. Her mouth was covered by her mother’s blouse. “I’ll miss you.”

Charlotte could barely make out the words but she knew what her daughter said. “I’ll miss you too.”

They went through the security and looked back to see Charlotte and Marc still waving good-bye.

They waved back and headed to the gate, heading home.

 


	15. The Note

The Note

* * *

 

**Michael**

It had been a bad day.

I was walking to the lunchroom at find my friends when I felt a hand pull on my collar. It was the boy in my year named Nate. He was a little taller than me but not much. Anyway, he asked me about my fathers. Why did I have two? Where was my mother? Did she know I was being raised by…?” You get the idea, yeah? I told him, “Leave me alone. I haven’t done anything to you.”

“You were in my way. That’s all it takes.”

That was when it started. He pushed me against the wall and I wondered why no came to stop him. There were kids watching but I didn’t see any teachers. He punched me in the gut and I fell forwards to the floor. He was standing over me laughing and I kicked him in the leg from the ground. Big mistake. He fell to the ground and instead of lying there in pain like I thought he would, he got up in his knees and punched me in the face. He said, “Did not try and fight me, Lawson,” and got up. When I got to the lunchroom, Johanna stared at me and I knew I must have had something on my face. It hurt. I wasn’t crying yet but the look on Jo-Jo’s face scared me. She started asking all these questions. Like who did it and why. I didn’t want to tell her. She would find him and beat him up herself. That would be worse. I told her I was playing fighting over some sweets and he got a good punch in. She said I should stop being so greedy.

She made me go into the girls toilets with her so she could wash the blood away from my nose. She asked, “Why did he hit you so hard if you were only playing?” but I did not have an answer. The bell rang and I went to my class and she went back to hers. This was the first time anyone had ever asked me about my parents. They all knew about them because when I was little they always picked me up. That was before Jo came back to live with us and we walked home instead. Everyone knew about us; my family of mixed up kids and two dads. I did not know why Nate hated it some much. No one else seemed to care. We get home and I was not in the mood to talk to anyone so I went upstairs and lock the door. I heard Thomas come in a few minutes later. He was downstairs with Johanna and they were laughing about something. “Hey, Michael! You want to go to the park with us?” she shouted up the stairs. “No!” I yelled back.

Then she was at the door, “What’s wrong, Michael?” she asked.

“Nothing, I’m tired.”

“Come on, Mikey,” Thomas said.

“No, and you shouldn’t be upstairs.”

They shrugged their shoulders and left me alone.

\-----    

Over the next few weeks at school, I tried to avoid Nate. He was in the same year but he had a different class. I told my friends what happened and they said they would look out for me. It looks like Nate did the same because one day during recess, he came over to us on the pitch with three kids who seemed to be following him around. “Lawson, get off the field. We want to play here,” he said. My friend Cal moved in front of me and said, “Listen mate, why did not you just leave us alone? Alright?” Nate punched him in the stomach and falls. I was next. I knew it.

My two other friends, Sean and Jonah, helped Cal get up. Nate was getting closer to be now, saying, “You can’t fight me, Mikey. You’re a fairy like your dads. You’re nothing but a little f—“and he pushes me down. He was punching me and I can see his friends fighting mine. The head teacher pulled him off me. She shouted, “Everyone in my office, now!”

Long story short, I had a note that needed to be signed by my parents concerning my violent behavior. My violent behavior. I tried to tell her that’s Nate’s been calling me names but she didn’t want to hear it. “We have zero tolerance on violence Mr. Howell-Lester,” she said. Nate laughed a little because he has gotten away with it and now I’m in trouble because of him.

On the walk home, Johanna would not shut up. She wanted to read the note but I would not let her.

She wanted to know if this was the same kid that hit me on Monday. She wanted to know everything and I want her to shut up. We get home and I run to my room and lock the door. She knocked on it and told me, “Whatever it was, you should tell Thomas. He’ll help you. He is in high school. He’ll know what to do.” I was glad she knew I did not want help from her. She wouldn’t understand.

At dinner, Johanna kicked me under the table. “Show them the note,” she whispered, sitting next to me. She wasn’t very quiet because Dad asked, “What note?” I groan because Johanna never minded her own business.

“I got a note from the head teacher today.”

“Well?”

“It was upstairs,”

“Michael go and get it,”

“Okay, Dad.”

When I came back downstairs, I gave the note to Pop because I knew he would not get upset. He only got like that with the girls. It was Dad I had to watch out for. Pop took the note from me and looked at Dan while I get back to my dinner. I would not look at Dad as he said, “Michael, are you going to told us what happened before we read it?” I shook my head. I tried to explain it earlier and only got into more trouble. I really did not want to let him know what Nate called him and Pop. What he called me too.

“Dan, it said he’s been in a fight.”

“What? Let me read.” Dad read it and his face scrunches up like he’s angry.

“Michael, told us your side of the story. Now.” He was cross and I had not done anything.

“A kid name Nate tried to beat me up today,” I said.

“Why does it said this was about your violent behavior?” he asked.

“I do not know,” I told him, playing with my food.

“Michael…”

“I don’t know, Dad. Okay? I tried to tell her that he’s been picking on me since the year started. I tried to tell her that he’s been talking about my family. He was been picking on me because of it.”

“What did he said, Mikey,” Pop asked nicely.

“I can’t said in front of Sophie,” I said looking down at my potatoes.

“We’ll talk about this in dining room,” Dad announced.

Dad, Pop and me left the room and go to the dining room. Dad sat at the head of the table, I sat in the seat next to it and Pop sat next to me. They had me surrounded and I couldn’t run. Didn’t they know I couldn’t told them what he said? I did not want to hurt them. I knew those words make Dad upset.

“Now, Mikey. Start from the beginning,” Pop said, turning to me with that look that said you aren’t in trouble.

“The other day, Nate came up to me and he asked me stuff about you guys and my mum,”

“Yes?” Dad asked me to keep going.

“He asked if she knew I was being raised by…” I rushed through the words but I could not said the last one aloud.

“What was it, Michael?” Dad asked.

“Fags,” I told him in a softer voice. I did not like saying it.

“What did you do?” Pop said.

“I told him to leave me alone but then he punched me and I kicked him. He punched me in my face. My nose was bleeding afterwards.”

“No one saw this? Where were the teachers?” Dad asked.

I shrugged.

“What happened today?” Pop asked.

“He found me at recess and my friends tried to stop him but he had his friends too. They started on us and that’s when Ms. Sherwood took us to her office. She didn’t let me explain and that’s why she sent home that note saying I’m violent.”

“Did he said anything else? About our family?” Dad didn’t look mad anymore. He looked sad. I knew this would happen.

“He said that I’m a fairy like you guys,” We were quiet for a while. Dad didn’t look up from the note and Pop was tapping his fingers on the table.

“I’ll give Mrs. Sherwood a call tomorrow morning. He would not get away with this. You did not deserve this!” Dad shouted.

“Danny,” Pop tried to calm him down. “What, Phil? He was being bullied because of us!”

“This was why I didn’t told you,” I whispered.

“You can’t let someone hurt you because of us, Mikey,” Dad said. He was angry again.

“Then what should I do?”

“We’re telling Mrs. Sherwood tomorrow. That should do it,”

“That would not stop him, Dad.”

“Why not?”

“He’ll come after me when no one’s around,”

“I think you should stay with your friends, stay close to the adults and try your hardest not to be alone. If this continues, we’ll have to talk to his parents. You shouldn’t have to change schools.

You shouldn’t be punished,” Pop told me.

“Michael, I’m sorry I got cross with you. I should have known you weren’t the fighting sort,” Dad apologized to me.

“It was alright.”

“Go back and finish dinner. We’ll be back in a minute,” Pop said.

* * *

* * *

 

Phil moved to the seat next to Dan. He looked at him and Dan met his gaze. Phil put his hand on top of Dan’s. He was still holding onto the little piece of paper.

“What are you thinking?”

“It isn’t fair to him, Phil.”

“I know. I was hoping we wouldn’t have to deal with this but no such luck,” Phil said softly.

“He was my son and I can’t protect him. How much of a father am I if I can’t can protect my own kids from this stuff?”

“You’re a good father, Dan. We are good parents. Our kids are happy. We are happy. It was the world that kept trying to take that away.”

“I feel helpless like I—I’m the reason he has a bully. We flaunt who were are and everyone knows and they were taking it out on him.”

Dan was on the verge of tears. He never wanted this for his children. He and Phil gave them a good home full of love but no one seems to look at that. No, they see a gay couple who should not be allowed near children. Phil got up, stood next to him and brought Dan’s head close to his stomach as Dan leaned in from his seat at the table. Tears were rolling down his face and he was desperately trying to stop them. He could not let the kids see. Michael would never told them anything again.

“Shhh, Dan.” Phil picked his head up and looked down at him. Phil was fighting tears too. He was the reason they adopted in the first place. It felt selfish. They wanted kids but they never thought about what the kids would want. Would they want to be ridiculed by others because of their parent’s lifestyle? Was it selfish to not even try to hide his relationship with Dan when they were within the gates of the school?

No. “We haven’t done anything wrong. They were wrong. That Nate kid was wrong,” Phil told him firmly. They had a very similar conversation almost 17 years earlier. Dan was living with him now while Phil was in Uni. Dan didn’t want to hold his hand or kiss in public. Phil understood. People did not appreciate any kind of PDA but when they were at a party or gathering with friends Dan didn’t show any affection then either. He pretended they weren’t together. Phil guessed it was because Dan always hid his sexuality and being open was new to him. But months passed and Phil had to confront him. He told him he should never be ashamed or sorry for who was he.

Here they were again, and they had to explain that to their son. Michael should never apologize for having two fathers. But what would happen when this got more serious? In three years, he’d be going to high school where the bullies were almost full grown. They might seriously hurt him. There was only so much teachers can do.

Johanna didn’t really have this problem. There was that one day in the park but that was one day and they never talked about the incident again. Then again, Johanna isn’t their daughter. She had two uncles that she lived with instead of a mum and dad. But Michael has two dads and that makes all the difference. Phil wiped away Dan’s tears with the sleeve of his shirt. He told him, “We are good parents. We love our kids. We should never be ashamed.” 


	16. The Move

 

 It was Father’s Day 2020 and, of course, a big day for our family. The children had their presents for their fathers and Sophie decided to go the extra mile. Little five year-old Sophie woke up earlier than everyone else, went downstairs in her nightgown and opened the fridge. She took out the pre-made pancake batter and turned on the stove like she had seen her Daddy do so often before. Sophie climbed on the counter using the little step stool bought just for her. She took down a plate from the cupboard, got the skillet and put it on the burner just like how Daddy did. She sat on the counter next to the burner, twisted the cap on the bottle containing the pancake batter and poured a little more than she should have. 

The pancake began to cook, raising and forming air bubbles at the top. “Oops,” she said because she forgot to get the ‘flippy thing’ and hopped off the counter. She went to the drawer of the utensils and searched… and searched. She couldn’t find it no matter where she looked.

Meanwhile, the pancake began to burn and the smoke became thicker. The fire alarm went off and it frightened her so she tried to move the skillet. It had gotten so hot that when she touched it, she burned her hand and screamed. The pancake caught on fire with a flame shooting off the side of the skillet. Sophie panicked and grabbed the pan but dropped it onto the floor right onto the kitchen rug.

"Sophie! Come here!" Phil shouted. He had heard the alarm go off and wondered what happened. He got up, figuring Johanna burnt the toast or something. He heard a scream and went into the hallway and saw the girls’ bedroom door still locked. He ran downstairs at the sound of a thump and walked into a hazy kitchen. He was able to see the small fire erupting from the floor and Sophie who was standing dangerously close.

As he screamed for her, she froze, still standing on the rug. The flames grew, so she finally ran to her Papa but her gown caught on fire. When she reached the carpeted area of the house by the entry way, the carpet caught fire as Phil tried to smother the fire on her gown with his coat.

“Phil!” Dan shouted at the top of the stairs.

"We’re downstairs! The kitchen’s on fire! Get the kids out!" he warned. "I have Sophie!"

"Sorry, Papa," Sophie said, starting to cry.

Phil had managed to smother the fire on her dress but it had spread to the carpet. Now that the kitchen was completely blocked off, he could not get any water to stop the fire from spreading. He picked up Sophie and ran out the front door. Dan hadn’t come downstairs with the other children and Phil started to panic. Where were they? What if they could get out because the stairs were blocked? He held Sophie in his arms and shielded her from the flames that were now coming out the window. Just then out of the haze and smoke, emerged Johanna and Michael but no Dan. "Where’s your Dad?" Phil panicked.

"H-He was right behind us," Michael coughed out.

Phil watched in horror as their home burned. Just as he was about to go to the neighbors to warn them of the fire, Dan came out coughing and straining to breathe. Phil put Sophie down, told Johanna to watch her and ran to his choking husband. 

"Where were you?" Phil asked still breathing heavily out of fright, tears pricking his eyes. He could have lost him. He could have lost him. "Where were you?!" he asked again, getting angry at whatever caused Dan to stay behind.

"Upstairs," Dan said wheezing a little. "I was getting our marriage certificate and the adoption papers. They’re too important to lose."

"What?" Phil asked out of shock. It was a nice gesture but they were replaceable. "Dan, you could’ve died in there!"

"I’m okay, Phil. Are the kids alright?" Dan asked finally straightening up, the documents in his left hand.

"They’re fine." Tears were rolling down Phil’s face as he couldn’t take the ‘what if’s’. What if he hadn’t gotten downstairs in time? What if Sophie… What if Dan… died? He pushed the thoughts out of his mind, grabbed Dan’s arms and walked the short distance away from their burning home. Their neighbor, Ms. Dawson, came out and ran over to them. "Is everyone out?" she asked. Dan answered, "Yes, we’re all out."

"Good, I’ve called the fire brigade.”

“Thank you,” Phil says still catching his breath.

“How did it start?” Ms. Dawson asked.

“I saw Sophia in the kitchen with the pan,” Phil answered.

“What was she doing with the pan?” Dan asked looking back at the children, now huddled up watching the flames grow.

“I don’t know. Sophia?” Phil called. She looked up with a fear and sadness in her eyes, hiding behind her older brother. “Sophia, I need to talk to you.” She walked over slowly, taking careful steps without looking up at anyone. Phil crouched down to her eye level and lifted her little face. “Do you want to tell me what happened in there?” he asked softly.

“I don’t know,” she said so quietly, you barely hear her. “I was cooking pancakes for you.”

“Why were you cooking by yourself? You know you’re not supposed to use anything thing in the kitchen without me or Daddy. You know that, right?” he chided. He could hear the sirens ringing in the background, finally approaching the house.

“I wanted to surprise you for Father’s day, Papa. I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” She cried. He picked her up and held her close. “You’re safe. You’re still here and that’s all the matters now,” he told her quietly.

\-----    

The firemen arrived and went to work. They asked if everyone was out and if there were any pets. By the end of the entire ordeal, the house was on accessible through the back door. The entryway, kitchen and dining room were completely gutted. The upstairs was fine with on minimal water damaged from the firemen’s hoses. The neighbor’s homes were not damaged and that much they could be thankful for. Without a kitchen, they couldn’t live there anymore. Dan and Phil had to move from their home of 15 years. The home where they started their family.

Phil called his parents about the entire thing the morning it happened and they rushed over immediately. They were extremely supportive of him and Dan. They were very happy when Phil had found someone like Dan when he was so young. With their marriage and the subsequent adoptions of their grandchildren, the Lawsons had become helpful. The only problem was that they lived almost two hours away. So when they arrived not one minute later than the two hour mark after that call, Phil and Dan knew they had to take their offer; they could stay with them until they found a new home. Dan and Phil left the children with their grandparents to go back inside and pack a few things for everyone. After about an hour they were ready to go.     

The Lawsons had a modest house with three bedrooms, two of which were now empty because Phil and his older brother were now grown and out of the house. Dan and Phil took his brother’s old room which was now the guest bedroom and the children had Phil’s old room, still decorated in blue and green. Everything was okay the first few days. Dan and Phil used some vacation days so they didn’t have to go to work while they sorted themselves out. The children had already left school so that wasn’t an issue either. One night, after dealing with the insurance company and settling everything with their policy the couple sat down for a chat.

“I think we should move. We were outgrowing that house anyway,” Phil said.

“What? No, we weren’t. It was perfect for our little family,” Dan sighed.

“Our family isn’t that little, Dan. We have three children. We need a bigger house and this just forced me to say something about it. The girls were practically living on top of each other in that room. Wouldn’t you like a fresh start?” Phil proposed.

“No,” Dan pouted. Even at 38 years old, he acted like a child when it came to Phil. Phil understood his qualms over this. It was the first thing that was ever theirs together. Their first home.

“Come on. Don’t be like that. We’ll find a house where everyone feels comfortable. I suggest we try to stay in the same neighborhood. What do you think?”

“That’s fine. I guess…”

“There’s a good boy.” Phil patronized.

“Shut up.”

\-----    

The next day, they were off to find a new house with an agent. Phil told her a four bedroom in their neighborhood would be a good starting place but Dan had some very specific characteristics that he was looking for. She showed them town house similar to their own with one extra bedroom downstairs. Dan said it was too bright. Phil rolled his eyes. She show them a detached house, a block away from their old home that had a three spacious bedrooms. Dan said it was too dark; there were not enough windows. Phil let out an exasperated sigh. She took them to large house on the edge of the park they often went to. It had all four bedrooms they needed, an office and many windows but not too many. Phil loved it. It wasn’t very expensive and frankly, perfect from them in almost every way. Except it wasn’t their home. That’s what Dan told him when the agent left them to talk in the ‘master bedroom with en-suite bathroom’.

“Dan, please be reasonable. We can’t pass on a place like this. It has so much potential for us.”

“Oh, really? Like what, Phil?” Dan asked, rolling his eyes at the whole idea of even living here.

“I think I have a few ideas with what to do in that en-suite, Daniel.” Phil purrs seductively in his ears. “The park is right there, the children will spend most of their time there now. Do you know what that means?” he continued in a low gravelly voice.

“No, what does it mean?” Dan asked feigning innocence.

“It means that we can have sex. What are you not getting about this?” Phil looked at him seriously.

“Phil, I understand.” Dan relented. “I guess we could call this place our house now. We’ll have to make the most of it,” he winked and wrapped his arms around Phil and started kissing his neck.

“We don’t live here yet,” Phil warned playfully.

“Yet…”

\------    

They bought the house situated right behind the park, across the street from Thomas and even closer to school. It was safe to say that the kids loved it. They chose their rooms and Sophie wanted the master. Dan told her ‘me and papa need that big room because we have to share,” and Phil smacked him on the arm.

Theirs friends helped with the move from the old house to the new one. In just a few hours, the new house was ready to be lived in. Phil packed the fridge, Dan cooked in the new kitchen and they ate dinner off paper plates but they were home.


	17. The Feminine Care Aisle

 

It was Johanna was 12th birthday and she was cranky. She could not got her hair to sit just right and she was in high school now so it actually matters and she just tired of it all. She hated high school. She had made a few friends but somehow everyone else managed to get nastier. Thomas was there but he was a footballer now and he was popular and she was not. They were still best friends but times had changed. She was a late bloomer in her opinion. She was tall and lanky. At least the uniform saved her the hassle of dressing up and having to be stylish. Johanna thought she wasn’t very pretty, too much of a tomboy and too awkward. Their words had finally gotten to her.

Dan and Phil were worried. Their once confident niece was changing. They didn’t know if she was simply growing up or genuinely hated herself. She stopped talking at the table and just let the others fuss and fight. No more, “Sophie stop behaving like a peasant,” or “Michael, shut up!” Johanna didn’t write anymore. She didn’t draw anymore. Nothing excited her anymore.

Everything was changing and she knew it. She knew she didn’t smile as much as she used to. She wasn’t so quick to defend herself. No more swift kicks to the shins for her bullies. They told her she was too small to be worth anything, she was too quiet to be smart, and too ugly to fit in. High school was going great so far.

Johanna stayed up too late finishing her English assignment and her stomach was hurting that morning. Her cousins could sleep an extra hour because they still went primary school so she got up before the sun even rose and she could not find a reason to smile. She could not be bothered to eat but when she got to the kitchen Phil greeted her with a kiss to the forehead and a plate of pancakes in the shape of a twelve with a candle. “I thought we were done with fires,” she said sarcastically and Phil chuckled half-heartedly. “Happy Birthday.” 

She didn’t respond. He knew his niece wasn’t the same as she always was. “Is everything okay at school, Princess?”

"Yeah," she said eating because she knew she should. She rushed through her breakfast, grabbed her book bag and she was gone. Phil went back upstairs to cuddle with Dan who was still asleep.

Johanna went outside to see Thomas waiting for her as usual. He smiled at her as she walked down the walk way and pulled her into a hug as she finally got close enough. It was still dark but Johanna could see his smile. “Happy Birthday, Joey,” he said sweetly.

“Thanks, Tommy,” she smiled weakly. Thomas didn’t say anything. He knew she was changing too. The girls at their school talked about her and they judged her constantly. He thought she was perfect and wished she would smile. Just smile like she used to. She lost all her spunk and cheekiness. Her chestnut brown curls fell in front of her face covering her wonderful blue eyes like she didn’t want to be seen. They arrived at school in ten minutes like always and he followed her to her locker before the first class of the day.

“Joey?” he asked.

“Yeah?”

“Please smile.”

She smiled that fake smile again and he was given up. “I’ll see you at break time, alright?”

She nodded and that was the end of that. She was walking so slowly, lost in her thoughts again, that she was late. The teacher didn’t even care anymore. The term started two months ago and she was tired of talking to her.

\------    

At home, Dan was brushing Sophie was hair while helping Michael with his homework that he should have done the previous night. Phil walked in to Sophie was room with a worried look on his face.

“Something was wrong with her,” Phil started suddenly.

“Who?—Michael, check that answer again,” Dan asked distracted by his son was horrible study habits.

“Dad? Could not you just tell me?” Michael pouted. He was far too old for this. Dan gave him a scolding look.

“Johanna. She was sad, Dan,” Phil continued anyway.

“I noticed too,” Dan sighed. “Let was try to give her a good birthday to cheer her up.”

“Okay, what do you suggest?”

“The cake and maybe decorate the dining room? I know she didn’t want a party but we should make the place more festive.”

“Alright, sounds good.”

Johanna’s day was going fine actually. Her friends remembered her birthday and brought cupcakes to celebrate at school. Thomas sat with her and entertained them all. She was laughing and smiling again. He was sitting close and he can hear her laugh clear as crystal. It was back, he thought.

The day ended without incident. At home, there was a balloon hanging on the post box.

“Oh no,” she said aloud.

“What? They threw you a party?”

“I think so. Oh no.”

“It might be fun. Do you want to go to my mine instead?” he asked.

“I don’t know about that. Uncle Phil would lose it,” she chuckled. “Come on.”

Johanna turned the knob slowly and entered. She tip toed in and nothing. Not a sound. They must have gone out she thought. Thomas pulled her into the living room because she was lost in thought again. They sat down on the sofa and watch cartoons for an hour before she asked, “Where is my gift, Thomas?”

“I was waiting for you to ask,” he smirked. He went into his bag and pulled out a little box with a black bow on top. It looked quite elegant and grown up.

“Gimme!” Johanna exclaimed. She took it from his hand and lifted the lid. Inside is a little silver charm bracelet with two charms attached. “It was so pretty, Tommy. Thank you,” she said in awe. She dangled it in front of her face to see the charms twinkling in the sunlight, filtering through the large bay window.

“It was a J for Johanna and a smiley face,” he explained, grinning at her reaction. “I want you to smile more.”

“I will. Thank you, Tommy. ”

“I’ll give you another charm every time we do something we want to remember.”

Johanna always loved Thomas’ presents. They were always just right for her and she figured it was because she was known him for so long. She hugged him and they watched TV in silence for a little while longer, Johanna still looking at her bracelet now clasped onto her wrist.

“I’ll be right back,” she said suddenly.

“Okay.”

Johanna went upstairs to the bathroom. She stayed up there for 20 minutes before Thomas thought something is wrong. “Joey? Where did you go?” he asked at the door.

“Uh—can you call Danny for me please? My phone is on the sofa.” Her voice was muffled behind the door but he could tell she was scared.

“What was wrong?” he asked even more confused than before.

“Nothing, please call my uncle, Dan, and um—tell him I’m sick and he should come home.”

“Okay.”

He ran downstairs, unlocked her phone because he knew the password and called him. “Dan, Johanna said she was sick… I don’t know. She won’t tell me. She would not even open the bathroom door.”

Twenty minutes later, Dan came home with Phil. They rushed upstairs. “Jo-Jo, what was wrong? Open the door.”

“Danny, I’m… bleeding…” she asked clearly terrified.

“Oh shit…” Dan muttered to himself. He knew what was going on but he didn’t know what to do. “Johanna, you’re fine.” He told her, his voice wavering. He was not prepared for this at all. They should have seen this coming. Shit.

“Phil! Come up here now!” he called.

“What is it?” Phil said coming up the stairs.

“I think she has her …,” Dan tells him, raising his brow.

“Her what?” his eyes widen. “Oh! Shit…”

“What do we do?” Dan asked, running his fingers through his hair and rubbing his eye.

“I don’t know. You had the younger sister. How did she deal with this?

“I don’t know, Phil. I left when she was seven. The next time I lived with her, she was pregnant. I don’t know how to handle this,” he whispered harshly.

“Call Charlotte and tell her what was happened.”

“Good idea.”

When they call Charlie, they can only got her voicemail. It was only eleven o’clock in the states and she was probably at work.

“Call your mum!” Dan suggested.

“Right.”

They were on the phone with her and she told them to calm down. There was nothing to be scared of. She simply laughed at the two men. “Give the phone to Johanna. I’ll talk to her.”

Phil knocked on the door and quietly told her, “Nana wants to talk to you. She’ll tell you everything you need to now, Jo-Jo. Just open the door a bit.”

Meanwhile, Dan told Thomas to go home. He had a feeling Johanna would not want to see him after this.

Phil waited outside the door and Dan joined him again. After about ten minutes, Johanna came out of the bathroom and she would not look them in the eyes.

“Are you okay, Jo-Jo?” Dan asked.

“I need to go the store,” she stated simply.

“Why?” Phil asked hesitantly. She gave him a death glare. She said with her eyes, “Don’t make me explain.”

“Right. Do you want us to take you or can you go on your own?” Phil said as she walked downstairs and puts on her coat. She looked scared all of a sudden. Phil grabbed his coat and keys.

“We’ll be back soon,” he told Dan, who was standing on the staircase.

The nearest Tesco wasn’t very far at all but they took the car because it was cold and they could get this over with as soon as possible. Phil and Johanna got out of the car and walk inside; she walked a few paces in front of him. He caught up to her when she reached aisle 9B, the feminine care aisle. She looked a little overwhelmed by it all and so did he. He walked behind her waiting patiently for her to choose something, anything so they can go. One of the clerks noticed the two who appear to be an awkward young girl and her clueless father. “Hi, I’m Lucy. Do you need help with anything?” she asked Johanna. Johanna nodded at the sweet person who was saved her from this very specific form of hell.

“Alright.”

She asked her some questions about preferences and Johanna didn’t have any so she handed her a box of regular pads with wings, gave  her a warm smile and looked up to Phil. She whispered, “Go easy on him, love. He didn’t know what he was doing,” Johanna laughed a little, startling her uncle and thanked the woman. They went to the register, he paid and they left. In the car, he saw her bracelet and said, “That is very pretty. Was it a gift you got today?”

“Yes, Thomas gave it to me,” Johanna said quietly, playing with the charms. 

“Oh god,” he mumbled.

Johanna stopped talking now because she knew what was going through his mind. Thomas was a sore subject for them and now that she was a ‘woman’ (that was what her Nana said), Johanna knew Phil would not like them being together whenever he was not home to watch them. Yes, she was twelve but Thomas was not. She was a little girl who should still want Phil to tuck her in at night and read her stories. She was growing up and he wasn’t sure he could handle this. She was a baby he thought. But she was not and he knew it. Phil looked over at her, sat in the passenger seat, admiring her gift and just hoped they wouldn’t have another repeat of Charlotte.

     

 


	18. The Friend

The Friend

"Joey! Talk to me!"

"No. Leave me alone."

"What did I do?"

"Nothing. Go home."

"But we always hang out together."

"I don’t think she’ll like it if we do."

"Jess? Yeah, she’ll be fine with it."

"Go home, Thomas."

Thomas had a girlfriend. Her name was Jessica and she was pretty. Johanna didn’t like it one bit. Jess was one of her bullies. She would whisper something mean as she walked past in the corridor and laugh with her friends. Johanna could keep her head down if she saw her. Jess definitely didn’t like Johanna and she made sure to rub the new relationship in her face before Thomas had a chance to tell her.

That morning, Johanna made her way to his locker before lunch. As soon as she approached, Jess kissed him. Johanna stared for a moment until Jess broke away and asked Thomas, “Who’s this?”

He said, “A friend. This is Johanna. You know her, right?”

A friend. Johanna was his friend? So was that what he called this?

Johanna smiled at her because she didn’t know what else to do.

It was almost Valentine’s Day. Being in high school on Valentine’s Day was going to be disgusting. The couples seem obligated to show off their ‘love’ and no one just gave cards and candy to their friends anymore. You needed to have a girlfriend or boyfriend or else you’re marked as a nerd, geek, freak or loser. Johanna wasn’t any of these. As far as she knew, Thomas was enough of a boyfriend for now, in the sense that they were practically married. They knew everything about each other. Everyone in school knew her because of him. Her friends said they might as well make it official. Only problem was, he wanted an actual girlfriend. Johanna wasn’t old enough. Thomas was thirteen and a boy so he was expected to get a girlfriend but she was still 12. Joey wasn’t allowed to date and Thomas never actually told her he liked her. 

Johanna wasn’t sure what the relationship meant. Thomas didn’t say anything about it before he asked her out. She wasn’t even sure if he did the asking. She went inside her house, out of the cold and took off her coat. She ran up to her room to draw. Johanna didn’t keep a diary; she drew instead. Today’s drawing was going to be a boy and girl dressed in white, walking through a meadow. Not anymore.

Johanna broke out the black, red, and purple and drew a hellish scene. It was a school. It was cathartic. Dan and Phil came home with Sophie and Michael about an hour later. Dan went upstairs to see her at her desk. “Hey, what are you doing?” he asked.

"Stuff, Danny."

"What is that?" he asked worriedly.

"School."

"What happened?" he sighed.

"Thomas and Jessica," she drew a sharp line across the page to accentuate her point.

"Jessica?"

"His new girlfriend," she explained.

"Jo-Jo, are you jealous?" he asked. She nodded. She had no problem telling Dan everything. It was Phil she had to worry about.

"I know you must feel awful. You two are so close. You like him, don’t you?" She nodded. It was the first time she had ever fully admitted her feelings for her best friend.

"Where was he? With her?" Dan looked around. Thomas was always here.

“I don’t know. He wanted to come over but I was too mad at him," she mumbled, still drawing.

"Alright. A few things: Do not feel like you aren’t good enough. You’re perfect; you’re just like me,” he joked. “Don’t shut him out. You’re his friend and things may change. Jo-Jo, nothing in high school is forever.”

“But you met Uncle Phil in high school,” she countered. “You’ve been together forever.”

“You’re right. Damn, you’re right.” Johanna smirked a little at his cursing. “But, we’re special. Relationships like ours are very rare. Anyway, just enjoy being twelve for now. Enjoy the fact that you can be friends with anyone. Enjoy not having to be serious about anything. Okay?”

 “Okay,” she answered quietly. She stopped drawing and got up. “Thanks. I feel a little better.”

“Good. Time for homework,” he smiled.

“I hate you,” she glared jokingly.

“Love you too, Jo-Jo,” he laughed returning downstairs to Phil.

Phil was helping Sophie with some strange project at the table. Since they had not talked to each other all day despite working and coming home together, Dan asked him how his day went. Phil answered that is was fine and told him about a call he got. Dan wanted to know more but Michael grabbed his attention. He wanted to see his friend, the same one who had all the best video games. Dan told him, “No, your marks have gone down.” Michael glared at him. This was the second one of the day. Since when did Dan become the enemy? Nevertheless, he kept his stance. “You are not going to Chris’ house today. Start your homework,” he said to the boy.

Dinner was served about an hour and a half later and they all sit around the table chatting, like they do every evening.

“Let me tell you about that call. It was Charlie Casey. Can you believe that? After all these years,” Phil told him excitedly.

“Who is Charlie Casey?” Johanna asks him, stabbing her chicken breast with her fork.

“His old boyfriend,” Dan answered unimpressed.

“Yeah and he’s in town,” Phil continued, cutting Sophie’s chicken into smaller pieces.

“Oh. Did he want to meet up with us?”

“Yeah, he says he isn’t free until Thursday for lunch but I know you have that meeting. Do you mind if I see him anyway? It is his last day here.”

“Yeah sure.”

Dan stayed quiet for the rest of dinner but Phil didn’t notice. Dan picked up everyone’s plates and started washing up.

“You know it’s Michael’s turn, right?” Phil told him.

“It was alright. I thought I’d get them over with instead of dealing with the argument.”

“Okay,” Phil kissed him on the cheek and went into the living room.

Later that night, they were sitting in bed when Phil tried to spoon with him and Dan pushed him away saying that he just didn’t feel like it tonight. Phil just murmured, “Oh. Good night, then.”

“Good night,” Dan replied softly.

Thursday morning, Johanna walked to school with Thomas but this time he’s going on about Jess. She tries to remember Dan’s advice. Be his friend and don’t shut him out. Johanna smiled and nodded when he asks her about giving her chocolate for Valentine’s Day. Johanna tries really hard not to punch him. Doesn’t he know what he’s doing to her? No, because Jess comes over to them and pulls him away. “Bye, Joey,” he yells back. “Bye,” she says meekly as the harsh February wind slaps her face.

Later that day, Dan was at work and he can’t concentrate. His boss was talking about some new software they are installing for video editing. He should really be paying attention but he can only think of Phil on that date. It was not a date but Dan can’t call it anything else. Charlie Casey was not a name Dan liked to hear. In the early stages of his and Phil’s relationship, Charlie tried to get back with him. It wasn’t malicious or cruel. He just showed up at parties and tried to talk to Phil even though Dan was standing right there and openly flirted with him. It didn’t help that Dan was so insecure at that age. As stated before, Phil was Dan’s first everything. Dan couldn’t let anyone take that away. He knew Charlie loved Phil. They had dated for four years before Dan met Phil.

“Dan, are you alright?” Dave, his boss, asked because Dan’s leg was shaking and he was biting his nails.

“Yes, sorry.”

Dan checked his phone for any messages. There weren’t any. Phil was out with Charlie and the worst thought crossed his mind. He was silently freaking out.

Phil got back to work and walked to Dan’s office to tell him all about it. He found Dan at his desk staring into space. “Dan?”

Dan looked up with a start. “Phil! You’re back. Good.”

“Yeah, it was great, Dan. I’ve invited him to dinner before he leaves tonight.”

“Great, Phil. Just great.”

“What?”

“Nothing. I’ll see you later.”

Phil had to go to meeting so he left his sulking husband until the ride home. They picked up the Sophie and Michael so they didn’t have to walk in the cold, giving Dan a reason not to talk to Phil about this. As their routine would have it, the kids and dinner grabbed their attention for the next few hours. Dan watched Phil as he answered his phone to give Charlie directions. Phil chuckled over something he said. Dan was seething, as was the pot on the stove. He got back to cooking so they didn’t burn down this house as well.

“Hi!”

“Come in. I can’t wait for you to meet everyone,” Phil greeted him and pulled him into a quick hug.

“Who’s this?” Charlie asked when he saw Sophie hanging onto Phil’s leg.

“This is Sophie, our youngest.” Phil answered. “Say hello to Uncle Charlie, please.”

“Hi,” she said softly and waved.

“You can hang your coat there.” Phil points to the coat rack in the corner and leads him into the living room. “Dan! Charlie’s here!” he shouts.

“Where was he?” Charlie asked, putting his coat away.

“He’s in the kitchen cooking,” Phil answered. “Sophie, let me walk.”

Sophie frowned and let him go. Phil went ahead of them to the living room. Charlie bent down to Sophia and asked her, “Are you afraid of me?”

“No, but you make my daddy sad and I don’t like that.”

“Your daddy seemed happy to see me.”

“That’s not Daddy. That’s Papa.”

“Oh,” Charlie said worriedly, having figured out their titles. “How do you know?”

“I just know stuff. Daddy gets all quiet when Papa talks about you.”

Charlie took her word for it. Dan still didn’t like him around Phil. He followed Phil into the living room and took a seat. Dan walked in a few moments later smiling.

“Charlie, good to see you man.” Dan gestured to hug him so Charlie reciprocated.

“Nice to see you too. You look great.”

“Thanks.”

Phil had decided to have dinner in the dining room, something reserved for special occasions and holidays. Dan sighed and got the food ready. Everyone was eating at the table. Charlie tried to get Dan into the conversation but he and Phil are talking about old times, before Dan.

“Do you remember that time at the beach?”

“Oh yeah with—uh?”

“Carrie? Yes! That was so funny,” Charlie laughed.

“Do you remember what she said?” Phil was covering his mouth again.

“Oh, god. After we got her good? Yeah, she screamed, ‘You twats belong together!”

Everyone giggled but Dan. He just slammed his fork down and left the room.

“Dan?” Phil called after him. “What’s wrong?”

“Leave it, Phil!” he shouted back.

“I told you,” Sophie whispered to Charlie.

“I’ll be right back,” Phil said anxiously. Charlie nodded. As soon as he was out of sight, Charlie and the children ran to the double doors of the dining room to listen in. All they could hear was:

“What? We’re just friends, Dan!”

“Really! I find that f… because you don’t care about how I feel!”

“If you aren’t going to believe me, well…”

Johanna sighed and said, “They never get this loud.”

“I should go guys.”

They all nodded.

Charlie went into the foyer to put on his coat and checked his phone. Phil walked in then, seeing him ready to leave so said, “We were having such a good time. You shouldn’t go.”

“I should, Phil.”

“Alright,” Phil agreed. “Have a safe drive back and tell Dominic hello for me. I’m so happy for you.”

“Thanks, man. You have a beautiful family. Tell Dan bye for me.”

Charlie hugged him and left. Phil returned to the dining room and finished dinner with the kids. They finished the chores without argument. Dan still hadn’t come down from their room yet.

Johanna was on her way to her room when she heard sniffling.

“Danny?” she called quietly at the bedroom door.

“Jo-Jo please don’t come in. I don’t want you to see me like this.”

“I can’t let you cry, Danny.” She walked in and sat next to him on the bed. “Why are you so upset?”

He looked at his niece, smiled and wiped away his tears. “I can’t follow my own advice it seems.”

“Huh? …Oh! You’re jealous?”

“Yeah,” he admitted. He was talking to a twelve year old about his marriage issues. “Jesus on a boat, this can’t be right.”

“You shouldn’t be jealous. Uncle Phil loves you and you know it. I don’t even know if Thomas likes me,” she reasoned.

“I know, I know. I’m being stupid.”

“Yup,” she chuckled. “Plus everyone knows you belong with Phil; even my friends said so after meeting you. You’re their OTP.”

“What’s that?”

“You wouldn’t understand, Danny. You just wouldn’t understand.” She patted his back and left.

Dan sorted himself out and went downstairs to find Phil. He was on the sofa in the living room alone and he looked up at Dan with that look. That look where his lips are pursed together and his eyes are piercing blue. Dan walked over to him slowly because he was seeking forgiveness not the other way around. He sat down on the other end of the sofa. He scooted closer and closer until Phil was a few inches away.

“Lion? I’m sorry. I was jealous. I couldn’t control myself.”

“Dan, I can’t believe you wouldn’t trust me!” Phil shouted getting up. “How could you think I would cheat on you with Charlie? He had a fiancé, you know? No. Of course you don’t! You don’t listen to anyone!”

“Phil, I’m sorry! I do trust you. I don’t trust him. Do you remember the early days? I was terrified that you would leave me for him. You had so much together. All those feelings came back today. They came back on Monday when you told me about the call. I do trust you. I was just scared,” Dan finished timidly.

 “You shouldn’t be. He’s just a friend.” Phil lowered his voice to normal tone. It was still firm but slowly losing the seriousness.

 “I know. Johanna just told me the same thing.”

 “You asked little Jo-Jo about relationship advice?”

 “She’s not that little anymore, Phil. She’s pretty smart. She says we belong together. We’re an O-T-P.”

 “What’s that?” he giggled.

 “Apparently, we wouldn’t understand.”

Dan kissed him and murmured another I’m sorry. Phil rested his head on Dan’s shoulder and they sat in silence for a while.

\-----

The next morning, Johanna walked down the walkway to meet Thomas. Before he could say hey, she said “Tommy, I like you. I think I always have. That’s all. Let’s go.” Thomas gasped and ran after her because she had already started walking off. “That’s all? You don’t just tell people these things and walk away. Joey, I like you too,” he looked around and took her hand.

“He’s still sleeping,” she laughed, making huge clouds in the cold air. Phil wouldn’t know about this if they could help it. Thomas squeezed her hand and bumped into her playfully with his shoulder as they walk. “Jess is annoying,” he said suddenly.

“I know.”

\-----

On Valentine’s Day, Thomas gave her a charm in the shape of a hand making the peace sign.

“What does this mean?” she asked.

“I want you to know that I hope that was our first and last real fight.” 


	19. The Toys

The Toys

Dan was searching frantically. He can’t find either of them. Where could they be? They had to be there somewhere. Cock rings just didn’t sprout legs and walk away. Right? Right.

Dan and Phil had a box of unmentionables under their bed. They had a pretty high standing bed but underneath was hidden by the duvet and blankets hanging off the bed. Hidden right in the center and covered by a black sheet was a box full of sex toys like cock rings, vibrators, etc. The kids generally weren’t allowed in their room in any matter outside of an emergency. After Sophie walked in on them multiple times, luckily before anything happened (they were only kissing they said), Dan and Phil shut their door with the lock when they were inside and closed it when they were out.

At that moment, Dan was tearing the room apart. He looked through the wardrobe, both of their closets, and the dresser. He can’t find them anywhere. He was going into the box to add to their collection for a surprise he had for Phil and he found the box under the bed, without its cover. When he looked, Dan saw the sheet thrown off to the side in their room and thought, ‘Maybe Phil has a surprise for me too.’ He opened the box with a smile on his face and a need to calm himself down; they couldn’t do anything just yet. Dan looked through the box to see if anything new was there but found two things missing instead. The two rings they’d bought for each other were gone.

Dan got up from the ground where he was looking for them under their nightstand for the fifth time in twenty minutes. He was in such a panic that he didn’t think of just asking Phil about them. He ran downstairs to the kitchen where Phil stood at the sink washing up. Pausing to catch his breath, Dan frightened Phil more than he meant to.

“What happened? Why are you running? Is someone hurt?”

“Phi—Phil, they’re missing. Do you know where they are?”

“Dan, what are you talking about? What is missing?”

“I went into the box and our… um… rings are gone,” Dan told him nervously. “Did you take them?”

Phil’s eyes widened. “No, they should still be there,” he said quickly and shutting off the faucet. Phil wiped his hand on the dish towel and walked past Dan into the connected living room.

“Dan, I found them.”

“What?” Dan followed him in the room looking confused because why would their sex toys be in the living room. That’s because Sophie took them. She had one on her tiny wrist and the other on her doll. Phil stood there watching her for a bit as she didn’t even notice them come in. Dan finally spoke up and asked, “Sophie, honey, where did you get those?”

“What, Daddy?” she asked innocently while feeding her baby doll with a fake bottle of milk.

“Those things on your wrists,” he said hesitantly. He approached her and pointed to the one on her and the one on the doll’s arm.

“I found them in your room with some other cool stuff. I thought these were the prettiest bracelets I’d ever seen. Do they look nice on us, Daddy?” she asked displaying them for Dan. He stared blankly at her for moment. “Phil, do they look nice?” Dan took a big gulp as he tried to figure how the hell he was going to deal with this and not scar her for life.

“Yes, but Sophia, we told you not to go into our room. I think you should give those back now,” Phil said firmly. She frowned, took them off and mumbled something incoherently.

Dan watched in awe. How does he fucking do that? How does he always know what to say to them? Every time, Phil saves the day. Phil listened as she removed them and asked, “What did you just say to me?”

“They’re so small. Why can’t I have them? They can’t fit you anyway,” she said defiantly. Dan backed out of the way to see how Phil handled this. He was protective of his girls, quick to preserve and defend their innocence for as long as possible. Phil was also quick to discipline if they behaved badly. He gave into all three of them but only to a point. Their children were well taken care of but also well-mannered thanks to Phil. Dan wanted to give them anything and everything but Phil restrained him.

“Never mind why we have them. You are not supposed to go into our room and take things that do not belong to you. I think you should apologize, Sophia,” Phil reprimanded.

“Sorry, Papa. Sorry, Daddy.” Sophie pouted, got up with her doll and stomped off to her room.

Phil watched her leave and let out a sigh. As soon as she left, he gave a knowing look to Dan who still stood there with his mouth open.

“You okay, Dan?”

“How do you do that?”

“Do what? Raise children?” Phil said, raising his brow with a smirk on his face.

“No need to get cocky,” Dan stated with a hint of sarcasm.

Phil looked down at the rings in his hand and laughed loudly. “How do you do that? How do you turn everything into a joke?” he asked still laughing through his words.

“It’s easy with you. You make everything easier. Like this. I didn’t know what to say to her.”

“She didn’t need to be in our room and she didn’t need to know what these were for. Plain and simple.”

“I think we need to talk to her though. She had to be looking for something. She couldn’t have just walked in and saw them. They were hidden in a box under a sheet. What was she doing in there?” Dan paced the room.

“Let’s ask her.”

They both went upstairs to her room where she was sat on her bed sulking. She saw them come in and turn her back to them. Dan gave Phil a look that said, ‘Go on. You do what you do best’ and Phil sat on the bed to talk to her.

“Sophia, I need to know something. Turn around please,” he told her in a firm voice, trying not to sound cross. She reluctantly turned her body and looked at Dan instead of Phil, obviously avoiding him. “Why were you under our bed? That’s where you must have gotten them, right?”

“I was only trying to figure out what made that noise. I can hear it sometimes at night through the wall,” she said looking to the floor, her blonde bangs covering half her face now.

“What noise?” Dan asked.

“I don’t know. It’s a squeaky noise that gets fast and then stops after a while.” She moved the hair out of her face just so it could fall right back into place. Sophia sighed in frustration while her fathers looked at each other with shocked expressions. She could hear them. They didn’t realize that since they’d moved, the walls were now thinner. Dan pursed his lips in between his bite and tapped his fingers nervously. Phil looked at him, mouthing, “Oh, my god. Oh, my god. Oh, my god.”

He finally asked her a follow up question in a slightly strained voice. “What else do you hear at night? Is that noise very loud? Is it every night?” he asked pretending like he didn’t know what caused that particular sound.

“I don’t hear anything else from that wall. Sometimes I hear Michael’s games when he’s supposed to be sleeping.” Leave it to Sophie to get her brother in trouble while being lectured for her own offences. “I don’t hear it all the time. I heard it a few nights ago.”

Dan ran his fingers through his hair. “I think the next time you want to investigate something, you should ask us first,” he advised her.

“Okay. What makes that noise?” Sophia lifted her head up to him with a very genuine look of concern on her face.

“Uh… Phil?”

“We’ll look into it. Let’s go, Dan. I need to talk to you. Now.”

Phil pushed Dan out of the room and into their own. “She can hear us! She can hear us. Shit…,” he whispered harshly. “She’s too little for this.” Phil pulled in his hair and breathed out through his mouth.

Dan starts laughing because Phil’s having a proper freak out. “Phil, calm down. She can’t hear everything. We just have to be quieter.”

“How do you know she doesn’t hear everything?”

“Last night,” he states as if it should be obvious to him. It really should be. “If she didn’t hear that then we’re okay.”

Phil smiled because he remember last night too. “You’re right. If she didn’t hear you, then we’re okay.”

“I’m not that loud.”

Phil raised his brow in a questioning way. “Fine, I am.” Dan rolled his eyes and smirked at the man who calmed him down, excited him and loved him all in one breath. Dan took the rings from Phil’s pocket and put them in the box which now had a new hiding place in the back of his closet, on the top shelf that even Dan needed to step stool to reach. In other words, they would have trouble using them when the time came but no one else would find them. Dan suddenly realized that Sophia must have seen more than just the rings. Phil ran into the closet at the same moment. After a moment of communicating with just their eyes, they shouted, “Sophia, we need to talk to you!"


	20. The Lock

The Lock

"Oi, get your finger out of that."

"But it smells so good. I need to have a taste."

"Dan, move."

"Fine, but you aren’t getting anything tonight since you’re being so mean."

"I’m not the one who begs, Daniel. I’ll be fine."

"Whatever," Dan stuck his finger in the saucepan and takes a taste, burning his finger and tongue at the same time. "Phil, you tosser… it’s h-hot!"

"It’s not my fault you can’t follow simple instructions,” Phil chuckled. “Maybe you’ll listen next time?"

"Shut up," Dan laughed.

Dan and Phil were making dinner together, Spaghetti Bolognese, a favorite from their early days as a couple. Whenever Phil made it, Dan couldn’t stay out of the kitchen so it became a tradition that they made it together, side by side. Most of the time, however, Phil did all the work while Dan whined and complained that it was taking too long and how Phil was torturing him. In their 25 years together, Phil never tired of Dan’s annoyances. He thought it was charming and in all honesty, he couldn’t stay mad at Dan for anything.

 “It tastes so good,” Dan says. “Is this ready?”

“Yeah, call everyone down.”

“Guys, come down for dinner!”

Sophie came down stairs, running as fast as she could.

“Slow down, Sophia. There’ll be enough for everyone,” Dan told her as she sat down to the table.

Johanna came in from outside and tried to sneak past the kitchen. She had been out enjoying the spring weather with a certain friend of hers that she knew Phil wouldn’t be too pleased about. Even though she was almost 14, she still had to keep her relationship a secret. She was doing pretty well actually. Dan saw her take off her coat and called her in. “Jo-Jo, come for dinner.”

She sighed and walked in hesitantly. She sat down and looked at him innocently.

“Where were you?”

“Out.”

“Mhm.”

“Danny, don’t you believe me?”

“You are not a good liar, you know?” Sophie piped in.

“As if you’re any better! You’re only six.”

“I am turning seven in a month and you still—“

“Girls. Enough,” Dan quieted them because he wanted a nice dinner with his family. Not a debate. 

Phil came in just then with a baking dish filled with pasta, ready to be served. Johanna wiggled in her seat and avoided his eyes. She looked very guilty. Phil didn’t see her reaction and went about serving everyone. Phil looked around the table to take Michael’s plate and saw that the boy was missing. “Mikey! Dinner!” he yelled. Still no Michael. Dan sighed and said, “I wonder what he’s doing up there. Probably trying to pass another level of that blasted game he’s always playing. I’ll go and get him.”

Phil saw that Dan was becoming progressively more annoyed with Michael’s behavior as of late and didn’t want the subsequent argument. “I’ll go,” he said putting the ladle down on a cloth napkin he had ready, to keep the table clean. He went upstairs to Michael’s room and heard nothing that resembled any video game he ever played. Phil turned the knob, opened the door, looked at Michael then shut the door. He stood there for a moment in shock of what he just saw. He gulped and went back down stairs and sat down without saying anything.

“Where’s Michael?” Dan asked picking up his pasta with his fork.

“Uh… We need to talk to him later. He’ll be down soon.”

“Okay…what happened?”

“We’ll talk about it _later_ ,” Phil said gesturing towards the girls.

Shortly after Phil came down stairs, Michael did too. He said a small rushed, “Hi,” to everyone and sat down. He began eating and still wouldn’t look up. Dan looked back and forth between Phil and Michael and became frustrated with their strange behavior. “One of you say something,” Dan told them letting his fork fall to his plate.

“Dan, drop it.”

Dinner was tense after that. Johanna didn’t want to bring any attention to herself, the same for Michael and Dan was upset with Phil for not telling him. The only person in this house without drama was Sophie and she was busy eating her favorite meal.

After dinner, everyone did their part without speaking to each other. Things went about as normal until it was time to tell Michael goodnight. Phil dragged Dan into their bedroom and told him, “I saw him wanking.”

“What?” Dan laughed.

“Dan…,” Phil whined in embarrassment.

“You caught him wanking and that’s why you’ve been acting so weird?”

“Yes, you would be too if you caught your son doing that. You know what it’s like to be caught with your hands down you pants, Dan. I know.”

“Ha-ha, alright. I admit, I don’t think I could have laughed after seeing that.”

“What do we say to him?”

“What did you want to hear when you were eleven?” Dan asked seriously. They were both men who were once in Michael’s position. That awkward stage when you discovered your own body and other people walked in on your journey of exploration.

“I didn’t want anyone to say anything about it. Do you think we should ignore it?”

“No, that will make it seem like we think he’s weird. I don’t want him to feel like he’s wrong for doing it. Everyone needs to,” Dan said and repositioned his hair like he always does when he’s nervous.

“Come on,” Phil said dragging him back into the hallway and into Michael’s room. Michael looked up at them both and brought the duvet up above his head.

“Mikey, let us talk to you,” Phil begged and approached his bed, bringing Dan along with him. Michael pulled the duvet down and looked to the floor, still ashamed. “First, I’d like to say sorry. I should have knocked before I opened the door,” Phil apologized. “I’m _really_ sorry,” he reiterated.

“It’s okay.” Michael paused. “Pop?”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” Michael said quietly.

“We know. We were once eleven year old boys too. Don’t think this is something we like to talk about either,” Dan reassured him. “We just need to make sure you know that t-this kind of t-thing is perfectly normal.”

“Okay,” Michael responded looking up at Phil and Dan.

“I think you need to lock your door when you do – that. Sophie has a bad reputation for walking in on people.”

“What? When did Sophie walk in on anyone?” Michael was completely oblivious to his little sister’s cock blocking abilities.

“Don’t worry about it. Do you want to say anything about this?” Dan told him quickly.

“My door doesn’t have a lock,” Michael said matter-of-factly.

Dan went to the door, inspected it and found nothing there. “You need one. You live with two girls, you need privacy,” Dan told him. It was fair to say that Dan saw himself in his son. From their uncanny resemblance, their stubbornness and their problems with procrastination, the two were very similar. That was part of the reason why Dan was so firm with him, a little harder on him than Johanna and Sophie. Dan also felt his awkwardness about this whole thing but couldn’t seem too lenient. “There will be one condition though. You must open the door when one of us asks to come in. If you don’t, we’ll take your door off the hinges.”

“Dad…” Michael whined.

“Follow the rule and you have nothing to worry about.”

“Alright. Thanks for not rubbing this in my face, I guess.”

“No problem,” Phil told him, laughing a bit.

They said their goodnights and the two men went back to their own room. While sat in bed, going over messages in his phone, Dan said, “Oh, just so we don’t have any secrets…” Phil looked over at him after taking off his glasses and resting them on the nightstand. “Johanna came home late today and she was out with someone. I’m almost certain she’s dating Thomas.”

“What?!”

 


	21. The Boyfriend

The Boyfriend

“What?” Phil asked him angrily.

“Johanna was out with him today and I think they’re together now,” Dan said casually.

Phil threw the duvet back and got up off the bed and went into the hall way.

“Oh shit,” Dan murmured. He followed because he wasn’t use what Phil would do. “Come back. I wasn’t supposed to tell you.”

Phil turned around sharply and faced him. “How long have you known about this?” he asked firmly.

“About a year but I wasn’t sure. I couldn’t tell you and have you shouting at her for no reason.”

“Now that you’re sure, I can say whatever I want.”

“No! Come back. Leave it until tomorrow. Please.”

Phil sighed and mumbled a resolute, “Fine,” and went back to their room.

Dan let out a sigh of relief and returned as well.

\-----    

 The next morning, Johanna and Michael woke up and went off to school before the rest just like always. Thomas greeted them in front of their house. “Hey,” Michael said and walked in front of them.

“Morning,” Thomas said taking her hand.

“G’morning, Tommy,” she replied squeezing it and then releasing it before Michael turned around. For the past year they’ve been able to keep their relationship a secret. Although Michael now went to their school and everyone knew there was something between them, he didn’t pay attention to them. They were always close so it was understandable that everyone thought Johanna and Thomas were a thing.

“Tommy, can I ask you something?” Michael asked him after the two had caught up to him.

“Can you get me on the football team?”

“You have to try out, Mikey. You can’t just ask.”

“I know but you’re already on the team. Can you give the coach a heads up about me for next term?”

“Sure thing.”

“Thanks.”

“Are you two friends then?” Johanna asked as if she didn’t know, putting her hands at the mouth.

“Yeah, Mike’s like a little brother to me.”

“Then what am I?” she asked innocently.

He cupped his hand over his mouth and whispered, “Everything.” She smiled.

“What did he just say?” Michael asked opening the door to the school building.

“Nothing,” she sighed. “We’ll see you later, yeah?”

“Yeah, bye,” Michael said furrowing his brow because now he knew something was definitely going on. Johanna’s in love. It’s even obvious to Michael now. Michael turned the corridor, out of their field of vision so Thomas took her hand. “I’m tired of hiding this,” he said softly. Johanna told him, “He’s gone. It’s okay. I’ll tell them tonight. Phil will just have to accept it. I’m almost 14.”

“But I’m almost fifteen, Jo. And, he is really scary when it comes to protecting you.”

“It’ll be fine. I know it.”

With a small kiss to her lips and a smile, Thomas told her good bye and went to his first class. She watched him for minute before heading to her own. She had art which was, by far, her favorite class and it was a great way to start the day. As she sat down next to her friend, Helena, she smiled.

“Why are you so happy this morning?” Helena laughed.

“I’m always happy, Lena. Always happy and doing stuff,” Johanna said taking out her sketch book and turning her attention to the teacher.

“Someone got a kiss. I know. I saw,” Helena whispered while the teacher started taking attendance.

“Shush, Lena.”

Johanna nodded her head and raised her hand when she was called. She drew nothing but hearts that morning. When she was done, she sighed and made face. “I refuse to become this girl,” she muttered, ripping the page out and throwing it away. “Never again.”

“Do you ever do anything without drama?”

“No. Don’t be so bloody surprised.”

Helena rolled her eyes and giggled because it was true. She really shouldn’t be.

The day continued as normal. Johanna received a B on a math test she didn’t study for, so was quite content with the grade. She spent all of lunch with her friends including Thomas. She saw Michael watching her from a table across the room. She mouthed to him, “Why are you looking at me?”

He responded by mouthing, “Wait ‘til Pop finds out.”

She smiled and shook her head. It was a matter of a few hours before this came out so Michael didn’t need to look out for her anymore.

On the walk home, Michael told Thomas, “I knew it. Well, I should have known. You’re too nice to her. Johanna is crazy and you’re still around.”

“Joey isn’t crazy. She’s… unpredictable and I like that.”

“Disgusting.”

Michael walked ahead of them and went inside. Thomas slowed down making Johanna stop talking about her next project and ask him, “Aren’t you coming inside?”

“I don’t think I should. Not if you’re going to tell them today.”

“It’ll be okay. Come on,” she said pulling him up the walkway, into her front garden then into the house. Michael was in the kitchen, raiding the fridge as you do at the end of the school day. Johanna yelled, “Leave something for the rest of us, you swine. You’re disgusting.”

“Stop using words you don’t know!” he retorted. She rolled her eyes and went up the stairs. She reached the top and gestured for Thomas to follow her. He looked at Michael who had his head in the fridge again and rushed up to join her.

“I want to show you something really quick,” she said going into her room.

“Oh, what is it?”

“This,” she said uncovering the sketch on her easel, a Christmas present her mother had sent her.

“Joey, that’s amazing! How… do you… art?” he stammered. It was a sketch of the two of them from a photo he took a few weeks earlier. They were sat on a bench outside the art wing of their school, talking about nothing at all, the way the always do. He took out his phone and asked if they could take a picture. She said sure and as he leaned close and counted down, “3, 2, 1,” she leaned in for a kiss just before he snapped the picture.

The drawing on the easel was a replica of that photo, in lines of grey, drawn with hours of perfected shading. “So you like it?”

“No, Joey. It’s not one of the most incredible things I’ve ever seen,” he said sarcastically, laughing. He hugged her from behind so she turned her head to face him as he spoke again. “It’s great. So great.” He pecked her on the lips and looked into her eyes. “We should go back downstairs before they get home,” he said afterwards.

“No. It will be a least an hour before that,” she told him, staring at his lips.

Before they knew it, the two of them were making out on her bed.

\-----    

 Meanwhile, Phil and Dan were on their way home. They had plans that night to go out so they left work early to spend a little time with the family. Sophie was walking home with her friends now so they didn’t have to worry about picking her up.

Phil walked into the house to see Michael watching TV by himself. “Hey, Mike.”

“Hey, Pop. Hey, Dad.”

“How was school?” Dan asked.

“Very interesting,” Michael said slowly, hinting at what he found out today.

“That’s good. School should be interesting. Where is Jo-Jo? We need to talk.” Phil asked.

“I think upstairs.”

“Is Thomas here too?” he asked.

“He came in with us. I went into the kitchen and they were gone when I came back into the living room,” Michael told him, keeping his eyes glued to the television screen.

Phil looked at him suspiciously and listened for a while before going upstairs. He didn’t hear a thing. That was a bad sign. “Johanna? Are you up here?” he called. Dan followed close behind him. Before she could answer, Phil walked to her room. Her door was wide open and there they were. Thomas had his hand up her blouse and her school tie was on the floor below them. Her hair was splayed out on her duvet and his lips on hers.

“Johanna!” Phil shouted.

The two of them jumped apart and Johanna sat up and pulled her shirt down. Thomas fixed his hair and straightened himself up.

“What is this?” Phil yelled.

“Oh my god,” Johanna whimpered softly, holding her head in her hands.

“Johanna, answer us!” Dan demanded.

“We weren’t doing anything. Please don’t be mad at me,” she pleaded. Thomas kept silent and avoided their harsh eyes. There’s no way Dan would stick up for him now. He was caught on their little girl’s bed with his hand in a compromising place.

“Oh, we aren’t mad. We’re livid!” Dan barked. “You know the rules! We have them for a reason!”

“I know. I’m sorry!” she yelled.

“Do not raise your voice to us!” Dan scolded. “Thomas, you shouldn’t be up here!”

“Sorry, Dan. Sorry, Phil,” he said quietly without looking at them.

Phil crossed his arms, walked over to them and towered over the boy. “Leave,” he demanded.

Thomas bolted from his spot next to Johanna, leaving her sniffling on the bed as she had started crying. She couldn’t handle being in trouble with them.

“What were you thinking?” Phil asked in a deep threatening voice. “Are you having—“

“No! We’re aren’t. We only kiss! That’s all.”

“How long were you hiding this from us? You are not supposed to date. You aren’t 14 yet,” Phil asked glaring at her.

“Since last February,” she answered, playing with the ends of her curls.

“You’ve been lying to the both us for over a year!”

“Sorry.”

“That’s not going to do it this time. You are grounded. He isn’t allowed over until further notice. I will ask Michael if he takes one step inside this house. You are not allowed out of this house except to go to school.

“But—“

“No! You’re not allowed to negotiate this one. You took it too far,” Dan reprimanded her. “We give you a lot of freedom Johanna and you took advantage of it. We trusted you. I knew something was going on but I thought you were smarter than this. I’ll think twice before trusting you again,” he said disappointedly.

“Alright, alright. I get it,” she mumbled.

“Where’s your phone?” Phil asked. She reached into her school blazer that she had taken off when she got to her room and handed it to him. “You’ll have it back in two weeks. Since you’ll be here or at school, you won’t really need it, will you?”

She shook her head no. “What do you have to say?” Dan asked.

“I’m sorry,” she repeated.

“Hmm,” he scoffed. Dan left the room and went back downstairs. Phil was still standing by her bed and said, “Johanna, look at me.” She raised head up timidly. “We have these rules to protect you. Do you understand that?”

“Yes, I do.”

“See you at dinner.”

She nodded her head and he left.

\-----    

Sophie came home to an unusually quiet house and the miserable face of Johanna. “Jo-Jo, what happened? Why does everyone look so cross?” Johanna got up from the bed and shut her door in Sophia’s face.

“Someone has an attitude problem.” Sophie went to her own room and waited for Dan to tell her to start her homework because he always did it with her. He eventually came up to talk to her and he simply said, “Start your homework,” and turned to leave.

“But Daddy… You always help me.”

“Sophia, you can do it.”

“Please.”

“Alright,” he said sullenly. This hit him hard because who knows how far they would have gone. He didn’t want to compare Johanna to her mother but he couldn’t help it. In about another year, Jo-Jo would be the same age Charlotte was when she became pregnant. Dan couldn’t let Johanna go through the same thing at such a young age. He was practically her father and he would do everything in his power to protect her for as long as possible. He was lost in thought for a while until Sophie said, “Daddy, what happened?”

“Johanna was kissing Thomas again,” he said truthfully.

“Oh. Why is that so bad?”

“They could have made a few mistakes they would regret. Do you know what regret is?” he asked sadly.

“No,” Sophie answered.

“It’s like feeling sorry about something for a long time. I don’t want her to regret this for the rest of her life. Do you remember what I told you about how babies are made?” She nodded. “I’m afraid that Jo might make a mistake and have a baby too early.”

“But you like babies,” Sophie chimed in.

“Yes, but you kids aren’t old enough to have them. That’s why we have those rules about having friends in the house. You’re only six, almost seven,” he smiled, “but I think you can understand these things. You’re pretty smart. I don’t want you to make the same mistakes. Learn from this. Okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Take out the math. Let’s get the hard stuff out of the way,” he said.

“Okay. Daddy, I should tell you that I have a girlfriend.”

“Not you too,” he laughed. “Who?” he asked.

“Sarah.”

Dan nodded and took the math book from her and opened it to the bookmarked page. He would tell Phil about this later. Sophia was doing the same thing he did at that age. Her preferences were now known. They had an inkling about it from the time she was five. They hoped she would have it easier considering who her parents were. Dan still feared for her because as time goes on, more people will share their opinions. He couldn’t bear the thought of having his little girl hurt or bullied. “That’s good. Is she nice?”

“Yeah.”

\-----    

At dinner, Johanna’s tears were obvious long after they fell. Sophia and Michael talked quietly when Dan asked them about school and everything. Phil mentioned that Charlotte called earlier and they would talk to her later that night. They wouldn’t be going out after all.

When they did, Charlotte asked how they all were. They lied and said alright. They didn’t want her to worry about Johanna getting to close to Thomas or the two of them worrying over it. Charlotte would insist that they send her to the states. She would insist that they didn’t need the stress of raising her teenaged daughter. It was obvious that something was wrong but they told her they had had a long day.

“Johanna, how’s your friend? Uh—Thomas?”

“He’s okay, Mum.”

“Jo-Jo, are you okay?” she asked worriedly.

“Yeah, Mum. I need to finish something for French. Can I talk to you some other time?”

“Yeah, sure. Good night, sweetie.”

“Night,” Jo said sadly and signed off. She went back to her room and stared at the sketch on the easel that started this entire thing. She got out her pencils to finish it.


	22. The Identity Crisis

 

It was May 2023. It was a beautiful day but twelve year old Michael wasn’t outside enjoying the weather. He was playing ‘those blasted video games’ as his father called them. He was down the street at his friend, Chris’ house playing something ridiculously violent and incredibly fun for the two. Chris had been his friend since he was adopted and started kindergarten. They were in the same class and went to the same primary school. They were close, definitely best friends. In such a tight knit neighborhood, if Dan or Phil asked someone where Michael was, the answer was always ‘with Chris’.

Chris had two very successful parents and had the best of everything. His father was from Spain so he spent many summers there in the family villa. Michael had gone with him once and raved about it for weeks. Chris’ parents were hardly home but it didn’t matter. They had a housekeeper and a live-in nanny when their children were younger. Chris had an older sister named Abby, a girl Johanna didn’t like, who was in the year above her. She was a little bit of a bitch to be completely honest. She was spoiled and controlling. Chris, however, was not. He was excitable, lovable and personable. Everyone got along with him; he had no real enemies. His easy going manner, adorable curly blond hair and grey eyes made him a favorite among the girls in their year.

"You fucking cheated!"

"Mikey, you can’t call it cheating just because you suck at it," Chris laughed. Michael laughed too because it was true. He was horrible at this particular game so he had to admit it.

"Alright," Michael said throwing the controller down. "I wanna take a break. You got anything good to eat?"

"Always, man. Marta made biscuits earlier."

"Cool."

They went down to the kitchen and greeted Marta. With a slight Spanish accent she said,

“Hi, boys. Still spending your day pretending to kill people?”

"Yup!" they answered chuckling and grabbing a few cookies from the dessert platter.

"As long as you’re having fun," she joked. "Please don’t spoil your dinner, Christian. I’m making your favorite."

"I won’t. We’ll be upstairs, okay?"

"Okay."

They went back to their video games and played for another few hours. After a three hours of intense battles, Michael called it a night. It was time he went home. If he got home too late, Dan would lecture him.

“I’m going home, man. I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?”

“Michael, I—Never mind. Yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow. Same time, same place?” Chris said anxiously. 

“Yeah. Bye.”

Michael went downstairs, went in to the kitchen to say goodbye to Marta who was cooking. He always made sure to tell her bye. She was like mother to the both of them. She doted over him and fed him enough times to ‘get some meat on his bones.’ She said, “See you tomorrow, dear.” It was Friday so she knew he would be there all of the next day. “Bye,” he said and left.

The next day he took his football with him when he visited. They played for a few hours, a little tired of the video games. “You are such a cheater,” Chris told him.

“No, you just suck,” Michael laughed. “Thomas has been training with me. He says I’ll make the team for sure next term.”

“Your kick is pretty strong and you got a good curve on the ball. You probably will, mate.”

“Damn right. I will,” Michael said confidently. They headed inside and up to Chris’ room to clean up and change. Michael was going to stay the night so he had brought a change of clothes and all that.

Chris went into the shower first and cleaned up, then gave Michael a turn. Michael took his shower and come out in his towel because he’d forgotten his clothes in Chris’ room.

He walked into the room and saw Chris staring at him nervously. He paid no mind to him and got his clothes and returned to bathroom to finish. As he came back in and crashed down on the beanbag, he asked, “So, what do you want to do? Play some World of Warcraft?”

“Michael, I have to tell you something. Uh… promise you won’t hate me?”

“Yeah, man. What is it?”

“I like you.”

“Um, I like you too. We’re like best friends,” Michael said confoundedly. He shifted on the red beanbag, trying to make himself more comfortable. Chris moved across the white plush carpet towards him and sat down on the black beanbag right beside him.

“No, Mikey. I like you. The same way your dads do…,” he trailed off. Chris began playing with his fingertips, picking away at a few hangnails while he waited for Michael to react.

“Uh… um…” Michael stuttered. He couldn’t answer him. He just couldn’t. 

“Forget about it. I won’t like you anymore. Sorry,” Chris said, taking it all back. Michael looked at him to find him halfway across the room already.

“I just don’t know what—I don’t know anything yet. I liked girls growing up but… I don’t know. I think I should go home. Sorry,” Michael explained then got up. He changed into the shorts he’d planned to wear the next day, quickly, and grabbed his bag.

“Don’t forget your ball,” Chris said, calling after him.

“Keep it!” Michael yelled from downstairs. He opened the door and fled before Marta could say good bye.

She went upstairs to ask Christian what happened. She found him crying and mumbling, “I told him and he ran away. He hates me!” She didn’t know what he was talking about but comforted him, telling him, “No, no. You and Michael are too close for him to hate you.”

“He hates me…” Christian cried.

\-----    

 Michael ran back home on pure adrenaline from the need to get away. His fight or flight response kicked in and he flew. He rushed through the door, slammed it shut, surprising the entire family. Dan yelled, “You’re back already? What happened?”

The door upstairs slammed and Dan looked to Phil and said, “I’ll get this one.” Phil prayed that it wouldn’t get to bad. Dan and Michael were known to have legendary shouting matches.

Dan went upstairs and knocked on his door. Michael said, “Please leave me alone,” and Dan could hear the melancholy in his voice. He turned the knob and walked in. “I should have locked it,” Michael mumbled irritably.

“Wouldn’t matter. I’d ask you to open it. Tell me what happened. Did you have a fight?”

“No.” Michael threw his bag to the wooden floor of his bedroom angrily even though he was most certainly feeling uncertainty and sadness at the moment.

“Let me help. It may not be as bad as you think,” Dan told him. Michael sat down on the bed and said, “Can you shut the door, Dad?”

“Alright,” Dan said cautiously. He stepped inside the room completely, pushed the door shut then asked, “What’s up?”

“Dad? How did you know you were gay?” Michael asked quietly. Dan eyes widened a bit before he started repositioning his hair in his now nervous state. 

“Oh,” Dan muttered, sitting next to his son. “I guess I always knew, for as long as I can remember. But I didn’t let anyone know until I was sixteen. He cleared his throat and anxiously continued with, “Why do you ask?”

“Chris just told me that he likes me… the same way you like Papa.” 

“Oh. Wow. Okay. What did you tell him?”

“I told him I didn’t know if I liked boys then I left. I think he thinks I hate him but I just couldn’t stay. He looked so sad when I told him. Dad, I don’t want to lose him as a friend. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to have to stop talking to him.” Michael paused then said, “Dad, I’m scared.”

"Of what?"

"Being gay…" Michael whispered. The bullies beat that into him from the time he was eight. Four years later and he can’t bear to be like his fathers. The thought terrifies him.  Dan took a huge breath and tried to think of the best way to answer him. He understood Michael’s fear. Dan lived through it by himself for almost half his life. 

“Michael, listen to me. To be honest, if you liked boys, you probably would know by now. Things may change but for now just go with that. Sexuality is fluid; it’s not black and white. There are so many terms and things that might represent you and a lot that don’t even matter. You might be attracted to anyone simply you get along with them or you think they’re good looking or both.

“If you want to let Chris know you don’t hate him, tell him that you don’t. Let him know that you’re still his best friend and that you support him. He’s really young and he just came out to you. I didn’t come out to everyone until I was eighteen. He’s only twelve. This means he trusts you more than anyone else right now. Call him,” Dan advised. “Before it’s too late.”

Michael looked up at Dan’s worried face and nodded his head. He took his phone from his bag. He dialed three as that was Chris’ speed dial number in his phone and waited from him to pick.

After the third time trying, he finally did.

“Chris?”

“Yeah?” He was still sniffling and he mumbled instead of speaking clearly.

“I don’t hate you. I just don’t like you that way. I like girls, I think. Can we still be friends?”

“Yeah man, of course. I’m sorry I made things weird between us, you know?”

“Don’t say sorry. You can’t help who you like. It took a lot for you to tell me, huh?”

“Yeah sort of. I remembered the way those guys used to beat on you because of your dads. I don’t know what will happen if anyone finds out.”

Michael winced at the mention of the bullies. Since he had started high school and stayed under Thomas’ watchful eye, no one has tried to hurt him yet. “I won’t tell. I asked my Dad for advice so he knows but you don’t have to worry about that,” Michael said smiling at Dan who felt very proud of his son at the moment. “…he understands even more than you think. You can probably ask my parents for advice. They know what they’re talking about.”

“I think I will. Thanks.”

“No problem. Can I come over? I was looking forward to beating you on that last level,” Michael smiled.

“Get over here so I can prove you wrong and get that out of the way. You’re in denial, mate.

You are terrible.”

“I’ll be right there.”

Michael hung up and picked up his bag. Dan was on the bed, holding back tears because he was so proud of him. He got up and hugged him tight. “You are a good person, Michael. I am so proud. I wish I had had a friend like you growing up,” Dan said.

“Dad, I can’t breathe,” Michael groaned, straining to speak from the crushing hug.

“Sorry,” Dan chuckled and ruffled his sons’ curly hair.

“Thanks, Dad.”

“We’re always here for you. No matter what,” Dan told him. “I’ll drop you off at his house.

Grab your stuff.”

Michael took up his bag, they went downstairs and Dan told everyone that he’d be right back. When Michael went up to the front door and rang the bell, Marta said, “I’m so happy you came back. You two shouldn’t fight, you know?”

“I know,” he smiled. Christian came down to meet him and take him upstairs. They spent the night joking, laughing, and messing about. Abby got annoyed with the noise and told them they were ‘fucking pushing it’ and they laughed even louder. There was one thing Michael was certain of:

He was Chris’ best friend and he loved him, much like a brother.


	23. The 25th Anniversary

# 

 

“Phil, baby, you make me so happy,” Dan mumbled on his lips.

“Dan…,” Phil murmured, too distracted by Dan’s stroking him to respond. Dan was half on top of him with one hand beside Phil’s head on the pillow and the other down Phil’s pajamas bottoms. “We can’t do anything now.”

“Do you want me to stop?” Dan asked slyly, looking into Phil’s eyes and smirking because Phil was already starting to get hard.

“No,” Phil smiled and lifted his head to meet Dan’s lips once more. “But we have to get up.”

It was June 20, 2023, the exact day of Dan and Phil’s first date. Dan woke up that morning smiling because he knew what day it was. He woke up Phil with soft whispers of, “I love you. I love you. I love you,” and kisses up and down his torso. Phil slept shirtless the night because of the heat.

Dan loved the summertime.

“Forget about it. Please,” Dan begged. Dan never had any dignity in the bedroom. He always begged and pleaded even when there was nothing to ask for.

“We have to go to work. We can’t forget about it,” Phil told him, pushing Dan onto the bed as he sat up and pushed the duvet off his body.

“Phil, no…” Dan whined holding onto Phil’s pajamas bottoms as he tried to get out of bed.

“Grow up, Daniel,” Phil laughed.

“Fuck me, Philip,” Dan retorted pulling on him again.

“Later, I promise” Phil said in a deep amorous tone.

Dan finally let go and they went about the room getting ready. Phil went to the kitchen to make them coffee and found Johanna already there. “Happy Anniversary,” she said handing him to mugs. “Thanks, Princess. You woke up just for that?” he asked. All the children were already on summer holiday so they usually slept well into the day.

“Yeah, it’s a pretty big day.”

“It is,” Phil smiled. He kissed her forehead and told her, “You can go sleep now.”

“Night!” she rushed back upstairs to her room.

Phil laughed and went back to their bedroom to give Dan his coffee. He would be a nuisance without it. Dan literally jumped for joy when Phil came back. “Are you happy to see me or the coffee?”

“The coffee, Philip. You’re so thick sometimes.”

“You’re lucky I love you,” Phil said, rolling his eyes.

“I am,” Dan agreed.

They were ready to go so they headed off to work. Eight hours later and they were ready to go home and start their night. Because Johanna was old enough now and they felt they could trust her again, she would babysit while they were out.

When they got home, the house was perfectly clean so it looked suspicious. Thomas was there, allowed back to their home after a very long talk with his mother and a two week ban. It’s been a year since their relationship became known and Phil had slowly accepted it. Dan never got over his fear of unplanned pregnancy, a father never does, but he let the boy come over when they’re home. Dan said he had to be able to see all four hands when they were together. Johanna whined, “Danny… you’re so embarrassing.”

“And you two can’t be trusted,” he snapped.

Sophia was in the back garden with Sarah, who lived close by as well. Dan told Phil about Sophie’s girlfriend and he surprisingly took it well. Sophie was only eight and at the moment the girls would just spend the day playing together. There was nothing to worry about.

Michael’s friend, Chris, was there today also. He had had a talk with Dan about coming out to his parents. Dan told him, “It’s all up to you. You’ll know when the time is right. It’s your decision. Just know that our entire family will support you. Sometimes these things don’t end well but Phil and I are here for you.”

“Thanks a lot Dan,” Chris hugged him.

“You’re welcome.”

\-----    

“Jo-Jo, we’ll be back later tonight. Remember: Michael’s watching,”

“Uncle Phil, you have nothing to worry about.”

“Sure… Good night, guys.”

Phil and Dan got in their car and went to their favorite restaurant, the same little Italian restaurant they went to after the longest sex drought of their entire relationship. They arrived and were immediately seated by hostess. They had walked in holding hands and whispering to each other. When they reached their table she said, “You two look so cute. How long have you been together?” Phil blushed at her compliment and Dan answered, “Twenty-five years,” picking up Phil’s hand and connecting linking their fingers together. “Wow, congratulations. Can I start you off with a drink…?”

\-----    

Phil put his fork down and smiled, looking at Dan lovingly. Dan smiled back, finishing the last of his drink.

“What are you thinking about?” Dan asked.

“Tonight.”

“Me too. There’s something I want to try that we haven’t done before.”

“Oh. What is it? What is it?”

“You’ll have to wait and see. I don’t want you walking around here hard and I couldn’t do anything about it.”

“Who says you couldn’t?”

“Phil, you are naughty. Very naughty.”

Phil laughed, sticking out his tongue and Dan’s laughed even louder at his husband’s cute habit.

“Are you ready to go now?” Phil asked winking.

“You have no idea,” Dan said throwing the money down to cover the check and the waiter’s tip.

\-----    

They weren’t going to spend the money for a hotel or anything so they went home.

Hopefully, Johanna had gotten Sophia to bed. Michael would be at Chris’ house so they had one less child to worry about. They pull into the driveway and got out of the car. Dan was getting a little anxious and rubbing his eye the way he does when he’s apprehensive. Phil watched him as he opened the door. “What’s wrong?” he whispered.

“Oh, nothing. Let’s get inside.”

Phil went inside, Dan following close behind and closing the door. The house was quiet and all the lights turned off. They went straight upstairs and saw all the bedroom doors closed. Perfect. Phil hugged Dan from behind and pushed him into their bedroom. He closed the door quietly as to not wake anyone and turned around to Dan sitting on the bed wringing his hands. “Phil, I want to do something for you.”

“What is it, Dan?” Phil inquired worriedly. Why was Dan so nervous?

“A rim job.”

“What?” Phil said surprised at Dan’s words. They had seen it videos they watched together but never really considered it for themselves. “W-What? Why do you want to do that?”

“I don’t know. It looks like it feels good. Phil, you know how much I want to make you feel good,” Dan reasoned.

“Um—uh… But it’s so d-dirty,” Phil stammered. Dan got up off the bed and strode over to him. He looked into his eyes, holding his gaze for moment and kissed him. Dan tilted his head into the kiss and putting his fingers into Phil’s belt to undo it and take it off. By the end of the kiss, Phil’s trousers had fallen to his ankles and Dan’s soon followed. “Baby, let me do this for you,” Dan whispered, sliding his hands into the back of Phil’s boxers, pulling them down simultaneously.

“Okay, but you can’t kiss me afterwards.”

“Why not? I’ve sucked you off after you were inside me!” Dan argued. Phil shut him up with a kiss. They both stepped out of their trousers and stripped themselves of their tops. Phil walked over to the bed and lay down, opening himself up to Dan. As a top, he was almost never in this position unless Dan was riding him.

“You gonna love this, Lion. I promise,” Dan smiled.

Dan took Phil’s legs and gripped them under his thighs, pushed them upwards to expose his entrance. Phil felt all the movements and from his angle he could see Dan go down than he felt something warm and wet at his hole. Dan’s tongue licked around him, making him moan “Danny…”

“Good right?”

“Yeah. Go on.”

Dan went back to licking over the puckered skin and stuck a finger in. Phil made a lower moan and reached down to take Dan’s hair in his hand. Dan likes to finger Phil whenever he gave him a blowjob. It gave him a little bit of a boost especially when Dan ran the tip of his tongue through Phil’s slit and brushed his prostate at the same time. Phil’s eyes would roll back and he’d pull on Dan’s wrist to stop himself from coming. That same thing was happening tonight only Phil was stroking himself while Dan prodded his entrance with his finger and tongue. Dan licked his hole once more then continued to his balls then finally his dick. Dan left a trail of his saliva on the underside of Phil’s length then took the sucked on his head. With Dan’s finger still twisting and moving inside him, Phil moved up the bed, pulling away from Dan and let out a soft, “Fuck…”

“You owe me a kiss, Phil.”

“Come here,” Phil whimpered, still in daze from almost climaxing. Dan climbed on top of him then Phil took his face in his hands, kissing him hard.

“My dirty, dirty boy,” Dan giggled. Phil kissed him again while pushing him onto the bed and getting on top of him, never breaking apart. Phil fell between Dan’s legs and felt their members brushing against each other. Phil reached down between them, grabbed them both and started stroking them with one hand. When he reached the top, he slid his thumb over the both of them, giving them both pleasure at the same time. Phil rested his forehead on Dan’s, looking straight into his eyes as he pleasured him. Dan’s mouth open to speak but nothing came. Phil’s thumb was going faster now and they fell into a daze, Phil not wanting to stop and Dan too far gone to say anything. Phil moved forward to kiss and that snapped Dan out of his stupor. Dan placed his hand on Phil’s, slowing him down so they could back away from the edge together.

“You almost made me come,” Dan whispered accusingly, biting his own finger seductively.

“Sorry,” Phil giggled. He stopped stroking them and took both of Dan’s hands in his and moving them to the sides of Dan’s head. As he hovered over Dan’s face, leaning in to kiss him, Phil grinded into him, forcing Dan into the bed. The friction was intense as they were both hard and ready to climax any minute. “Yes…” Dan moaned out as Phil gave him a sloppy open mouthed kiss. Phil let go of one of Dan’s hands and licked his own to get it wet. He couldn’t bother with trying to find the lube that they hid deep in the nightstand top drawer. He reached down to lubricate his length then positioned himself at Dan’s entrance. He put his tip in, just past the first ring of muscles, then looked up at his husband and bit his lip. He linked their hands together with sliding in between his fingers, pushing Dan’s hands into the mattress and thrust in completely filling Dan. No matter how many times he’d felt this, Dan savored in the feeling. Phil’s skin on his, Phil’s lips on his and Phil’s just everything to him and so much more. Phil mirrored Dan’s exact feelings in every way. He was forever in love with him. That boy who was terrified of himself and of the world had learned to love and Phil was his teacher. How could this be real? How could anyone be so perfect for him?

Phil moved his hips and Dan tightened his grasp on Phil’s hands as he moaned quietly. Dan wraps his legs around Phil’s middle to get him closer. He needed him to be closer but physics wouldn’t allow it. Phil’s mouth ghosted over his as his thrusts were too fast for their lips to meet long enough to kiss. Phil let go of Dan’s hands and moves his all over his chest and shoulders, trying to feel all of him at once. Dan wrapped his arms around Phil, bringing him down to meet his lips, finally. Phil broke the kiss and murmurs quietly, “I love you, Danny. Oh God, I love you… What would I do without you?” Dan whimpered at their closeness and Phil’s words. He said “I love you, my—lion.” Dan is on the edge and one hit to his prostate sends him over, clenching around Phil. Their foreheads met and they stared into each other’s eyes, sharing breaths and silent messages. Phil knew this feeling well and drowns in it, climaxing right along with him. He came up for air, panting and gasping as he comes down. Dan’s eyes were covered in a gloss of tears. Phil reacted instantly; worried about the man he loves. “Dan, did I hurt you?”

“No, I’m—I’m happy. You love me— I don’t deserve you and I just can’t—“

“Shhh… Danny,” Phil calmed him wiping his tears away. “You deserve every happiness in the world, baby. Do I make you happy?”

“More than you’ll ever know,” Dan sniffled smiling up at him with his lips closed and his dimples obvious. 

“Then you deserve me. Just like I deserve you.” Phil kissed him on the lips. He pulled out slowly watching Dan’s response to his movements. A small moan left Dan’s parted lips making Phil smile.

“Phil?”

Phil moved off him, lying beside him and grabbing a tissue from the nightstand. He cleaned Dan’s torso, throws away the tissue then drapes his arm over Dan’s middle, laying on his stomach. He had his head turned towards Dan and Dan looked to him to finish what he’s saying. “Yes?”

“You saved me all those years ago. If it weren’t for you, I’d be gone,” Dan spoke clearly without missing a beat.

“What?” Phil was stunned.

“The day before I met you, I had everything planned. I was going to be gone by Monday.

But then you came along and I’m glad I hung on.”

“So am I. Everything would be so different without you,” Phil said thoughtfully. He pulled Dan even closer as if he thought he could fade away right then and there. “Neither of us would be here. Whoa…” 

“Just goes to show that things do get better,” Dan smiled and kissed the tip of Phil’s nose. “I couldn’t ask for anything more.”

“I can. Twenty five more years with you and another twenty five after that,” Phil giggled. He rested his head on Dan’s shoulder and began to drift into sleep. “Never leave me, Dan. You saved me too. You know that,” he whispered.

Dan leaned into Phil’s body and brought the duvet up. “I love you, Phil.” Phil had already fallen asleep but Dan knew he loved him too. He fell asleep soon after to the sound of Phil’s soft breathing on his skin. 

     


	24. The Sleepover

"Hi, girls! Come in. Presents on the table there," Phil instructed.

"Hello, Mr. Lester!" Hannah and Theresa yelled and ran inside the house.

Phil laughed at their excitement and closed the door. He stepped into the kitchen where Dan was pouring some crisps into a bowl for the parents to snack on until they were ready to barbeque.

It was Sophie’s ninth birthday and it seemed that the entire neighborhood came to celebrate.

"Who was that who just came in?" Dan asked, moving the bowl to the counter.

"Hannah and Theresa," Phil answered. "They didn’t even stop; they just ran out to the garden. They must have seen the bouncy castle from down the block."

"Oh, I hope they’re here for Sophie’s party. That would be awkward."

"I’m sure they are," Phil chuckled. "Do you need any help in here?"

"No, Johanna’s been helping me.”

"Okay. I’ll be outside supervising," Phil said, leaving the kitchen.

"If I find out that you were jumping in that thing, you _will_ be in trouble,” Dan yelled after him.

"You’re no fun at all!" Phil shouted back with laughter in his voice.

Dan grinned at childish man who was now in the contraption bouncing with his daughter. Dan watched from the kitchen window and shook his head. “He better not step on anyone. We can’t handle a trip to A and E just yet,” Dan murmured. "Danny, we’re done setting up. Can we go now?"

"Sure. Jo-Jo, be back by ten," he warned.

"Fine."

Johanna rolled her eyes and took Tommy’s hand leaving out the front door. They were going to the cinema and didn’t want to be around for the nightmare that was a child’s birthday party. Dan could have sworn he heard, ‘Jesus, he’s worse than a real dad.’ It made him pause. When was the last time they had heard from Will? He wasn’t present at all in his daughter’s life. His mother had been trying to get him to take responsibility but nothing came of it. 

Dan ignored her comment and focused on Sophie’s day. She had asked for a party for all her friends and a sleepover with Sarah. The two men didn’t really know how to approach the situation. It was obvious that Sophie had feelings for this girl. It was obvious that Sophie, even at the age of nine, was perfectly fine with who she was. She had no secrets from others and although no one had said anything yet, Dan was concerned. Phil, on the other hand, had shown signs early on as well. His parents always figured he was gay and had no issue with it so when Sophia brought Sarah home one day after school, holding her hand the entire time they sat in the living room, he didn’t treat her any differently. Dan was too fearful of what they would do to her, what they would do to them. Dan walked outside and made small talk with all the parents.

"Sophie’s so cute. When did you adopted or…?" Sarah’s mum, Ruby, asked.

"We adopted her when she was two years old. She’s our baby," Dan smiled.

"Daddy, come play with us!" Sophie yelled from inside the bouncy castle. Her fingers were gripped the mesh and her face was pressed up against the little ropes that made it.

"I have to start the grill, sweet. Sorry," Dan waved.

About an hour later, all the children were eating except Sarah who complained of a headache. Her mother told her if she didn’t eat she couldn’t stay. She looked over at Sophie and picked up her hot dog, finishing it in seconds.

When it was time for cake, all the children gathered around the picnic table which Johana had decorated in blue and black, Sophie’s favorite colors. Phil had his camera ready and when she blew out her candles Dan hugged her and kissed on the cheeks. “Daddy!” she squealed and he said “Sorry. Sorry.” They served cake and gave out goodie bags, leaving all the children content with the event. It was time to go and they all hugged her and wished her happy birthday once more. Soon it was just Sophie and Sarah left behind.

\-----         

It was around ten pm and they were laying on the living room floor watching a movie with

Dan and Phil sitting on the sofa. The girls had made a bed of sorts out of old duvets and cushions. The movie went on and eventually Dan and Phil went upstairs to bed, having lost interest in the cartoon hijinks.

“Do you think we can get married when we’re older?” Sarah asked turning over on to her back. She had been facing the TV and the position strained her neck a little.

“Yeah, definitely and we’ll have a house made of chocolate and no babies!” Sophie giggled.

“That sounds good. Can we have a candy floss bedroom?”

“But, candy floss is disgusting,” Sophie responded, looking down at her friend with unpleasantly. Her eyebrows were scrunched up, sticking her tongue out and Sarah laughed in her face.

“Don’t ever do that again. I’ll die from laughing so hard,” she giggled, eyes shut and kicking her feet in excitement.

Sophie grabbed a pillow and hit her in the face with it.

“Hey!” Sarah cried out.

“Hey what? Get up and fight like a man,” Sophie said, getting up from her spot and readying her stance to fight.

“You’re on.”

Sarah picked up a pillow but before she could straighten up, Sophia took a swing at her. She ducked, bringing up her own weapon and hit her multiple times to the side of Sophia’s body.

“Time out. Time out,” Sophia said. Sarah stopped watching her friend catching her breath.

“Ready to quit already?”

“Never.”

Sophia took another swing as Sarah took a swing at her. Sarah tripped as she tried to advance closer, falling onto the sofa. Taking a few easy hits, Sophia laughed at her fallen friend. “Sophie…” she pleaded. “ Stop please.”

Sophia didn’t hear her.

“Stop!”

“What’s wrong? Did I hit you too hard?”

“No. My head hurts a lot. Can you tell your dad please? Sophie, it really hurts,” Sarah said holding her hand to the side of her head.

“Daddy!” Sophie yelled.

“What?” he shouted back.

“Sarah’s sick!”

Sarah closed her eyes and laid on the sofa, the sounds too much for her right now. Dan came downstairs and said, “What’s wrong, Sarah? Do you want to throw up?”

She shook her head no. “My head hurts.”

“Okay, how about I get you some water? You lot were eating so much sugar that you probably made yourself sick. Come on,” he told her, helping her off the sofa. She nodded and got up following Dan into the kitchen. Before he reached the threshold, Dan heard a dull thud. He turned to see Sarah collapsed on the rug.

He rushed to her side, yelling, “Sarah!”

“Daddy, what’s happening?” Sophie asked honestly thinking her friend had just died.

“I don’t know,” he answered. “Phil! Call 999! Sarah’s just fainted!”

\-----                                                                                                                 

Emergency services came for her and they called Ruby to let her know what had happened.

She promised to keep them updated on Sarah’s progress.

By that next Thursday, they had heard nothing at all. Sophie went to school without a hand to hold or someone to talk to or share kisses on the hand because anything else was too grown up. She came home sad from the day. She listened to Johanna complaints about Michael trying to steal her boyfriend which Dan and Phil simply laughed at.

“He’s the captain of the team. He has to train me!”

“He’s my best friend and boyfriend. Leave him alone!”

Sophia left the table without saying anything and Phil looked at Dan worriedly. After dinner, Dan decided to call Ruby to check up on Sarah. She picked up and he could hear tremble in her voice. She had been crying.

“Dan, S-Sarah’s going to be in hospital for a bit. They—um… took some tests and they suspect… cancer.”

“Oh God. I’m so sorry to hear that. Is there anything we can do?” Dan asked, gesturing for Phil to come over.

“No. I can’t think of anything right now. Her father’s gone now, stationed in East Africa for the next six months and I haven’t gotten the chance to phone— they said that’s why she’s been having those head aches and I—I ignored them. Why didn’t I take her to the doctor sooner?”

“Ruby, listen. This is not your fault. No one will blame you. Do you mind if we come and visit tomorrow? You shouldn’t be alone right now.”

“That’ll be fine.”

“She’ll be okay. I know it. I’ll call you tomorrow. She will be fine.”

“Thank you. She will. Sarah’s strong. Good night.”

“Good night.”

Phil watched him turn around with a solemn look on his face. “What’s the matter?”

“Sarah might have cancer.”

\-----                                                                                                                 

Dan and Phil took the day off and brought Sophia along to the hospital. They did not tell Sophia what was wrong, only that Sarah was sick. Sophie was just happy to see her again.

They walked into the children’s ward, brightly painted but all the same depressing. Phil could not help but think ‘a place like this shouldn’t have to exist.’ They walked into room 452 which had a sign that said, “My name is Sarah and I like to watch movies.”

Sophie read it aloud and Sarah must have heard because they all heard a little voice saying, “Soapy! You came to visit.” Sarah had called her by that nickname that only she had permission to use. Sophia eyes widened and she pushed open the door and ran to Sarah’s bedside. She had tubes and wires sticking out of her and little stickers on her forehead.

Before she said hi, Sophie asked, “What are these for?” pointing to the stickers.

“They put me in this big machine, like an x-ray I guess, and they said they were looking at my brain.”

“Was it fun?” Sophie asked curiously.

“No, they made me stay still for a real long time. They said I’m sick.”

“What? Like a cold?”

“No, I have cancer… of the something. I don’t really know.”

“What’s that?”

“I don’t know really but that’s why I’m always feeling so sick all the time. You know how I couldn’t run around with you? The doctor said the cancer made me tired. I’m not lazy after all,” she laughed.

“No, you’re not.”

The girls continued chatting while Ruby took them into the hall to talk.

“Thanks for coming. Really, I haven’t seen her smile in a few days unless she was talking about Sophie,” Ruby said wiping her face with a tissue. She had been crying again and tried to desperately hide it.

“No problem,” Phil said taking her into a hug. “We’re here for you both.”

“Did you get in contact with your husband?” Dan asked.

“Yes, h-he’s asked for leave and he should be coming home soon,” she said holding back tears.

“That’s good.”

“She starts treatment next week. I don’t know if she can handle that. I don’t know if I can…”

“You’ll get through this.”

“We all will. We love Sarah too.”

“You’re such good people. I’m so glad Sarah met Sophie. They’re so close,” she said wiping away yet another tear.

\-----         

A few months passed and Sarah wasn’t getting any better. She’d lost her brown hair that she had styled into a cue cut before the diagnosis. Sophie told her she was still pretty though. Sarah found it hard to stay awake but Sophie stayed by her side, telling her what was going on in her life.

But by the start of the next school year, Sarah was dying.

The cancer was aggressive and even though it was 2024, the new treatments didn’t work. They had told her family that even if they caught it early, it would be next to impossible to get the tumor. Surgery was out of the question considering its location. They could only try radiation and chemo therapy.

Her mother and father practically lived in her room. She was their only child so they gave her their complete attention. Sophie would visit as often as possible, Dan or Phil staying with her until the nurses kicked her out. One night in December, both of Sarah’s parents had left the room to talk to Sarah’s nurse. Phil was sat by the window and Sophie was right on Sarah’s bed, sitting next to her.

“Sarah?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you scared?”

“Of what?”

“Dying.”

“Yeah, I am.”

“Me too. Do you think you’ll go to heaven?”

“I don’t know. The man on TV said I couldn’t.”

“Why?”

“Because I like you. He said I couldn’t like you the way I do c-cause we’re two girls,” she had to pause to catch her breath. “Do you think I will?”

“Yeah. You’re the nicest person I know. When you get there, can you tell my mum I said hi?”

“Sure. I will,” she smiled. “Will you come back tomorrow?”

“You know I will,” Sophie laughed. She took Sarah’s hand and kissed the skin. She looked at her once rosy cheeked friend and saw only pale on bone. She leaned in closer and kissed her on the cheek.

“Bye, Soapy,” Sarah whispered. It took too much strength to even open her eyes but she did manage a smile.

“Bye, Sare-bear. See you tomorrow.”

\-----                                                                                                                 

Sarah died the next day and Sophie stopped talking. She refused to go to the funeral the week after and she didn’t want to eat. Dan and Phil came into her room to tell her the bad news but she somehow already knew. It was a Saturday in December, a few weeks before Christmas when it happened. Sophia had bought a present in hopes that Sarah would make it that long. Now she has the green Monster Inc. plush toy to mock her. They watched that movie so many times they could recite each word. They thought all the old Disney movies were better than the new ones. Phil laughed at them and said, “You guys have no clue.”

Johanna and Michael worried about her too. They tried talking to her and she’d push them away. Dan and Phil let her grieve in her own time but Sophia was never the same again.

                 

 

 


	25. The Birth Father

The Birth Father

 

“Will Johanna Howell please come to the front office for early dismissal,” the announcement come through the speakers.

“Where you going, Jo?” Michael asked. He put his sandwich down and looked at her curiously.

“I don’t know. Something must have happened at home,” she said packing her things away and putting her blazer back on.

“Wouldn’t they have called me too?” he said packing up too.

“Maybe they figured you would just follow. Come on.”

They took their things and walked out of the lunch room, through the corridor, went upstairs to the front office of their high school. Johanna opened the door and saw a man standing at the desk and no one else. Michael came in after her with the same confused look on his face. Johanna looked to the secretary, Mrs. Maddison and got her attention by walking up to the desk.

“Hello, I’m Johanna Howell.”

“Yes, you’re dismissed.”

“I-I’m sorry but I don’t understand. I don’t see anyone here to pick me up.”

The man standing next to her suddenly spoke up. “Johanna, don’t you recognize your own father?” he chuckled.

“Uh, no. Who are you?”

“Will. Will Sommers, your dad.”

“How do I know you aren’t lying?” she said questioningly.

He took out his ID and showed it to her, all while Michael and Mrs. Maddison watched the scene. “See, I’m your dad now come on. I’m taking you home.”

“No!”

“Now, be nice, Anna,” he said trying out a pet name to calm her down.

“That’s not my name! And I’m not going anywhere with you. I haven’t seen you in years. I didn’t even know it was you!”

He reached out to touch her and she screamed, “I don’t know you!”

“Call my parents,” Michael said hurriedly. Mrs. Maddison picked up the phone immediately and called Phil first, knowing Michael’s family very well. He picked up and she told him that a man claiming to be Johanna’s father was trying to pick her up from school. Although Johanna was now sixteen, they had a protocol to follow in situations like these.

“How can you say that?”

“Gran says you never want to see me. That even when she begged you just wouldn’t. How dare you come in here and act like a father! What were you planning to do?” she shouted at him.

Meanwhile on the phone, Phil was grabbing his keys to rush over to the school. Mrs. Maddison told him, “Johanna seems scared of him and he’s very insistent. I would call the police but he is listed as her father on the paperwork.”

“Don’t let him take her. I’m on my way.”

Phil stopped by Dan’s office on the way down to tell him what was going on. Dan insisted on coming too and they left a note on his desk that they had an emergency concerning their children.

They arrived at the school, parked in the restricted zone and rushed in.

“What are you doing here?” Phil said calmly.

“I’m only here to pick up my daughter. She is my daughter.”

“What kind of bloody father are you? You have nothing to show for it except those blue eyes,” Dan sassed him.

“Oi, don’t talk to me that way. No faggot is going to tell me off.”

“Hey, don’t call him that!” Johanna yelled. “Uncle Phil, he won’t go away or stop touching me.”

“You touched her?!” Phil asked angrily. “Call the police. He doesn’t have any rights to her at all.”

The woman sitting there in awe of the entire situation snapped out of her daze and dialed 999. “We have a custody issue at Kendall High School. Father is becoming belligerent,” she told the operator.

“I never terminated my rights. She is mine and I don’t want her being raised by people like you!”

“I’m already raised up, you dickhead!” she shouted at him. “Good one,” Dan smirked.

Phil took a step closer to Will to tell him with authority and determination, “Look, you gave up your rights when you refused to see her. We have been her fathers for more than 16 years. You knew about this. Don’t fucking come in here and tell us that she isn’t ours. She doesn’t want to leave with you. We’re going home.”

“No, not until the police arrive. I want them to tell you themselves.”

“Why are you doing this?” Michael asked standing up next to Johanna. “Why do you care now?”

“Who are you to ask me anything?”

“He’s my little brother,” Johanna said proudly.

“Charlotte popped out another one, eh? Can’t keep her legs closed,” he chortled.

“Shut your fucking mouth!” Dan shouted even louder. By now, a few students were watching from the large windows look into the office and the headmaster came to see what all the noise was. “You don’t know what you’re talking about! He’s ours!”

“Yours? They let you people a—, “

“Alright, everybody. Take a step back and calm down,” an officer said coming in the door.

“Someone tell me what’s the problem here.”

“He’s trying to kidnap me!”

“She’s my bloody daughter.”

“Stop! I will ask one person at a time then. You,” he said pointing to Johanna. “Is he your father?”

“Yes,” she answered truthfully, “But he’s not my dad.”

“What do you mean by that, miss?”

“I barely know him. I don’t even know why he’s really here.”

“Alright.” He took down a few notes and asked, “Who is on the other end of this?”

“We are,” Phil said. “Philip and Daniel Howell-Lester. We’re her guardians. Her mother left her in our care.”

“Okay, and you, sir?”

“I’m William Sommers, her father as listed on the document there. Her mother never once asked me to take her,” Will lied.

“Liar! Fucking liar!”

“Danny. Stop,” Phil whispered holding him back. “Officer, we would like to go back to our lives. Can you please tell him that he can’t have her?”

The officer took the document from the secretary and read it while everyone waited, including the students outside and the headmaster.

“Mr. Sommers is her father. Do you two have proof of your guardianship?”

“No, we have the documents at home.”

“Sorry, but until you can provide proof, I have to say that this man has the right to take her home. There’s nothing here to say that he can’t. That is if she wants to…,” the officer noted. “How old are you?” he asked Johanna.

“Sixteen, sir”

“You are old enough to make these decisions now. Go home with whomever you wish.”

“Thank you, officer. I’m going home with my uncles,” she left out a sigh of relief. Michael smiled and picked up their things.

“No! She isn’t going anywhere with them. Who knows what they’re doing to her!” Will protested taking Johanna by the arm.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Phil shouted at his insult. It didn’t really makes sense and being gay does not mean pedophile.

“You shouldn’t be allowed to have child—“

“Settle down now!” the policeman yelled above the argument. “You need to take a step back and let her go.”

“Arrest him!” Johanna said moving over to her uncles. “He’s touched me even after I told him to stop.”

“Anna, stop this. Huh? Don’t be so dramatic,” Will said in a frustrated tone. Putting his hand on her shoulder, he tried to pull her over. Johanna screamed while Will struggled.

“You’re under arrest for assault,” the officer told him, grabbing his hands.

“No, you don’t understand. She’s mine! She’s mine! Let me go!”

The policeman escorted him out of the building while Dan and Phil looked at each other worriedly. This would not be the end of this.

\-----    

They called Charlotte the moment they got home. Johanna stood by Dan to listen in. Michael watched from the sofa. Sophia was still at school and would need to be picked up. She won’t walk home alone she said.

“Dan? Phil? Why are you calling so early? It’s only 9 o’clock.”

“We have a problem. Will tried to take her today,” Dan said.

“Take who?” she asked confused.

“Johanna!” Dan exclaimed. “He showed up at her school today and tried to sign her out. He said he was taking her home. Phil and I nearly got into it with him. We had the police sent over, it was so bad.”

“What?” she shouted. “What else did he have to say? He doesn’t even speak to her!”

“He said he never gave up his rights to her. Is that true?”

“No, when Jo was younger I repeatedly asked him if he wanted to share custody. He always said no. Why does he want her now?”

“We don’t know. Charlie, the policeman said he had a right to her. Are you sure that the guardianship will protect her?”

“I’m sure of it. I made sure. The next time he tries this shit, call the police. In fact, get a restraining order. He’s strange, Dan. And very stupid if you couldn’t tell. I don’t know what he wants with her but he can’t have her.”

“She’s safe at home with us and we’ve told the school to not let him anywhere near her.

Charlie, you never said he was homophobic. He accused us of abusing her because we’re gay.”

“I didn’t think he was, Danny. It never came up during the time I knew him. That’s awful,” she said sadly. “His accusations have no weight so don’t worry about that. Just keep him away from her.”

“Yeah, right. We will. I’ll call his mother right after this. Talk to you later tonight, probably.”

“Yeah. Bye, Dan.”

When they spoke to Georgina, she was just as shocked as they were. Will never listened to her and when he dropped out of Uni he cut off communication completely. She had to find him to talk to him about his own child. She herself was now worried. She repeated Charlotte’s words, “He’s strange.”

\-----    

A few weeks later Johanna was on her way to school with Michael when a car pulled up beside them. The tinted window of the sedan rolled down and someone called from inside.

“Johanna, talk to me.”

“Run, Jo-Jo!” Michael whispered taking her hand and pulling her through some shrubbery to the back fields of the school.

\-----    

Dan and Phil were immediately notified of the contact Johanna experienced that morning.

They were told Will had been charged with stalking. They were still trying to find him to arrest him.

Johanna came home with them but both Dan and Phil had to go to work.

“Keep the door locked and your phone on you,” Phil advised putting his jacket back on.

Dan was ready to go waiting by the door.

“I think I’ll be okay. I’ll call you if I need anything.”

“Good. See you later princess,” Phil said shutting the door.

Johanna took out a math assignment she didn’t finish from the Friday before to complete. If it wasn’t for Will showing up, she would’ve received an incomplete for that one so she found the silver lining in what was an admittedly scary situation.

She had finished the first few problems with ease when she heard, “Open the door!”

She panicked and ran up to her bedroom, leaving her phone behind. As she shut the door, the sound of glass shattering the floor echoed through the empty house. She locked the door and pressed her body against it. She felt around her body for her phone to call the police but she couldn’t find it. The sound of footsteps on the stairs sent tremors through her body.

“Come out, please,” he said sweetly.” You belong to me!” he said maniacally.

She stayed quiet as she heard him open the other bedroom doors. “I found you,” he said but he didn’t come in. He must have seen Sophie’s room and thought it was hers. “Where are you, love?”

He kicked in her door but it didn’t budge. The lock held but Johanna fell to the ground making a loud thud.

“I know you in there.”

“Oh my god. What does he want?” she said quietly to herself standing back up and looking for her laptop. She got the idea to message someone that she needed help. Opening the page to her MyFace account, she clicked on Tommy, knowing that he always had his phone on him. ‘Send help to my house. My father broke in and he sounds mad. Out of his mind!! I’m scared!’

A few seconds later she heard the iconic pop and he replied, ‘Hide. I’m coming.’

The pounding on the door never slowed, he seemed only to get angrier with every kick and punch to the wood. She walked over to her window to see Thomas running over from his house.

“Help!” she screamed.

“I knew you were in there!” Will shouted crazily with a laugh hidden between words. The door flung open and she shrieked. He ran over to her, pulled her by the arm and flung her onto the bed.

“Tommy, help!”

She kicked and punched, giving Will a black eye and a sharp kick to the groin.

He fell to the ground and she rolled over the bed to escape him. Johanna fled the room, running straight into Thomas. Will was still on her floor writhing in pain. They ran down the stairs and outside to wait for the police to arrive.

“What the hell happened?”

“He followed me to school this morning then he showed up here. He broke the glass on the door and I ran upstairs. I forgot my phone so I messaged you to come help me. He’s lost it.”

Will came out of the house right then and approached them but paused when he heard the sirens coming closer. He sat down on the grass and appeared to wait for them. He looked content and calm. Johanna looked to Thomas and they both backed away slowly. They weren’t sure if he had a bomb-strapped to him and this was all an elaborated terrorist plot.

The police arrived and laid him flat on the ground, putting handcuffs on him. When they asked what he was doing here he said, “I don’t know. Johanna? Why is she crying? What happened?”

\-----    

Will was found to have a dissociative identity disorder. His sudden interest in the safety of his daughter was the result a split personality. A psychiatrist had asked him what he was doing before the police arrived. He said, “Watching TV.” He had no memory of the past few weeks. He said the last time he had seen Johanna was when she was nine years old. The doctor told them something triggered the switch from one personality to the next. No one knew what the trigger was. He was placed in a mental health facility until further review. His mum was distraught, especially when they told her it was the result of some sort of childhood trauma. She racked her brain for clues but found none.

Johanna was shaken up by the entire experience. She did find it hard to be independent for a few weeks after it all happened but she eventually found solstice in the fact that he was gone.

Johanna was advised to look out for her own mental health status. These things tend to run in families. This whole experience could cause the disorder in herself. Charlotte was relieved to hear that Will was put away but incredibly concerned for Jo-Jo. Over the phone, she tried to calm her down, “Mum, I’m okay. I promise I’m fine. He’s gone now. Stop crying.”

\-----    

Whilst Johanna was on the phone with her mum, Sophia was in her room crying alone with no one to hear her. She turned off her lamp and went to bed without saying goodnight to anyone, which she’d always done.

The next morning, no one noticed the tear stains on her cheeks. They were busy looking at Johanna’s.

     


	26. The First Time

 

“Joey, we can’t. You know we can’t.”

“Shut up,” she said lifting his t-shirt off his body and attacking him with kisses to his collarbone. Her legs were wrapped around his hips and his hair was a mess. She had already taken off her own blouse and those horrible tights she had to wear for her uniform. Johanna’s hands were all over Thomas’ toned chest and stomach and she was pulling him down with her onto her bed. “What if—“

She kissed him to keep him quiet. She wanted this and nothing else will do. They were sitting on her bed like they do when no one’s home. They were on the verge of breaking the ultimate rule. Johanna didn’t care anymore. She wanted his fingers in her curls, his green eyes looking into her blue ones and his hands all over her body. She wanted that and more.

They were sixteen and seventeen. Teenage hormones run high. Not long after they started, they were both completely bare, completely comfortable in Joey’s room with the door shut. Things were heating up, he pulled out the condom and she waited for him. It was their first time but she was so in love with him she didn’t fear anything at all. He was sweet and waited for her say so. She nodded so he continued. The pain was there but bearable and after a while it dissipates and it was just the two of them. The bed squeaked, he moaned her name and she dug her heels into his back. Soon, they were done and couldn’t keep their eyes open. “I love you, Joey.”

“I love you too,” she says happily.

\-----    

“Thanks for picking me us guys.”

“No problem, Mikey,” Phil said pulling away from the parking spot across from the school.

Michael had practice and Chris tagged along to watch him play--to watch the cute guy name Drew play. It was safe to say that Chris had a crush on him. Drew was out and popular and perfect. That’s what Chris told Michael. Michael laughed and begged him to stop. “Can we talk about something else now? Like Kirstin? She’s pretty fit.” Chris said he had no reply for that egregious comment.

“Where’s Dad and Sophie?”

“He picked her up in his car. They’ll be home later on. How was practice?”

“Amazing,” Chris said making Michael say “Oh god.”

Phil ignored them and focused on the road. It was raining as it was April and it was England after all. They got home, Chris was going to hang out for a bit, and went inside. “Come on, let’s go upstairs,” Michael told Chris. Phil was left downstairs going through the post and checking emails on his phone. He went upstairs to go into his room and heard Michael’s video games, like always and saw the Sophie’s door open and Johanna’s shut.

“Jo-Jo?” he called into the passage.

He got no answer. He knew all the signs by now. This had happened too many times now. He turned the knob of her bedroom door and took a peak. He didn’t see anything so he pushed the door farther. He walked in and saw them passed out after obviously… doing that. Phil slammed the door shut and they jumped out of sleep and into reality.

“What the fuck?” Johanna murmured looking down at her boyfriend who had his head on his chest. “Thomas?”

“No, it’s me!” Phil said, voice cold. She screamed, “Get out!” covering herself up.

“Thomas! Get dressed and leave. I need to speak to Johanna.”

Thomas stumbled around the room in a daze trying to find his clothes and sneakers. He got his jeans and shirt on. Being suddenly daring, he bent down and kissed her on the cheek. “Love you,” he whispered.

“Out!” Phil shouted grabbing him by the back of his shirt.

“Uncle Phil, don’t hurt him!”

Thomas opened the door and fled with one foot still without its shoe. “We need to go to my house next time,” he mumbled.

“Whoa. What’s going on here?” Michael asked coming in from his room. He saw Johanna covering her body with her duvet and his eyes widened. “Oh, my god.”

“Michael get out,” Phil ordered.

“Oh, my god,” he repeated. Phil had to push him out of the room and shut the door behind him. Johanna had gotten up and grabbed her robe from her closet and stood there angry with her arms crossed.

“Oh, so you’re mad? You are the one who gets to be mad this time?” he shouted at her.

“Yes! You never knock!”

“That’s why I’m always the one to find you? Johanna, you shouldn’t even be doing anything to make you shut your door! He shouldn’t even be here!”

“What? If you knocked before you came into my room, there wouldn’t be a problem!”

“It’s not that I caught you. That is not why I’m mad. You just had sex with him and you don’t see the problem in that?”

“No, it’s my body.”

“Yes, that’s true but—“

“No buts! It belongs to me and if I want to fuck around with every lad I meet, I bloody well have the option to,” she retorted.

“Don’t speak to me that way, Johanna. You’re pushing it.”

“And you should’ve knocked first.”

She push passed him into the hallway with her towel. He stood there stunned.

Johanna was tired of this. Of the rules and the over protectiveness. She thought she wasn’t like most girls who had a mother to talk to about this stuff and a father to hide it from. She could call her mum but it’s not the same and her mum would probably agree with them anyway. She had two fathers and frankly didn’t feel like walking on eggshells anymore. She wasn’t going to hide this or keep Thomas away. She was in love and they would just have to accept it.

\-----    

Phil went back downstairs and sat in the living room. He wasn’t mad or angry. He just was. He stared at the carpet and kept thinking about what just happened. Dan came home with Sophie, telling her, “I’ll come and talk to you later,” in a kind tone. Seems that both of their girls got into trouble today.

“Phil, you would not believe what Sophie—Phil? Are you okay?”

“Johanna had sex and I caught her,” he mumbled.

“What? Why is it always you? What did you say? What happened?” Dan laughed at first, just imagining poor Phil’s reaction to it all and then got serious. His niece, his little girl, just had sex.

“She yelled at me. She said it was her body and she had the right to do whatever she wanted,” Phil continued in a soft voice. He looked like the whole experience frightened him. “She’s not my little princess anymore, Danny.”

“She still is. She’s just a little older now.”

“No. Jo-Jo doesn’t ask me for anything anymore. She does whatever she wants. She’s finishing high school and going to America for a year and she’s grown up. Dan, make her stop,” he whined.

“Oh, Phil. You know I can’t do that. She still needs us. We pay for everything,” Dan laughed.

“It’s not funny.”

“Okay, it isn’t. I’ll talk to her about this entire thing as soon as I get upstairs.”

“Good, I can’t look at her right now. What happened to Sophia?”

“She’s still not come to terms with it. It’s been five months and she’s still stuck in grieving. Is it supposed to be this way?”

“I don’t know. She loved Sarah. You know that. If you died tomorrow, there’s no telling what I’d do. I don’t even want to think about.”

“Same goes for me,” Dan sighed. “I thought it was just puppy love. She’s so young.”

“Maybe we should send her to a therapist.”

“Maybe.”

They sat there for a while thinking about their daughter’s deep sadness. No child should lose a friend, especially like that. Sophie literally watched Sarah die slowly. Phil had wanted to keep her away but didn’t have the heart to do that Sarah. She needed a friend and so did Sophie. Five months later, Sophie didn’t talk to anyone outside the family. Her teacher had complained to her fathers that she was distant and not turning in assignments. She was entering high school the next term and she barely passed the exam to go. With all the recent drama with Johanna and her father, Dan and Phil were overwhelmed with their children. Today was especially hard.

Dan went up to Johanna’s room and found her towel drying her hair. She looked up at him and looked away even though he clearly wanted to talk. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“I don’t care!” he shouted. “You are not allowed to have sex!”

“I can do whatever I want obviously,” she said rolling her eyes. “Why do you guys care so much?”

“Why do we care? You’re our daughter and we don’t want you to repeat the cycle, Jo.”

“First, I’m not your daughter. Second, don’t bring mum into this. I’m already a year and half over the age she got pregnant. Thomas loves me and we were safe. There’s nothing wrong with what we did.”

“Listen to me,” Dan said through gritted teeth. “Stop with the attitude! You are out of line—“

“No! You two are losing it. I’m going to another country in a few months. You won’t always be around to control me.”

“Is that what you think we’re trying to do? Control you? We’re afraid for you Johanna. Sorry to tell you this, but you remind of us Charlotte every day. You’re walking around with her face! She struggled with her pregnancy. You might not know this but my parents, your grandparents, kicked her out at fifteen with nothing but the clothes on her back. She had to leave everything she knew to live with us. Your father wasn’t any help but we got through it. We’re happy you’re here but you won’t ever understand what you’re putting us through,” he lectured. She looked at him with guilt in her eyes and shifted her body weight from foot to foot.

“Look at it from our perspective. We know Thomas is a good boy but in our eyes no one is good enough. We raised you, Jo-Jo. You are our daughter. We don’t want to see you hurt. You’re too young for this.”

“Danny, I’m sorry. I am but not because I did it. I’m sorry Uncle Phil saw us like that. He didn’t see anything really. We were asleep. Don’t you remember what’s like? To be young?” she asked softly.

“Yeah, I do.” Dan said quietly knowing exactly what she meant. She had won this round. “Okay, we’ll make a deal. Always use protection and remember it’s always your choice. Don’t let him force you into anything. I do remember what it’s like to be young, Jo. I understand.”

“Hi,” Phil said entering the room.

“Sorry,” Johanna apologized quickly. She did love him even though he was too protective of her.

“It’s alright… sort of,” Phil, told her. “Why Jo-Jo?”

“One thing led to another and…”

“We’ve made a deal. She promised to be safe. Is that okay?” Dan asked.

“Yeah. That’s okay,” Phil agreed.

“Go ahead and tell Thomas we don’t hate him… that much.” Dan laughed.

\-----    

“What happened in there?”

“Um—don’t wanna talk about it,” Michael said to Chris who was sat on his bed.

“Ok? I need to tell you something. I think I’m ready to come out.”

“You serious?”

“Yeah. I’m tired of hiding. I like cock, man.”

“Stop right there,” Michael grimaced and laughed. “That’s way too much information. But I’m here for you,” he says seriously. “We all are.”

“Thanks.”

\-----    

Later that night, Dan and Phil were in bed thinking about the day. They tried to talk to Sophia and she said didn’t want to and turned away. They were clueless as to what to do next. They simply kissed her good night and left.

“Phil, I’m really worried about her.”

“I know. Me too.”

They lay there in silence not knowing what to say next. After a few minutes, Dan mentioned, “Johanna said something today that made me think.”

“Hmm? What was that?”

“She asked me if I remembered what it was like to be young. Do you remember?”

“Of course, I’ll never forget. The simple years.”

“Really? Simple? That’s not what I would call it.”

“Okay, we had some bad times but a lot of good times too,” Phil, said bringing him closer. He was spooning Dan while he had his head right above his. Dan could feel the vibrations of his deep voice running down his spine when he spoke.

“That first time though,” Dan continued. “One of our best.”

“Definitely.”

“We were watching something I don’t even remember anymore and I kept rubbing your thigh,” Dan laughed. “You had to give me warning that I would have to take care of it if I made you hard. You whispered it in my ear even though we were alone. Your voice is still the same, Phil. I love it.”

“Really? Let me tell you more then,” Phil got even closer to Dan’s ear and purred, “You were so eager that night, Danny. You pulled me up from the sofa and pushed me on the bed. You didn’t even wait for me. You stripped and climb on top of me. You were going so fast I had to slow you down with a kiss. I remember because that was when you made that sexy whimpering sound, like when I dominate you. God, I love that sound.”

“This is making me hard, Phil. You’ll have to take care of it, you know,” Dan said turning towards Phil.

“Shush, I will,” Phil moved down the bed to kiss him. “I want you aching by the time I finish the story. You were whining then like you are now. You always beg, Daniel,” Phil chuckled. “I took my pajamas and shirt quickly because I was ready too. You looked so perfect then like you do now. Your hair was straightened then but by the time I was kissing your neck, your curls had come back. You didn’t seem to notice though. You had your eyes closed, moaning for me to go on.”

“That’s because you tease me so much,” Dan moaned. “Phil, I’m hard. Touch me.”

Phil smirked at him and gave in, putting his hand into Dan’s boxers and stroking him using the precum that had already settled there. “I love your dick so much.”

“Happy to hear that,” Dan laughed. “Finish the story.”

“Oh, I will. Do you remember how it felt like to be fingered for the first time? You moaned so loud, I thought I hurt you but you shouted, “More, Phil. More!” We don’t even need it anymore. You’re always ready for me, Danny. When you were ready, I took my time with you. I couldn’t hurt you if I tried.”

Phil continued his strokes and whispered, “Do you think you can come from this alone?”

“Maybe,” Dan whimpered. “It’s pretty hot. If I do say so myself.”

“When I pushed inside, Dan, you were so warm and I nearly came right then but I held on. I wanted you to feel so good. Baby, you were such a good bottom, so tight, so perfect. You still are.”

“Phil, I’m close.”

“I got faster and faster until you said the exact same thing. I needed you to come first. I wanted you to feel so much pleasure. When you did, you screamed my name and that pushed me right over and you tightened around me. Danny, it felt so good.”

“Fuck…” Dan whispered, shooting ropes of white into his underwear. “Good story. Really good story,” he mumbled in his post orgasm state.

“And when we were done, you wouldn’t let go of me. You held me close to you and I held on to you too. You said you couldn’t go home. They would ask too many questions so I told you to stay. That was one of the best nights of my life. I love you, Dan. Even more now than I did then. I didn’t think that was possible.”

“Same.”

“You’re done for tonight?”

“No, I have my own story to tell.”


	27. The Bruises

The Bruises

It was September 2026 and Michael was walking home with Chris. The school day was uneventful and he would return to a quiet house. Sophie was eleven now and went to high school with Michael but she saw a therapist on Tuesdays and Thursdays. She would be there again instead of walking home with them, three paces behind slowing them down. He was worried about his little sister but she did not even speak to him anymore and if she did, it was to tell him to move or shut up. Michael sighed thinking about it and Chris looked worried too.

“What you thinking about?”

“Sophie.”

“Yeah, I saw her today. I waved and she completely ignored me. She’s always alone too.”

“I wish I could help her. When Sarah died, she just completely changed and now she’s even worse than before. I have to say something to Dad today.”

“What will you say? That she’s obviously depressed? She’s already getting help though.”

“I don’t know but I have to say something. See you tomorrow, right?”

“Going out with Drew tonight. We’ll see where the night takes us,” Christian laughed.

“Bye, Chris,” Michael said light-heartedly with a chuckle.

“Bye!”

Michael walked into the house and took in the wonderful silence. Johanna was gone and Thomas was at Uni so they aren’t here to spend hours in her room anymore.

“Mikey, is that you?” Phil shouted from upstairs.

“Pop? Yeah, it’s me.” Michael yelled back. “Didn’t know you were home. I thought you and Dad took one car today.”

Phil came down the stairs saying, “Yeah, we did but he went to go take your sister to her appointment. She’s been late a few too many times. How was school? How is Leah?”

“Pop…” Michael whined. “She’s fine. I guess. I don’t really talk to her. She’s quiet and my friends and I are… not. I’ll scare her off.”

“When are you going to introduce yourself?” Phil asked gesturing for him to come inside the kitchen with him. He needed to start dinner.

“When pigs fly.”

“They can make something like that happen you know.”

“You would say something like that,” Michael, laughed.

“Tell me about her,” Phil says cleaning the counter with a damp cloth. Dan left a mess that morning when he rushed to make his coffee.

“Aw, do I have to?”

“I know you want to,” Phil smiled, sweeping the crumbs into the sink.

“Okay. Leah. Leah is a goddess right? Pop, she has purple and black hair. Purple! She writes all these interesting messages on the desks. And I haven’t see them up close in a while but I know her eyes are the prettiest blue. When she’s alone, she’ll draw and doodle. Once I looked over her shoulder in history class and it was amazing. Pop, you don’t understand,” Michael spoke excitedly. “She’s beautiful and talented and –“

“You’re in love!”

“No, I’m not!”

“Mikey, the sooner you admit you have a problem, the sooner we can work on your addiction,” Phil said jokingly.

“Oh, my god. Stop.” Michael covered his face with his hands in a praying position. “Please make him stop.”

“Alright. I won’t tease anymore. So school was good today?”

“Yeah, for me anyway.”

“What does that mean?”

“Sophie,” Michael said speaking a little softer and avoiding eye contact.

“What about Sophie?”

“She’s really down. And it seems like she isn’t getting better. Only worse.”

“Your dad and I are trying our best,” Phil said, a little offended.

“I know. I’m not blaming you. I just wanted to tell you what I’m seeing,” Michael said by way of apology. He never meant that his fathers weren’t doing a good job with their parenting. There were the best he could ever hope for.

“Thanks for looking out for her. You’re a good brother.”

“Thanks. I just want to see her happy again.”

“Me too.”

\-----

Dan came home with Sophie about two hours later and Phil had dinner ready. Sophie didn’t back come down to eat so Phil asked Michael to go and get her. He stood up from the table and ran up the stairs to her room. He knocked but didn’t get a reply.

“Sophie?” he asked though the door. “Are you in there?”

When he got no answer, he opened her door to see her standing in front of her dresser mirror staring at her body, undressed and unmoving. She didn’t seem to be breathing at all. The window was open, letting the breeze in to make her blonde strands move a little. Michael saw patches of red on her shoulders. The remnants of finger prints on her waist and back.

“Sophie? What are those?” he asked approaching her slowly. She doesn’t break her gaze from the mirror. “Sophie? Say something. Who did this?”

She still doesn’t answer and Dan’s calling them from downstairs because the food will get cold. Michael’s heart is beating too loud to even hear him. He’s putting the pieces together of a complicated enigma that was Sophia, his baby sister who had signs of abuse all over her petite body. He got even closer and put his hand on her shoulder. She screamed and turned around to face him, covering her body.

“Don’t hurt me! Please don’t hurt me.”

“It’s me. Michael. Who hurt you Sophie?” he asked hurriedly. “Who?” he urged. She began to shake and grabbed her school blouse that she just took off. As she quickly fastened the buttons, he saw a few buttons missing. “Tell me, Sophie. Who did this to you?”

“No one! Leave me alone!”

“No! You have to tell me. Please tell me. I’m your brother; I’ll only do what’s best for you.

You need to tell me,” he pleaded slowly taking her into a hug even though she shook in his embrace.

“I can’t tell you. He knows everything about us,” she said quietly. “He says he’ll hurt Daddy and Papa.”

“He can’t hurt you if we put him in jail. If you tell me who it is, he’ll be arrested. He can’t hurt us, Sophia.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” Michael said lifting her chin with his fingers. “We won’t let anyone hurt you anymore. What happened?”

“No! I won’t tell you,” Sophia pushed him away and ran into the bathroom.

“Dad! Pop! Come up here!”

The two of them got up from the table sharing looks of concern. “What is it?” Dan asked running up the stairs.

“Dad, there’s bruises all over her body and buttons missing from her shirt. I think—“

“Sophia! Open the door, now!” Dan shouted, taking out his sudden anger on the wrong person.

The girl shut down and moved away from the door, crawling into the corner. She heard her father’s shouts to come out, to open the door but all she could think of was how she would hide this now. He said it was a secret between them. No one else would understand. It had hurt and she asked him to stop but he said she’d feel better afterwards. That was a lie. Obvious to her then, painfully obvious to her now. The space between her legs made her wince in pain as she sat down on the floor and brought her knees up to hug her legs. Her hair was in a French braid that day, but he didn’t like it and took it out. He said she looked prettier that way. Sophie got up and reached up high for a pair scissors she knew was in the cabinet above. She open the shears and cut away at her beautiful blonde hair. The once long locks that touched the nape of her back now only reached just below her ears.

“What is she doing?” Dan asked frantically.

“I don’t know. Sophie, sweetie. Open the door. We need to see you.”

“Don’t you have a key for this door?”

“Yes! We do!” Dan sprinted to their bedroom to look for the key. He found it on a chain with five other keys for the house. He would have to try each one to get to her. Dan rushed back to the door and began testing each key. On the second try, the door knob budged and they were able to get inside.

“What are you doing?” Phil asked, taking the scissors out of her hand. Her hair was already chopped off by now anyway.

“Nothing,” she said with a straight face. No tears. No yelling. Just Sophie.

“Why did you do that to yourself?” Dan asked, rushing through his words. His daughter definitely had a problem.  

“I don’t know.”

“Tell us what happened today,” Phil said bringing her attention back to him. “Please. Papa needs to protect you.”

“I got hurt down there,” she mumbled while pointing down to her pelvis.

“Michael said you had bruises. Can you show me please?”

She nodded. Phil could always handle her. His calming but firm tone let her know that he could be trusted, that he had her best interest at heart and that he could do anything. Sophie took off the blouse slowly as tears poured down her face.

“Sophie?” he whispered looking at the bruises. Some were ‘love bites’ and the others looked like someone held her down. “Where did these come from?”

“Dr. Carson” she whispered.

“Who?” he said asking for clarification. Sophie was speaking so quietly that no of them could hear her.

“Dr. Carson,” she admitted a little louder with a sob coming through. “I-I didn’t know what to do! I’m sorry!”

“Sophie, baby. No. This is not your fault.” Phil picked her up into his arms and she wrapped her arms around his neck. “This is not your fault. This is not your fault,” he repeated carrying her downstairs. They would have to take her to hospital immediately.

Dan was already on the phone to the police. Michael paced the hallway behind him, seething in anger.

Dan was struggling to speak into the phone. He did finally to gather enough breath and strength to say, “My daughter’s been raped.”

***

“I am going to kill him!” Dan shouted in the waiting room.

“Sir, please calm down. We know this is upsetting and unfortunate but we need you to remain calm for your daughter,” the officer said still take a detailed report from Dan and Phil. Phil held him back while trying to maintain his own sanity. It was 7:00 pm and they had been there since 6:30 waiting for Sophie to be cleared to leave. She had to have a rape kit done and screamed when anyone touched her. Phil had to stand by her side and held her hand all the way through. He was strong for her, telling her, “I’m so proud of you. You’re so strong and so brave. I’m so proud,” even though he wanted to break down right then and there. Michael waited outside with Dan while Dan became increasingly more agitated.

Dan kept thinking about how he didn’t notice when he picked her up. Why didn’t he see the strange way she was walking or the way she kept her blazer buttoned tight. Sophie always walked slowly now and it was raining. Both reasonable explanations. He’d remember her hair was braided when he saw her that morning and he complimented her on it. But when she came into the car, it was a wavy mess. He figured she took it out and then the rain caught her. Dan started to wonder how he didn’t notice his child’s doctor was abusing her. Why he didn’t do anything when Sophie came home sadder than she was before. Why?

Phil came back out to meet them because he couldn’t into the x-ray with her. As soon as he came out, he broke down into Dan’s arms. Dan was ready catch him and hold him up.

“She’s so little,” he sobbed. “How could he do that to her?”

Everyone was asking the same question but Michael decided he would find the answer. He left his fathers crying in the waiting room and left the hospital. He knew where the office was, he’d dropped Sophie off a few times. She was always reluctant to go but never said why. He’d walked her in and that monster with the chisel face and straight teeth smiled and shook his hand. He’d introduced himself and said he would take good care of her, that he should be proud of her for doing so well in sessions. Michael nearly threw up at the double meaning behind his words. He got a taxi from the transit center not too far away and went straight to the office. Michael was running on pure adrenaline now. The office sign was dim but he noticed an expensive looking car still park off to the side with a sign marked: Reserved for Dr. Leonard Carson. Running up to the corridor that led to a few offices, Michael found the correct door. It was locked and he saw the man packing up to leave through the glass on the side. Michael banged on the door to get his attention.

“Open the door!” he shouted.

Dr. Carson looked up with a frightened look on his face then ran back into the back of the office.

“Open the door!” Michael shouted again. He kicked at the glass to make it break but it wouldn’t budge. He looked around frenziedly to find something to break it. Before he could find something, Dr. Carson yelled through the glass, “Who are you?”

“Sophie’s brother. I’m here to fucking kill you!”

“I didn’t do anything. Whatever she says is a lie!”

“You’re the fucking liar!” Michael kicked hard enough to make the glass crack. The next kick was sure to break it.

 -----

“You can see her now,” a female nurse told them. Phil was still crying but Dan’s anger had calm a bit to deal with him.

“Thank you,” Dan answered. “Do you think you can see her?” he asked Phil, whose eyes were watering and his cheeks flushed red. He shook his head no. Sophie couldn’t see him this way. Crying and broken down. Dan told him, “I have to go see her. She shouldn’t be alone. Are you okay?”

“Go. She needs you more than I do.”

Dan nodded and got up to follow the nurse to the examination room. He saw Sophie looking up at the ceiling and sat down in a chair next to the table she was laid on.

“Daddy?”

“Yeah, sweet?” he asked, trying not to cry. She already looked so different, all innocence lost and her eyes dead.

“I want to go home. I’m tired.”

“We’ll go soon. Can you answer a few questions for the police first?”

“Okay.”

A female detective came in shortly and introduced herself. Dan got up to greet her and she smiled warmly at him. “Are you her father?”

“Yes, I am.”

She leaned in closer to him and in a very low voice, “The rape kit is positive. We’ll need to know everything that happened. I’ll need to talk to her. She might not want you to hear it all. Do you mind if I speak to her alone? It will help. The faster we get her testimony, the faster we can get through this and have him convicted.”

“Do what you have to.”

Dan kissed Sophie on the cheek and told her, “I’ll be right outside. Call me if you need me.”

“Okay, Daddy.”

The detective nodded at him and approached the girl softly. Dan let the door shut and sat with Phil again.

***

In the examination room, the woman asked her, “Can you tell me your name?”

“Sophia.”

“Hello, Sophia. I’m Laura. I’m a police officer and I’ll be asking you some questions. Is that okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Good. You can tell me when you want to stop. Can you tell me what happened this afternoon?”

“P-promise that he can’t hurt my f-family?”

“He can’t. He’s being arrested right now. You don’t have to worry anymore.”

“Okay.” Sophie looked at the kind woman and let herself relax around her. Laura’s eyes were saying “I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you” and Sophie believed them. “My dad came to pick me up at school to take me to therapy. I walked into the office with him but he said he was going back to work for something and would come back by the time I was ready to leave. Dr. Carson told him that was fine.”

“Then what happened?”

“H-he closed the door and he walked to me. He said, ‘I’ll kill them,’ and ‘don’t say anything.’”

“Why did he say that?”

“So I wouldn’t tell my parents about what he does to me.”

“What does he do?”

“He t-touches me all the time.”

“Is that all he did today?”

“N-no. He made me do things to him…”

“Can you tell me what that was?”

“No.” She couldn’t for two reasons. She didn’t know where to begin if she actually wanted to describe it and she was humiliated by the entire experience.

“Okay. That’s fine. What happened after that?”

“He pushed me o-onto the sofa and got on top of me. He ripped my shirt.” She paused but Laura didn’t want to interrupt her with another question. Laura knew that Sophie would continue if she gave her time to think about it first. Sophie’s mouth opened and closed as she let out a heavy breath. She wiped a tear from her eye before continuing. “It hurt so much.”

“Do you know what rape is?”

“Yes.”

“What is it?”

“When someone forces you to… h-have sex?” she questioned quietly and hesitantly. Sophie had heard the word in television shows and knew what it meant but didn’t realize that was what he did until just now.

“That’s right. Is that what he did to you?”

“Yes.”

“Was this the first time?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. Now, we’re done, honey. You did a really good job. You are very brave.”

“Thank you,” Sophie said smiling slightly. “Can I go home now?”

“Yes you can. I’ll get your dad for you.”

The police arrived at the doctor’s office just before Michael could do anymore damage. They forced the door open and arrested him.

“What are you doing here?” An officer had recognized him as the little girl’s brother. “I came to talk to him,” Michael said pointedly.

“I suggest you go home before your parents have to worry about another kid. They don’t need that right now.”

He watched as the doctor was placed in the back seat of the car and nodded at the officer’s comment. He went back to the hospital and waited to see them come out with Sophie. Dan was helping her walk and Phil signed some documents. The ride home was quiet. So were the next few days. Sophie slept for long stretches at a time all day and all night.

Dan went into her room one night to check up on her. He stopped by the doorway, conscious of her sensitivity to everything now. “Hi, love.”

“Hi.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Can I come in?” he asked cautiously.

“Yes, daddy,” she giggled quietly. Dan smiled because that smile, those bright eyes have been missing for months now. Dan sat on the edge of her bed and she was sitting up against the headboard with one of Johanna’s sketches in her hand. She traced along the lines of the picture with her finger and hummed a little song.

“You seem happy tonight. What’s changed?”

“I don’t have to see him anymore,” she murmured and shrugged then continued her humming.

“I need you to know something, Sophie. You never have to do anything unless you want to.

Never.”

“What about dying?”

“That’s different.”

“How?”

“We have no control over that.”

“Is that why no one can arrest God because of what he did to Sarah. I prayed and she died anyway. I asked God to let … him die but he is still alive. It’s not fair. I don’t think I have control over anything at all. Bad things happen and there isn’t anything I can do to stop them. Nothing makes sense really.” Sophie hummed again and put the paper on her night stand. She looked at her father, patiently waiting for his response. He had none.

Dan sat there bewildered, stunned by her thoughts. She was smarter than she seemed. She was a thinker. She was practical. She was much too young to think this way and she was okay with it. That was what scared him the most. He didn't know what else to say.

“Daddy?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I fix my hair? I think I’m ready to go back to school now.”

“Sure. We’ll take you to someone tomorrow,” he said ruffling it with his hands. “Why did you cut it?”

“He said it looked pretty.”

Dan understood and didn’t pry any further. They had a quiet moment. “You did quite the job on it, I must say,” Dan said teasingly.

“I did,” she laughed. “I’m so ugly now.”

“I think you’re beautiful, even more than before.”

“You’re lying,” she said playfully. “But thank you.”

“It’s the truth. You are beautiful,” he said with conviction. He pulled her into a tight hug and she reciprocated, putting her arms around him too. Dan held her close, almost cradling her in his arms like when she was still small, still clueless to everything. He smiled because she was like his baby again, laughing before bedtime, avoiding sleep. He closed his eyes, wishing that he could protect her always. He wanted to tell her he didn’t think she should go back to school just yet. But he only said, “I love you so much, Sophia.”

“I love you too, Daddy.”

He held on to his little girl for as long as possible, never wanting to let go. 


	28. The Clinic

The Clinic

"We can’t send her to another doctor, Phil. We need to handle this ourselves."

"Dan, we can’t do this alone. She’s been raped. Listen to me!"

"No one else should be alone with her! We’re her fathers. We should protect her."

“What are you saying? That we failed as parents? This is no one’s fault except his. She needed help and he took advantage of that!”

“I won’t let anyone get that chance!”

 Dan stormed off, out of their room, leaving Phil shocked by his outburst. They were on their bed together talking about Sophie’s next step. She had started going back to school again which led to some of her classmates asking her what happened to her. Why was her hair so short? Where did she go for almost a month?

She had come in tears from all the stares from her classmates and without the support of a friend she was out casted even more now than before. Dan couldn’t bear to see her like this. Phil avoided her eyes as much as possible. He couldn’t see them, devoid of their old spark. He felt guilty too. He thought he should have seen the signs. Dan felt even worse. Dan handed her over to that man on more than one occasion. When she stopped going on time, Dan insisted on picking her up. He never asked why she always show up late. Now he never left her alone. He spent most of his free time with her. As soon as they got home, he’d help her with her homework; ask her about school and about anything else. Sophie had told him that she was feeling better but he didn’t let up. He was starting to suffocate her.

“Sophie, honey. Are you all right?” he asked knocking on her door.

“Yes, Daddy. I’m okay,” she said annoyed.

“Can I come in?” he asked sweetly.

“Fine,” she opened the door and gave him a fake smile. She didn’t want to talk or anything. She just wanted to be treated like Sophia again. Dan saw her half-hearted smile and smiled back widely. “Are you ready for school tomorrow?”

“Yes, can I go to bed now?” she asked agitatedly.

“Yeah, of course.”

Dan left her room reluctantly. He wouldn’t be talking to Phil tonight. He’d sleep in Johanna’s room. As he made his way to her room, Phil stopped him by blocking the path.

“Dan we need to talk about this. Stop running away from the problem.”

“No we don’t,” Dan whispered harshly. “She isn’t leaving this house outside of going to school. No one else can hurt her Phil. No one!”

“I’m calling a doctor tomorrow whether you like it or not.”

“I won’t let you take her!”

“She’s my child too!”

“Then why would you set her up? Don’t do this Phil.”

“Look! We have no idea what we’re dealing with here. Neither of us had ever been through anything like this. She needs professional help.”

“Stop it! Papa, Daddy. Don’t fight!” Sophie shouted at them. They hadn’t seen her standing behind them as they argued in the hallway. Phil rushed over to her and picked her up. She was still so little despite being almost twelve years old now.

“We’re sorry.”

“Stop fighting please.”

“We will,” Dan told her.

“Baby, we need to ask you something. Do you want to see another therapist?” Dan asked kindly.

“No, I don’t. Don’t make me go.”

“We won’t,” Dan promised.

***

Things settled down for a few days. Phil wouldn’t send her to another doctor when she explicitly said she didn’t want to. The two men didn’t speak to each other for that night, Phil upset about his stubborn husband and Dan upset because Phil always thought he knew best. A few mornings later, Dan was at home when he received a call from the high school.

“Mr. Howell-Lester?”

“Yes, what is it?”

“Your daughter, Sophia. She’s having some sort of episode. She won’t stop screaming. Can you get down here as soon as possible?”

“Yes, I’m on my way.”

When he arrived, he was greeted by a frantic teacher who took him by the arm and led him to the lunch room. He could hear the screams from down the hallway and when he saw her, his heart broke. There she was, on the floor in a corner, screaming and scratching at her skin.

“What happened to her?” he shouted at the teachers standing in the doorway.

A woman dressed smartly took him into the hallway to block out the screams. “We don’t know what happened. All the students were leaving the lunch room for class and she started having a fit. The school counselor can’t handle this one.”

“I will take care of it,” he said angrily. Dan left her and walked into the room. As he slowly approached her, he kept saying, “Sophie? It’s me, Dad. It’s your dad.”

When he finally reached her she was still screaming and it sounded like her voice couldn’t take it anymore. There was a tapering off at the end each one. Dan wondered how long she’d been like this.

“Sophia?” he called her. She didn’t respond so he touched her shoulder and she shrieked. “Don’t touch me!” she screamed and attack him, throwing punches and pushing him away. He backed away and watched her as she continued kicking the space in front her, screaming, “Leave me alone! Please!”

“Call 999!” Dan shouted at them. He couldn’t help her. She needed a lot more than he could provide her. She needed more than him.

***

When the emergency personnel arrived, they had to sedate her. Dan saw her eyes slowly flutter shut, the scratches on her arms and the tears still present on her face. She was admitted into the mental ward of the hospital or what is referred to as The Clinic. The doctors saw her medical records and knew what she’s been through. There were terms thrown at Dan as he tried to get his head wrapped around this entire situation. Terms like post-traumatic stress disorder and depression.

She would need to see a professional. They couldn’t just wait to see how she fared.

Phil came to his side and didn’t utter a word of blame or taunting. He simply wasn’t that kind of person. He never had been and Dan remembered why he loved him so much. Phil was his strength.

\-----

When Sophie woke up, Dan held her hand cautiously afraid to set her off again.

“What happened? Why am I here?” she asked looking around the white room.

“You left us for a while,” Phil said. “You don’t remember?”

“No. Did I faint?”

“Not exactly,” Dan started. “You had an episode. You were kicking and screaming and when the teachers tried to calm you down, you attacked them. You attacked me too.”

“Let’s not talk about that for now,” Phil interjected. “You need rest, love.”

“No! I attacked people? Why would I do that?”

“Please. Don’t get yourself all worked up,” Phil pleaded.

“Papa, tell me what happened!”

“We think someone must have gotten too close to you while you were leaving the room and you thought they were attacking you,” Dan said.

“People bump into me all the time. That doesn’t make any sense,” she countered while noticing the scratches on her skin. “Where did these come from?”

“You,” Dan answered.

“Oh,” she responded. She looked around the room and saw the bars on the window and the lack furniture in the room. She was attached to a machine and she felt trapped. “When can I go home?” she asked with a slight panic in her voice.

“Sometime in the next few days,” Phil said. “What’s wrong?”

“I can’t stay here. Do not make me stay here. They’re everywhere!”

“Who, Sophie?” Dan asked.

“The doctors! Daddy, take me home!”

“Sweetheart, please calm down. They’re here to help you. They won’t hurt you,” Dan told her putting his hand on her shoulder.

“How do you know!” she screamed. “You didn’t know that last time!” She pulled on the IV, nearly ripping it out before Phil took her hand away and pushed the button for a nurse. Dan held onto her wrists.

“Help!” he shouted into the room.

“I have to get out. I have to get out!” She kicked to get Dan away from her, getting him right in the stomach. A male nurse came in with a two male orderlies to take over from Dan and Phil.

Dan moved away as quickly as he could to let them get to her.

“No! No!” Sophie shrieked. “This is all your fault! You let them do this to me!”

“She doesn’t mean that, Dan,” Phil quickly stated. It didn’t matter. Dan already heard it. His daughter blamed him for this. It was official. He was a horrible father.

***

“Will she be okay?” Michael asked them when they finally got home. Sophie had to be medicated once more and they left before she could wake up again.

“We don’t know,” Phil told him, hanging up their coats. Dan adjusted his hair and toed off his shoes.

“I’m going to bed,” he said going upstairs.

“I’ll be right up.”

“I really need to be alone, Phil.”

“Okay,” Phil said worriedly.

Michael watched their interaction, looking back and forth between Dan’s tired body and

Phil’s uneasy face. Once he saw that Dan was out of ear-shot, he asked, “Are you guys okay?”

“Um—I guess we are okay but your dad is going to need some time to get over this.”

“Why? You seem okay. What happened?”

“Sophie had another fit at the hospital and in the middle of it, she blamed your father for…” he trailed off.

“Really? That’s crazy. She didn’t really mean that, did she?”

“I’m almost certain she didn’t. She didn’t want to stay so when we told her she had to, she panicked. She needed something to say to get us to react. Before we left, we told them that no male doctors or nurses should go near her. It got even worse when they came in.”

Michael listened intently before asking, “Pop, do you think I can go see her tomorrow?”

“That’s sounds good. I think she’d like that.”

***

Michael went to school the next day like normal but he couldn’t concentrate. His friends all asked about Sophie, knowing that the girl who went crazy the previous day was his sister. They weren’t mean about it though. They were genuinely concerned for her. Leah, who had recently become really good friends with Michael, had a talk with him before the start of history class.

“Thinking about her?”

“Yeah. She isn’t doing very well at all.”

“Can I ask you what happened to her? You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” she said quietly.

“It’s alright. I trust you. Sophie had a really bad experience over the past year and… yesterday something set her off. We still don’t know what for sure but that’s why she’s in hospital now.”

“Oh my god, that’s awful.”

“Yeah. I’m going to see her today. I know she’s tired and scared.”

“This might sound weird, but can I come with you? I think I know what she’s going through.”

“Yeah? Okay,” he smiled. “She’ll be happy for the distraction.”

“That’s good,” Leah laughed. “I’ll meet you after school.”

The teacher started to call the names on the roster and the class began. Michael still thought about Sophia but felt better about having the added support in Leah.

***

Michael and Leah took the bus to the hospital after school. They signed in and walked through the clinic to Sophie’s room. Her door was open and he heard a nurse asking her questions.

“Do you want a little something to eat, sweet?” she asked her turning towards Michael and Leah.

“No, thank y—Michael!” she exclaimed.

“Hi, Sophie!” he said walking to her bed and hugging her. “How are you?”

“Alright,” she answered smiling. “You came right from school? You still got your uniform on,” she laughed.

“Yeah, I couldn’t wait to see you. This is Leah,” he said gesturing to the girl behind him.

Leah approached the bed and waved at her saying, “Hi.”

“Hi,” Sophie greeted happily. “I’ve seen you around before. I think Michael likes you. At least, that’s what Papa said.”

“Sophie…” Michael chided playfully, blushing obviously despite his tanned skin.

“It’s alright,” Leah chimed in. “Sophie, what does he say about me?” she asked inquisitively as Michael covered his face with his hands.

“He says your beautiful and—“

“Stop!” Michael interrupted. Sophie laughed and giggled more than she had in a very long time, since Sarah died and that was two years ago.

“Oh, don’t be upset with her. I think you’re beautiful too,” Leah joked.

“Kill me now…” Michael mumbled.

“You’re such a drama queen. Papa said you’re just like Daddy.”

“Am not!”

“Are to!”

“Am not!

“Are to—“

“Okay, children. Stop fighting. You are a drama queen, by the way,” Leah laughed. Sophie stuck out her tongue at him and he gave her a big sloppy kiss on the cheek.

“I’m glad you came, Mikey.”

“Me too.”

“I miss Jo-Jo. When is she coming home?”

“Christmas.”

“Who’s Jo-Jo?” Leah asked.

“Oh, Johanna? She’s our cousin. She grew up with us. She’s in America with her mum right now,” Michael answered. Turing his attention to Sophia again, he said, “Pop called her yesterday. She misses you too.”

“Does she know?”

“I think so,” he murmured.

“She’s going to treat me differently too!” Sophia said suddenly becoming upset.

“No, she won’t. I don’t treat you any differently.”

She went quiet because it was true. Michael still treated her like a little sister, a human child and not like a china doll. “I really want to go home,” she spoke with pleading eyes.

“You need to be here,” he said avoiding them and looking out the window through the bars. “You don’t know that!”

“Sophie, can I tell you something?” Leah asked getting a little closer to the bed. Sophie nodded but turned her head away.

“I spent a year in this exact same clinic when I thirteen.”

“Really?” the both asked simultaneously.

“Yeah, my mom checked me in after she found the cuts,” she said sliding her sleeve up to her elbow. There on her pale skin lay the thin faded lines of her past.

“Why?” Michael asked.

“I couldn’t deal with some things that were going on so I cut,” she answered matter-of-factly. “I’m making it sound simple because I don’t want to go into all that right now.”

“Okay,” he responded, nodding his head.

“I’m telling you this, Sophie, so that you let them help you. They really do help. I wouldn’t be here without the people who work here. You should stay.”

“I don’t like doctors,” she whispered.

“Why?”

“I think we should go now,” Michael cut in. Leah opened her mouth to speak but saw the look on his face. She knew she was on thin ice now.

“Don’t leave. Please,” Sophie begged.

“I’ll come back tomorrow. I promise. Daddy will be here soon.”

“Okay. Can you come back too, Leah?”

“Yeah, sure.”

\-----

On the ride home, Leah told him her full story. Her older brother liked to torture her relentlessly. He was borderline sadistic about his methods. He would taunt her nonstop about her looks, her weight. He told her she was the reason why their parents got divorced and blamed her for their mum’s depression. So when the comments at home began to mimic the jeers at school, she cut. There was no escape, no relief but the blade. Her mum had noticed the blood on her shirt one day and brought her into the clinic after a long talk. Leah resisted at first but eventually recovered. She was three years clean and very proud of it. Her brother still lived with them but she was stronger now and fought back.

 “I’m glad you’re okay now.”

“So am I,” she smiled. “So… you think I’m beautiful?”

“Yeah. I do. You think I am too?”

“Mhm,” she affirmed.

“I’ve had a crush on you for like almost a year now,” he admitted.

“Really?” she asked in a mocking tone. “I never would have guessed. You stared at me all the time. You aren’t very smooth, you know?”

“Oh God. You saw me? Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I didn’t know what to say. But thank god we had to do that English project together or this would have went on until we graduated. What a waste that would have been.”

“Does that mean you want be my girlfriend?” he chuckled at her sarcasm.

“Sure. I mean if that’s what you’re into.”

Michael bursts into a fit of laughter causing all the other passengers to look at him. “You’re going to embarrass me on a daily basis, aren’t you?”

“You bet.” She laughed and rested her head on his shoulder. Michael rested his head atop hers. I’m really glad you’re still here,” he said breaking their silence. She lifted her head and looked him straight in the eyes. She leaned upwards and kissed him, surprising him but he eventually melted into it. She broke the kiss to look out the window to see where they were.

“Oh shit,” she said grabbing her bag and kissing him on the cheek. She flew out the doors just before the bus pulled away from her stop. Michael still a little stunned from the whole thing, stared out the window at her as she waved at him from the curb.

 “Bye,” he mumbled dazedly, touching the skin of his recently kissed cheek.


	29. The Strong

 The Strong

 

All their children were home and Dan and Phil couldn’t have been more stressed out or any happier at the moment. Johanna was smearing Sophie’s face with paint and Michael was using Leah as a human shield. They were all out in the back garden and it was a wonderful spring day in May. It was Sophia’s birthday and she was happy--actually happy.

She was released from The Clinic after 90 days and returned home. Sophie had a long talk with her fathers about everything she was going through and how she felt. She didn’t want to be treated any differently. She was still Sophie, just a little more fragile than before. She was at home, laughing, playing, and singing again. Everyone she loved was with her and that included Sarah. She knew she was watching over her even though she stopped believing in God and heaven years earlier. She thought Sarah would be the exception. Heaven would exist just for her.

Johanna planned to study art at the same Uni Thomas is currently attending. That morning, Phil remarked, “Well, isn’t that just perfect?” snidely when she told him about her final plans. Jo-Jo rolled her eyes and he hit her over the head with his newspaper playfully.

She laughed and walked away ruffling Michael’s hair as he was sat across the table, texting Leah. Dan was looking through the cabinets and found a bottle of honey that was so far back that he struggled to reach it. For years, Dan had always been the tallest but Michael had definitely catching up to him so he asked him to get it. Michael got up slowly from his place at the table, replying to one last message before reaching in and grabbing it easily. He handed it to Dan with a slight smirk on his face and Dan said, “At least I’m not a freak,” teasingly.

“You’re just jealous, Dad. You always were. I’m the younger, taller, better looking version of you,” Michael replied cheekily, sitting down to finish breakfast.

“Oh, shut up,” Dan laughed. Looking down at the bottle’s label filled Dan with nostalgia which led him to say, “Hey Phil?”

“Yes, love?”

“I have an idea. How about we use this and let me lick it off you like we used to when we were younger.”

“Nope. Your blood sugar is too high,” Phil states simply, opening the paper to continue reading. Michael spit out his milk and shot a glance to his dad. “What the hell, Dad?

I didn’t need to know that!”

“Well now you do.”

Sophie came into the kitchen, grabbing a plate and taking some pancakes from the plate on the counter. “Good morning, everyone.”

“You can say that. Dad didn’t just scar you for life.”

She laughed, asking, “What did he say?”

“No. Stop. End of conversation,” Dan butted in.

“All you need to know is that Pop would be happier if Dad got his sugar under control,” Michael laughed.

——-

Now, they were outside enjoying the warm weather; warm for England anyway. Johanna had started out by painting something on the easel and now she was slathering paint all over Sophie after a few sarcastic remarks about it from both her and Michael.

“It’s my birthday!” Sophie screamed gleefully at her. 

“I don’t care!” Johanna laughed, getting blue in her hair. “Michael, stop hiding behind her. What kind of man are you?”

“The smart kind. I like this shirt!”

“If you really fancied her, you wouldn’t use her!”

“He does it all the time!” Leah giggled. “I’m used to it. How do you think he manages at school? I’m the smart one in this relationship.”

Michael wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her on the cheek from behind.

“I’m the romantic one though,” he whispered in her ear.  

“You are,” she admitted looking up at him, staring into his deep brown eyes while he looked straight into her blue.

“Aw, Mikey!” Johanna squealed. “He’s all grown up!”

“Shut up, Jo-Jo!”

Dan walked out to see his daughter covered in paint, his son cuddled up with his girlfriend and his niece looking like a maniac with that paint brush in her hand. 

“Jesus fucking Christ, I’m not even going to ask. Dinner’s ready,” he said light-heartedly.

After being cleaned up, Sophie joined everyone else at the table. They sang and cut cake afterwards and it was simple and perfect for her. Nothing too fussy or too loud.

“How does it feel to be twelve?”

“It’s good, I guess. It’s only been a day,” she answered Phil walking up the stairs to go to bed. “But I think it’s going to be a good year.”

“Really? Good,” he said kissing her forehead. “Happy Birthday, love.”

“Good night, Papa.”

——

The following Monday was a pretty normal day. It was horrible, rainy and they were all running late. Dan needed to take Sophia to a dentist appointment across town and Phil had to get to work on his own. He didn’t do well with rainy days. His eye sight wasn’t very good to begin with and now that he was older, it was next to impossible to see everything in his path or react quickly to the obstacles. Phil did manage to get a few miles down road from his work building before another driver swerved in front of him causing him to crash right into them. The other driver came out to see the scene immediately, while Phil couldn’t even move. The front of his car was destroyed, the metal crushed and barely recognizable. Phil jolted forward upon impact, hitting his head on the steering wheel. He was knocked out completely by the time the air bag deployed.

Dan and Sophie were on the way to her school when he got the call. Sophie answered his phone by pressing the button on the screen of the cars on board computer. It was 2027 and every vehicle was equipped with safety features like these for the past decade.

“Hello. This is St. Joseph’s Hospital calling for Mr. Daniel Howell-Lester.”

“Yes, who’s hurt?” Dan asked pulling over to the side of the road. Sophie looked at him worriedly as they went on.

“Philip Howell-Lester was brought into A & E not long ago with serious injuries. He’s been in a car accident. You are listed as his next of kin. Is that correct?”

“Yes. I’ll be there as soon as possible.”

“Daddy?”

“It’ll be okay. I’m sure h-he’s okay,” he said with tears pricking his eyes and crack in his voice.

——-

Dan parked haphazardly and they ran into the hospital. Dan kept composure until he was told he would have to wait. They found bleeding on his brain and it would be a few hours before Dan saw him or even knew he was okay.

“Sophie, baby?”

“Yeah?”

“Call Michael and Johanna for me. I can’t…” Dan put his head in his hands and let out a choked sob. Sophie took out her phone and called them both. Neither of them picked up so she left a message.

“Me and Dad are at St. Joseph’s A and E. Papa’s been in an accident. He’s in surgery now.”

After finishing both calls, she turned her attention back to her distraught father. He wasn’t bawling or even quietly sobbing. He had his head still in his hands, blocking out the din of the room, concentrating on one thing: Phil. Sophie knew her father well enough to leave him alone when he’s like this. He’s an emotional person; he feels everything with his whole heart, with nothing left behind. She placed her hand on his back, rubbing it gently, trying to soothe him without words. Dan moved his head to her shoulder, crying into her shoulder and hugging her tightly. She continued her soothing movements while hugging him back. Her father was in surgery and he might even die but she completely blocked the thought out of her head. She lived in the moment and in that particular moment nothing mattered but Dan, the father who was still here; living and breathing next to her.

 

Two hours pass and still no phone call from either Johanna or Michael. Dan’s calmed down a bit but he’s still sniffling. A doctor came out to talk to them about the surgery and Phil’s progress.

“I’m going to have to be completely honest with you,” Dr. Matthews told them after removing his surgical mask. “He had severe concussion which resulted in bleeding on brain. We were able to stop the bleeding but there is a possibility of brain damage. His brain may not have been getting sufficient …

——-

_**Dan** _

I hear the doctor speaking and I can’t understand anything she’s saying. The room is spinning around me and I need to sit back down. Phil’s dying and they won’t let me see him. They can’t save him; I know it. I feel a little hand in mine and it squeezes my fingers. It’s Sophie, my little girl.

I look down to see her eyes looking into mine and she’s so solid and strong. She’s saying, “He’s fine. Papa will be alright.”

I can’t do this. I can’t do this alone if he’s gone. They need him. Our children can’t live without him. I’m not enough. I could never be enough. I can’t live without him. I need him to be okay. Please be okay. Please be okay. But what if he isn’t?

I need to hug him again. I need to kiss him again. I need to hear the way he says my name. He needs to be here next to me and not in that fucking operating room. I didn’t kiss him this morning. Why didn’t I kiss him this morning? I should have slowed him down. He wouldn’t be here.

He wouldn’t have been in that accident. What if I can’t see him before…?

I can’t finish my thought because a strong hand lifts up my face. I find that I’m now sitting down. Johanna’s sitting next to me, talking to me bawling, “Danny! Talk to us! Where is he?”

Michael’s here too. They’re both very scared. Sophie lets go of my hand, gets up and talks to them.

She shouldn’t have to. She shouldn’t have to be this strong for me. I’m her father and I should be the one comforting her, wiping away her tears but I can’t with my own tears blinding my eyes. My head is hurting from all this crying, from all this thinking.

Where is he? Where is Phil? Is he in pain? Does he need me? Will he be okay? Will he be okay?

 

_**Johanna** _

After turning on my phone and hearing Sophie’s message grabbed my keys and left my studio class. I was still wearing my smock so when I went to the high school to get Michael he looked at me funny. I forgot to tell him about what had happened. “Didn’t Sophie call you? Uncle Phil’s in the hospital!” He shook his head and I signed him out. We both ran to back to my car where Michael bombarded me with questions. “I don’t know anything!” I shouted at him. He went quiet and I apologized. “I’m sorry. I’m just really scared, you know? He is my dad too. I’m sorry.”

Michael hugged me for a moment before saying, “It is okay. Let’s go.”

——

“Danny! Where is he? Is he okay?” I ask him but he won’t respond. It’s like he’s in shock of it all. What did they say? Is he dead? No. He can’t be. He simply can’t be. I sit down next to him, ask him again but he won’t even look up so I lift his head up with my hand. His eyes are filled with his tears. I haven’t seen him like this since Charlie was here. Danny thought Uncle Phil would leave him then too.

“He’s out of surgery,” Sophie says. She isn’t crying or anything. How is she so calm? “The doctor said he might have brain damage. He has a broken leg too but he’s going to be fine. I know it.”

I look back at Michael and Danny with worry on my face. That doesn’t sound like he’s going to be fine at all, but at least he’s alive. At least he’s alive.

_**Michael** _

Dad’s completely out of it. I know how much he loves Papa. Wow, I haven’t called him that in years. Will I get the chance to call him anything ever again? The thought makes me feel sick for a little instant. We all look miserable and lost. All except Sophia. For a minute I was afraid this would set her off. That she should have to be admitted in to the hospital too. I didn’t think she could handle it.

Sophie says he’s out of surgery but I can’t be as composed about this as she is.

There’s a television in the waiting room but it’s too low to hear. I focus on it to forget what’s going on. It isn’t until I see Pop’s name on the screen that I realize the news report is about the crash. It blocked up the street, ruining everyone’s morning. They had to divert traffic. They had to divert the fucking traffic! My father could have died and they are worried about the traffic. My hands grip the chair as I try to calm myself. This isn’t fair. He’s the nicest, kindest person on this earth. I know it. I’m sure of it. I know he’s the reason I was adopted.

He’s the reason why I’m even here. Dad doesn’t deserve this, the worry and the fear that he’s gone. None of us do. Is this some sort of punishment? What have we done to earn this? This isn’t fair.

I look _**away**_ from the television screen and see a doctor approaching us. He looks at

Johanna, asking, “Only two of you can go in at a time. No children. Are you the wife?”

“No, we’re all his children. This is our dad, his husband,” she tells him. “Can Sophie go in? She’s twelve.”

“Oh,” she smiles. “Yes, she can. Who’s first? I’ll show you his room.”

“You and Michael can go in. I’ll stay here with Dad. I don’t think he’s ready yet,” Sophie says. I get up to follow the doctor to his room leaving Sophie behind. As we’re walking, she warns us, “He’s not going to be awake. He may not be awake for a few days. With head injuries like these, we sometimes see patients wake up after the anesthetic wears off. Other times, they’re in a coma for days. He’s lucky he got here when he did. He should be awake in a few days at most.”

She opens the door, holding it open for us and we walk into the room. There he is on the bed with his head bandaged and his leg elevated in the air. That’s not Papa. It doesn’t look like him. I can’t see him smiling and laughing. I can’t help but wonder if he’ll be the same person when he wakes up. Who took him away from us? Where is the other driver? I find myself getting increasingly angry. Pop could be dead right now and I feel like killing. 

_**Sophia** _

Everything is falling apart and I can’t let them see me crying. I can’t come back. I won’t. They’ll find them. I can’t let anyone find them. I have to be the strong one. No one can see me cry.

No one can see me cry.

_**Phil** _

The light pierces my eyes as I open them. It’s too bright so turn my head away. My head hurts and I don’t feel Dan beside me. Where am I?

“Dan,” I call out for him.

“Mr. Howell-Lester?” I hear someone ask. I don’t recognize their voice. It’s a woman so I look to see who it is. I don’t know her. She’s wearing some sort of uniform.

“Who are you?” I ask confusedly.

“I’m Nurse Donaldson. You are in St. Joseph’s Hospital,” she informed me.

“Why? Where is my… Where’s Dan?”

“You were in a car accident a few days ago. I’ll call him now. He’ll be happy to hear you’re awake.”

I was in an accident? Why can’t I remember it? “Thank you,” I tell her even though my voice is hoarse from the lack of use. She smiles and leaves me. Soon a doctor comes in, Dr. Matthews, and she checks my pupils and asks if I’m in any pain. I told her my head hurts a little and when I move my hand to show her where I feel it, I find something that feels like cloth.

“You had a severe concussion so we had to operate. You also have a broken leg. The nurse will give you morphine to relieve the pain. You pulled through. Your family will be so happy.”

“Were they all here? Even Sophie?”

“Yes, they stayed for as long as possible. Your husband stayed all five days. Your oldest daughter finally convinced him to go home and rest,” she said taking out a tablet device and writing some notes with the pen.

“That’s good,” I smiled. “Dan was always worrier.” She laughed and checked something off on her tablet, then swiping her finger back and forth between a few pages.

“Everything seems fine. You should be fine to go home in a few days. You’ll have to come back so we can check on the incision. And there might be some lasting effects from the concussion. We feared some brain damage. But now that I see you are talking and responding just fine. You might have some memory loss, headaches and troubling performing basic tasks like lifting your arms. If these get worse, you’ll have to get back as soon as possible. I’ll remind of all this when you are ready to be discharged.”

“I feel okay except for the headache. I’ll try to remember and if I don’t, Dan will,” I chuckle.

“I’m sure he will,” she said. “I’ll check in on you in a few hours. Your family should be here soon. The nurse called them before she even called me,” she joked.

“Alright. Thank you.”

“It’s my job,” she said opening the door to my room and leaving.

I’m remembering waking up on Monday. It was raining that morning and Dan was a little worried about me driving alone. We had to go so I grabbed the keys and left in a rush. I was getting worried to. The road was so hard to see. The rain and the fog combined made everything ten times worse. I was close to work and then nothing. I don’t remember anything after that.

I sit here and try to remember that morning. I keep going back to the start. Dan and I woke up late. Sophie knocked on the door to tell us it was time to go. I jumped out of bed and into the shower with Dan. We were running too late to do anything. We literally just showered and then got dressed. He had to take Sophie somewhere. Where were they going? I don’t remember but that was the last time I saw them. Johanna and Michael had already left by the time we got down stairs. Dan was yelling for Sophie to hurry up and I left. That’s the last time I heard his voice. The morning goes through my head a countless number of times. Before I know it, I hear the door slide open.

“Phil?” he says when he sees me. 

“Hi, Dan,” I greet him, smiling.

“Phil!” he shouts rushing over to me. He’s looks tired. The bags underneath his eyes are sullen but he looks so happy. His hair is a mess and but beautiful as always. “I thought I lost you, love.”

“You can’t get rid of me that easily,” I jest. I reach out for him and he leans in and kisses me on the lips. I didn’t know how much I missed that until now.

“No more jokes, Lion. We’re all very tired from what you put us through,” he laughs.

“I’m sorry,” I reply sarcastically. “I was getting back at you for not taking out the trash like you promised.”

“You’re still the same. Thank god,” Dan sighs. “I missed you. You were right here next to me but so far away. I almost lost you…”

I see the tears coming to his eyes. It’s the saddest thing I have ever seen. Dan should never cry. It literally breaks my heart. “Danny, I’m still here. I’m talking to you,” I say to calm him. “I’ll take out the trash next time okay. Let bygones be bygones.”

“Stop it, Lion!” he chuckles. “This isn’t funny.”

“I love hearing you laugh. Makes me feel better.”

“Are you in pain? Should I call the nurse?” he asks hastily, worry taking over his face.

“She’s coming back soon to check on me. I’ll be okay until then,” I tell him grinning up at him. “Where are the kids?”

“They’re coming right now. Johanna’s parking the car. I couldn’t wait to see you. I bumped into an old lady with a walker on the way up here. I’m not even sure if she’s okay,” he giggled whilst touch my cheek softly and staring into my eyes. He leaned again and kissed me but this time it was deep and full of concerning and wanting. He tasted like coffee and I relished in all that he did. His hands held me in place and his tongue played with my own. Dan’s breath ran across my skin as our breathing picked up. He didn’t pull away for a while and I could hear the monitor next to me beeping faster. That didn’t stop us at all. Finding his shoulders and eventually his hair, I ran my fingers through those curls I love so much. He smells like shampoo and our shower gel. He awakens my senses; I can feel everything flowing through him. I can feel his smile on my lips and hear his soft sounds of happiness as he goes on kissing me. He loves me. He loves me so much and I feel so guilty for putting him through this. My eyes flutter open and I break the kiss. He looks at me with a smile.

“I’m sorry, Dan. I should have been more careful.” I see his smile disappear.

“No, Phil. No. The other driver was at fault. The police investigated and he’s been charged with reckless driving. It’s not your fault, baby.”

“Okay. If you say so.” His smile is back and the door opens again. He steps away to see who it is and I sit up a little straighter.

“Hi, Pop!” Michael says walking in. He’s almost pushed to the wall when Sophie runs past him and straight into my open arms.

“Papa!” she squeals. “You’re awake!”

“Sophie, let us get a hug,” Johanna begs her. She makes a noise of annoyance and says,

“No.”

“Come on now. I want a hug from you all.”

“Okay…” she sulks moving away. Michael and Johanna walk up either side of the bed and hug them both at the same time.

“We were so worried,” Johanna says into my shoulder. “You were out for so long.”

“Well, he’s okay now and let’s not crowd him,” Dan warns them.

“It’s okay. I feel fine. I hope I didn’t scare you too much. I heard you were here the entire time,” I said looking between the two of them. They left my grasp but Michael kept his hand on my shoulder.

“We were. We went home every night but Dad stayed behind. Last night, Johanna and I had to drag him away.”

“Oh, please. It wasn’t that dramatic,” Dan says defensively. Michael makes a sound of disbelief.

“I can only imagine, Mikey,” I laugh. “When we were younger, I had an allergic reaction to a fruit I had eaten and he was calm until the paramedics arrived. He was sobbing even though they had it under control and I felt fine again.”

“That was intense, Phil,” Dan pouted.

“Anyway, I should be okay to come home in a few days.”

“Yes!” Sophie exclaims.

“Danny, I think you should call the nurse now. It’s getting worse.”

“What’s wrong?” Sophie asked.

“A little headache, love. It’s perfectly normal. Everything’s okay,” I told her. I noticed she was wearing a jumper and everyone else was wearing only t shirt and shorts. “Are you hot Sophie?” I ask her.

“No, why?”

“You have a jumper on and it’s very warm in here.”

“No, I’m okay. Don’t worry about me.”

“I have to worry about you, Sophie. You’re my baby.”

“I know but please don’t. Not right now,” she said softly.

“Alright. I won’t. Come here,” I told her. She came into my arms and I hugged her tightly. It’s fair to say that I’m worried that she was here the entire time. I would have to ask Dan about how she’s been doing. If she showed any signs of a break down. Did she cry at all?

\-----

The next week, Phil was allowed to go home. After his stitches were removed and the cast taken off, Dan ran him a bath. They had a bath big enough for two so he made a romantic night out of it. He lit candles all around the room and kept the lights off. This was easier on Phil’s eyes anyway. Dan brought him upstairs, locked their bedroom door. Phil asked him why he was acting so strange and Dan pulled him into the bathroom.

“Let’s relax and forget about everything, okay?”

“Okay.”

After they undressed, Dan stepped in first and Phil followed him. He sat in the V shape of Dan’s legs and rested his head on Dan’s chest. The water was warm and soothing. The room was quiet and inviting. The only thing Phil could hear with the beating of Dan’s heart and his calming breaths. Dan’s hand laid on Phil’s stomach and occasionally he would draw a shape with his finger across Phil’s skin. The water eventually drew cold and Phil lifted his head to get out. When he looked up he saw his sleeping husband. 

“Hey Dan?”

“Yeah, Lion?”

“I don’t know if I could have handled something like this as well as you did. I don’t think I could be as strong.” Phil whispered into the quiet room.

“Of course you could. You’re the one who keeps this family together. You keep us going,”

Dan countered. “You are the strongest person in this family without a doubt.”

“But you don’t understand, Dan. You give me strength. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

“Hopefully, you never find out. Is it weird to say that I hope we go together? I hope that we share our last moments on earth together so that neither of us has to suffer.”

“No, not at all. I think it’s a nice thought.” Phil stood up and got up out of the bath and helped Dan get to his feet. He took a towel from the counter and wrapped it around them both. They were wet and cold but they were together. The candle light reflecting off the water droplets on Dan’s skin and Phil kept him close in his arms. They stayed like this for a while not wanting to move or ruin the moment. Things were settling down and peace reigned.

But while Dan was wrapped in Phil’s arms, Sophie was next door cutting her own.


	30. The Day in the Life of Sophia

"Miss Howell-Lester!"

"Yes?"

"You’re late."

As if I didn’t already know that. I couldn’t stop the blood this morning. I kept the shower running for 30 minutes before Dad knocked on the door and said I had to hurry up. I was trying my hardest.

Honest, I was.

"What gave you that idea, miss?" I replied to the red-headed demon woman speaking in front of the classroom.

"The bell rang ten minutes ago. I’m tired of your insolence."

"And I’m tired of this bullshit, but I’m not complaining."

"Out! Went straight to the office. Don’t thinking about bunking off either. They’ll be expecting you."

I walked out of the English class and to the office. The secretary knew me very well. I was always there. Whether it was because I was late or my bad attitude. She also knew both of my fathers, as both my cousin and brother came to this school before me. She waved me out of the office and didn’t give me detention or tell the head teacher about me being kicked out again. I thought she felt sorry for me.

My arm itched. My jumper was scratching at my skin and I wanted to tear away at it. It took so much out of me to sit down and take a deep breath. I knew if I touched the cuts, the blood would flow. As much I needed the release, I couldn’t handle explaining the red stains on my white jumper. Such a stupid color for a jumper. I hated white.

I wandered the corridors, skillfully avoiding the prefects inspecting hall passes. They were on a fucking power trip and I didn’t ask for a ride. The bell rang so it was time for the next 90 minute block of torture. This one was gym and I could not. I just couldn’t. But I saw a year eleven girl patrolling the halls, watching me specifically so I was forced to go in to the locker room. I avoided everyone’s eyes and found an empty bench in the back corner where I know no one had been assigned a locker. I was not changing.

I refused to. They would see everything. Every last secret I have would be exposed.

"Sophia?" I heard from above me.

"Yes?" I said with obvious annoyance in my tone.

"Get changed. You haven’t been to class in weeks. I expect to see you on the track first."

It was Ms. Benner, the gym teacher. I told her, “I don’t want to take my clothes off and you can’t make me. I’ve told you this before. Call my parents. I don’t care.”

"I will."

Ten minutes later she came back and said, “Fine, but you have to at least participate.”

"No."

"What do you mean, ‘No’?”

"What I said. Are you deaf?"

I was kicked out again. I hid behind the stage for the rest of that class to wait for lunch to start. I would be free to be alone unless someone tried something. The other kids knew about me. They knew I was a lesbian. I liked girls and no one should care. But they did and they never let me forget it.

One girl, Marissa, liked to come over and give me advice. She was back again.

"You could always kill yourself, you know? No one likes you anyway," she said with her fake sympathy, nodding her head. She moved her straight blonde hair behind her petite ear and smiled at me. "You’re nothing but waste of space, Sophia. You’re an abomination. In fact, your entire family is. Did it rub off on you? The disease, I mean? Something like that, something like you, couldn’t normal. You’re sick."

"Fuck off," I murmured. Her words were getting to me.

"Excuse me?" she said grabbing my arm. I winced in pain and a spark of realization spreads across her face. "What’s going on under here?" she asked with a smirk on her face.

"Nothing! Leave me alone,” I screamed at her to get her to let went. She didn’t. She gripped tighter and twisted the fabric around my arm. I yelped in pain and she pulled my sleeve up, showing off my now opened scars.

"Ha! I saw you’re taking my advice but you seem to be failing Sophia. You couldn’t even kill yourself properly."

"Stop!" I shouted. Everyone turned around to see me screaming nonsense at the popular girl. She moved her hand away from my arm and I pulled my sleeve back down. The fabric was turning a rusty brown from the bleeding. Before she left the table, she said, "A bottle of sleeping pills will do the trick. Just a little advice."

She returned to her friends and she brought them all in for the news. She said something to small crowd and they all look over at me. By the time the day was over, I had the words “SUICIDE GIRL” written across my locker in silver sharpie. It wouldn’t come off when I tried to get rid of it.

A prefect saw it and wrote up a slip for me. Apparently, I have ‘destroyed and deface school property.’

He handed it to me and I looked up at him. I recognized him. He was Marissa’s boyfriend. I took the slip and rip it in front of his face. He smiled and wrote another one, telling me, “The head teacher will definitely hear about this one.”

"Look at all the fucks I give," I said gesturing to the empty space between us. “Oh, I don’t see any!”

I opened my locker, grabbed a few of my things and slammed it shut. He was on his way to the office to drop of the slips that he had written for the day. I knew that not even Mrs. Maddison could save me now.

I walked home by myself after a day of thinking too much and running away from the tormentors. I was not talking about Marissa or the teachers. They were my own thoughts. The ones that told me to cut, the ones that told me that I was worthless, the same ones that reminded me of the doctor and reminded me of Sarah. I didn’t think I would ever be happy. How was that possible when everyone I loved, left?

It was warm out and I wished I wasn’t wearing this jumper. I wished my arms and legs were clean and clear of the scars and new cuts but I couldn’t stop. I wanted to ask for help but I didn’t want to worry anyone. I didn’t want them to look at me any differently. Dad and Papa had so much to worry about. I couldn’t add to it.

I got inside the house and Michael was in his room with the door shut. I needed to release. I took off my jumper and inspected the stain. I knew I needed to get rid of it before anyone saw it but I couldn’t wait any long. I rushed to the bathroom, and hidden behind the toilet I found a blade. I had them all over the house but no one knew. No one noticed anything about me. If they did, they were not saying anything.

They were too afraid to set me off.

I turned on the warm water and it splashed on my skin and I gasped in pain. “Shit!”

My arms were… I couldn’t find the word to describe them. They were pale skin, pierced and accented by red lines. They hurt. Summer was coming and I was dreading it. Everyone would be home and Aunt Charlotte was coming to visit from the States. My thoughts gave me anxiety and the urge to cut even more. I took the blade and dragged the tip across my skin slowly.

“Sophie! You’ve been in there forever! I need to use the bathroom!” Michael yelled, knocking on the door. The blade dropped into the sink. I was shaking because I didn’t remember to lock the door.

“Use Daddy’s! This one is occupied at the moment!”

“Fine! Girls…” he muttered as he ran in the opposite direction.

By the time I was done, I have five new slashes on each arm. I could breathe again. I covered the cuts with tissue to help the blood clot faster and I clean up. My jumper looked better after having rinsed it.

Now it looked like I spilled something on it or something. Finally, I had done something right.

———————-

Papa came home first and he checked in on me. He asked how my day went and I lied to him. I pulled down on the sleeves nervously when he asked about my assignments. I had nothing to tell him because I didn’t go to any classes and I hadn’t been going for a few weeks now. I was in for it next month. Reports would be coming out on the sixth. D-Day.

It was May. And I knew he would ask why I was wearing the long sleeve shirt. He did.

“Because I’m cold! Okay!” I snapped at him.

“Sophia?” he said worriedly. God, I hated the look on his face. He didn’t deserve this. I was just so angry and sad. Everything feels hopeless.

“I’m sorry, Papa. I’m a little tired.”

“Alright. I’ll call you down for dinner,” he said nicely and kisses me on the top of my head. He left me alone with my thoughts. I didn’t want to cut right now but I needed something to do.

One my bad days, I liked to watch YouTube videos. There was one guy who was pretty funny and very awkward. His username was AmazingJames. I spent a few hours watching his videos and forgot about what was going on in my own life. Dad came upstairs and asked me why I was laughing in my room alone. He saw the screen and rolled his eyes, muttering, “Not him again.”

———————-

At dinner, Michael decided to tell Dad about his big plans for the future. He failed his A-Levels and didn’t want to retake the exams for Uni.

“Have you figured out your life yet? What are you going to do next year? Time is running out.”

“I’m not going to Uni.”

“What? Why? Are you just being lazy? You wasted the entire year doing nothing!”

“Dad, you never give me credit for anything. I tried! You’re always so hard on me!”

“What is that supposed to mean? I never saw any revising. I never saw any kind of effort from you except for the night before!”

“That’s not the point, Dad! You never listen to me. You don’t treat anyone else this way. You always think I’m wasting my time with what I want to do. I never wanted to go to Uni!”

“You never listen to me either, Michael! How many times have I told you to revise? How many times did I tell you to focus so you could have the option? You still have no idea of what you want to do and now, you’ve thrown away so many opportunities. I never had to do this with anyone else. Johanna was the easy one.”

“Don’t compare me to her!”

“Why not? I raised her!”

“She isn’t me!”

Dad got up and stood over him. He growled, “Listen, you need to get your act together. You aren’t going to be a failure.” He stormed away and Papa went after him.

I looked at Michael and I could see that his eyes were wet. He was avoiding me and he eventually got up too and left, slamming the door behind him.

I was alone.

—————

After I finished eating, I went upstairs and I could hear Dad and Papa fighting. They fought so much now; about me and about Michael. I could hear Dad say, “He’s not going to live here, not when he treats me that way.”

Papa shouted back, “Dan, you’re so stubborn! Listen to him. He doesn’t want to go and we shouldn’t force him.”

“Why not? He’s not going to amount to anything if he doesn’t.”

“He knows he won’t get anything out of it. It’ll be a waste of money.”

“He doesn’t know anything. He’s only seventeen. We should be encouraging him to do what’s best for him.”

“No! Why don’t you ever consider—,”

I couldn’t listen to it anymore. The urge was coming over me again. My family was falling apart. My parents couldn’t stop fighting. My brother just ran off. I knew he wouldn’t be back for a few days.

Johanna was away at school and I was alone.

In the bathroom, I turned on the faucet to drown out my gasps and I cut again. I cut even deeper when I remembered that it was only Monday.


	31. The Discovery

She was at it again. In the early morning, the house was jammed packed. And this was only time she could get relief.

Charlotte arrived the morning before with Charles and they’ve taken Johanna’s room. Sophie hadn’t had a moment of peace since then. Johanna had taken over her room and Michael was still fighting with their dad at every turn. Soon she was finished but the bleeding didn’t stop. She’d cut too deep this time. There had been too much blood so she panicked. The door was locked so she turned the lock to open it.

She was feeling dizzy now. Sophie had lost too much blood now. It was all over the counter and floor, dripping around her. Just as Sophie was about to pass out, she opened the door and shouted, “Help!”

She fell to the tile floor before she saw someone come in. She couldn’t tell who it was but she hears them say, “You’ll be okay.”

Charlotte found her. She heard her screams and then the thud from when Sophie collapsed.

“Dan! Phil! Someone call an ambulance,” Charlotte yelled into the hall.

\-----

She was in The Clinic again. Sophie knew these walls well. She knows the bars on the windows. They seem to be the only thing consistent in her life. When she woke up, she looked around and Dan, who was sitting in a chair next her bed, says, “I’m right here.”

“Go home,” she said bluntly.

“Sophie, you tried to kill yourself and you think we’ll leave you?” he asked, getting up to face her.

“I didn’t try to kill myself. I was just…”

“What? Tell us. Please,” Dan begged her. Sophie looked down at her bandaged arms. “No.”

Phil joined Dan as they looked at their daughter from her bedside in a mental health facility. This was definitely not what they had envisioned when they adopted her. Was this their fault? No. But did they feel guilty? Yes. Definitely yes.

“We need to be able to help you,” Phil told her firmly.

“What if I don’t think you can?” asked Sophie.

“You can’t trust us?” Phil countered.

“No, I can’t.” Sophie’s eyes shifted between her fathers. The sun was shining in through the blinds, reminding her that it was mid-day and she was wasting everyone’s time with her childish problems.

“If you cannot tell us why you did this, will you tell the doctors?” Phil asked.

“No. I’ll stay here for as long as I have to but I’m keeping this to myself.”

“Did someone hurt you again?” Dan questioned. This family didn’t have the best luck in the world so it was certainly a possibility that Sophie was victimized.

“More than you’ll ever know, Daddy.”

“Who? Tell us.”

“Everyone.”

“What do you mean?” Phil plead with her to continue. They were going crazy with worry and with guilt. They loved her and she was shutting them out.

“I’m tired.”

The men shared a glance and fell silent. Sophie closed her eyes and let herself drift off to sleep.

***

The rest of the family was sitting in the waiting room.

“Will Sophie be okay?” Charles asked his uncles.

“She is okay,” Dan said, smiling at the boy. Charlotte gives him a questioning glance and he shakes his head no.

“Was she talking, Pop?” Michael asked next, from his seat next to Johanna.

“Yes, but she won’t tell us why she tried to commit suicide.”

“She wasn’t trying to kill herself, Phil. She’s a cutter. I saw a few dozen scars all over her arms. I think she may have cut too deep this time,” Charlotte said knowledgeably.

“This time? A few dozen? How long has she been doing this?” Dan looked to Phil as if he should have the answer, like he always does.

Phil shrugged and took a seat next to Charles. “She must have started after…” he trailed off. Things were coming together and making sense now. This is why she never wanted to wear anything else but long sleeves and trousers. This is why she always seemed so distant in her hugs. They hurt too much. “She started when the investigation began but before my accident. I remember asking her why she was wearing a jumper when it was too hot outside.”

“It’s been a year, Phil. We didn’t even notice. She could have died. What if no one was home when it happened?”

“Danny, don’t start with those questions,” Johanna told him. “None of us noticed. I know I wasn’t home very often but I could see she was different not just because of the…” she couldn’t finish her sentence with Charles sitting right there but they all understood.

“Can I go see her?” Michael asked.

“She said she was tired,” Phil answered.

“I don’t think I should wait.”

Dan gestured for him to follow him to her room and they both went inside.

“Can I talk to her alone?” Michael asked him. Dan nodded passively and left the room. Michael approached her quietly and tap her shoulder to wake her up. “Hi,” he said softly as to not ruin the peace of her room.

“Hi,” she replied.

“Can I talk to you for a minute?”

“Sure,” she said in a small voice.

“Aunt Charlie found you this morning,” he started. “She said you were covered in cuts.”

“Yeah, I am.”

“Can you tell me why you did that to yourself?”

“You won’t understand and I don’t want you to tell Dad or Papa.”

“Okay. I get that. We all need to keep our secrets. But this one is too big to keep to yourself.

I do know someone who will understand,” he offered. “What if I called Leah? Can you talk to her?”

Sophie considered his proposal. She wanted help. She wanted to be happy again and she knew if she talks about it, she’ll feel better. There was no talking to her family members about this. She felt guilty enough as it is. “Okay. I’ll talk to her,” Sophie told him eventually.

Michael smiled and pulled out his phone.

***

“I came as soon as I could!” Leah told the family when she runs into the waiting room.

“Leah, what are you doing here?” Dan asked.

“Michael called me. He said Sophie wanted to talk to me. She passed out…” She was confused by all the looks of confusion she saw on their faces. “What?”

“Why would she talk to you?” Johanna asked. “No offence.”

“Hey, Leah. This way,” Michael interjected before she could answer. Leah stuttered then follows Michael to the room.

\-----

“Hey,” Leah said with a warm smile.

“Michael has to leave first.”

“Um, okay. Mike?”

“Yeah sure.” And just like that they were alone.

“I started cutting.”

“I heard.”

“It’s really hard to stop.”

“I know. Why did you start in the first place?” Leah questioned her as she took a seat. She leaned in close because Sophie was particularly quiet.

“After I came home, everyone was always worried about me. I couldn’t breathe. I went back to school and things got worse. The day after my episode in the lunch room, everyone went from thinking I’m the quiet girl to thinking I’m the crazy girl. I’m not crazy. I’m a just messed up.”

“What makes you say that? Why did you have that episode?”

“My friend, Sarah, died when I was younger. She had cancer and died six months after she was diagnosed. She was my best friend. She was my girlfriend,” Sophie said smiling at the memory. “I was sad for such a long time after it happened that my parents sent me to a therapist.”

“Okay. I’m still a little lost,” Leah said when Sophie paused.

“He r-raped me.”

“Oh, my god.” Leah’s eyes widened as she covered her mouth with her hands. “Do your parents know?”

“Everyone knows. Everyone in my family knows except Charles. I wouldn’t be surprised if he knew too, actually. A month after it happened, something set me off at school and I attacked a few teachers and my dad when he came to see me. That’s why I had to stay here for 3 months. I was unstable.”

“And I gave you the idea to cut, didn’t I?” Leah in a barely audible voice.

“No! Not really. Leah, please don’t blame yourself. I was going to find a way to hurt myself. I’m always messing up. I ruin everything. My dads are always fighting over me and everyone thinks I should kill myself. I was so close this morning when all I wanted was the escape for few minutes.”

“No. No, Sophie, that isn’t true. I don’t think you should kill yourself. No out there thinks that. You have an entire family sitting out there worrying about you because they love you and want to see you happy.”

“Everyone who loves me leaves me.”

“I know it seems like that but Sarah got sick. She didn’t choose it. Neither of you deserved to go through that.”

“Not just Sarah. My mum died when I was baby. Johanna’s never home anymore. Michael’s always gone too. No one sticks around anymore, Leah. My parents are always angry and I know it’s my fault.”

“None of this is your fault Sophia. Nothing about this entire situation is your fault,” Leah’s eyes are starting to fill with tears. She never expected Sophia to have so much going on. In her own mind, Leah started to rethink her own life. Nothing could ever seem that bad again. Sophia would always have it worse. “Listen to me, please. You trust me, right?”

“Yeah.”

“You need to tell your family these things. They need to know so that you don’t go through all of this on your own. You don’t have to and you shouldn’t. They love you.”

“I’m only going to make them fight even more.”

“Once they see that you’re feeling better, they might stop fighting. It’s the fact that you’re still the way you are that’s causing all the issues. It sounds like the worry is stressing them out. You need to let them help you. Don’t keep things bottled up. You’ll feel better and they’ll stop worrying when you’re actually happy again.”

“I guess you’re right.”

“I am. Have these secrets been good for you?”

“No. Everything just got worse.”

“Exactly. Don’t go through this alone.”

“Okay. I’m ready to tell them.”

\-----

After talking to her family, Sophia felt a little better. Charlotte suggested a change in scenery might be nice and invited her to stay with her in the US. She turned down the offer saying she didn’t want to leave her daddies. Charles asked her why she fell down that morning and she told the nine-year old that she was had the weight of the world on her shoulders and it eventually crushed her.

“Have you ever considered writing, Sophie?” Charlotte asked. “It might be a great way for you to express everything you need to say. And I have a feeling you have a lot to say. It’ll help make the days go faster while you’re here.”

“No, but it sounds like a good idea.”

“I have some good news for you,” Michael said.

“What is it?”

“You know that guy online that we like to watch, AmazingJames?”

“Yeah?”

“He tweeted me today,” Michael smiled.

“Nuh-uh!”

“Yup!” he giggled.

“What are you two talking about?” Dan interrupted.

“Dad, be quiet! What did he say?” Sophie asked excitedly.

“He wants to do a collab with me. He saw my videos.”

“What videos?” Dan butted in again.

“Dad!” Sophia chastised him to be quiet.

“My YouTube videos. What I’ve been doing for the past year, Dad.”

“Oh, my god. That’s amazing! Promise me you’ll tell him how much I love him!” Sophie swooned.

“I will,” Michael chuckled. “He lives in Manchester so you might be able to meet him one day.”

“Who is this guy, Michael?” Phil asked.

“He makes video blogs for the internet,” Johanna answered. “He’s funny. I don’t personally watch him but to each his own. Thomas likes him too.”

“Michael’s been discovered!” Sophie decreed. “AmazingJames and Mikeisnotonfire! I love it already.”

“It’s just a collab, Sophie. We aren’t touring Europe and North America. I’ll be lucky to get more than 30,000 views.” Michael grinned at her excitement and happiness.

Everyone stayed until the nurse told them that only her parents could stay any longer. Charlotte, Charles, Leah, Michael and Johanna shared a collective groan because they had been having a wonderful time talking to Sophie. They could hear her laugh again. You wouldn’t know she was sexually assaulted and molested repeatedly. You wouldn’t know that she was depressed and had post-traumatic stress disorder. You wouldn’t know that she was suicidal and self-harmed if it weren’t for the plasters on her arms. No, the only thing you could see was a happy girl enjoying time with her family. They knew it wouldn’t last forever but today was a good start. It was just the beginning.

 


	32. The Scrapbook

It was December 25, 2028 and, in a town just outside Manchester, The Howell-Lesters were opening their presents. There were greetings of “Happy Christmas” and “Can I open the gifts now, please?”

The last one was from Phil. He was still like a small child on Christmas morning. They had gotten through the morning and opened every present except one. Dan said it was his gift to Phil and he wanted to wait until later. It was more like a gift for the entire family.

Around 1pm, James came over to celebrate with Michael and the family. His family lived in not too far away from Michael so he thought he’d come over and say hello to everyone. “Merry Christmas,” he says coming in out of the snow. Michael gave him a smile and took his coat. “You can go into the living room with everyone,” he said pointing down the hall. It wasn’t the first time James had been over but Michael was getting that nervous feeling he used to get with Leah when they first started talking. The butterfly feeling that made him do and say stupid things, like stare out the open door, letting all the heat out.

“Mike, shut the door and come on,” James said smiling and grabbing his hand. They got into the living room and Johanna saw the hand holding. She didn’t want to jump to conclusion just yet.

Michael saw her glance and gently released James’ hand.

“Hey, James.”

“Hey Phil. Merry Christmas,” James replied finding a seat on the couch.

“Oh, you’re here—“

Dan was interrupted by the doorbell.

“That must be Tommy,” Johanna stated running to the door so he wasn’t standing in the cold for too long.

Thomas came in, took off his coat and Johanna pulled him into the kitchen. “What are you doing Joey? Feeling frisky?” he asked winking at her.

“No. Shut up. I need you to watch Michael and James. They’re behaving strangely.”

“What?” Thomas asked a little disappointed to find out that Johanna actually had a mission.

“What do you mean behaving strangely?”

“They’re acting all…” Johanna gestured wildly with her hands. “…lovey-dovey.”

“Like you think they’re together? Michael isn’t gay or bi…. I mean he’s dating Leah. Right?”

“No time to discuss. Just watch them.”

She shoved him out of the kitchen and straightened up before going back into the living room.

“Okay, everyone,” Dan started. “Sit in front of the TV here. Come on, Sophie. Right up front. Okay. My present to you all is a digital scrapbook from the first few years of our relationship. Be prepared for the ultimate cuteness. Thirty years together and I think we still got it.”

“Can’t wait to see it, Danny. Anything embarrassing?” Johanna laughed while sitting in Thomas’ lap in on the sofa.

“Maybe for you all,” he said starting the presentation on his MacBook that was connected to the TV. “Michael might blush a little.”

“Oh god,” he groaned.

“Now, I really can’t wait,” James chuckled.

The first video clips that came up was Phil fixing his hair. He’s about 24 years old in that clip and his hair was prefect ebony. Dan, of course, had to remind him of how beautiful it was.

“Phil, you were so pretty then. Look at the way it moves. Just…”

Dan made a noise of approval or, what some would call, lust.

“What do you mean, ‘were’? I still am.”

“Yeah, but now you’re grey. It’s still sexy. Don’t get me wrong. But it’s not the same.”

“Danny, baby?”

“Hmm?”

“Stop being such a twat.”

Dan laughed and they saw a few pictures go by of the kids when they were younger. The next picture that came up was … well now one knew for sure. It looked like Dan but it also looked like Michael and they all argued about who it was.

“It’s Dad. Those aren’t my eyes.”

“We have the same eyes!”

“No, mine have a certain spark,” he retorted playfully.

James laughed at the two of them. “Michael did you ever wear a necklace?”

“No. Not that I remember.”

“Then it’s your Dad.”

“Yes! I win.”

“You are me,” Dan chuckled shaking his head at his son’s competitiveness.

“I never saw you as the jewelry wearing type anyway,” James muttered just loud enough for Michael to here.

“Really? What type am I?”

“The bunny and unicorn type.”

“No, that’s you,” Michael giggled leaning into James slightly.

Johanna squeezed Thomas’ wrists to show him the interaction but he was too late because Michael straightens himself up and focuses on the screen.

"That’s our wedding party, Dan!"

"Look at your tongue, Lion!" Dan laughed. "We were so happy that night."

"We were so drunk. I barely remember it. Do you remember what happened?"

"I do. I’ll never forget it," Dan said with a wink. 

"Dad, not now. James is sitting right here…" Michael chided him. 

"Don’t stop them. Your parents are cute, Mike."

"No, they’re not. They’re embarrassing," he laughed. 

"They remind me a lot of us," James whispered, avoiding his gaze. 

"Next picture Dad." Sophie requested. Johanna watched Michael from behind and saw the way James was touching him. She gestured for Thomas to look too. He focused his attention on the guys and raised his eyebrow questioningly. "This is so weird," She murmured to him. "It’s the same. They look the same way. Uncanny…"

"What was that Jo-Jo?" Phil asked.

"Nothing. Who is that standing next to Danny?"

"It’s my friend, PJ. He went to school with me," Phil says.

"He looks like Tommy. Oh, my god."

“Ha, you’re right. He does. I wonder if they’re still together. I haven’t spoken to them in years,” Phil thought aloud.

“The guy in the end reminds me of Chris,” Michael mentioned. “He loves to do that whenever we’re taking picture.”

“That’s funny because his name is Chris too. Christopher though,” Dan explained as he paused the slideshow. It started again and the next video clip was them in the kitchen making pancakes. Charlie was filming this one and Dan slid across the room, bumped into Phil and they both fell over.

Charlotte’s voice in the background was telling them to get up and stop wasting time.

“I’m hungry!” she yelled at them from behind the camera.

“That’s my mum,” Johanna giggled.

“I guess she’s mine too, huh?” Thomas whispered.

“Shush,” she grinned and gave him a quick peck on the lips. “That’s a secret.”

The next video clip came up and it was one of Dan’s favorites. It was right after they were living together and both attending Uni. They were filming something to send to Phil’s family as a home movie. They had gone off on a tangent and Dan sad something inappropriate so Phil covered his mouth. He knew his mum wouldn’t understand Dan’s special brand of humor. Dan went to the floor, pulling Phil along with him. He liked this video one the most because he remembered they did afterward.

“Dad, why did you do that?” Sophie asked wondering why her father suddenly left the shot.

“No reason,” Dan smiled at his husband and they shared a knowing glance.

The next video was the opposite. They were filming again and Phil had to pull Dan into the shot. They were announcing their engagement and later planned to put it in their wedding video.

Phil said, “We got big—Dan, come here. We got big news.”

“Tell them, Phil.”

“We’re getting married!” he said with a big smile.

Everyone in the room went ‘aw’ at the happy, young couple with their wide smiles. They looked so happy then. The room went quiet with everyone’s thoughts drifting to other things. Sophie wondered if she’ll ever say those same words. Johanna wondered when she could finally tell them and Michael thought, ‘If they can do it, why can’t we?’

The clip faded out and another clip came in.

“Where was this, Dad?” Michael asked.

“Jamaica. That’s where we spent our honeymoon. The trip was a gift from your grandparents. By the way, you need to call them before the day is over,” Dan reminded the children.

It was always a struggle to get them to communicate outside of text.  

“Look at your hair, Dan. It was longer then and a beautiful brown.” Phil mentioned. “Too bad it’s grey now.”

“You would have to bring that back up,” Dan said sarcastically. “My hair is still brown. You’re older,” he said sticking his tongue out.

“Grow up, Daddy,” Sophie giggled. “You’re like two years younger than Papa. You’re getting old too.”

The rest of them laughed before the next clip came in. Phil’s voice came into the room from the speakers.

“I love you, Dan.”

"Really? How much?"

"As much as you love me," Phil said. "Can I get a little kiss for the camera?"

Dan replied, kissing his hand and passing the kiss to Phil.  

"I love you, Phil!" Dan shouts when he takes his hand away with a wide perfect smile.

Another ‘aw’ rings out across the room and the next picture comes up.

“It’s Johanna!” Thomas said excitedly.

“Wasn’t I a cute baby?”

“Yes, very. That’s very good news for us then.”

“What does that mean, Thomas?” Phil asked severely.

“Nothing! Nothing at all.”

Everyone looked at the couple cuddled up on the couch. “We have something to say everyone,” Johanna said, wanting desperately for them to stop looking at them. Johanna moved off Thomas and slid a ring on her finger. “We are engaged.”

“What?” Dan and Phil exclaimed in shock.

“Are you serious?” Michael asked with eyes wide open.

“Aw,” Sophie said and waved her hands in front of her face like she was going to cry. She got up to hug Johanna and Thomas.

“Can we see you two in the next room?” Phil asked steadily, trying to control his emotions. He knew they were hiding something else. Sophie looked at her fathers and they were seething already. “Uh oh,” she said backing away to watch from a safe distance. Johanna closed her eyes and took a deep breath. This was going to be so much fun.


	33. The New Arrivals

“I’m coming to England as soon as I can, Jo-Jo.”

“You don’t have to Mum,” Johanna said. “Everything is going fine. I’m due in six weeks. You can’t stay here for that long.”

“I guess you’re right. You know how worried I am about you. You’re having my grandchild,” Charlotte said into the phone, trying to keep herself from getting emotional. Every time she called Charlotte ended up crying and wanted to jump on the next plane to Manchester. “You’re still so young. You still have a year of Uni left. You had said his mum would help you right?”

“Yeah, she doesn’t work every day anymore and she says she’ll keep the baby while he works and I go to school. It’ll be fine, Mum. Phil still stays home most days too.”

“Have you thought of a name for her yet?”

“Yeah. We’re naming her Ellen Francesca De Luca. Francesca is his nana’s name. He really wanted that one.”

“It’s beautiful. Are things okay with you guys?”

“Yes, mum,” Johanna laughed. “We’re still engaged. It’s going to be a long engagement so don’t worry. We aren’t eloping.”

“I was just asking. Young couples sometimes crack under the pressure of a new baby. And you guys have school and everything to think about.”

“I know. We’re okay. I promise. Listen, I have to go. Danny’s calling.”

“Alright, dear. I love you and little Ellen.”

“We love you too. Bye Mum.”

\-----

Johanna got pregnant last November and she figures the date of conception was right around her 20th birthday. She told Thomas about one month later and he was ecstatic, proposing to her outside the student halls. She had ran off when they had a tiny disagreement about plans for the upcoming holidays. Thomas wanted to go skiing with a few friends and Johanna only saw an accident waiting to happen. She couldn’t let that happen so she fought him on the issue instead of just telling him.

“But why can’t I go?”

“You just can’t!”

“Why?”

“Because the father of my child isn’t going to die before he’s even born!”

“What?”

“Um, nothing,” she stuttered and ran out his dorm room into the cold air. She’d left her coat on his bed but couldn’t turn back. But soon enough, Thomas found her sitting outside, shivering. He put her coat over her shoulders and lifted her sweet face with his hand. Looking into her startling blue eyes, he asked softly, “Am I going to be a daddy?” She nodded with a sad look on her face. He kissed her cheek and shouted, “I’m going to be a daddy!” across the green.

“You’re happy?”

“Of course, I am. I love you, Joey. I always thought we would have kids someday.”

“After we were employed and had money, right?”

“Yeah, I guess. Why didn’t you think I would be happy?”

“What twenty-one year old guy wants to have a baby?”

“This one does. It’s going to ours. She’s going to our baby. Isn’t that great?”

“What makes you think it’s a girl?” Johanna asked completely ignoring his question.

“I don’t know but I know she’s going to be as beautiful as her mother,” he said taking a seat next to her. “Are you scared, Joey?”

“Yes. I can’t do this, Tommy. I still have almost two years left of school. Who’s going to pay for everything she needs? How are we going to take care of her?” she said, starting to panic and getting up off the bench. Thomas left her ramble on for a while before reaching out for her hand and getting her attention.

“Joey?”

“Yes? Out with it!”

“Marry me?” he said getting up to join her.

“Marry you?” she whispered with a smile spreading across her face.

“We did it before. Let’s do it for real this time.”

Without saying yes, Johanna captured him in a kiss. Her arms wrapped around his neck and his hands moved to her waist. It was December, two weeks before Christmas so it began to snow as they stood in each other’s embrace.

“I’ll need another charm for my bracelet,” Johanna murmured on his lips as she broke the kiss. “Wedding bells maybe.”

“Is that a yes?”

“Yes, I want to marry you.”

After kissing her again, Thomas held her close to keep her warm and whispered, “Johanna De Luca sounds really nice to me.”

“It sounds nice to me too,” she said in a small voice.

They went back inside for a little celebration and two weeks later on Christmas day, Johanna and Thomas found themselves in her dining room with Dan and Phil. They weren’t too pleased to hear she was engaged, much less, pregnant.

“Are you sure?” Phil asked crossing his arms and standing over Tommy who was seated next to Johanna at the table.

“Yeah, I had an appointment last week. I’m pregnant.”

“What were you thinking? You have so much going for you Jo-Jo,” Dan asked angrily. “What do you two plan to do?”

“Good question, Dan. What do you plan to do, Thomas?” Phil growled at him.

“My mom will help us with when I start working. I’m graduating in June. I’ll be able to take care of them both when I get started.”

“What about school?” Phil said pointedly to Johanna.

“Carla will keep the baby. We already talked to her a few days ago. She wants to help raise her grandchild.”

“When are you due?” Dan asked.

“July,” she answered.

“Wait, your mum isn’t upset with you?” Phil directed at the still terrified boy, well man, sitting beneath him.

“No,” Thomas told him meekly. “She was very excited about it.”

“Tell her that we’ll help in any way we can. We’re the grandparents too,” Phil said, softening a little. The damage was done and now they would have to live with their decisions.

“I’m only 46,” Dan exclaimed. “I’m not old enough to be grandpa.”

“You won’t be grandpa. You’ll probably be Granny Danny,” Johanna joked, trying to lighten the mood even more.

“She won’t call me that!”

“Can I still be Papa?” Phil asked laughing at Dan’s reaction.

\-----

“Dinner!” Dan called from downstairs.

Johanna tried to get up from her position on her bed. She was lying down and her bed wasn’t very high off the ground.  

“Do you need help, Jo-Jo?” Sophie was standing at her door way, watching her try to get up from her bed.

“Yeah. Thanks,” Johanna said gratefully. Sophie, who was now wearing short sleeves despite the white marks on her skin, walked to the bed and gave Johanna a hand.

“I remember when Dad told me he didn’t want me to have a baby too early,” she began as Johanna got to her feet. “It wasn’t me he had to worry about.” She giggled and Johanna smirked and told her, “It’s only because you don’t like boys. I saw you with Maya yesterday.”

They walked into the hallway and while Sophie helped her down the stairs, she said, “I don’t know what you’re talking about at all. You must be seeing things. Hormones must be messing with your head.”

“Nuh uh, there is nothing wrong with my head. You were kissing her and touching—,”

“Don’t tell Papa,” Sophie pleaded.

“I won’t. I’m glad you’re so happy with her. She’s very pretty.”

“Thanks,” Sophie smiled as they reached the first floor.

\-----

A few months earlier, Sophie made a friend named Maya. She had met her on what was the first day of school for the both of them. Sophia had just been discharged from The Clinic in mid-September and Maya had just moved to England from Sri Lanka, a little country south of India. She was getting lost throughout the day so before fourth period, she looked around for a kind face that might help her. Speaking English almost like a first language, Maya had no problem communicating in her new home. Her peers were just a bit intimidating. She saw Sophia walking by her and tapped her shoulder.

“Can you help me please?” she asked.

“Yeah sure,” Sophie said with a smile.

“I’m looking for room 117. I have creative writing next class.”

Sophie laughed a little and said, “You can come with me. I have the same class.”

“Thank you! What’s your name, if you don’t mind telling me,” she said reverting to her shy nature.

“My name is Sophia but my family calls me Sophie. There’s really not much of a difference, really,” she rambled. This was the first interaction she’d had with a classmate in a very long time. People generally stayed away from her.

“Oh,” Maya said. “I’m Maya Silva, I just moved here so I keep getting lost. This school is bigger than it looks.”

“It is,” Sophie smiled turning the corner and looking behind to make sure Maya was still behind her. “Where did you move from?”

“Sri Lanka.”

“Oh. Wow.”

“Have you ever been?”

“No, but it sounds interesting. What’s it like there? Isn’t it like crazy hot there all the time?”

They talked all through that class and lunch. Maya followed Sophia around for the rest of the day, Sophia showing her to her classes before going to her own. They exchanged numbers at the end of the day and Maya hugged her good bye. Sophia walked home with a smile. She had a friend again.

Weeks passed into months and while Johanna had her own drama going on, Sophia existed in peace. School came easy to her and she excelled in one particular class. The creative writing class she where she sat next to Maya. Maya wrote a poem one day for an assignment in which they were supposed to write about a personal issue without making it obvious. The class would have to infer what the hidden message was. Maya’s poem said: She had my soul. She had my heart

Where did this kind love start?

We’re we raised this way? Is that what they say?

Or was it in the womb?

But now she’s faces certain doom

And all I can do is pray

She’s my soul. She’s my heart

And they’ve taken her away

By the time she was done reciting it, Sophie was in tears. The teacher asked if she was okay, knowing her history and Sophia nodded. “It’s beautiful.”

“Well, can you tell us what Maya’s message is?” Ms. Leetham prompted, relieved that Sophie was smiling through her tears. 

“It’s about a girl who’s in love but society doesn’t approve. It sounds to me like they’ve hurt her because of it.”

“That’s right. Except for the last part. It’s about a girl whose girlfriend had an arranged marriage.”

“Well done, Maya. Thank you.” She took her seat next to Sophia who was still tearing up.

“Please don’t cry about that.”

“But it’s so sad,” she sniffled. “Is it about you?”

“Sort of. My cousin’s girlfriend was married off the month before we left and I thought about the same thing happening to me.”

During lunch, Maya told her she only ever liked girls in confidence. Sophia smiled and told her not to worry. She was the same way and she had two fathers. Maya’s eyes widen and Sophia laughed, telling her, “We understand. Trust me.”

A few weeks later, they kissed behind the stage where Sophia used to hide. It had started innocently. Sophia really didn’t want to go to P.E. that day and Maya decided to stay with her. Sitting behind the long black curtains, Maya and Sophia spoke in soft whispers to avoid being caught. Maya asked her, “Why do you hate it so much? It’s not that bad once you get it over with.”

“I don’t want to change.”

“You aren’t embarrassed, are you? You have a nice body.”

“I have scars all over my arms and legs,” Sophie said pulling down on her sleeves.

“Where did they come from?” Maya asked with concern.

“Me. I did them.”

“Why?”

“I was really sad for a long time so I…”

“Do you still do that?”

“No. I stopped last summer.”

“That’s good,” she smiled. “Can I see them?”

“What?”

Maya took Sophie’s hand and brought it to her own lap; she was sitting in a pretzel next to her. She rolled up Sophia’s sleeves and gasped at the scars. Sophie tried to pull away but Maya held onto her hand firmly. She looked at her with her dark brown eyes and brought her arm towards her own body. She caressed up and down the scarred skin, making Sophia tear up at her tenderness.

“Never again. Okay?” Maya whispered.

Sophia nodded. Maya got on her knees and took Sophia face in the palms of her hands. She leaned in slowly and their lips met. Maya was sweet about her kiss, tilting her head and waiting for Sophia’s permission to enter. She quickly did, letting Maya explore as she pleased. Sophia became comfortable with the kiss and played with Maya’s long braid which flowed over her shoulder, her fingers twirling the frizzy black ends. They broke apart and Sophia grinned at her and Maya started laughing louder than she should.

“Shush, we’re hiding!” Sophia whispered. Maya just kissed her again.

\-----

 Johanna and Sophia went into the kitchen to find Dan putting the food out for dinner. “That looks good, Danny.”

“Sit down and get off your feet,” Dan mothered. 

“I will.” Johanna laughed at his coddling her.

Before long, they were all sitting at the table, except Michael. Dan and Phil were talking at the table when Michael briskly walked through the room, grabbing his keys from the counter and trying to hurry out the door. Dan raises his eyebrows at Phil with confused look and Phil gave him a warning glance; he knows how Dan can be with Michael sometimes. 

“Where you going this time, Michael?” Phil asked gently.

“Out.” Michael gave both his fathers a quick hug and ran out the room so not to be question further. Of course with his luck, he failed. 

“Hey, I don’t care if you’re legal now. Don’t talk to your father like that. Now answer our question,” Dan demanded.

Michael sighed. “I did answer! Now please, can I go?”

“We just want to know what’s going on in your life. You are our son after all.” 

“Fine! I’m going out on a date okay!”

Michael walked towards the front door in a desperate attempt to leave. 

“Oh, with Leah?” Dan asked, trying not to sound too intrusive, knowing for sure that it wasn’t Leah.

“No.”

“With who then?”

“James.”


	34. The Secrets

Johanna cried out, “I knew it! I knew there was something going on!”

“Shut it!” Dan snapped at her. “James? Your male best friend, James?”

“Yeah, Dad.” Michael became increasingly agitated by the interrogation.

“What happened to Leah?” Phil asked innocently.

“We decided to take a break and see other people.”

“And those other people are… James?” Dan asked again softening his tone.

“Yes! Jesus Christ!”

“Don’t raise your voice to me!”

“Daddy, I have a girlfriend!” Sophie announced suddenly.

“What?!” Phil and Dan reacted simultaneously.

“Yes, her name is Maya and she’s beautiful. I think I really like her,” Sophia said with confidence while making gestures for Michael to make his escape. He blew a kiss to her and ran out the front door to see James.

“Sophie, do you really think it’s a good idea to get attached to someone so quickly?” Phil asked with concern dripping from every word.

“It’s already too late. I like her and she likes me. I’m fourteen, I’m old enough and, Papa, she makes me happy to be alive.”

“Oh wow.” Johanna sighed. “I feel the same way about Thomas.”

“Jo…” Dan warned.

She cleared her throat and started eating again.

“Hey, where did Michael go?” Phil asked.

“Damnit! I really needed to talk to him.”

\-----

Michael took the keys to the car that he and Johanna shared. He knew she wouldn’t mind if he took it tonight. He texted James that he was on his way and James replied with a smiley face and a few kisses.

Michael laughed lightly at the kisses at the end and pushed the button to start the ignition. He got to James’ new apartment in Manchester in about half an hour because it was the weekend and there was barely any traffic. He was happy to see James, hugging tightly when he opened the door to the flat.

“Hi,” Michael said smiling up at him. Michael was slightly shorter than him and felt so much younger when he was around James.

“Bear,” James nodded and chuckled lightly. He kissed him sweetly on the lips and pulls him into the flat by his belt loops. “Where did you want to go tonight?” he asked bending down to put on his shoes.

“Can we just stay in? I nearly got into it with my dad and I can’t face anyone who might recognize us.”

“Sure,” James replied standing back up again. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Yeah,” Michael pouted and plodded over right into James’ arms. “I told them about us tonight,” he mumbled into his flannel shirt.

“That’s great, babe. What happened? They’re gay and they like me. What went wrong?”

“I don’t know, Jaime. I just don’t get on with my Dad that well. We never really did. He’s always so… mean to me. I don’t know how to explain it. I know I sound like a whiny little brat.”

“No. No, if that’s what he does, that’s what you should call it. Let’s sit down.”

Michael fisted his hand in James’ shirt, silently telling him that he really didn’t want to let go. They were so close already. They had been together for seven months now. Michael was still technically in a relationship with Leah, who had gone away to Uni in Leeds.

Michael had mixed feelings. He was afraid, he was scared but his heart wasn’t beating rapidly out of fear. It was because he was wrapped up in the arms of a man he idolized for so long. They had sent messages between one another for months. Mike always sent him tweets after every upload. Never more than five minutes afterward. James began to recognize his username so started talking to him regularly through social media. When he said he wanted to do a collab, Michael jumped at the opportunity. He could actually meet the AmazingJames. Yes, he sounded like a made up superhero but to Michael, he was real. He was very real.

James’ videos were the highlight of his day when nothing else seemed to go right. He interacted with his followers and subscribers even though his fan base was ever widening. He encourage Michael to continue making videos. “Do it because you love it, not because you feel pressured by me or anyone else,” he told him. Michael made a short video explaining himself and why he was supposed to be interesting enough to watch. He was shy and a little sarcastic because of his nervousness but somehow people were actually interested. He later found out that James had promoted him. Later tweeting him, “Great video. Can’t wait for the next.” He had never felt so honored in his life.

Soon the tweets became less impersonal. They switched to direct messages after a while and they eventually exchanged phone numbers and Skype usernames.

The Skype calls were probably what started Michael’s romantic feelings for his friend. They had started talking about music, the old bands they loved to listen to. James really felt a connection then. No one understood his obsession with music for twenty years earlier. No one but Michael. They bonded on other things too. James had just finished Uni while Michael never went but he continually supported him in his decision not to go. He let him rant about the idiots at school who used to bully him because of his family. James was surprised to learn that Michael had a girlfriend. A long term steady relationship that was going on three years.

“Hey, can I ask you something a little personal?” James asked during a Skype call right around last September, when Leah was gone.

“Go ahead,” Michael told him without a second thought. He’d tell him whatever he wanted know.

“Um… this is really weird to ask and you can stop talking to me if I make you uncomfortable,” James said with embarrassment clear on his face.

“What is it?”

“Are you bisexual?”

“Um—Uh… I don’t really know what I am. Uh… I-I thought I was straight but lately I- oh my god. Do we have to talk about this?”

“No! We don’t have to,” James chuckled lightly. “Sorry I’ve made it awkward.”

“Yeah alright. But why did you ask?”

“I just—never mind. Forget about it.”

“No, tell me. Please,” Michael begged.

“I don’t know. I was kind of hoping you were.”

“Oh,” Michael mumbled avoiding James’ eyes on the screen. The blue made him sigh too heavily and stare for too long.

“Yeah, I fancy you,” James chuckled and sighed. “But it’s okay if you don’t feel the same—,”

“I do though.” Michael moved pillow to his face to hide behind while James laughed aloud. “You do?” James smiled wide. “Then why are you hiding? Stop being so cute.”

“I’m not cute! I’m a man!” Michael cried into his empty room.

“You are. You can’t deny it.”

“Thanks,” Michaels laughter subsided and left soundless room. He eventually spoke up however. “I’ve never fancied another guy before. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”

“We’ll take it slow. Alright?”

“Yeah.”

“What’s your next video idea?”

\-----

Michael went into Manchester to spend the night with James and make a video together, meeting in real life for the first time. He had to take the train in to the city because all their cars were taken. James met him in the city center and their first meeting was full of shy smiles and timid touches. Michael spotted James and walked up to him with his back pack, tapping him on the shoulder instead announcing himself, too afraid of what his voice would do.

“Oh hey!” James said turning around and leaning in for hug then deciding against it.

“Hi,” Michael half smiled. It wasn’t that he was unhappy to be there or that he’d had a bad commute. It was because here he was standing in front his mentor, his best friend and possible boyfriend. They’d have to talk about that later today. Michael felt very conflicted at this point. He was still with Leah while started a relationship with James and his home life was far from uncomplicated.

“You alright?”

“Yeah, just a little tired. Our call went very late last night.”

“I know but I wanted to have everything ready for you. Plus it’s not like I wanted to stop talking you. I didn’t realize it was 4 am until you fell asleep.”

“That’s ‘cause your so boring,” Michael jeered playfully.

“That’s why I have two hundred thousand subscribers, right? Because I’m boring?” he laughed.

“Nah, you could never be boring.”

“Glad to hear it. Let’s go.”

They got back to his flat after a quick stop at Starbucks, the legendary coffee house. There were only a few left now and one just happened to be very close to James’ apartment. They went inside and James showed him around since he was going to be spending the night. They both knew what that would lead to because of the many video calls that had gone on the more inappropriate side. Dirty talk from the so called innocent James and Michael’s blushing face but obvious arousal fuelled these kinds of calls.

James took Michael’s back pack from his and put it on the bed. James set up the video equipment in his room, where he did most of his filming, and took out the ‘Would you rather question that viewers had sent in. They had gotten through some rather strange ones but the weirdest was “Would you rather—this one is for Michael— would you rather snog James or the king?”

“Oh that’s a tough choice. King William is balding and has put on quite a lot of weight but I imagine he’d still be a better kisser than James.”

“Oi, I’m a great kisser.”

“Why don’t you prove it then,” Michael murmured just loud enough for him to hear.

James smiled, sighed an ‘Okay’ and leaned in for the kiss. Michael opened up to him easily, letting James take dominance as soon as they started. James’ lips were prefect and soft on Michael’s own chapped ones. He smelled like berries and tasted of the coffee they’d just shared. The room begins to spin as Michael falls deeper into the trance and he pulls away.

“I don’t think I can do this!”

“What? Why?”

“I’m not supposed to doing this with you! I have a girlfriend. I’m—,”

James leaned in to kiss him again, this time holding him closer by the back of his neck.

Michael made a moan of appreciation for James’ warmth and body slowly pressing closer to his as James guided him down to the carpet of his bedroom and straddled him. “Do you still want to be just friends?” he smirks.

“Boyfriends. No more talking, just kissing,” Michael breathed, meeting James’ lips again.

Luckily, they had filmed so much before that one question that the video was completed. When they watched it back, after they’d stopped making out on the bedroom floor, Michael murmured, “Can we keep this a secret?”

“Yeah, we can. If you want too….” It was obvious by James’ sudden change in tone and the way he adjusted his black fringe that he didn’t want to.

“It’s just that I have a lot going on right now and I’m not…”

“No, Mike. It’s fine.”

“Please don’t hate me.”

“I don’t hate you,” he laughed quietly. “I understand. We’ll keep this between us.”

 

That very same night, they take this secret to new level. Michael learned how to give a blowjob and James repaid the favor not once but twice. The smile on Michaels’ face didn’t leave him that night. He slept with James’ arm draped over his waist and an anticipated calm that came with nightfall. When morning came however, he’d gotten a text more Leah that read, ‘I miss you. I’m getting the urge to cut again. I really need to talk to you. Call me.’

Michael called her back immediately whilst James laid beside him asleep, completely undressed with his hand still caressing the lightly tanned skin of his boyfriend. Leah picks up and he can hear hey crying on the other end of the phone.

“Leah, what’s wrong?”

“Everything. I can’t do this. I’m stupid.”

“No you aren’t. What happened?” Michael tried to calm her. James stirred beside him and pulled him closer. “Who are you talking to, Bear?” he asked softly, still half asleep. He had used the nickname that he bestowed upon him when they were discussing favorite childhood toys. Michael went on and on about the bear his mum had given him before she died.

“Leah,” Michael whispered.

“Everything is so hard. I’m not doing well at all. I’m lonely. I miss home and I miss you. I want to cut so badly,” she explained panic clear in her voice, completely oblivious to Michael’s whereabouts.

“Baby, calm down. You do not need to cut. Talk to me. I love you,” he told her. James got up from the bed and went into the en suite bathroom. Michael realized what he’d said and knew he’d struck a nerve. He talked Leah through her anxiety. She said she had to go to lecture but she was feeling better. He told her he loved once again just as James was leaving the bathroom. She hung up and Michael hurried after James who was already in the kitchen.

“Do you really love her?”

“Yes.”

“We’ll have to work around that then,” James said simply. “Can we do this if you’re still dating her?”

“I can’t leave her. She’s helped my family so much. It’s sick what we’re doing,” Michael sighed. James put down the mug he’d had been holding and merely stated, “You don’t love her. You pity her and you feel obligated to her. You’re lying to her and letting her think you want to be with her. What you are doing is sick.”

“Fuck you!”

“I bet you want to.”

Michael turned to leave the room and James grabbed his arm and pulled him into his body.

Michael tried to get away but James kept a strong hold on him. “I’m sorry. I don’t want you to leave.

Please don’t leave.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Then don’t.”

\-----

Back to present day, Michael spent the night with James just like he did whenever he had a disagreement with Dan about anything concerning his life. When Michael got home the next evening, Dan told him they needed to have a talk.

Lately, Johanna had been noticing the little things that no one else saw. Loving glances, small touches, the way they brushed their hands against each other’s when they couldn’t hold them, the kisses that happened when they were in a room together and they thought no one else could see. 

Dan and Phil saw it too. They shared knowing glances when Michael wrapped his arms around him like a lifeline. Everyone saw how much they truly love and need each other. They could see it in their eyes. It was as if Michael and James had their own little language only they understood. And that was what kept their relationship strong.

“Michael, I need to have a serious talk with you. How long have you and James been dating?

“For a while now.”

“If you don’t feel serious about dating a guy then you should stop now before you hurt him, I understand if you truly do love him but if this is just a phase then you are being very dangerous with his emotions.”

Finally, Michael stopped Dan’s ramblings to tell him, “It’s not guys, Dad. It’s James. Just James and I love him more than I ever loved anyone else.”

Something in his tone and eyes let Dan know he was being honest. “That’s the first time I’ve ever heard you say the L word. You love him?”

“Yes, I do.”

“Why all the secrets then? You know Pop and I will support you.”

“I don’t know. It just felt like something I should keep to myself.”

“That’s understandable. We’re all entitled to our secrets. I’m happy you came back home, Mike. I don’t like fighting with you.”’

“I don’t like it either,” Michael shrugged. Dan hugged him and kissed the top of his head. They heard commotion in the hall way and lookout the door. Phil was coming up the stairs, shouting, “The baby’s coming! Come on, everyone. It’s time to go.”

“Right now?” Dan called back. “She’s early!”

“She doesn’t seem to care. Jo’s water broke. Let’s go!”

In the rush to get Johanna’s necessities and call who needed to be called, Michael forgot about his troubles for a while to focus on his family. He had received texts from both Leah and James that night but they would just have to wait.

They got in the car and drove to the hospital. Johanna was checked in just as Thomas met them there. The family was growing again, but Michael was being torn apart by an inner conflict.

Something he believed was his secret to keep.


	35. The Seperation

Michael’s fingers were pulling down James’ boxer briefs. He’s whispering, “Hurry up.”

“God, you’re beautiful.” James was ready for him and Michael opened up to him, whimpering and moaning out once he was inside. They moved together, James’ fingers gripping Michael’s waist, holding him down on the bed. Michael’s feet dug into James’ back and his hand bunch the sheets.

His eyes slammed shut as he reached orgasm, James finishing not long after.

This wasn’t their first time. It wasn’t their second time either. To be honest, Michael had already lost track of just how many times he had had sex with James. James pulled out and collapsed to the space next to him. “I love you, Bear.”

“What?”

“I love you.”

“I-I… uh. I have to go!” Michael got up from the bed and slid his clothes back on in record time.

“Where are you going?” James asked getting up too. Michael stepped away from him, keeping him away at an arm’s length.

“I- bye!” Michael grabbed his keys and bolted from the apartment, leaving James naked and hurt.

He drove cautiously to his house, still in a stupor from their sex and his sudden panic. He finally got home after 45 minutes. It was Wednesday, mid-work week, and his fathers were home already because they weren’t caught in traffic. He was on the verge of tears. He wanted to punch walls and scream but he couldn’t do that with them home. Not with Dan home. As much as Dan loved the boy, their sincere sweet moments are short and rare. If Michael went in there in tears, he’d have to explain himself.

He parked on the street and decided to walk in through the back door. He crept around to the back garden and the kitchen door was open so he could hear Phil shouting something to Dan, who shouted something back. Mike knew that they were both downstairs and there was no avoiding them. He figured Phil was the better one to see him upset and might actually leave him alone if Michael needed it. Michael walked in the door and tried his hardest to walk past his father but—

“Michael?”

“Don’t want to talk about it, Pop.”

Michael got to his room without issue but not thirty seconds later, Phil twisted the door handle and announced himself.

“Please leave me alone.”

“I can’t do that Mike. You look awful.”

Michael paced the room and stopped in front of his wardrobe. “I keep hurting everyone.”

“What did you do?”

“I’m still with Leah,” he said messing with his hair. “And I’m sleeping with James.”

“Oh my god, Michael…” Phil said with wide eyes. He didn’t know what to say. He had just learned his son was attracted to boys just a few weeks ago. “It will be okay. Come here.” Phil opened his arms to him and Michael went to him and buried his head in his father’s shoulder.

“I’m not gay, Papa. I’m not. I’m not. I promise I’m not but I just love him so much that it scares me. What do I do?” Michael sobbed into his shirt and Phil rubbed his back to soothe him. “I’m such a bad person for doing that to Leah. She deserves so much more than me!”

Phil kept trying to console him but Michael wouldn’t listen because he was stubborn like his dad and continued his sob heavily. “It will be okay, Michael. I can promise you that it will be okay. It’s okay if you like him. It’s okay if you love him. I love your dad the same way. Is it wrong?”

Michael shook his head vehemently. His parents’ relationship was one that he envied. Many people did but he still couldn’t shake the feeling of uncertainty. “Pop, you don’t understand. James and I had sex but it wasn’t just mindless. It was perfect and beautiful. With Leah, its only lust. I love him and I- I don’t know what to do.”

“Here’s my advice to you, Michael. Tell them both the truth. Tell James you love him. Tell Leah she no longer has your heart. You can’t keep stringing her along. That’s wrong, Michael. Things will get better once you are honest. And listen,” Phil lifted Michael’s head up off his shoulder and looked him straight in the eye. “You deserve to have someone to love. Don’t take that away from yourself.” Phil took a moment to reflect on what he had just said. He swore he’s said the same thing to Dan more than 30 years earlier. The feeling of déjà vu swept over him and it made him smile. Michael wiped his tears away and smiled at him, the same way Dan did. “Go tell him you love him,” Phil said. Michael nodded, looking around the room for his car keys.

“Thanks, Pop,” he said leaving the room with a smile on his face.

Phil waved and made his way downstairs to sit with Dan. He opened the door to find Dan standing there with his arms crossed and tapping his foot.

“What were you talking about?”

“Um, Michael needed some advice.”

“About his dating James and Leah at the same time?”

“Dan, why are you asking if you already know?”

“Because I can’t believe that you let him just leave and go back to him. He should be with

Leah.”

"Dan, let him make up his own mind."

"No, he was supposed to be better!"

Phil furrowed his brow and met Dan’s stance. "What do you mean?"

"He was supposed to be straight!"

Phil’s flew open in shock. "What! How could you say that?" Michael was supposed to be the better version of him. The straight version and now Phil knew his issue. It made him sick.

“I can’t believe you just said that! Michael is not supposed to be anything other than himself!

Dan, you should know better. Your father did that same thing to you and look what good that did. You don’t even talk to him anymore! What happened to supporting our children?” Phil shouted at him.

"I have to go," Dan muttered, turning away from Phil. 

As he walked away, Phil asked, “Where are you going?”

"I don’t know."

\-----

Sophie came home from her date with Maya to find her house strangely quiet. No one was downstairs. There was no baby crying because Johanna moved in with Thomas right after she had Ellen. Michael was never home it seemed but her parents were always were. ‘Where are they?’ she wondered. Her mind wondered to the dirty side, thinking they were probably taking advantage of the empty nest but when she reached the top of the stairs, she saw her Papa sleeping alone in his room. It was the middle of the evening so the sun still shone through the windows. She could see that he had been crying but he fell asleep with his glasses on. She padded into their room looking for her Dad but didn’t see him. She gently moved the glasses from Phil’s face and he stirred.

“Dan?”

“No. It’s me.”

“Did your dad come home yet?”

“No one is here but us. Where did he go?”

“I don’t know. We had a fight and he left.”

“Was it that bad?”

“Yeah, love. It was.”

“He’ll come home soon.”

“Yeah,” Phil smiled. “Do you want some dinner?”

“Yeah. I’ll help.”

\-----

Dan didn’t come home that night. He didn’t come home the next night either or within the week. Sophie had gone down the street to visit Ellen and Johanna and came back to find her Papa in bed, asleep in the middle of the afternoon. She tried calling Dan because this time Phil was the one that needed support and Dan was nowhere to be found. Dan wouldn’t answer his phone and when she called their job, Dan’s boss told her said, “Sorry, Sophie. We haven’t seen your Dad since Wednesday. Is he okay?”

“I don’t know. But thank you.”

Sophie was starting to go in a panic too. Her father was missing and he might have died when they were waiting for him to come home. “Papa. Papa! Wake up!” she shook him out of his sleep. Phil opened his eyes and asked the same question, “Did your dad come home?”

“No. We need to find him. He might be hurt.”

Phil rolled over and stared out their window. He was becoming withdrawn from his life, concern and worry taking over. He couldn’t stop thinking about what Dan had said about Michael being better. The words, ‘he should be straight,’ ringing through his ears repeatedly. Did Dan live through their son? Did he see him as the beacon of hope? Did Dan actually think that being gay was the lesser version of himself? Phil couldn’t help but think that Dan regretted everything they ever had. He began to cry and when Sophie shook him and asked him what was wrong, he couldn’t speak. More thoughts clouded his mind until he could no longer see through his tears. Did Dan regret loving him? Did Dan love him?

Sophie didn’t know what to do. With Phil unresponsive and Dan missing, she started to get the horrible feeling that was caused by her separation anxiety. She recognized the nausea and the panicky feeling so tried to calm herself like they had taught her in the clinic. Normally, when she felt this, she’d go to her fathers or her siblings but they were the cause this time. She thought about calling Michael but figured this had something to do with him. Johanna wouldn’t answer her phone so she called Maya and told her she felt like she was drowning, she needed help. Maya told her to count and listen to her voice. Think about what they did that day. She reminded her she wasn’t alone. Someone was there for her. Maya told her she was on her way and in fifteen minutes, Maya ran the bell. Sophie greeted her with a hug.

“One of my fathers is missing. My dad,” Sophie told her. “My other father won’t talk to me.

I need to find him.”

“When was the last time you saw him?”

“Wednesday morning.”

“Okay. Did you check the GPS on his phone?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Every phone has a GPS signal. All you have to is ask the company to tell you the location of the number on the account.”

“How do you know all this?”

“My dad works for the wireless company. He lets me know that he can find me where ever I am. Yes, it’s very creepy.”

“Come on. Help me find the account information.”

The girls search through the mess that Phil had made earlier and found the cellular bill. The operator told him that street address of the ‘missing phone.’ It was the address of an old run down hotel, not to far outside the city. Sophie and Maya got there by bus in 45 minutes, around 7pm. In order to find where Dan was staying, she went up to the front desk alone and asked the concierge for Dan’s information. She told him, “I’m staying here with my dad and I forgot my room number and I don’t have the key. I don’t want to go up there and knock on the wrong door.”

“Okay, what’s your dad’s name?”

“Howell-Lester.”

“Oh. It’s room 516.”

“Thank you.”

Sophie smiled and walked away, heading for the elevators. Maya came up beside her and pretended she didn’t know her. They went inside and soon as the doors closed she shouted, “I can’t believe that worked!”

“He’s pretty stupid to be giving out your dad’s information like that.”

“Yeah but now we can find him.”

The bell rang when they got to the fifth floor and they looked at the signs to find his room. Maya found it first and Sophie knocked on the door. She heard Dan’s voice from inside telling her, “Yeah, wait a minute.”

She knocked even harder, with anger clear in each blow to the wooden door.

Dan opened the door and said, “What the—Sophie? What are you doing here?”

“Why aren’t you at home?” she shouted at him. He pulled her into the room and Maya followed. “Papa’s sick without you home! He’s stopped talking! How bad was that fight?”

“Hey, I don’t want to discuss that with you!”

“I don’t care! You left us! How could you do that to me? How could you do that to Papa?”

“This is between your father and—,”

“No! You are listening and shutting up for the first time in your life! You completely broke him and he is laying at home not eating or even getting up to wash, Dad! Do you realize how much he needs you? How much he loves you?”

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“Teach me then. What is so bad that you abandoned your family without so much as a message to say you were okay? I thought you died, Dad!”

“I told your father that I wish I was straight. That’s what I’m sure it sounded like anyway. He probably thinks I wish I wasn’t married to him and that I don’t love him. It’s not true but the damage is done. It’s all my fault, Sophie.”

“Daddy…” Sophie sighed.

“I can’t face him,” Dan told her, sitting down on the bed.

“Papa loves you and he wants you home. You’re being selfish by staying here. Come home.

Please,” she pleaded.

“I’m not ready yet.”

“Stop thinking about yourself! We need you! I nearly cut today, Dad, and you weren’t there to help me get through that. You left your family. If you did love us, you wouldn’t do that. I had to call Maya to do your job! Your husband, the love of your life, is crying his eyes out because of what you said. Take responsibility and apologize to him. You owe us that much.”

Dan nodded and got up off the bed. He didn’t have much, just a shirt, his keys and his wallet. He opened the door, gesturing for the girls to go ahead of him. He checked out early and drove home with Sophia and Maya in the car.

He’d realized he hadn’t properly introduced himself to the girl. “Hello, Maya. I’m Dan, one of Sophie’s fathers, obviously. I hope we haven’t started off on the wrong foot.”

“Oh hi,” she giggled. “It’s all a little intense but Sophie told me about you guys.”

“Do we surpass expectations?”

“Definitely.”

\-----

Dan walked upstairs to his room to find Phil looking through the papers again.

“What are you doing?”

“I was looking for the credit card statement to find out where you went.”

“Oh… Well, I’m back,” Dan chuckled softly.

“You fucker! How could you leave me, Dan? How could you just leave without warning! You could have been dead for all I know! I fucking hate you!” he said lunging at him. Phil pounded at

Dan’s chest, as he started bawling and shouting again. “I hate you!”

“Stop, Phil!” Dan yelled grabbing his fists while Phil struggled to get free. “I love you! Stop!”

“You left me!” he sobbed. “You promised you wouldn’t! You fucking promised!”

“I know. I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Then why did you?”

“I hurt you and I didn’t want to see the damage I had done.”

“You did hurt me! Do you want a divorce, Dan? Do you want to leave me and get married to woman? Do you want to be someone else?”

“No, Phil. Not anymore. It’s just that I know life will be easier for him if he was straight.”

“You’re lying. Stop lying to me! You always tried to make Michael in your own vision. I let you do it all these years. Well, that’s over now. Let me go,” he accented his words by pulling his hands away. “Now it’s my turn to run away.”

With that, Phil grabbed a bag he had packed earlier and left. Dan sat on the bed thought about what just happened. What had become of them? Will their relationship ever be the same again? Only time could tell.

     


	36. The Interlude

Dan was walking through their town plaza with Ellen in his arms. The little brunette, with bright green eyes, had surely captured his heart. She was wearing a soft yellow dress and a ribbon garnishing her short curly hair, the ringlets in perfect shape today. She was gorgeous in every possible way and Dan loved showing her off. He sat down on the edge of the fountain in the center of the square and sat her on his lap so that she was facing him.

“Let’s sit and wait for Papa,” he told the infant. Ellen looked up at him and smiled, reaching up to touch his lips. He captured her fingers in his lips, which covered his teeth. She squealed and pulled her hand away only to do it again. She pulled her hand away and laughs. It was the kind of laugh you want to preserve forever. That baby laugh that’s so full of joy that you feel you’ll never be unhappy again. Dan laughed along with her, completely enchanted with the angel sitting on his lap.

A young woman sat down next to him, with her own two children and they were begging her to let them go to the sweets shop. She finally relented, handing the older one a five pound note, telling him to share with his sister or else. Dan was still laughing with Ellen when the woman said, “She is the most beautiful baby I’ve ever seen.”

“Thank you,” Dan grinned, still chuckling a little. “Surely you can’t mean that. You have your own children.”

“I’ve had them all day. Nothing seems beautiful about them at the moment,” she sighed and chuckled at her own joke. “How old is she?”

“Eleven months now,” he answered. Ellen looked at the woman and reached for her too. Dan took her arm and moved it gently so that it was waving to the stranger beside him. “Ellie, say hi.”

“Hello, Ellie,” the woman cooed, waving back. “Does she look like her mother? Those eyes are amazing.”

“No, she’s the spitting image of her father.”

“Oh, I thought you were…”

“She’s my granddaughter,” he said proudly.

“There’s no way. You look too young.”

“Thanks,” he grinned with his dimple showing clear as day. He saw Phil approaching them from a far and waved to him when he made eye contact. Phil waved back and jogged up to them. “Hello,” he greeted them and bent down to kiss both Dan and Ellen on their cheeks. “It’s all settled now.”

“Great,” Dan replied.

The woman sighed at them, watching their interaction. “Hi, I’m Ramona. Can I just say you two are absolutely the cutest thing I’ve ever seen?”

“Sure,” Phil laughed, looking at her confusedly. “What makes you say that?”

“You and your partner just make me smile. Are you married?”

“Yes, we are. Happily married,” Phil said accentuating his point by looking Dan lovingly in the eyes, grinning from ear to ear and Dan matches his facial expression.

It was true. They were so very happy. Life had finally settled down, there was a lull in between the sorrow and heartbreak. So much had happened in the past year.

Dan and Phil

After Phil left the house after his fight with Dan, he found he had nowhere to go. He had gotten two blocks away from the house and decide to pull over on the side of the road. He had nowhere to go but home and he really couldn’t do that. Dan’s face would be too much right now. Dan’s voice would make him cry. Dan’s repetition of the words, ‘I Love You,’ would make him forgive and forget to quickly. He knew as soon as he went back inside, the anger would subside. He wanted Dan to feel the same uncertainty, fear and pure heartbreak that he’s feeling right at that very moment.

He wanted his anger to last for a bit because it seemed like he was never allowed to be fucking angry in his own house. Someone always needed him, wanted him to relieve their stress and problems. He got angry with his girls when it came to things like dating and broken rules but that was actually quite rare. Any other time, it was usually Dan and Michael he had to separate, fearing they would take it too far one night. Sometimes, he would calm Sophie’s anxiety and supported Johanna throughout her pregnancy while she completed her degree. He was always there for everyone and it seemed like no matter what he did, things just kept unravelling and falling apart.

Turning on the radio to drown out his thoughts, Phil reclined in his seat and waited four hours before going home. He was hungry and he figured Dan had gone to bed. When he got back inside, he found Dan pacing the living room and his tear stricken face. “Phil?” he hears along with a choked sob, resembling a squeak. Phil didn’t answer because Dan already had his arms around him spurting out incoherent apologies. He did eventually manage to say something clear.

“Phil, oh my god… I was so worried. Please forgive me, love. I can’t even imagine how you felt. I love you and please don’t think I don’t love you. I just… I just don’t want Michael to have it as hard as we did. As hard as we still do. I’m so sorry, Phil. I’m so sorry.”

Phil stands still as Dan holds him tight to his body and looks into his eyes waiting for a response. He’s tired of fighting. They’ve been fighting for 36 months straight and he’s so tired of it all. He hugs him back and places a kiss on his cheek.

“I love you too.”

And that’s all the needed to be said. Everything now forgiven and slowly fading away in memory already. Sophie saw them from the landing at the top of the stairs and sits down on the top step to watch. She hadn’t seen them like this in a long time. She smiled.

_**Johanna** _

Ellen had been born three weeks before her father’s graduation. Although she was premature, she was healthy and ready to go home after the standard two days in hospital. Johanna made sure to attend the ceremony to cheer on her fiancé when he walked across the stage. The first picture he took with his diploma was with Johanna swaddling their daughter close to her chest and him smiling widely at his little family. The economy was good so he had gotten several jobs offers. He studied communication and got a paid internship at a major radio station. The pay was small but it would be okay for now. Ellen was expensive but with the constant support of their incredible extended family, they would get by. Three months after Ellen was born, Johanna moved in with Thomas and his mum to make her life simpler. Ellen would have one home and stay there while Johanna finished her degree and Thomas got his footing at his new job.

Johanna did struggle a little with the new-born without her mother to give her advice. Charlotte insisted that Johanna call her any time of day, ignoring the time difference but Jo simply couldn’t do it. She didn’t want to worry her or burden her with something that she thought should be second nature to her as a woman. Thomas’ mother took her duties as mother-in-law quite seriously, giving Johanna all the tips she needed. There were times, however, when another woman was nowhere to be found and Johanna made the men in her life very uncomfortable.

One day, when Ellen was about five months old and her teeth were starting to come in, they were all sitting in the living room at Dan and Phil’s. She was feeding Ellen in the kitchen when she blurted out, “Oh, my god! Elle, you don’t have to fucking chomp on my tit while you’re breast feeding!” causing her uncles and cousin to wince and shudder at the thought.

“You need any help in there, Jo?” Dan called.

“Unless you’ve suddenly sprouted breasts, there’s nothing you can do!” she retorted angrily, a little stressed from the whole situation.

Dan looked down to check and shrugged, turning his attention back to the movie they were watching. She’d be fine eventually. Ellen would stop breastfeeding soon anyway. Dan and Phil both knew that this would be the smallest of her problems with raising children. They knew all too well.

_**Michael** _

Michael was suddenly important to many people. His view count and subscribers grew exponential overnight it seemed. He became a YouTube partner, the company sending him a reasonable check in the post each month. He was constantly bombarded with people on the street who recognized him. He didn’t have to work; this was his job, his craft. The most popular videos he’d made were with James sitting by his side. The chemistry they had on screen apparently drew in more viewers. Michael had a potty-mouth while James was strictly PG. The cute way he opened his eyes wide at each swear word, made the fan girls swoon. With his big brown eyes and cute fringe, Michael was a hit as well. Some would say that this was the reason so many people flocked to his YouTube channel. It was true but only to a point. They saw a cute boy in a thumbnail and clicked on it, not realizing that they were practically signing their lives away. The obsession was real after watching only five videos. You simply couldn’t stop. He was too irresistible and honestly entertaining and authentic.

The strangest thing happened, however. As the two young men became gradually popular, their fans shifted the focus from thinking they were cute to thinking they were cute together. The comments and fan mail flooded in, asking if they were gay or bi, were they dating or were they just fucking. Michael still maintained that were not dating in any way, shape, or form. They weren’t fuck buddies or engaged to be married nor anything in between. This was a complete and udder lie, of course. It didn’t help them any when people found posts where James stated he was bisexual.

Leah did find out about them. That is to say her classmate did. Mara, the girl who lived next door to her in the student halls, knew Leah was Michael’s girlfriend. She had seen the cutesy pictures hung on her wall. Mara was definitely a fan girl, to say the least. She ran a blog about the two and gained about 200 followers in one day because of a post which stated: Hung out with Mike’s gf today. She’s cool. And yes. Mikeisnotonfire, Mike.

To make a rather long story short, Mara told Leah that she had proof that Michael was cheating on her. When Leah asked who he was with, what was her name, Mara simply replied, Jaime Parker in a sugar-sweet tone. Leah immediately defended Michael, telling her, “He’s not gay! Where did you get that ridiculous idea?”

“They were kissing after Mike’s live show. He forgot to exit out of the tab,” she smirked. “It’s all over the internet. I gained another 200 followers for being the first one to make a gif set of it. It’s been a good day.”

“You evil bitch!” Leah screamed, grabbing Mara by her ponytail and throwing her to the ground. “Who does that? He obviously didn’t want anyone to fucking know!”

“Stop! Someone help!”

“I’m going to tell him all about you. His adoring fan,” she spat, releasing the greasy ponytail from her grip.

Leah left Mara on the floor to return to her room. She slammed the door angrily, flew herself on to her bed where her laptop sat. She went to her twitter because she didn’t have a blog. She had had about 3 dozen mentions and tweets directed at her specifically. She read one and closed the lid. It said, “How does it feel to know that you turned him?”

She knew very well that she wasn’t the reason for Michael dating James. She had seen all the signs of their relationship but couldn’t tell him that she knew. She couldn’t bring herself to end anything with him. She feared he would leave her completely. He was her first; she wouldn’t let him go. But now, everything was out. There was no hiding it. She couldn’t pretend to ignore the love bites on is neck when she’d been gone for weeks at a time. She couldn’t ignore that smile on Michael’s face in every single fucking video he made with James. They were out, whether they liked it or not. Leah called him only to get a busy signal. She tried again and the same thing. Forced to enter the twitter-sphere, Leah tweeted him, “I support you and I always will.”

The response was explosive but she didn’t know. She deleted every account she owned in social media. She wasn’t embarrassed; she was only fragile. She didn’t want to relapse because of anonymous and not so anonymous hate. Michael called her and told her thank you and that he was sorry.

Michael and James made identical posts which said, “We love each other. Please don’t ruin this for us. Thank you.” They informed their families too to avoid the hurt feelings of being left out of the loop. James’ parents said, “It was obvious and congratulations,” while Dan and Phil told Michael to come home straightaway. They were going to throw him a coming out party. Michael hung up at the horrible joke and Dan texted him, “Family dinner is on Sunday as usual.” His reply was, “I’ll bring the alcohol.”

They received hate even in 2030, but they rose above it. They had gotten so many opportunities to appear on television and in commercials that soon it seemed like their faces were everywhere. Young people on the street would recognize them; beg for a hug and photo. Some even telling them how happy their coming out made them. They had said if they could do it to millions of people, they could tell their loved ones. They were inspiring. They hugged those fans extra-long because they knew they needed it. Not everyone had open minded families or in Michael’s case, gay parents. At the present day, Michael and James were in the United States for a YouTube convention, far from home for the week and missing everyone dearly.

_**Sophia** _

Sophia had had an eventful year. She was much stronger than she thought. She had turned fifteen and was quite honestly happy. After her fathers made up, the house was full of laughter and kisses again, the ones that used to make her and her siblings wretch but look so endearing now. School got better. Her tormentors graduated and no one else really thought about her as more than a classmate.

Maya was her spirit animal, she swore it. Everything that girls did, made Sophia feel like nothing could go wrong. She had an answer to everything but only told you if you asked. She let Sophie have her attacks and still comforted her even when she lashed out. Maya understood.

On the night of Maya’s 15th birthday, Sophia slept over at her house. Maya lived with both parents, a younger sister, a grandmother in a small townhouse. They were very welcoming to her and so happy that Maya had such a good friend already.

That night, Maya’s family went to bed early, leaving the two of them alone in the living room, talking softly on the duvet laid out beneath them and on top of them both. The TV was on but they weren’t paying any attention to it. Maya let her hair out when she was home, the long ebony curls falling over her shoulders and reaching the middle of her back. Sophie couldn’t stop stroking it as they languidly kissed atop the red blanket, Maya laid on top of her. Maya’s hand gradually moved from Sophia’s waist to the elastic of her shorts, eventually pulling them down along with her underwear. Fingers wondered into the intimate space between them and Sophie moaned softly when Maya moved her fingers perfectly. Maya went deeper causing her girlfriend moan even louder. “You have to be quiet,” she whispered into the girl’s ear. Sophie nodded and pursed her lips shut. Maya lay her head next to hers, facing Sophie and asking her, “Is this okay? How does it feel?”

“Really, really good,” she breathes.

In that moment, Sophia thought about how magical Maya makes her feel. Even though it was slightly clumsy it was far from awkward. Maya made her feel like the only person in existence and the world could fall apart around them but it wouldn’t matter because they complete each other. The last time she’d had been touched had left her fearful of being loved this way. She didn’t think she could ever view sex as blissful. Her only experience left her damaged and she didn’t want to relive it again. But Maya’s touching was different. Sophie lifted her hips in anticipation as well as in orgasm. Kisses littered her face and she never felt more at peace. She wanted to do something for her too but Maya shushed her, whispering, “Kiri, you don’t need to.”

Kiri was the nickname she used for Sophie, a term of endearment in Sinhalese, one that Sophia loved. Maya kissed her once more then started humming a sweet lullaby from her far away home. It was warm and exotic much like her. Not only was Sophie in love, but she was wrapped in its arms and she called it Maya.


	37. The Culture & Customs

Sophie and Maya were babysitting Ellen one afternoon in mid-April. It was Maya’s birthday in two days but they didn’t plan to do anything really except spend the night together in Sophie’s room, doing God knows what. They were almost sixteen and graduating high school soon. GCSE’s were coming up but they were confident, only worrying about arrangements to attend their formal. Although, they didn’t seem like the type to attended school events, they both enjoyed having these kinds of nights that were just for fun. They were online looking at dresses they liked, Sophie asking Maya for her honest opinion. Maya said, “I’ll like whatever you wear. It’s not like you would be wearing it for long anyway,” and winked, laughing. Sophie was about to lean in for a shut-up kiss when they heard Ellen’s little voice on the blanket.

“Sophie, up! Up!” she called reaching for her aunt. Everyone was going with that idea instead of explaining the concept of cousins once and twice removed.

“I’ll get her,” Maya said scooting to the edge of the loveseat to bend down and pick up the two year old. “Ellie?” she asked in sing-song, putting her on her lap.

“Yeah?” the toddler responded, smiling and looking right at Maya.

“Do you love Auntie Sophie?”

“Yes!”

“Do you love Auntie Maya?”

“Yes!”

“Who do you love more?”

“Um… I don’t know,” she giggled.

“Say you love me more, Ellie. I’ll give you ice cream,” Sophie told the little girl.

“Is that how you’ll treat our children one day?”

“And how is that?”

“You’ll bribe them to make them like you more. I guess I should be prepared for that. My wife will be turning my kids against me.”

“Your wife? Since when have you been thinking about this, Maya?”

Maya shuffled a little in her seat next to Sophie and began twirling the ends of her braid. “Since my parents started talking about me getting married. They were talking about finding me a husband.” Her voice was quiet but steady like she’d been practicing just how to break the news. “They want me to meet him on Sunday, babe.”

“What are you talking about? They’re marrying you off? You’re only sixteen!”

“It wouldn’t happen now. I’d get married after I turn 18.” Maya looked at her girlfriend’s suddenly sad face and the water rising in her eyes already. “It’s not going to happen. I won’t let it. I convinced them to let me wait until I finish Uni first. Until then, we can do whatever we want. They’re going to kill me if and when they do find out about us,” she continued. Maya had been thinking about this for a while. Before Sophie can add anything, Ellen said, “Ice cream!”

“I knew I shouldn’t have said that,” Sophie sighed. Ellen was an energetic child. Well, that was the nice way of putting it and sugar just made it even worse. When they call it the terrible twos, they mean it. “Mummy says you can’t have any.”

“Ice cream now!” she shouted.

“No,” Sophie said, getting steadily more agitated. She was going over what Maya just told her. Her thoughts were interrupted by her girlfriend’s soft voice; that voice of reason and sanity. What would she do without her?

“Let’s get her something else,” Maya suggested. She babysat with Sophie all the time and knew that arguing with Ellen never worked. She had incredible stamina and short-term memory for a child her age. When you made a promise, you had to hold to it. “What would you like instead, Ellie?”

“I would like my girlfriend to not get married to someone else,” Sophie pouted.

“Sophie, let’s not do this now. Wait until Ellen is sleeping,” Maya pleaded quietly. Sophie nodded and took the child from Maya’s lap.

“We need to talk.” Sophie got up off the couch and went into the kitchen with Ellen, leaving a sulking Maya behind.

About an hour later, Ellen was put down for a nap in Johanna’s old room. They went to Sophie’s room to stay close in case Ellen woke up. Before Sophie could close the door, Maya told her, “I won’t promise you anything but this: I will always love you.”

“That’s not enough. I need you. I need you here forever. Why are they doing this to you?”

“It’s the way they were raised. They don’t want to break tradition.”

“You sound like you’re defending them!”

“You know exactly what I’m saying. Kiri, I won’t let this happen without a fight. This is England. They can’t force me to sign a marriage certificate. Listen, we’ll go to Uni and enjoy this freedom while it lasts. Let’s not waste time crying over this. Please.”

Sophie closed the door softly and sat down on her bed. Maya awaited her reply but it never came. Maya sat down next to her and turned Sophie’s face towards her own. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Sophie murmured. Those old thoughts were resurfacing giving her a panicky feeling despite Maya’s warm hand in hers. Everyone she loved leaves. Even Maya, who seemed so concrete and solid.

“I know what you’re thinking. I will not leave you.”

Maya knew everything there was to know about Sophie. Sophie figured Maya even knows when Sophie’s hungry or cold before she says anything. Maya always has a granola bar or cardigan waiting for her. They had been dating for almost two years and she couldn’t figure out how she did it. Maya cradled Sophie’s upper body in her arms as they sat in the silence that was only broken by Sophie’s intermittent sniffling. She was crying noiselessly and Maya knew she just needed time to calm herself down. She didn’t say anything but she did hum a sweet song into the room. Sophie loved her voice and the music she listened to so it helped.

The front door opened downstairs. They could hear Dan and Phil coming inside with lots of supplies and commotion. Maya wanted to go downstairs to warn them that Ellen was sleeping but she was already awake and screaming for Mummy. “I’ll get her,” Sophie said raising her head off Maya’s shoulder.

“No, stay here. It’s my turn,” she giggled quietly, hinting to the wife and parenting comments she had made earlier. Sophie smiled and let her go into the room across the hall to the baby. Sophie stood up to look out the window. She had a habit of doing that when she was thinking or incredibly upset. She had her body turned sideways towards the window, meaning you could still see her profile and shadows on her face. Dan and Phil both came up stairs to say hello to them both and only found Sophie, who looked miserable. They automatically went into parenting mode at the sight and knocked on the door to get her attention before entering.

“Oh, hi.”

“Hey, love. Are you crying?” Phil asked entering the room with Dan following close behind.

“I was but not anymore,” she said turning away from them. She really just wanted to forget about it and enjoy what she had now like Maya said.

“Can you tell us what happened please?” Dan stepped in.

“It’s about Maya and me. But mostly Maya. I don’t think you guys could help us at all.”

“Maybe we can. Just tell us,” Phil said.

“Fine. Maya has an arranged marriage.”

“What? Are you serious?” Dan asked surprised that this kind of thing still happened and in the UK, no less.

“Dad, I wouldn’t make this up! They’re taking her away from me,” she whimpered, breaking into a sob and running into Phil’s arms. Maya soon returned with Ellen on her hip to see the scene.

“Oh, no. She told you.”

“Yes, she said your parents have an arranged marriage set up for you. I don’t mean to be insulting but I can’t understand why people still do these things.”

“I understand, Dan. But as I told Sophie, it’s our way of life. I don’t agree with it but they’re my family. I have to put up with their rules until I can support myself. And I do love them. I can’t run away. I won’t.”

“Is there anything we can do? Like go and talk to them?” Dan questioned.

“They won’t listen to a gay couple. They don’t even know about you. I told my mum that Sophie lived with her two parents and her brother. They aren’t open minded at all. They make homophobic comments all the time. They’ll raise hell of they knew about us,” she said sadly rubbing Sophie’s back as Phil still held her in his arms.

“What if I got a friend of ours to pretend to be her mother?” Dan suggested. He knew that the two girls were in love and something this old fashioned and just plain wrong shouldn’t have the power to break them up.

“Dan…?”

“No, hear me out. I can get Caroline to pretend to be my wife and we can talk to your parents.”

“No, I don’t any confrontation about this. They’ve said I can finish Uni first. I won’t have to think about this for 4 years. In the meantime, I’ll try to move out and get away from their rules. I don’t want this but this is all I can do.”

“That sounds very reasonable. Maya, you have a home here if things get really bad. Okay?” Phil told her.

“Thank you,” Maya smiled. “I’ll remember that.”

Maya went home later that evening with the firm knowledge that she wasn’t alone. Sophie was as much her lifeline as she was to Sophie. They spent the entire night on the phone because Sophie wouldn’t say good night. She didn’t know if that would be the last thing she said to her. She kept saying, “I love you. I love you,” with noticeable sobs coming through. There was no calming her.

\-----

About two weeks later, Dan and Phil started repainting Michael’s room. He was living with James now and they knew he didn’t need his room anymore. They had decided to turn his room into bedroom for Ellen, who stayed over quite often. Johanna’s room had been turned into a guest room months ago so his room was the last available space to turn into a nursery. Both men felt that Ellen would not be their only grandchild so it made sense to have a place for them to stay when they were all over. Phil was cleaning out Michael’s closet, which was still filled with junk from his teenaged years.

“Oh my god,” he gasped.

“What is it?” Dan asked from across the room. He was placing the blue painter’s tape around the windows and doorframes.

“Oh my god,” Phil continued.

“What Phil?”

“You’re more similar than I realized,” Phil chuckled, holding up a very familiar bottle to the both of them.

“Is that… cherry lube?” Dan said advancing towards Phil with a look of awe on his face. “Oh my god.”

“Exactly.”

“I need to sit down,” Dan said leaving the room.

“It’s not that big of a deal. What are you going to do when they come over tomorrow night for dinner?”

“I can’t look at them the same Phil. Michael’s my little boy,” Dan whined sitting down on their bed.

“You sound like me now. It’s so cute.”

“I’m not cute! I’m traumatized…”

“You know they’re having sex. They’re in their twenties for Christ’s sakes.”

“It’s different when you have evidence, Phil.”

“I know but you can’t do this tomorrow. You’ll just make him feel embarrassed about it. Let’s go ahead and finish the room. We won’t have time next week. Charlotte will be here on Tuesday. Our daughter’s getting married,” he sighed.

“Yes, she is. You don’t think she’s too young?”

“I do. But she’s in love. Look at the way he’s supported them both. They’ll be fine. They both have their degrees and little Ellen. Thomas and Johanna been married for almost two decades as far as I’m concerned and they’re only 22. I know when we were engaged, no one could tell us we were wrong.”

“Yeah, do you still remember what you said when you proposed?” Dan asked looking up at his husband with a big smile and taking his hands into his grip.

“Marry me or else.”

“Phil!” Dan scolded. “Say it. You know I like to hear it!”

“Baby, you and I have gone through so much together and I love you more than I have ever loved anyone else. I don’t think I could live without you. Will you marry me? I want everyone to know that you’re mine.”

“And I said, ‘I was going to ask you the same thing.’ I took my ring for you the same time you took out mine. They still fit perfectly,” Dan said sweetly, admiring the way their hands sat in each other’s with the fingers intermingled, the rings still present.

“I love you so much, Dan.”

“I love you so much more.”

\-----

The next day, everyone had just finished eating dinner. Everyone except Michael and James were in the living room. All through dinner, they have been acting strangely.

James was feeling extra horny that night and Michael knew it. He had been touching him a little more than usual but it made James shuffle and sigh all through dinner. Afterwards, Michael said he was going to look for a book he left behind, after his move. When he went upstairs, James soon followed.

Michael pulled him into his embrace and whispered, “We have to be quick, Jaime,” biting his lip.

"What are you doing?" James whispered harshly.

"Baby, don’t be mad. I just want to suck you off."

James went quiet and Michael led him into his old bedroom. He was still kissing James when he was slammed against the closed door. He turned the knob, as he felt James’ hardness pressing against his thigh. The door swung open so he broke the kiss to grab a hold of James to throw him to the bed. He figured he wanted to get something out of this too. When he turned around, he saw that his room was painted a pale green with white trim with flowers painted over the twin sized bed. A complete difference from the brown of his youth. They were toys everywhere. It was clean.

"What the fuck did they do to my room?"

"You are officially an adult. Your parents converted your room. It’s final" James laughed hugging Michael from behind.

"I’m not sucking you off in my niece’s bedroom, James."

"Damn. Can we go into the bathroom or something?"

“Yeah sure, let me get the lube. Oh god…”

“What?”

Michael freed himself from James’ grip to look in his closet to find it filled with duvets and blankets. “They must have found it. They know—“

“Is someone in here?” Phil called into the room before entering; He’d learned his lesson from being a part of this family. They were always walking in on each other.

“Don’t come in!” Michael cautioned.

“Okay. I need to get Ellen’s things so they can go home. I need to pack her bag.”

“Shit! We’ll be out in a few minutes. Please, Pop,” he pleaded through the door.

Phil’s eye widen when he realizes what they were doing. “Why is it always me?” he whispered, rubbing his temple as if he had a migraine. ”Oh um take your time. Oh my god.”

A few moment later, the two of them came downstairs, red faced and throwing on their jackets to leave.

Dan saw them from the living room and got up to ask them why they were leaving to early. That’s when he understood what must have happened. Michael walked into the living room flustered with his hair a mess, telling everyone, “Alright, well we’re tired so goodnight guys. Bye.”

Johanna, Thomas and Sophie burst into laughter. “Goodnight!” they all said in between fits of laughter. Michael walked out of the house, pulling James along. That night, Michael was still mortified by what had happened later. James invited him into a warm shower and Michael soon forgot about it all. James’ name left his lips so many times that he’d forgotten his own. He did have a very good night.


	38. The Vows

The Vows

“Danny!”

“Yes, princess?”

“Can you please take Ellen to the other room to so I can get dressed? I can’t do anything with her hanging on me,” Johanna begged whilst trying to set her curls just right on her head. Dan picked up the pretty little girl who was dressed to be a flower girl and took her into his arms.

“Relax. It’s your big day. Everything will go fine,” he calmed and kissed her on the cheek.

“Don’t smudge my make up!”

Dan chuckled and left the room to take Ellen to Maya, who said she would watch her. It was June 2031. On a warm spring day in northern England, it was Johanna’s wedding day. She was having a small backyard wedding, not one for much fuss. Thomas’ mum had a large lovely garden and at the moment, there were one hundred chairs in ten neat rows, all set up and ready for the ceremony. Charlotte came into the room next with tissue in hand because she’s been getting emotional all week. “Are you ready to get into your dress, Jo-Jo?” she asked in her now American accent. As much as she tried, she couldn’t get the English one back. It made Johanna laugh when she tried.

“Yes.”

Charlotte went into the closet to take out the simple white gown and laid it on the bed. “This is beautiful, Jo.”

“Thank you. It was his mum’s.”

“Oh, I wish I could have given you mine.”

“Mum, yours wouldn’t have fit me; you’re shorter and thinner than I am.”

“That’s not the point Johanna. I wasn’t here to help you at all. Not just with the wedding but with Ellen either,” she says as the tears start falling down her face. “I feel like a terrible mother for leaving you behind.”

“Don’t feel that way,” she said taking her into a hug. “I love my life the way it is. I’m extremely happy. Isn’t that what you wanted? For me to be happy?”

“Yes,” she began. “But I—I can’t help thinking this way. After everything, I still think things could have been better for you.”

“I don’t think they could have been. If anything was different, I wouldn’t have Ellen and maybe I wouldn’t have Tommy. I love him so much that I can’t bear the thought of never seeing him if I had left England. It all worked out for the best, right?”

“Yes,” she said resolutely, taking a deep breath. “Let’s hope your grandparents don’t ruin the fun.”

“I’m sure they won’t. Now, help me get this on without tearing it. I can’t deal with anything going wrong right now.”

Charlotte helped her into the dress and cried when it was all zipped up and Johanna was ready to go. She looked beautiful just like most brides do. Her makeup was simple and far from over done. She seemed to be glowing in the sunlight that filtered into the room. They heard a knock at the door and Phil said, “We’re ready when you are, Princess.”

“I’ll see you out there. You look amazing,” Charlotte said giving her an air kiss, understanding the bride’s anxiety about looking just right for her husband to be. She left and Johanna looked around the room to calm herself down. She was getting cold feet and she laughed at the situation. She thought, ‘I live with him, gave birth to his child, wash his dirty underwear and now I’m getting cold feet. So ridiculous.’ She opened the door to see Phil standing there ready to walk her own the aisle.

“Princess…,” he gasped. “You really look like a princess today. Absolutely stunning.”

“It’s the tiara,” she chuckled.

“No, it’s all you,” he said with a soft smile. They meet Dan at the sliding door that led straight into the garden.

“Oh my goodness, look at you.”

“Stop, you two will make me cry. Danny, I told you about ruining my makeup.”

“We can’t help it. You are our little girl and you are all grown up. When did that happen?”

“When my water broke, I think,” Johanna laughed, trying so very hard to hold back tears.

Dan linked his arm with hers and Phil took the other side. Johanna held her bouquet firmly to stop her hands from shaking. They had to wait for the signal from Henry, Thomas’ older brother to step outside into the garden.

In the meantime, Ellen was making her way up the aisle with Lauren, Thomas’ young niece. Lauren was five years old and she made a perfect flower girl, throwing just the right flowers with each step, while Ellen ran down the aisle in front of her without throwing a single petal. Charlotte gestured towards her and placed her in her lap to keep her from running around during the ceremony. Ellen had little self-control. Charles was the ring bearer and he did fine job, he was twelve after all. Michael walk down the aisle with Sophie, who was the maid of honor. She was dressed in a lovely lilac bridesmaid dress and the Michael wore a light purple tie with his black suit. Canon in D played from the speakers, the same song Charlotte had marched to so many years earlier. 

Two more bridesmaids and groomsmen walked down the aisle, all four of them good friends of both the bride and groom from Uni. When they reached the arch way, everyone got the signal to rise for the bride. Dan and Phil helped her step on the patio and walked her over to the rose petal covered carpet. The guests looked in awe of her beauty and her incredible smile. When Johanna said she was happy, she meant it whole-heartedly. She couldn’t ask for a better life, being raised by her two guardian angels who stood on either side of her. She couldn’t be more any happier looking at the man standing in the arch way looking straight at her with the smile; that god damn smile she’s loved for almost 20 years. It’s almost too much right now but then Dan whispers “Are you ready?” She nods and takes the first step. Dan and Phil keep her at a steady pace helping her to stay on her feet. She’s going to cry soon if they don’t get this over with. Tommy’s eyes make her smile and weep silently. He’s hers and she still can’t believe it’s true. She remembers all the sleepovers and the tears when one of them accidentally made the other upset. All their fake fights and their first marriage ceremony, all alone under the oak tree in the park not too far from the spot their standing in now. She remembered spring formal and their first time. Johanna’s tears were free flowing by the time they made it to the aisle. The vicar asked, “Who gives this woman away?”

“We do,” they both answer, one of them evidently holding back a sob. The small crowd murmured and awes at the scene. Dan and Phil were great fathers and here they were giving their first child away in marriage. It was only symbolic, of course, but it ached all the same. Phil gave her kiss on the cheek as Dan does the same on the other side. She chuckled because to this very day, everything they do in harmony and it’s just so cute. They both step away, taking their seats on the bride’s side next to Charlotte who’s thanking them both for everything they ever done for her. Little did they know what she did for them; she gave them the confidence to start their family and without her there might not be a Michael and a Sophie. It would be just them. Charlotte started all of this.

Johanna turned to face Thomas who takes her hand and squeezes softly. He whispered, “This is it. You’ll be my wife soon.”

“I can’t wait,” she whispered and squeezed back. He looked amazing in the black tuxedo he’s wearing, so grown up and so capable. But the look in his eyes said he was weak, the beauty standing next to him overtaking his emotions. Dan saw that look and knew it well. It’s the same look he gave to Phil almost every day. The one that said, “I still can’t believe you are mine.”

Soon, it was time to exchange vows. After taking a deep breath, Thomas said, “With this ring, I take you, Johanna Howell, to be my wife. I vow never to hurt you. Though, I don’t think I could ever do that,” he said honestly. “I vow to honor you, to cherish you always and love you forever. You are everything to me, Joey. To me, you define absolute bliss and timeless joy. I love you.”

Johanna handed her bouquet to Sophie so Thomas could slide the ring on. As she wiped away a tear, she began her vows, “With this ring, I take you, Thomas de Luca, to be my h-husband. I vow t-to be your partner in life and your very best friend. I vow to honor you, to cherish you always and love you forever. Tommy, to me, you are love. You represent everything it means to me, the happiness and the heartache because if I ever lost you, I’d surely die from it. I’m honored to be your wife. You’re an amazing father, Thomas. I’m so happy to be yours. I love you.”

By the end of the ceremony nearly everyone was in tears. The young couple kissed for the first time as man and wife and faced the crowd to walk up the aisle. Before they took their second step, Ellen wiggled from her seat on Charlotte’s lap to join them. They laughed at their little girl and took her by the hand, walking down the aisle together with Ellen in between them.

At the reception, which was held about ten feet away from the wedding ceremony under a small white tent, Johanna and Thomas made a speech to their guests.

Johanna started out by saying, “First, we like to thank everyone for coming to celebrate with us. We know there’s a Doctor Who special on tonight. Sorry, horrible planning on our part.” The guests chuckled lightly and Thomas took over, “It’s been such an amazing day for us both and we love you all so much so we’ve decided to share something important with you.”

“What is it?” Dan asked Phil. Phil shrugged and wondered what it could possibly be.

“I’m two months pregnant!”

Shouts of congratulations to Johanna and “Well done, Thomas!” from the groomsmen filled the air. Not long after dinner was served, buffet style and everyone enjoy the causal flow of the event. It didn’t seem like a wedding but more like a family reunion. Dan and Charlotte’s parents were seated at a table near the front. When Dan walked by, his father called him over to tell him something.

“You did an excellent job with your family, Daniel. You should be proud.”

“Thanks, Dad.”

Dan hugged him and his mum properly before leaving to stand with Phil to make a toast.

“To our darling daughter, Johanna and her new groom, Thomas. May your lives be filled with every happiness and your hearts never empty but always full. Remember that not every problem can be solved in one sitting, sometimes it takes years of hard work,” Phil said. Dan smiled at him and nodded before finishing, “But it’s all worth it in the end. You were at our wedding and you don’t know how happy we are to be at yours. We love both with all our hearts. To the bride and groom!”

“To the bride and groom!”

At the end of the night, Johanna threw the bouquet into a small crowd of waiting girls. Maya caught it and Johanna yelled, “Maya’s next to get married!”

No one outside of the immediate family could figure out why Sophie started crying. Maya took her inside the house, into the bathroom and sat her down on the edge of the bath. “I’m s-sorry!”

“No, no. Don’t be sorry.”

“But I’m so needy… how do you put up with it?”

“I don’t put up with it. I love that you need me. I need you too, Kiri.”

“You do?”

“Yes. I promise you that someday we’ll be celebrating our wedding too,” Maya said before kissing her deeply on the lips. “Will you marry me?”

“Yes. I will,” Sophie cried without hesitation, big smile growing on her face. “I will!”

“I can’t believe I just proposed to you in the bathroom while you are crying your eyes out.”

“We’ll do it properly on another day so we have a nice story to tell.”

“One that we can write someday, huh?”

“Yup, to add to our collection.”

“Sounds perfect.”

They eventually leave the bathroom to enjoy the rest of the night before Maya’s parents come to pick her up. Her father wanted to meet Sophie’s parents and Maya panicked. Phil grabbed Charlotte upon seeing Maya parents exiting their car and told her to just go along with it. He greeted Maya’s parents and introduced them both. They chatted for a little bit and Phil even offered them a piece of cake to take home. They take it gracefully and leave, giving their best wishes to Johanna. Maya looked back and mouthed a ‘Thank you,’ to him.

“You were great, Papa,” Sophie told him.

“Thanks, sweet. Where’s your Dad? I need to kiss him.”

Charlotte snorted.

\-----

Later the night, when everything was over, Dan and Phil returned home and slipped into bed around 1 am. Phil was spooning him when Dan said, “I can’t believe it.”

“What?”

“Johanna’s married and has a baby and another on the way.”

“Wow, when you say it out loud, it’s scary to think about.”

“You know, pretty soon it’ll be Sophie’s turn. Maya did catch the bouquet,” Dan giggled.

Phil felt the warmth of his body tingle all over him. “Our babies are all grown up, Phil.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“My dad said I should be proud. That we did a great job with them.”

“Oh really? He’s right though. You should be proud.”

“I couldn’t have done it without you,” Dan said turning to face him.

“Same,” Phil murmured then kissed him on his ever chapped lips. Dan was turning 50 next year and he still couldn’t figure out how to use lip balm. Phil didn’t care. He kissed his husband throughout the night as they made love under the moonlight seeping into their room from the open blinds. They woke up happy, refreshed and somehow, even more in love than they were the night before.


	39. The Blessings

 

It was Christmas, 2031 and Michael and James had just finished their first broadcast at BBC Radio 1. They had moved to London a few weeks earlier to take the opportunity, leaving behind family and even a box of junk that James insisted they needed. They were working Christmas day but planned to travel back up north the next day to see their families. But unfortunately when Dan called Michael at 9:26 that night to tell him that Johanna had her babies, he was too far away to see them. Dan sent him a photo of the twins, a boy and a girl. He said, “She named them Thomas and Lucia. We’re already calling her Lucy. They’re beautiful aren’t they?”

“Yeah, they are. How is Ellen taking it?”

“She’s happy. She keeps waving to them in the nursery and shouting ‘Babies!’ Phil’s trying to keep her from knocking on the glass and waking up all the babies.”

“That’s Ellen, a little ball of energy. Where’s Thomas?”

“He’s still with Johanna. She nearly bit his head off before the epidural kicked in. Same as last time,” Dan chuckled.

“Hey Dad, I have to go but please give everyone a kiss for me. Tell them that Uncle Mike is on his way.”

“I will. See you tomorrow.”

Michael hung up and told James that the twins were born just an hour earlier.

\-----

One year later, the entire family was together for the holidays. Johanna, who now had a family of five, was in desperate need of a nap so while Sophie, James and Michael watched the three little ones, she took some much needed rest. Thomas was still at work on Christmas Eve, having gotten a job a radio DJ too. Johanna was a somewhat stay-at-home mother, in the sense that she worked from home while raising her family. She was an artist who worked on commission so she had the freedom of working for herself but the children made her stick to a tight scheduled. In short, Johanna needed some rest and relaxation. Dan and Phil were in the kitchen when James came in and ask them if he could see them privately. They said sure and invited him into the dining room, the only room downstairs that had an actual door.

“Please sit down,” he said motioning for them to sit down. “I have something that I need to ask you both.”

“What is it, James?” Phil asked worriedly.

“Mr. and Mr. Howell-Lester, I would like to take Michael’s hand in marriage with your blessings.”

“What? I can’t believe—you just asked for what?” Dan felt overwhelmed with how incredibly romantic this was. “Phil, I can’t even—oh my god.”

“Is that a yes?”

“Hell yeah!” Dan told him, getting up to hug him. “You’re perfect for him! I couldn’t be any happier.”

“Phil?” James asked because he’d kept quiet.

“Of course, you can marry him. I know he’ll say yes. When do you plan on proposing?”

“Tomorrow night. Christmas dinner?”

“He’s so romantic, Phil. Why didn’t you ever do this kind of thing for me?”

Phil rolled his eyes and laughed at his overdramatic husband, who knew damn well knew that Phil treated him like a prince on a daily basis. “That’s sounds amazing, James. You have our blessing.”

With a wide grin, James hugged them both and then took a deep breath to leave the room and act as if nothing happened in the past few minutes. Meanwhile, in the dining room, Dan was saying, “There goes another one, getting married and leaving us.”

“What are you talking about? Johanna hasn’t left since she got married. She’s here now more than ever.”

“Well Michael lives in London and when he gets married he’ll stay away. He was in France last week and America two weeks before. He’ll never come home again.”

“You’re being ridiculous,” Phil chuckled.

“I know. Let me enjoy it for a bit, hmm?”

“Hey, Dan?”

“Yeah?”

“Who gets to walk him down the aisle?”

“I think it should be me.”

“Why you?”

“I’m the man in this relationship.”

Phil burst into uncontrollable laughter. Dan looked at him confusedly as he kept laughing.

He started to get offended by it and asked, “What’s so damn funny?”

“You are the man?” Phil finally managed to say. “That is very funny, Dan. Come on. Let’s go finish cooking.”

“But Phil, I am the man in this relationship.”

“Okay, Dan,” Phil laughed. “We can do it like how we did with Jo. We’ll both walk him down the aisle.”

“Fine, but we need to talk about why this is so funny to you.”

\-----

The next morning, Ellen was the first to wake up and ran around the house screaming, “It’s Christmas! Santa came! Wake up!” In her three year old mind, sleep didn’t matter. It was Christmas and everyone should be up with the sun.

Thomas came home earlier that morning from his job but only got five hours sleep because of Ellen’s wake up call. James and Michael got the worst of it as they were sleeping on the sofa bed in the living room because the kids took Michael’s old bedroom, which was now a nursery. Eventually everyone was awake and downstairs, ready to open their gifts. Michael was making a video blog about the entire thing so he had his camera ready and recording his family holiday. Every time Ellen opened a present, she jumped up and squealed. Sophie couldn’t stop laughing at her.

When breakfast was ready, everyone ate in the living room because the kitchen table was much too small now. They sang happy birthday to the twins who were now one year old. Tommy and Lucy, as they were called, smiled and giggled at Ellen’s erratic but cute behavior. As she sang the song she made faces and danced around. Michael knew half the video comments would be about the crazy little girl with big brown curls. Over the past year, both Michael and James had reached their one millionth subscriber milestone so little did Ellen know that she would soon be internet famous.

Dan and Phil delighted in the hectic but fun family Christmases. Their family was growing so quickly and now with James’ imminent proposal, it was only getting bigger. Gifts were exchanged for hugs and kisses so soon the space below the Christmas tree was empty.

Around noon, James and Michael left to go see James’ family who lived in the other side of their town. It was quite a shock that Michael never met him before they interaction online but it didn’t matter. They knew each other now and seemed to always be making up for lost time. As they stood on the front steps waiting for someone to open the door, James leaned in for a quick kiss.

“What was that for?” Michael asked with a giggle.

“I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” he breathed, a small white cloud forming between them.

The door swung open and James’ older brother, Matthew, said, “Are you always like this?

Come on, get out of the cold.”

***

At home, Phil and Dan were enjoying the grandchildren, the babies crawling and walking around, getting into everything while Ellen kept begging for a piggy back ride. Johanna told her to calm down or else she would have to take nap. Ellen looked at her with big pouty lips and squinted eyes and sat down, crossing her arms. That child hated taking naps.

Phil saw her pout and told her, “How would you like to help Papa make some more cookies?” She nodded quickly, too afraid to let Johanna hear the excitement in her voice. “Come with me to the kitchen.”

Thomas sat with Johanna on the blanket with their babies, Johanna sitting in the V of legs with his head resting on her shoulders and his arms around her waist. “It literally feels like I haven’t had a break since writing my dissertation. That was ten thousand words!” she said sighing.

“We’ll go on holiday soon. Listen, Dan and Phil said they would keep all three of them for us any weekend we choose.”

“You asked already?” she said in surprise. “God, I love you. Where are we going?”

“I was thinking about Italy. I want to visit some family I have there but after that we’ll be all alone.”

“Can we go today?”

“No, you can’t go today,” Dan interrupted. “Something huge is happening tonight that you have to see.”

“What are you talking about?” Johanna asked.

“You’ll see,” he smiled turning his attention to Lucy was stumbling towards him.

***

James and Michael had just come back to the house after seeing James’ family. It was time for dinner so they hung up their coats, washed their hands in the kitchen sink and made their way into the dining room. Michael grabbed his camera to continue video blogging before going in. The family had left two seats open for them so they sat down to begin eating with everyone else. Dan and Phil kept making eye contact because they couldn’t wait to see how Michael reacted. Johanna asks James what he gave Michael that morning because she must have missed it. James had given him a limited edition Muse album from 2001 and Michael was overjoyed. It must have cost a fortune and several days surfing the internet to find it. He had gotten James a new video game that they both wanted so it was a little selfish but James wasn’t expecting anything less from him to be honest.

James unexpectedly said, “I do have one more thing to give you.”

“What? I thought we agreed on one present.”

“We did but this one is a pretty selfish if I do say so myself.”

“What is it?”

James stood up and gestured for Michael to rise too, the dining room falling silent and Dan hiding his smirk by biting his lips. Michael stood up in front of him, still filming, and just as he was about to ask what was happening, James kneeled down and pulled out a little black ring box. When he saw him open the box, Michael put his hand over his mouth in surprise.

“Michael, I love you so much. I cannot begin to explain just how much. I love that you’re always there for me in everything I do and I want to have you for the rest of my life. You are my best friend, my life and my love. Will you be my husband?”

Michael was speechless and he nodded his head with his hand still covering his mouth.

James stood up to meet his eyes and took the hand from his mouth to slip the ring on his finger.

“I need to hear you say something, Bear.”

“Of course. Yes, I’ll be your husband!” Michael told him, kissing him deeply. The family clapped and awed at Michael’s big smile. “Wow, just wow. Best Christmas ever.”

“Good,” James replied kissing him again. Sophie took the camera from Michael because there was no way he could film and kiss his fiancé at the same time. The excitement was so great and almost immediately, Johanna wanted to help with wedding plans. They talked about how they would tell the public. James said a tweet would not be enough. Michael suggested that he upload the vlog that night and wait to the public reaction.

“After all watching you for so many years, I can’t believe AmazingJames is going to be my brother,” Sophie said nostalgically. “I’m so happy for you both. How soon do you want to get married?”

“We’ll talk about that later. Right?” James asked Michael.

“Right.”

They took their seats again and resumed eating, though Michael couldn’t stop smiling and laughing. “What do you guys think?” he asked his parents who seemed to remain silent through all the kisses and laughter. Dan and Phil looked at him and said in unison, “You have our blessing.”

Phil explained, “James came to us and asked if he could marry you.”

“You did?” Michael asked, getting teary-eyed at the entirety of this whole day. James nodded and smiled at him warmly. Michael jumped into his arms and kissed him.

Phil, who was now the patriarch of this very large family, proclaimed, “Welcome to the family, James!”


	40. The Pen is Mightier than the Sword

The Pen is Mightier than the Sword

It was January 2034 in Manchester. Sophie was walking back to her car with Maya, holding hands as they usually do. They both attended Manchester Metropolitan University, a school not far from home at all. In fact, Sophie commuted with Maya every morning. She didn’t think she could handle moving away from her fathers or the rest of her family. Maya had to stay close because her family didn’t approve of her leaving their sight. They heard the stories of what happened on campuses, from drunken one night stands to sexual assaults. Maya wouldn’t be a part of any of it.

Maya’s parents had started giving her more freedom though. She spent several nights away from home now because they trusted her so much. She was seeing a nice young man named Amin, who came from a nice family. He was Buddhist like them and he was Sri Lankan. What more could she ask for? It seemed they were destined to be together. However, every time they turned their backs, Maya was on the phone with Sophie, she went out on dates with Sophie and she kissed Sophie up against her bedroom door that one time just because.

As they walked from their university to the car park in the city center, they talked about the assignment they had received in their Creative Writing course. Even after high school, they were still very much obsessed with the English language, the way the words on paper somehow portrayed every emotion imaginable somehow better than speech.

They even ran a few blogs dedicated to it. One with writing tips for fellow aspiring writers and another, very secret one, for fan fiction. They both had their share of fandoms they belonged to and wrote fan fiction accordingly. It was all fun and games until they came across the AmazingFire tag. Sophie screamed when she read one story about her brother and his fiancé… and their pet hamster. It’s safe to say, she never looked through that tag again. She had mentioned the tag to Michael and he laughed about it, telling her, “Just don’t believe everything you read. We’re ‘cannon’ but the chair thing… whoa.”

“What chair thing?”

“Do not ask questions,” he told her firmly. Sophie huffed out a sigh at him and changed the subject of the conversation.

\-----

The two girls got into her car and as Sophie drove them back to her house, where Maya spent much of her time, they talked about the assignment.

“It’s going to be so easy. We already wrote this exact same prompt so many times before,” Maya said, turning up the heat and repositioning her body so she was facing Sophie.

“Yeah, but we can’t hand in fan fiction. It’ll be too weird.”

“Yeah, I know. Okay…” she said dismally. “What if we wrote a new one and make it more personal. That way it won’t be fanfic and we’ll definitely get good marks. You’re pretty amazing, Sophie.”

“You are too,” Sophie said lovingly. “Alright, let’s do it. What does the paper say?”

“Write a 4000 word short story about a hero/heroine in the modern world. Be sure to demonstrate the journey of a hero with modern characteristics. Due: February 14, 2034. Hmm, I think we can do it.”

“What should it be about?”

“Us.”

“Good idea,” Sophie smiled. “You are definitely a heroine.”

Over the next month, the story was written and turned in. The response was quite surprising. Their professor, appropriately named William Wright, came to them the day after marks were posted to tell them, “I think you should publish this.”

“What?” they replied in unison.

“You should publish this. I think you have something special here. Your heroine, Neha… She’s amazing. She makes me feel like I haven’t done nearly enough with my life. I had a period after reading this where I simply couldn’t function.”

“Are you serious?” Sophie asked excitedly.

“Yes! As you know, I was very pleased with your piece. I want you two to do something with it. Finish it, publish it… sell it. Do something!

“Thank you, professor.”

***

“Don’t you think he’s insane?” Maya asked.

“Yeah, you think? How could this ever be worthy of being published? Our fanfic are ten times better.”

“I agree. But maybe we’re just too critical of ourselves. I mean, wouldn’t it be just perfect to spend your life writing for a living. Traveling the world to get inspired or staying home all day with me distracting you?”

“That—does—sound—perfect—,” Sophie said kissing her in between each word. They were sat on the sofa in the living room that same Thursday afternoon. Dan and Phil were upstairs enjoying their life as the parents of full grown adults. No more school uniforms to wash, no more late night snacks to deliver during exam season, and no more ‘Daddy, can I have…’ It was bliss; that is until Johanna called every so often to have them watch the twins when Ellen threw herself of something in their house and had to be rushed to A & E. This happened more times than it should. One day when Sophie saw the twins in her parents’ arms, she smiled and laughed. “Ellen?” she asked knowingly. Dan rolled his eyes before putting Tommy in her arms, telling her, “He likes it when you tickle him. Good night.”

They had gotten no such call and used the afternoon to snuggle in each other’s arms in much the same way they did when they were teenagers; carefree and half asleep.

“I could get away from them too,” Maya sighed. “Mum started talking about wedding colors yesterday. She’s decided on yellow and pink. Have you ever heard of anything more horrid?”

“It sounds beautiful,” Sophie muttered.

“Our wedding can’t look like that! It should be all black!”

“Like your soul?”

“Exactly,” Maya smirked. She was far from evil or ‘emo’ as they were sometimes called. If you had to describe Maya’s whole personality in color, Sophie would say light blue with lilac and pink polka dots. She was calming with splashes of spontaneity and laughter. Looking back to the day behind the stage in high school, when Sophie had angry marks all over her skin and Maya kissed them in compassion, you could say Maya had always been this way with Sophie.

“I think I’ll show this to Papa. He writes for a living. Maybe he can help us make this better,” Sophie told her looking down at her laptop which displayed the piece.

“That would be great.”

“Papa!” she shouted to the second story.

“What?” Phil shouted back.

“I need you to read something for me!”

Phil came downstairs agitated and restless. “I don’t like you.”

“I know. You love me,” Sophie giggled. “Can you read this please? We both really need to know if it’s good enough to publish. That’s what our professor said.”

“Publish? What do you have there?”

Phil sat down next to her and half way through, highlighted a sentence then continued. When he was done, he looked up to find Sophie and Maya’s anxious eyes staring at him. All he said was, “Dan! Come here!”

“What? Why do I have to come down there?”

“I need to show you something. Get off your lazy arse and come down to the living room.

It’s important!”

Maya looked at Sophie confusedly and she shrugged. “Papa?”

“Wait.”

Dan came downstairs waved to Maya and gave Phil a pointed look.

“Stop it. I didn’t make you walk all the way down here for nothing. Sophia, our Sophia, has written something amazing. Read it, babe.”

“Alright,” he said sitting down next to Phil. After five minutes of Dan’s biting his nails and his “Oh, my god,” the girl knew what he thought. “Sophie wrote this?”

“Both of us wrote it. Maya made up the idea and I wrote it. I basically typed whatever she said.”

“That isn’t true and you know it,” Maya giggled.

“Papa? You still haven’t told me what you think?” Sophie said poking him in the arm.

“I think it’s brilliant. Better than anything I’ve read before. It’s so simple but profound. I’m going to give it to a friend of mine to look over.”

“Who?” they asked.

“A guy I know at a major publisher. He’s a good friend of mine.”

“Why did you mark that section there?” Maya pointing at the words that said, ‘And when she held her, love was ancient yet naïve, frail though nevertheless resilient; time did not exist.”

“It’s so beautiful. How did you get so much feeling into one sentence?”

“I thought about Sophie and it just sort of came out I guess.”

\-----

About a month later, Phil received a call from his friend who said, “We’d like to put this in our journal of new writers. Can you all come in to see us on Tuesday? Around half two?”

“Are you serious, John? You are going to publish it? My daughter is going to be a publish author?”

“Yes. Excited?”

“You have— you don’t know what you did! This is going to make her life. Thanks so much.

See you Tuesday.”

Phil called Sophie who had just finished an exam in math (god knows why she had to take that damn subject), and told her the good news. She jumped and squealed, getting the attention of people on the street. She didn’t care though. She was now a writer and so was Maya.

When Maya told her parents about her big break, they were a little skeptical, asking her, “Why didn’t we know about your writing?” and “Have you been keeping secrets from us?” They didn’t seem to care that she was going to receive substantial payment from a 4000 word story written for a course at Uni. They were more concerned with the secret life she had been living.

Their questions kept flying at her; questions like, “What do you write about? Why don’t you focus on your wedding instead of that silly hobby? Why do we care more than you do?”

She eventually lost it, screaming, “I don’t care because I am in love and nothing else matters anymore. Especially that wedding! I am not the perfect daughter you think I am. I will not marry Amin.”

“What? Are you sick?” her mother asked shocked.

“I want to marry Sophie.”

“What are you saying, Maya?” her father replied, genuinely confused by her last statement.

“I am in love with Sophie. I can’t hide it anymore! I am a… lesbian. I-I am in love with another girl. I have been for five years. Don’t hate m-me. Every time you say anything bad about us, about gay people, you kill a little piece of me…. I’m tired of lying to you. I love you!” she said, beginning to cry from the heavy feeling on her chest and the pain in her head. “Don’t h-hate me. Please!” she begged as she saw the anger rise in her father’s face. Her mother was already bawling into her hands and her thirteen year old sister, Chamile, watched with her eyes wide open, speechless.

“I am going to say this only once,” he father said seething. “You are filthy and I am ashamed to call you my daughter. Since you’ve decided to live this disgusting lifestyle, you cannot live here. I don’t want to see you until you change.”

“But Tatta, I can’t change! It’s who I am. I’m still Maya. I’m still your daughter! Amma,” she started, turning to her mother, “Nothing has changed about me in the last minute since I told you.”

“You are no longer our daughter!” he shouted.

And just like that Maya found herself without a home or her family. In a state of shock, she walked all the way to Sophie’s house in the cold. She didn’t even take her phone, which like most people’s, was generally at her fingertips. She rang the bell and Dan answered.

She looked up at him with tired, wet eyes and mumbled, “I came out to my parents tonight and I-I c-can’t…”

“Come in. There’s fresh towels in the guestroom.”

She gave a half smile at his reply and stepped into the house.

\-----

In June of that year, their story had been published. It did extremely well for a short story, earning them a few hundred pounds and an appearance on a talk show. Michael and James talked about it in their videos and on their radio show. They were so proud of their little sister. And Maya now lived with Sophie, Dan and Phil. Things were certainly different now. She was sad a lot and missed her family, especially her sister. She and Sophie were walking through Sainsbury’s, a grocery store in town, when she saw her sister standing in line alone. She ran to hug her and Chamile told her she missed her, that it wasn’t fair what they did and that she bought a copy of their book in secret. Before Maya could reply, her father grabbed the girl from her embrace, sneered at Maya and Sophie, calling them names under her breath. Maya held onto her tears until they got home. Sophie gave her a shoulder to cry on and warm kisses when she wiped them away as she told her, “I’m so proud of you. You did something I could never do. I never had to but you did and I am so proud to know you.”

“Dirty.”

“Huh?”

“That’s what he called us: Dirty. Dirty, filthy whores.”

Sophie held her even closer. “Don’t listen to him. That isn’t true and you know it. It doesn’t even make sense. You’ve only slept with me and I have never given you any money. Though, the way you move your tongue is worth a least a fiver.”

“Shut up,” Maya giggled through her tears. “You’re stupid.”

“And you love it.”

“I do and I love you.”

“I love you too,” Sophie smiled.

“Girls,” Phil called, knocking on the door. “Please come and watch the twins.”

“Ellen again?” Sophie asked.

“Why do you ask when you already know?”

\-----

Later that week, Sophie and Maya started writing their first novel. It was about an abuse victim, her recovery and the struggle dealing with her sexuality and the harsh demands of a strict culture. It would soon become the catalyst for greater success and happiness for both of them. 


	41. The Winter Wedding

The Winter Wedding

“I’m nervous.”

“Why?” Chris asked.

“I’m getting married tomorrow.”

“That’ll do it. C’mon,” Chris told him as he opened the door to a small pub.

Michael was celebrating his last night as an unmarried man with his closest friends. The next day was December 22, 2034; his wedding day. He couldn’t think about it right now or else he was going to throw up. Chris dragged him inside where he met up with a few more of his friends. Michael was borderline famous in real life so when he went out he liked to keep a low profile. A few hours passed and he was definitely drunk, as he’d been drinking nonstop since he came in. He needed to calm his nerves.

They had a very long engagement, almost two years. Michael said it was because they were so young and that a little piece of paper didn’t matter. James reminded him of how many people fought for them to have the right to marry.

He shouted angrily, “Don’t you ever say that again.”

Michael had apologized immediately because it did matter. That little piece of paper meant the world to so many people, including his own parents. James became increasingly anxious about setting a date even though Michael seemed to be avoiding it. James went to find him one day in their bedroom to talk about it. He confronted him about the length of their engagement; that it was too long and they might as well be boyfriends or not even that. James wanted more. Michael did too but he was afraid. Thinking about how marriage changed people and the people who would undoubtedly say cruel things to them because of the union. A few thousand messages flew in after their engagement video went viral on Boxing Day. Most were supportive and very kind but, of course, Michael only saw the negative few. He never really got over them.

James knew him so well that he knew exactly what he needed to comfort him and reassure him that things would be okay. James laid him down on their bed, kept his hand on his stomach, stroking it gently, kissing his neck, making Michael mewl. James laughed at him softly and Michael sighed. James kept up his touches and began whispering, “Do I make you happy?” Michael looked up at him with an almost hurt expression, telling him, “Of course you do. I love you.”

“Then marry me. If you love me and I make you happy, marry me,” he said in the same low voice. “Choose a date. Something you’ll like to remember for the next 60 years.”

Michael smiled at the thought of being with James for that long, and looked up at him lovingly and whispered, “Okay. I like December. Let’s get married at night, in the dome at the botanical gardens but the one without butterflies. My dad hates the little buggers. And I always liked the idea of having a wedding lit with Chinese lanterns and fairy lights.”

“Wow that would be amazing. You were thinking about this… December it is.”

“Yeah?”

James kissed him confirmation, letting Michael know that this fight was over. But Michael was still apprehensive. He thought about him changing his mind again, about whether he would still love this man in the years to come. As he started going down that very confusing, depressing road, Christian, who had only one drink, came over to him to talk about something completely different.

“Kiss me.”

Michael shook his head. “Are y-you being s-s-serious right now?”

“Yeah, kiss me.”

Michael stumbled on his own tongue as he tried to refuse him and also figure out what was going on. Why was his best friend trying to hook up with him the night before his wedding? Chris was quick though, taking hold of his face, holding him in place to kiss him deeply. He even tilted his head to go deeper, forcing his tongue down Michael’s throat. Michael groaned into the kiss, trying to tell him to stop and pulling at Chris’ hand to release him. The groan sounded much like a moan and Chris thought he was into it. So when he didn’t stop, Michael kicked him in the shin. Chris yelped in pain as Michael got up from the bar stool to go outside. Chris followed. When they got outside, Michael yelled at him, screaming in his face.

"What the fuck was that, Chris?"

"What? You didn’t like it? Is it because you don’t like boys? Huh?"

"Stop! Why are you doing this?"

“Mike,” Chris said angrily. “Why did you lie to me?”

“What? W-When did I lie to you?”

“Don’t act like you don’t know!” Chris raised his voice.

“I d-don’t know what the fuck you’re t-talking about!”

“You said you weren’t gay! You told me that and I believed you!”

“But I’m not!”

“Then what do you call this?” Chris said grabbing Michael’s left hand and pointing at the engagement band. “Huh? What the fuck is this?”

“I don’t know! It just happened and it was already too late to do anything about it!”

“Shut up! I fucking loved you. Ever since we were twelve. Did you know that? And when you came out to everyone, fuck all if I didn’t try to drink away everything I was feeling. You’re such a fucking liar,” Chris screamed at him. “And you had the nerve to fall for him too! How dare you leave me for him? Am I not good enough? Not famous enough? I barely see you anymore. You spend every fucking minute with him. You love him more than you ever loved me. I was your friend. Your friend! I won’t waste another second loving you.” he spat in his face.

“I’m sorry!” It was all he could say. He was drunk and couldn’t even begin to think clearly. Nothing made sense anymore and he just wanted to sleep in a warm bed with James’ legs tangled with his. That was when he’s most comfortable.

“Fuck you,” Chris muttered, walking away, leaving alone and confused Michael on the cold pavement.

\-----

Michael managed to get home after the argument with the help of his friend, Cal. He was spending the night at his parent’s house, the one he grew up in, the one he and Chris often came home to raid the fridge after football practice. He immediately fell asleep as soon as he hit the mattress and slept restlessly, dreaming about a life without James. He woke up in a cold sweat.

After falling asleep again, Michael woke up to a little finger poking his cheek. Five year old Ellen was whispering, “It’s time to wake up, Uncle Mike. Granddad says so,” in his ears.

“Let me sleep, Ellie!”

“No! Get up! You have to get married to Uncle Jaime or he’ll be sad and I can’t let anyone make him sad. Wake up!”

“Where is your mum?”

“She left me here this morning,” Ellen giggled. “She says she needed a break or else she would scream her head off. We can’t have that at all.”

“I guess we can’t. Alright, sweet. Go back and tell Granddad that I’m now awake.”

“Okay!” she said skipping off to her task.

Michael was not ready for this at all but he got up anyway. He took a shower and cleaned himself up. He didn’t look as awful as he felt but that didn’t mean anything considering he felt downright miserable. He checked his phone and saw only a message from James that said, “Only eight more hours to go. I can’t wait.”

He smiled a small smile but it still counted. He couldn’t wait either but it was now six hours before his wedding and his best man had tried to kiss him the night before. Would Chris show up and cause a big scene like he did last night? Would Chris show up at all? Did anyone see them last night? What if James found out and called off the wedding. Michael decided to call him before anyone else could. When James answered he said, “I hope talking to you isn’t bad luck too?”

“No, I don’t think so,” Michael chuckled sadly.

“Is something the matter?”

“I don’t know how to tell you this, Jaime. Uh—Chris kissed me last night.”

“Did you kiss him back?”

“No, I kicked him and walked off.”

“Good. Then what’s the problem?”

“You aren’t mad at me?”

“No. Babe, you didn’t ask to be kissed and it wasn’t your fault. Okay?”

“Okay but we still have a problem. Uh—When Chris tried to hook up with me the night before my wedding and when I asked him about it, he said he’s in love with me. That he always was. James, he’s my best friend…”

“I’m coming over right now.”

“But you can’t see me,” Michael mumbled. “It’s bad luck.”

“I don’t care. I can’t let you worry about this all day. No one is going to ruin this day for you or for us.”

Thirty two minutes later, James rang the doorbell and was greeted by a confused Phil and Ellen. He said he needed to see Michael right then and Phil told him he never even came downstairs to eat. James ran past them and went straight into the guest room, grabbed Michael, who was pacing the room, and hugged him tightly.

“Did you call him?”

“No.”

“Call,” James told him. Michael called Chris and he answered the fifth ring.

“Hello?” he mumbled, clearly unsure of who was calling him.

“Hey, Chris? It’s Mike. We need to talk about last night. Please don’t hang up.”

“What about last night?”

“You know…”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You kissed me last night, during my party. You said you were in love with me and—,”

“I can’t talk to you right now.”

“Please talk to me. Listen. Please?”

“Okay.”

“You’re my best friend and I do love you but not in that way.” Michael looked to James for affirmation and James nodded. He continued on the phone, saying, “When we were younger and I told you l liked girls only, it was because when we were twelve that was true. I didn’t mean to lie to you. When I met James, I fell in love without realizing it. I didn’t do this to hurt you. Believe me; I never wanted to make you feel this way.”

“I know you didn’t. I’m angry with myself for not moving on. I know I can’t blame you for this.”

“But you were doing so well with Ethan. What happened?”

“We broke up last week and I—I guess I couldn’t handle you being so happy and the drinks didn’t help either.”

“But, Chris, what you said didn’t sound like you were drunk at all. It sounded… real.”

“That’s because—”

The call cut off.

He had hung up. Michael looked at his screen to see ‘Call Ended’ appear below Chris’ name. Michael explained to James what Chris had said. At least Michael knew Chris didn’t hate him. The problem now was if he loved him.

\-----

White chairs lined out on green.

The night sky was clear above their heads, visible through the glass ceiling. Low lighting and fairy lights covered the trees, tangled with the vines hanging all around. Two children made their way down the aisle. Yellow lanterns dotted the path to the wedding arch where there stood a vicar, James and, surprisingly, Christian.

Ellen and Luke, James’ nephew, walked down together. He threw white roses onto the path while Ellen, who insisted on being the ring bearer because she was already flower girl before, held on to the white pillow holding the rings. When Ellen told Michael and James about her wishes, they loved the idea of having a gender neutral wedding. The flower boy and the girl ring bearer were incredibly precious. She did still wear a dress and he wore a suit but it still got the point across.

Sophie and Maya were next, dressed in white dresses with white flower crowns in their hair. They walked hand in hand, only releasing their grasp to move to either side of the arch, Sophie on Michael’s side and Maya on James’. Johanna and Thomas followed doing the same respectively.

“You’re next,” Phil whispered to a smiling but nervous Michael.

“Pop,” he whimpered. “I can’t do this.”

“Yes, you can. You love him, right?”

“I do.”

“Then you can do this. Remember those words for later,” he chuckled lightly.

 “I was the same way, Mikey,” Dan told him. “Look how happy I am now.”

Michael nodded with a smile. “I’m ready.”

Dan and Phil walked ahead of him and walked down the aisle before Michael stepped onto the path. Everyone rose when they saw him. James smiled with his big blue eyes perfectly illuminated from the fairy lights. The entire garden looked so warm despite the season. Michael’s eyes matched the mood; the brown was calm and happy and heavenly. The atmosphere was perfect for them. The only people in attendance were their families and closest friends. The fame and recognition made them wary of having a large event, sticking to the tradition in the family of having a small garden style wedding.

Dressed in black tuxedos with white formal shirts and white bow ties, they both looked very handsome. They had decided on white for their wedding, wanting to keep everything simple. Michael walked steadily to the wedding arch and smiled at his fiancé, who gave him a very cheeky wink. He looked at Chris, who smiled back at him, trying to reassure Michael that they were, in fact, okay. He caught a glance at Leah who was sitting next to her boyfriend. She was proud of him.

The ceremony began, going by smoothly. They said traditional wedding vows, leaving out the part about obeying because they were very modern. Who would have thought that the two men getting married were modern? When the vicar said the lines, “You may now take your first steps as lawfully wedded husbands. Congratulations, James and Michael Parker!” the guests clapped and the two kissed as roses fell all around them from above their heads.

Dan turned to Phil and they both laughed when they saw tears in the other’s eyes. Their little boy, who was quiet and so small when they invited him into their home, the boy who called them Daddy and Papa until he said he was too old to, was now married. His name was now Michael David Parker and he wasn’t theirs anymore. He was James’ and James was his. Their son never looked so happy and it was one of the greatest moments of their lives. 

\-----

Later that night, the newlyweds stayed in the guest room of Dan and Phil’s house. They were leaving for their honeymoon the next morning but, of course, could not wait the long to celebrate. 

James pushed Michael down onto the bed, and straddled him, leaving kisses down his neck, and trying to hurriedly unbutton his dress shirt.

“Hey, hey calm down, we got all night.” Michael said, cupping James cheeks, and kissing him full on the mouth.

“Sorry bear, I just love you so much and we’re married, we’re actually seriously married.

You’re all mine.” James almost shouted in excitement.

Michael laughed and continued pressing his lips against his husband’s, softly licking into his bottom lip until James granted him entrance, and their tongues wrapped around, moving softly. The kiss was slow and sweet, and it made both their hearts well up with love.

James pressed kisses down to his love’s neck, sucking and biting; hoping to leave marks so everyone would know who Michael belonged to, if it wasn’t obvious enough by the matching wedding bands. He started unbuttoning Mike’s shirt, slipping the buttons off their catches, revealing soft golden tan skin bit by bit, that James laid soft kisses upon. Michael played with his husband’s soft dark brown hair, you could even call it black, running his hands through the strands, until James got to his belly button which he swirled his tongue around in, causing Michael to moan.

James grinned up at him, saying “I love you” again. It was crazy, how they met all those years ago, when James had seen this pretty and funny kid making YouTube videos and he had messaged him on impulse. It was the best decision he made in his life, other than marrying Michael, of course.

“I love you too, babe, so much.” Michael repeated.

“Love you more” James whispered, kissing the V of Michael’s hipbones, unbuttoning his slacks, pulling them down easily. They weren’t Mike’s usual attire of skin tight hip hugging jeans that were the biggest pain to get off. Thank God.

One of James’ hands cupped the other boy’s erection through his boxers, and he stroked slowly, eliciting a moan from him. James pulled down the boxers, and Michael wriggled free out of them.

“Your clothes. Off.” Michael moaned, grabbing at James’ shirt.

James got off the bed, quickly stripped down and grabbed the bottle of lube from their dresser. He poured the sweet smelling stuff on his hands, warming it up in between his fingers.

“Cherry?” Michael asked, gesturing for James to join him quickly.

“What else?” James said, fitting his lips against his new husband’s, licking into his mouth, tasting him fully. They kissed for a while, just exploring each other leisurely until Michael grabbed James erection, pumping slowly.

James moaned into Michael’s mouth, breaking away to lay his head against his neck, panting. He smiled as he brought his lips down to the sensitive dip right between Michael’s neck and his collar bone, sucking slightly before trailing his tongue down to lick flatly across one of Michael’s tight, dark nipples. 

Michael moaned softly, while James switched to another nipple flicking his tongue against it too, before moving down his torso. He got to Michael’s erection, softly kissing around it, avoiding it all together until Michael was a moaning writhing mess.

“Make love to me, James.” Michael breathed out.

James relented and hitched up Mike’s legs, spreading them. He stroked Michael’s cock, and took it slowly in his mouth, wrapping his lips around the head. He circled Michael’s entrance with his lubed up fingers, gently pushing one in, keeping up with the pressure from his mouth on Mike’s erection.

Michael’s hips were bucking up, and James laid his arm across his waist so he wouldn’t thrust too hard against his mouth. He started bobbing his head, taking more and more of him in until he hit the back of his throat. Mike’s fingers gripped James hair tightly, almost pulling at it to warn him of his oncoming orgasm.

After a few more expert bobs of James’ head, Michael climaxed, emptying his release down James’ throat, who swallowed it all. Mike laid there breathless, euphoric after orgasm, while James climbed up and kissed his husband. His hard cock strained against his panting lover, and Mike climbed down, situating his head between James legs, licking a strip up from head to base, and taking him into his mouth, sucking lightly.

James groaned, and bucked his hips into Michael’s hot wet mouth a couple of times, and cupped his cheek, pulling him back. Michael pulled off with a pop, looking up at James.

“Want to come inside you, Mr. Parker,” James whispered, laughing a little bit at the title, voice a bit hoarse. He flipped over Michael and quickly coated his fingers in lube, thrusting two in consecutively, and stretched them around the rim, and he added another finger. He dragged his fingers in and out, grazing the prostate.

“You ready?” James asked Michael, lubing himself up.

“Mhm … hurry up.” He moaned, gripping James hips tightly.

James pushed in slowly, until he bottomed out, and waited for Michael to signal him to move. He immediately did, wrapping his legs around James’ waist. James pulled out and pushed back in slowly, kissing Michael sweetly, leaving a trail of kisses on his neck, collarbones, and shoulders.

“I love you babe, but you got to be faster.”

James laughed and increased his pace, his thrusts coming faster and faster, hitting Michael’s prostate frequently. James kissed into Michael’s mouth messily, their tongues wrapped around each other. James held on to Michael’s cock, stroking him with the pace of thrusts until Michael came with an arch of his back, and a shout of James name. James wasn’t far behind, peaking from his husband clenching all around him.

They both collapsed, sticky and sweaty but utterly sated.

“Love you, Bear” James said cuddling up to him. “I love you so much.”


	42. The Parkers

 “Are you ready to go home with us?” Michael asked, picking up her small bag of personal belongings while James held a little boy in his arms. The child looked at him curiously, saying, “You’re old,” then giggling.

The girl nodded, smiling at him. Her name was Georgia and she had a little brother named Jack. They were both in care and Michael and James fell in love with them the moment they met them.

“Be nice, Jack! Say sorry!” she scolded him.

“Sorry,” Jack mumbled, feeling embarrassed and guilty for hurting James’ feelings.

“It’s okay. I know he didn’t mean anything by it,” James calmed her.

Georgia nodded and smiled politely, waiting for Michael and James to head out the door of their care home. It was May 2035 and a raining outside. Michael and James had only been married for six months. The air was chilly in their London flat when Michael and James woke up that morning. They were a bit worried about the weather, now concerned with rubber boots and rain coats for their children. Yes, they had children. Real life, breathing humans that would be theirs to love and nurture. Being overly prepared, the men had all they needed for Georgia and Jack.

She was nine and he was three. As they walked out of the center, she pulled up the hood on her brand new purple and black rain coat, covering the curly brown hair underneath from the water and the subsequent frizz. She hated having to brush it afterwards. Michael reached for her hand and asked her, “Do you think you’ll like your new bedroom? Daddy and I fixed it up for you.”

“Yes, I can’t wait,” she said happily taking his hand. James set Jack on the pavement and took his hand as well, holding his bag in the other hand. Michael and James still lived in London and desperately wanted to move closer to Manchester again. With two new children, having their parents help would be such a blessing right now but they figured they were always a phone call away. The new family got into their small SUV and when James turned on the radio while Michael put Jack in his booster seat, the little boy began to sing along.

“Would you like to be on the radio someday, Jack?” Michael asked, laughing at his son.

“Yeah. That’d be wicked!”

“Maybe someday you will,” James told him. “We work at this radio station.”

“Wow!” he exclaimed with wide eyes. “Poppy, I want to be a rock star and sing on the radio and at concerts and stuff.”

Michael smiled at the use of the pet name Jack had given him. “I think you should be. You have a great voice,” he said encouraging the child’s singing of a song he seemed to have memorized. Georgia laughed and joined in. She loved her little brother’s playfulness and although she was still a child herself, she acted more like a mother than anything else. She grew up quickly. She had to.

\-----

Georgie was the creative one in the center, always drawing and writing things. Her poems littered the office of the director’s office but never thrown away. She was also the nurturer and caretaker of her brother. From the age of six, she had always had some form of responsibility to him. Their mother had been neglectful, usually high or missing for days at a time. Neither child had a father. Rather, they had none to speak of. The social worker who tried to help their mother had asked her for any ideas as to where or who they might be. She had said viciously, “Probably fucking another junkie for 50 quid.”

The social worker, Ms. Berwick, made sure to ask for their fathers, the plural. It was obvious that the children had different backgrounds, being that Georgia looked Caucasian while Jack had brown skin and a small afro made of dark brown ringlets sticking up in all directions because she had let his hair grow long, not because style but lack of care. Georgie had stopped attending school midway through the year so her teacher grew worried. She had reported the incident and just like that both children were removed and their mother was given several years in prison for abuse. They were placed in a center known as “The Children’s Haven,” a care home based in London but linked to several other charities and orphanages around the world. They were well taken care of. Though the rules were strict there, neither child lacked anything, from food to love. Michael and James were to know The Children’s Haven through a mutual friend, a co-worker who volunteered there.

 First, James got the idea of promoting the organization on their various social media platforms, the charity always needing donations. They went into speak to the director, the staff and a few of the children. He’d met Jack when he just turned three and though he could barely speak in full coherent sentences, he insisted on being filmed so James did anyway. Jack played with James all day, followed him around and hung onto him when he was trying to leave. He showed the video to Michael later that night when he was editing he couldn’t stop talking about how he wanted a son one day. Michael joined him in saying, “Then I think we should adopt one. You know, instead of using a surrogate or anything like that. I was adopted…”

“Do you really want to? Do you really want to be a parent? I know we talked about this but are you sure?”

“Yes. No? I don’t know what to think. We are pretty young.”

“That’s a no. Don’t worry about it. You’re right. We are young and that’s something we both need to agree on. Okay?”

“Yeah. I think I’ll come with you on Saturday. I want to meet him. He seems like quite the character.”

“You’ll love him.”

\-----

Michael was over taken by a swarm of children as he ran through the playground in the back garden of the home. He laughed and giggled along with them until he noticed a girl sitting by herself on the steps leading up to the back door. He called for her, “Would you like to join us?” She shook her head and smiled then rested her head on her hands that lay on top of her knees. She looked out onto the playground watching the others play with James. Michael didn’t want her to be left out and feared that maybe she was extremely shy or sick. He went over to sit next to her and introduced himself.

“I’m Michael. Nice to meet you.”

“I’m Georgie,” she said in a soft sweet voice.

“Are you alright? Why are you sitting here all by yourself?”

“I just want to be ready if something happens to him. Something always does when the older boys play with him.”

“With who?” Michael asked.

“Jack. You see the little boy pulling on that man’s hand? The one in the light blue shirt? He’s my brother.”

“Oh, I see. I think he’ll be okay. My husband won’t let anything happen to him.”

“Your husband?” she asked looking up at Michael skeptically. She looked back at James and back at Michael and asked, “Why are you all here? Are you just another set of people pretending to help or are you actually going to do something?”

Michael let out a huff of surprise at her boldness. “I came to meet you. James, the man over there, is working on a campaign to get more people to know about this home so they will donate and volunteer. He came here last Tuesday morning. Didn’t you see him filming you all?”

“I was at school. He must have only met the younger ones. It figures that he would film them. The cute ones always bring in the bigger donations and the richest visitors who’ll adopt them.

Don’t let Jack be in the video.”

“Why not? He is one of the cutest children here.”

“They’ll want to take him away from me. They won’t want me. I’m too old but he’s just the right age. He’ll be adopted and I’ll be stuck here until I’m sixteen. That’s another seven years.”

“How do you know they won’t want to keep you together? Maybe they’ll want to have a pretty, caring girl like you as a daughter too.”

“I don’t know. They just won’t. Please don’t put him in the video,” she pleaded. She moved her curly hair out of her face. 

“I’ll tell James. You don’t have to worry about that.”

“Thank you,” she said, sighing with relief. “Do you want to have kids?”

“Someday. I have two nieces and a nephew. I like them enough,” Michael chuckled softly.

“Hmm… What are you anyway? Movie makers or something?”

“You could say that. We make videos for the internet and have a radio show. It’ on every morning. Maybe you listen to it. The James and Michael Morning show on BBC Radio 1xtra?”

“That’s you?” she asked with excitement. “Miss likes to play it when she’s making breakfast. You’re very funny.”

“Thank you.”

Michael was glad he made a distraction for her. She seemed to be a worrier. A child who thought too much about what might happen as opposed to living in the moment like most do. They sat and chatted on the steps until it was time for lunch and all the children were called inside. James met him in the hallway. He asked, “Who were you talking to all this time?”

“Jack’s sister.”

“That was his sister? I would have never guessed.”

“Well, she’s worried that he’s going to adopted and taken from her.”

“Oh, that’s horrible. I hope they wouldn’t let anyone do that to them.”

“That’s not really fair to him though. He deserves a permanent home but so does she. She’s older, James. She might not get the chance but he will. I really hope someone will take both of them. She’s a good kid.”

“I do too. Look,” he said looking to the large room filled with children, sitting at long brown picnic tables. Right by the window, Georgie and Jack were sitting next to each other and she was cleaning his face, checking his hands and gives him her hand. She took him over to the smaller, lower sink and he washed his hands. Not once but twice because the first time did seem a little too quick.

“She’s like his mum, James. Look at the way she takes care of him. She’s too young to worry this much,” Michael said keenly. “Can we do something for them?”

“Like what? Find them parents?”

“Yeah. Let’s find them a family.”

\-----

The two men were getting frustrated. It had been a whole six months since meeting the kids. Although the campaign was going well for the charity as a whole and the director was extremely grateful to them, James and Michael still could not find parents or even a foster parent to take both of them. And the scariest part of it all was that Jack had been offered a home. Nothing was final yet but a middle aged couple did show interest in taking him. They didn’t want Georgie though. They wanted a son and that was it. They already had four daughters.

Michael began to panic when he heard during a visit to see them both. Georgie must have known because when he saw her in the school room of the center, she had her head down and was obviously crying. That night, he told James that they had to take them. They were young but they could do it. They had large salaries, great families to help them and they really had a lot of love to give. James agreed and the next morning they signed a few documents to start the process of adoption. Michael and James found Georgie after signing the paper work. She was reading a book to Jack, who immediately jumped up out of her lap to run and hug them both.

“Hey, Jack-Jack. Are you being good for Georgie?” James said, picking him up.

“Yeah! We were reading a story.”

Michael sat down next to Georgie, who looked at them sadly. She had been trying to spend as much time with him as possible, before he would be taken. “We have news for you both,” he said softly, trying to build up suspense. “The file is now being processed. Jack is being adopted.” Georgie looked at him sad and downcast. “… and so are you.” He smiled at her. It took a little while for her to register what he had just said.

“What? They decided to take me too?”

“No, we did. We want you to be our children. We love you so much already,” James explained.

“We hope you don’t mind having us as parents.” Michael laughed at her shocked expression and was suddenly attacked with a hug from the girl.

“Can we go home now?” she asked with the excitement evident in her voice and smile.

“No, but soon. Ms. Berwick says they give us guardianship first and then you can come and live with us. That should only take a few weeks.”

“I can’t wait,” she smiled. “I have a question. Since we’ll have two fathers, what do we call you?”

“Poppy!” Jack said pointing at Michael.

“I’ll take Dad then,” James laughed.

“Poppy? I like it. I call my father, Phil, Pop. So that’s good that we’ll be a little different. Your grandparents are going to be so happy to meet you. My dad said you were very pretty when he saw the pictures we took.”

Georgie blushed. Michael hugged her back and kissed her forehead. “I guess you were wrong.”

“What do you mean?”

“Someone did want you after all. I always wanted a daughter like you.”

“Like me?”

“Yeah, someone kind, thoughtful and sweet. That’s you. I only hope that you want parents like us.”

“I do! I love you already. I prayed that you would take us. I knew you wouldn’t let me down.”

James asked Jack, “Do you want me to be your daddy?”

“Yup!” he said eagerly.

“Good because you’ll become Georgia and Jack Parker before Christmas.”

\-----

When they got to their new home a few weeks later, Jack was soaking wet from the spring rain. Michael took off his raincoat and rubbers for him while Georgie watched. The look on her face told him that this was her job. He nodded in silent apology and she smiled in acceptance. James showed her the entire house including their office while Michael got Jack settled. They had a floor to ceiling bookcase filled to the brim with some of her favorite books. She grazed her fingers along the spines of them, looking up the shelf in awe.

“Dad, I think I’ll be spending a lot of time here.” James chuckled at her, and then covered eyes to show her the next room on the tour. He led her through to the back of the flat, to a bedroom painted in a soft purple with white furniture and plush white carpet.

“This is mine?” she said wide eyed. She started to cry and hugged him, mumbling into his stomach, “Thank you thank you thank you. It’s so nice.”

Jack’s was similar only his was painted green and his furniture was pinewood. He didn’t sleep in his room at night however. Just as Michael and James went to bed, Jack would get up and go to Georgie. One night, he was burning up when Georgie felt him lay his head on her arm when he climbed in beside her. “Are you sick?” she asked him. He nodded sleepily so she got up.

Georgie knocked on the door of James and Michael’s bedroom and told them, “Jack is sick.” They both came out of the room to go take a look at him. Jack complained of a head ache and was being very fussy. They couldn’t figure out what was wrong with him so Michael called his father. Dan told them to calm down and it was probably just a little cold, made worse by the cold damp air. He told them to give him water, a slice of toast with jam to make him feel better and make sure he stays warm. They took the advice and the next morning Jack was feeling better. Michael called his parents the next day and thanked them profusely. Dan said, “Call anytime, even when they’re completely healthy.”

“Thanks again, Dad.”


	43. The Centre for Girls

That July, Michael and James were set to go on a tour of The Children’s Havens’ different branches in the Middle East and Asia. One of their stops would be an orphanage and school in Sri Lanka. They asked Maya and Sophie to come along on the trip, as it was their holiday break and they could use Maya’s language skills.

They didn’t want to take the children on this trip, so they left them with their grandfathers for the three weeks. When they were leaving, Jack cried. He soon settled down after James told him they would be back before he even realized it and that Georgie would be there too. They left after another round of hugs and kisses for their children and nieces and nephew. Michael and James knew they would be fine. Georgie and Jack loved Dan and Phil from the moment they met them. They loved spoiling their grandchildren and both were showered with praise and gifts from them every time they visited. Jack was also the exact same age as the twins, Lucy and Tommy, so they loved playing with each other. The four year olds spent hours outside in the garden and at the park behind the house. The three of them would probably cry when it came time for Jack to return to London.

\-----

Dan and Phil were in over their heads that night. Johanna asked to leave her children at their house so that she and Thomas could have a date night. They told her no problem and that they understood. They definitely understood. Although they raised three children, they never had five under the age of ten at the same time. It was time for bed, after a dinner of pizza and ice cream, and Georgie wanted to watch a movie in the living room. They had no problem with that except now all of them wanted to. But the little ones, especially Lucy needed to sleep or else she would be cranky and cry for no reason. Of course, she didn’t realize it and begged to stay down stairs too. Phil proposed that they all watch the movie and after an hour, the three 4 year olds were asleep. Dan helped him pick them up and put them in the guest room. Ellen followed close behind, going into her bedroom. Georgie stayed downstairs to watch another movie and enjoy a moment of peace. Phil told her goodnight before going upstairs with Dan. “That was easy enough,” Dan mumbled into Phil’s shoulder as he laid on top of him, falling asleep.

He should have known better than to say things like that. At 3 am precisely, Ellen came into their room and saying, “Papa? Papa?”

“Yes,” he said with eyes still closed.

“I wet the bed. I’m sorry,” she said sadly, sounding dejected.

Phil rose out of bed, making Dan reach out sleepily for him and mumble incoherently. Phil took the six-year-old’s hand and took her to the bathroom to clean her up. He removed the bed sheets and put them in the wash, then replaced them. He tucked her back in and returned to bed at 3:30. Ten minutes later, they heard, “Mommy! Mommy!” Dan woke up this time, nudging Phil to go and handle it. “Your turn.” he simply replied.

Dan groaned, pushed the duvet off his body and walked to the guest room. Tommy was having a nightmare and now all three of them, including Jack and Lucy were awake. When Dan turned on the lamp, soft lighting filling the room, Lucy was crying even though her brother was the one who had the bad dream. It was always the strangest thing to watch them because Lucy always reflected whatever her brother was feeling. Tommy always knew what Lucy wanted even though she barely spoke to anyone. She was by far the quietest child in the whole bunch and very sensitive. As twins, they were extremely close. But as interesting as they were, Dan couldn’t find the strength to revel in the phenomenon. He was too bloody tired and he thought he was done with parenting. He really did.

 He shushed them all back into bed and read a story to them. Jack fell asleep first, snoring lightly and eventually, and the two others did followed. He laid his head in his pillow at 4:12 and Phil rolled over to cuddle up with him. “Thank you,” he mumbled and Dan smiled, curving his body, immersing himself in Phil’s warmth. They fell asleep and didn’t wake up until 10 the next morning when five children snuck into their bedroom, jumping on the bed, shouting “Good Morning, Papa! Good Morning, Granddad!” -----

Once they had arrived in Sri Lanka, the last stop on their trip, Maya felt so much at home. She didn’t realize how much she would miss the sights, sounds and smells after being in England for such a long time. The air even felt the same. When she heard the familiar calls of the street vendors and sellers from their van going towards the orphanage, she smiled in remembrance.

Michael and James set out to start filming the moment they got out of the van. While they did that, Sophie and Maya went to speak to some of the teachers and the children. Maya greeted the classroom full of girls, aged 10 to 14, speaking a few sentences in Sinhala. Sophia waited for the cue and said “Hello,” awkwardly but laughed it off with comforting smile. The girls laughed at her, replying with a “Hello!” too.

This orphanage, which was called the “The Centre for Girls,” was established specifically for girls who escaped the sex trade. Here, they recovered and learned skills to become independent adults. It was an exceptionally large property which housed the school and several buildings where the girls lived. Sophie felt very connected to the girls here. They had survived sexual assault at a young age just like she did.

Some of the girls told their stories, a few reverting back to Tamil and Sinhala when they couldn’t find a word in English. Maya translated for Sophie since she spoke both languages. Sophie knew Maya was filtering their words and begged her not to. She knew that Maya was trying to protect her, knowing that it could be triggering but she wanted to know what they had to say. Maya relented and told her everything as exactly as the girls told them.

“Hi,” Sophie told one girl, who looked to be about seven or eight years old. “What is your name?”

“Naomi,” she replied, shyly.

“That’s a beautiful name. I’m Sophia and this is my friend, Maya.”

“We heard you just came here to the center. Do you like it here?” Maya said in Sinhala. The younger ones were more likely to talk to her in their own language.

“Yes, I like it.”

“Where are you from?”

“I do not remember.”

“How did you come to the center?”

“One day, the police came in and took all the girls away.”

Maya knew what she meant. Her brothel was probably raided by the police either because the owner stopped paying bribes to keep it quiet or the international community got involved. Naomi told them about how she lived in a small house, where she lived with her mother, father and five other siblings. She lived in the country side in a small village where her family, along with other families, grew tobacco. For three years in a row, the drought of Sri Lanka prevailed and the crops failed. Her family grew desperate to feed everyone. One day when she was playing with her younger brother outside, her father came up to them with another man and told her to follow him. Before she knew it, she was pushed inside a white van, without windows and driven for hours without food, water and only one stop to use the toilet. They had picked up two other girls on the way there and when they finally stopped to let them out, it was horrific; the place was dingy and dark, and crawling with insects.

Naomi was beaten on several occasions in the brothel, once for not addressing the owner properly and the other times for no reason at all it seemed. She was always hungry and tired. And although she was, at the time, no older than five, she had been raped repeatedly. When she described what happened to her in detail, as well as an eight year old could, Maya couldn’t translate any longer. Sophie asked her to continue but she shook her head. She thanked the little girl for sharing with them and then told the teacher she needed a break.

Later that night, in the small guest house they rented for the week, they all talked about what they had seen at the school. Michael and James showed them footage of the girls in class and them performing a traditional dance. Maya told them about the girls they talked to with tears coming to her eyes. “They’re so young. All of them know more about suffering than any child should. Especially the last one, Naomi. She looks just like my sister, Chamile. I cannot even imagine her having to go through anything like this. I think we should do something more. Sophie?”

“Yeah?”

“I’ll tell you what she told me later tonight but right now I have an idea. You know that book we’re writing? If it is published, I want the money to go to the center. They need it.”

“I think so too.”

“Wait, you’re writing a book? A whole book?” Michael asked.

“Yeah, we are. But I have an even better idea. We should include some of their stories. It’s along the same lines at the plot already. It’ll be dedicated to them.”

\-----

In bed that night, Maya told Sophia, “She said she had six clients in one night. I couldn’t tell you. I couldn’t even say it myself. She said it without even shedding a tear. She isn’t a child anymore.”

“Oh my god,” Sophie gasped. She got up from the bed and took out her tablet. “We need to write down every story. Everyone needs to know what is happening to these girls. There are at least 150 girls at the center and they all have similar stories. We have to help.”

“What are you thinking about doing?”

“We are going to write about the center and raise awareness for girls’ rights. It’s 2035 and I don’t know why this is still an issue.”

Over the course of the week, Sophie and Maya complied several accounts from 20 girls who were willing to share. Maya found Naomi on their last day before their flight back to the UK and told her, “You are a smart, brave little girl. You will become an amazing woman someday. You inspire me,” giving her a goodbye hug. The girl, with short black hair held back by a red headband hugged her back. “Thank you. Please don’t forget me,” she said sadly.

“Never” Maya whispered back.

She hugged Sophia too and she said, “I’ll miss you and the funny way you try to speak Sinhala.”

She laughed and said, “Goodbye, love. Be good,” kissing her on the cheek.

\-----

When they returned to the UK, they immediately got to work writing the book with stories from The Centre for Girls. It was their last year at Uni, both receiving degrees in Literature; Maya’s in World Literature and Sophie’s in Creative Literature. Despite the heavy course load, they still managed to have a finished draft for the publisher next January. In the meantime, they both had been sending letters to the rehabilitation center and especially Naomi. She was doing well in school, receiving the highest marks in her class so, Maya as a reward sent her a brand new pair of shoes. The director emailed her photos of the girl dressed in her school uniform, a white dress with red ribbons in her hair and the black patent shoes she loved so much. Maya showed the picture to Sophie and they both knew it wasn’t enough.

Their publisher called them only one week later to tell them how amazing it was. John, who published their first short story, issued them an advance of £20,000 expecting the book to be a bestseller. They put the money away in a trust for The Centre for Girls and focused on graduating and finding jobs in their fields. Maya thought about teaching while Sophie wanted to pursue another degree.

\-----

On the day of their graduation, the entire family came to support them both including Chamile but not Maya’s parents. Maya cried when she saw her standing next to Johanna. “How did you get here?” she asked hugging her tightly.

“I’m fifteen. I took a bus,” she said through her tears. “Sophie called the house pretending to be one of my friends and told me the date and time. Amma doesn’t know where I am and I’ll get hell for it later but I don’t care. I’m so proud of you.”

“Thank you, love. God, I missed you.”

“I missed you too Maya. So much.”

“I went to back to Sri Lanka last summer and we’re writing a book about the orphanage we visited. One of the girls reminded me of you and it took all my strength not to bring her back with me.”

“She must have been very pretty and smart too.”

“Shut up!” Maya laughed. “How long can you stay with us?”

“Until six maybe seven. Any later and Tatta will send a search party after me. They watch everything I do now.”

“I know. I’m so sorry. I should have kept it a secret for you. I knew you would get the worst of it.”

“No. You shouldn’t have to hide it. There’s nothing wrong with loving Sophie. There’s nothing wrong with loving who you love at all. Look at her family. Everyone’s happy because they are together.”

Just then, Michael took Sophie into a side hug and kissed her on the cheek as Phil took the picture. “Aw,” Johanna cried at the pure cuteness that was her family.

 “I think our parents just need to realize that it is happiness that counts, not status or pride. That’s the biggest reason why they threw you out. Tatta was embarrassed and he was trying to get his pride back. He misses you. I know he does.”

“How?”

“He’ll look at the old pictures of you that he put away in a box. He doesn’t know that I see him but I do.”

“Let’s not talk about that anymore. It’s time for pictures.”

\-----

“We’ve written a best seller!” Sophia announced in the middle of the celebration. She had been checking her messages as soon as they got to the restaurant where they had reserved the entire back room for the family to celebrate in peace. “Priceless is number one in the UK and US.”

“That’s amazing, Kiri” Maya said getting up to kiss her. Everyone congratulated them with hugs and more champagne, courtesy of Dan. Phil was extremely proud, asking, “When can we get a copy of our own?”

“Papa, you can have the original manuscript.”

“I think it’s time we told them. Hmm?” Maya whispered into Sophie’s ear.

“Alright. Everyone we have more news—big day for us—we have been engaged since we were sixteen and we want to finally get married. It’s been five year wait.”

“But you’re so young,” Dan said. “You’re only 22. The both of you have never dated anyone else. Are you sure?”

“Daddy, you were the same with Papa and from what you’ve told us, you were practically married years before you got the right to marry. Don’t take that away from me. Tell me the truth, if you and Papa could have gotten married at my age, would you have done it?”

Dan looked at Phil, who was avoiding his eyes and drinking champagne. He smiled at his behavior. “We would. I know we would have. Alright, how big should the check be?”

“We don’t want anything big at all,” Maya said. “Something in the garden with the family would be nice, like Johanna’s wedding but even smaller.”

“You’re our youngest. Are you sure you don’t want something bigger? You’re the last after all,” Phil spoke up. “Money is no object, Sophie.”

“No. Maya and I want something very small. “

“Can we be flower girls?” Georgie and Ellen asked. Even quiet little Lucy had a look of excitement on her face.

“Of course. Who else would be? The boys can be flower boys too.”

“No way!” Tommy said. Jack shook his head no and all the men laughed. Nothing was really changing for them. Maya already lived with them. She was a part of this family as much as Sophie was. The children called her ‘Auntie Maya’ and she felt loved in their home. But as the celebration went on, she thought of her mother and father. Would they come to her wedding if she asked? They didn’t even attend her Uni graduation. She doubted they would go to her lesbian wedding. She tried her hardest to focus on the now. Sophie was here and Sophie was hers, which was all that mattered. 


	44. The Homecoming

 

It was December 2041 and the doorbell had just rung. “They’re here! Everyone take your places.” Dan went to the door to check to see if was really them while Phil and the rest of the family went to their hiding places. Dan unlocked the door and went to his hiding spot behind the arch way of the living room. The bell rang again but no one moved. The door opened slowly and Sophie’s voice came through the house.

“Hello? Dad? Papa?”

“Surprise!” everyone yelled. Johanna and her family along with Michael and his family were all there to welcome Sophie and Maya from their trip to Sri Lanka. They had gone several times in the past five years but this trip was special. They came back with two new members of the family, Naomi who was now fourteen and Sarah, a three month old baby.

“Hello!” Sophie said happily with the little girl in her arms.

“Oh my goodness. She’s beautiful. They both are,” Johanna said. “C’mere.” Johanna took the quiet girl into her embrace. “I’m your Aunt Johanna. Let me introduce you to everybody. This is my husband, Thomas and our three kids: Ellen, Tommy and Lucy.” They smiled and waved. “This is your Uncle Mike, his husband, James and their two children: Georgie, who is a little older than you, and Jack. And last but certainly not the least—“

“We’re your grandparents,” Dan interrupted. “I’m Granddad.”

“I am Phil but everyone calls me Papa. Welcome to England and welcome to our home.”

“Thank you,” Naomi said softly. “It’s very cold here.”

“I know but you came at the best time. Christmas is coming and that’s always a huge event in this house. You’ll be spoiled rotten like the rest of them,” he told her.

“It’s true!” Georgie said. “We can’t even say Christmas until December because Papa thinks it’s a sacred word. We have to say ‘The C word’ instead.”

“It is sacred!” Phil told them all. “Are you hungry? We have breakfast all ready for you. You must have slept on the airplane. That was a very long flight.”

“Yes, it was. Thank goodness Sarah slept through it. She’s a good little baby,” Maya told them while hanging up her coat and looking down at the child lovingly. She was wide awake now, staring up at everyone with big brown eyes.

As they all made their way further into the house, Dan and Phil took a step back to let the small crowd walk ahead of them. Dan whispered, “Can you believe it? Our youngest has children. Little Sophie… Do you remember how she used to hang on us in public and wouldn’t let go?”

“Oh yes. I almost had a few accidents because she wouldn’t let me go to the loo. Sophie’s married and a mother. I think it’s more surprising than Johanna to be honest.” Phil laughed.

“Jo-Jo was always pretty independent but Sophie… She went through so much,” Dan paused before going any further. “…and now look at her.” Sophie took Sarah out of her bulky coat that she managed to buy at the airport before they left to come straight to her parents’ house. Dan went over to her and remarked, “Look at my little girl, a mother now.”

“I know, Dad. Crazy, right? I don’t even know where to begin.”

***

They weren’t prepared for Sarah at all. In fact, when she and Maya went to Sri Lanka three weeks ago, they were going to adopt one child, Naomi, before she aged out of the adoption age. It took them four years to adopt her despite their growing fame and growing support of orphanages all over the world. They had a problem with their adoption because the paper work on file said they were two lawfully wedded women, and that the child would have two mothers. Some officials didn’t like that fact and slowed down the process so pointedly that Maya caught on to it. The first day they arrived in Sri Lanka, she went straight to the courts and demanded to see their paperwork. It upset her to know that nothing was on computer yet and that her file was still very much in the early stages of processing. She managed to find the official in charge of the processing departments and let him know just how unfair he was being.

“Do you realize you are keeping a child from having a home? You are so bigoted that you didn’t consider the best interest of the child—“

“Having a mother and father is the best!”

“Her mother and father sold her into prostitution! My wife and I want to give her a home. She’s been sponsored by us for years and already calls me Amma. It doesn’t matter what you say. I am her mother!”

“It matters because I won’t let you have her.”

“That’s all well and good. But wait until the press hears about this. I am an award-winning author and well known all over the world. I have friends in high places. Do you really want the prime minister calling you to do your job? He’ll be made a fool of in front of the entire international community. He might just take it away and then where would you be?”

“Give me the file,” he said in surrender. He knew she wasn’t bluffing. He had heard about her before and the way she spoke, with a proper English accent and power in her voice, he knew she wasn’t bluffing. Maya knew he wasn’t used to having a woman have power over him but he had better get used to it or realize that women didn’t walk behind him but rather next to him.

More centers girls had been built in two other regions of the country. More and more girls were being educated and many estimated they would be the saviors of the economy. Men would have to respect them. She was a crusader for women’s rights in the region. From trying to slow down the growth of the sex trade, ending forced or arranged marriages and educating girls, Maya was very busy.

Within days, Maya received a call from the director of the Centre for Girls, a woman named Anushwa, who had good news for them. Naomi was officially their daughter. Two weeks before they were set to leave, Sophie was walking through the center’s compound when she heard a baby crying. She walked towards the sound into one of the dormitories to find one of the teachers soothing the child.

“Is she yours?” Sophie asked, approaching her and cooing at the baby.

“No, she was left here three days ago.” This was strange as most of the girls here were above the age of ten. They didn’t even have cribs at the center. Babies generally went to the orphanage on the other side of the city. The teacher said, as soon as the baby stopped crying, “We couldn’t find anyone to take her to the other home so she’s been here with us. We’ve been calling her ‘baby.’ We can’t get attached like our others. She’ll be leaving soon.”

“Can I hold her?”

“Yes, of course.” The teacher, called Ms. Sarai, handed the baby over to her and Sophie held her close. The room was cool despite that thick humid air outside and Sophie hummed a song she had learned from Maya. The baby responded with a giggle and reached out to take Sophie’s finger, which she been using to touch the child’s nose.

“Aren’t you a pretty little thing?” Sophie cooed at her. “Yes, you are.”

She walked around the room with the baby in her arms, never letting her gaze leave child’s. Without a second thought she said, “How would you like to come to England with me?” She didn’t answer, obviously, but Sarai heard and responded, “I think she would like that very much. You look so natural with her, Ms. Sophia. She looks at you like you’re her mother.”

“She’s probably fascinated by the blonde hair.” Whenever Sophie visits, the younger girls always beg to touch her hair because of its strange color. She wore her hair long but kept it in a ponytail because of the heat. At the moment, her hair rested on her shoulder and the baby looked at it curiously.

“No,” Sarai laughed softly. “She likes you.”

“Hmm, maybe.”

Maya came into the room after asking several students if they had seen Ms. Sophia, they had all pointed to the dormitory. She walked in to find her wife looking absolutely heavenly while holding the baby. “Sophie?”

“Oh hi,” she said with a soft smile.

“Who is this?”

“Baby. They don’t know her name and don’t want to get attached before she is sent to the other home… Maya?”

“Yeah?”

“I want her.”

“What?”

“I want her to come home with us. She’s so little and she doesn’t have anyone. She looks like a little bit of you and me.”

“Are you sure, Kiri? Babies are a lot of late nights and early mornings. We’ll be the mothers of two children and we’re only 26. What about all the traveling we do?”

“We’ll take her with us or ask my parents. I know they’ll do it. We’ll have support. We can do this. I know we can.”

“She is beautiful and just look at how she stares at you… Okay. We have to start today. I want to take her on this trip.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really.”

Sophie kissed her right on the lips, taking care not to crush the baby in between them. Sarai laughed at the scene and clapped for them. They turned around to see where the noise had come from. They seemed to have forgotten that she was even there.

They started paper work that day and when the official saw the names at the top of the form, he immediately pushed the documents through. However, before they could continue, they needed a name for the child in question. Sophie said, “What about Sarah? Sarah Jane Silva.”

“I think it’s perfect,” Maya smiled, knowing the significance of both names. Sophia’s mother was called Jane and Sophia still talked about Sarah.

Over the two next weeks, they scrambled to get all the medical and travel paper work ready. They got a temporary visa for Sarah in such a short time that when Sophie called home to tell her parents about her second daughter, they really couldn’t believe it. They left Sri Lanka the morning of December 20th and arrived back in England the next morning. Christmas was in a few days so Michael, James and their kids would be staying with Dan and Phil but Sophie had to stop there first.

There was nothing at their house for Sarah and her parents still had baby supplies in their attic.

***

“I think you’ll do just fine. If Michael and Johanna can do it, you definitely can. Hell, if your papa and I could do it, you can.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Phil asked, pouting and pretending to be upset.

“You must be getting old if I have to start repeating myself,” Dan replied laughing at him.

“Oh hush up,” Phil said wrapping his arms around Dan’s waist and leaning his head on his shoulder. Phil was almost 62 years old and Dan was turning 60 in June. They would retiring in the next few years but they weren’t worried. Years of planning and investing, allowed them to save a considerable amount for the next 30 something years.

“Forty years together and you two are still the cutest thing ever,” Johanna sighed jokingly. “It isn’t fair.”

“We know,” they both replied. Phil kissed Dan on the cheek before releasing him from his embrace to pull him into the kitchen.

“What is it, Phil?”

“No talking,” he whispered. Phil placed his hand in the curve of Dan’s lower back and pulled him in closer. Dan chuckled when he caught onto what he was doing and wrapped his arms around Phil’s neck, bringing them even closer. Phil connected their lips in pure love, tilting his head. This was second nature to them by now. Kissing Dan was a life-long hobby of his and he’d had certainly perfected it. Dan’s heartbeat steadily rose because Phil still made him nervous, jittery and completely blissful with his lips. It was still the same, the way he moved his hands all over Dan’s body, trying to bring him impossibly closer, the way he still silently asked for permission before sliding his tongue in, and the way Dan could feel his chest rise and fall a little faster as they went on. The voices from the other room began to fade away instantly and suddenly they were alone. Dan’s breath caught a bit because he’d forgotten to inhale. His hand made their way to Phil’s now salt and pepper colored hair. To him, Phil was still that eighteen year old boy with the black fringe who made him happy with every word he said. He played with the still luscious hair but Phil didn’t break the kiss; he only kept it going by wrapping his arms around the man he loved so much. If he didn’t know any better, he’d think they were back in their first flat together, kissing in the kitchen like they were now. They were in heaven then and somehow found their way back with every intimate moment they shared. Air was running out so Phil broke the kiss. Their lips still tingled from sensation of being attached for so long. He looked down at his husband who had gasped, “No… I want more,” and chuckled softly.

“You have no dignity, love.”

Dan moved his arms from Phil’s neck to his waist and laid his head on his shoulder. The sounds from their children and grandchildren talking, fighting and laughing soon filtered back into the space, bringing them back to Earth. They still stood there wrapped up in each other, no ready to let go just yet. They heard Jack singing ‘Rudolph, the red nose reindeer’ and all the other children joining in. Phil began humming along, the vibration spreading to Dan’s body as his voice was very deep. Dan could easily fall away from the reality right at the very second. Everything had settled down for them. They still fought like the old married couple that they were. Half way through an argument, Phil would start laughing at him and he’d forget what they were fighting about because Phil’s laugh took him away from the disagreement. Phil lifted Dan’s head so that he could look at him; take him in completely. Dan marveled at those bright blue eyes that had turned silver through the years.

“I love you.”

Phil paused as if overtaken by Dan’s words. He had said them a countless amount of times but they still made his heart skip a beat. “Lion?” he whispered to get Phil’s attention. Phil stared at him, looking right into his still brown eyes and after a few seconds. Phil pecked him on the lips once more and said, “I love you too.”


	45. The Birthday Party

The Birthday Party

It was January 2050 and extremely cold day in the north of England. The snow had just begun to fall on the already covered ground outside their home. Inside, Dan was urging Phil to hurry up and get dressed because Johanna would be there to pick them up soon. She didn’t want either of them driving in this kind of weather but they could not miss the party. There had been too much planning.

Phil Howell-Lester was now 70 years old and his entire family insisted on celebrating, even Michael who lived in the US with his husband James and their children. Michael and James had done well for themselves, getting roles in different movies and working for YouTube out of Los Angeles. Georgie, their daughter, was now 24 years old and an already established author like her

Aunt Sophie, who had told her she had a gift. Jack, her younger brother, just started college at Stanford University, one of the best in the country. He had called his grandparents, when it was the dead of night in England to tell them. Their first reactions were, “So you should be smart enough to know that it is 3am here, Jack. Congratulations. We’re so very happy for you. Good night!” He had laughed and promised to call the next day at a better hour. All of them made the special trip to celebrate Phil’s birthday. They all agreed it was worth it.

"Dan? Have you seen my glasses?"

"Darling, you’re wearing them."

"Oh yeah," he chuckled lightly and pursed his lips, silently asking for a kiss. Dan smiled when he saw and pecked him on his lips then finished straightening his collar.

"There. You’re ready."

The doorbell rang and they knew it was Johanna. She was always on time for everything. She said, “When you have four children, time cannot be wasted.” She had three girls and one boy and Dan always commented on her large family, telling her, “You are extremely fertile. You know that right?” She had told him, “Careful. I had Thomas get a vasectomy when he made the realization.” Dan’s eyes widened and he stepped away carefully, laughing at her fake seriousness.

"Granddad! Papa! Are you ready?" a feminine voice called out, loud enough to hear upstairs and probably across the street. It was not Johanna’s voice however. It was Ellen, who was now twenty years old and half way through Uni.

"Yes! Where’s your mother?" Dan answered, helping Phil down the stairs.

"She had to cook again. She burned the pasta and had to start over."

"How did she burn the pasta?"

"Lexi played with the timer and she left it in the oven for too long. They’ll meet us over at Aunt Sophie’s."

"Alright."

Alexandra, or Lexi as she was affectionately known, was the youngest child in the family. At seven and a half, she was precious and precocious though very socially awkward. She was known for taking things apart and putting them back together again. She was obsessed with how things worked and how to replicate it. It was a marvel to watch her but it was expensive when she kept taking her father, Thomas’, equipment to explore the wonderful world of technology. She hadn’t quite mastered it yet so some things ended up broken. Johanna and Thomas were worried that she might have some form of autism that no doctor had diagnosed yet. At the moment, she lived in uncertainty but she was a genuinely happy child with shining green eyes like her father, nothing upsetting her for too long.

Dan and Phil got in the car, sitting in the back seat together while Ellen drove them through the snow. They were heading over to Sophie’s house in the higher end suburbs of Manchester.

Sophie Silva, who took her wife’s last name because it was shorter (and for no other reason, she swears), was a force on the political scene. She had gone back to school to pursue a degree in political science whilst writing several books with her wife Maya. They were known worldwide, speaking all over for the rights of women and children. Their own daughter, Naomi, was now 22 years old, not much younger than her mothers. She graduated from Uni that previous year and began working alongside her mother at the organization that originally brought them all together.

When Ellen arrived at her Aunt’s home, she walked with Dan and Phil to the steps of the rather large house that some may call even a miniature mansion. The door swung open letting the warmth out as they trudged up the path.

"Happy Birthday, Papa!" Sarah called from the threshold, standing on her tippy toes. "Hello, Granddad."

"Sarah, precious, you’ll catch cold standing at that door," Dan warned her. She giggled, moving away from the door and returning with a hat and scarf, putting them on as she waited excitedly. Her big brown eyes were wide and her smile perfect, as any child’s would be. She was eight years old and she absolutely loved her grandfathers.

"I’d rather wait in the cold."

"Such a gesture from someone so little," Phil chuckled. Sarah was learning to be a classical dancer and ever since the age of three she was always on her tippy toes, perfecting her moves whenever she found free time. People had told her that a girl of her color and ethnicity couldn’t break into the cutthroat industry of dance but she didn’t care. Her family supported her and on any given Thursday afternoon, the little girl with jet black hair in a bun would glide across the studio floor with family members clapping as she did so. Many times they’d disrupt the class.

Ellen hugged the child when she approached and started removing her winter clothing, then moving further into the house. Once you were past the entry way, their home had a large open feel. The gourmet kitchen sat off the left, adjoined by a separate dining room on one side then a breakfast nook on the other. The living room, to the right of the center staircase, was large and filled with young people who were fighting over the TV along with the younger ones who just wanted to play a movie and be done with it.

“Lucy!” Tommy whined at his sister as she snatched the remote away, not behaving like the adults they were. “We want to watch the match.”

"We want to want to watch something else. Something less violent, if you don’t mind."

"We do!" Jack butted in.

"Well, it’s three against two," Naomi laughed. "And now four since Ellen is here."

"There’s way too many women in this family," Tommy mumbled.

"Hey!" the four of them yelled.

"Children!" Maya shouted over the din. "You all are worse than the little ones."

"Auntie Maya," Lexi said in her cutest voice. "Can we watch Disney please?"

"Yes," she smiled, making all the older ones groan and move around the room, finding something else to occupy themselves. In order to change the channel, Maya said, "Channel change fifty six." The TV was voice controlled and generally they would have that feature turned off at such a large gathering, especially with the oldest cousins always fighting playfully.

"Hello, everybody!" Ellen greeted them with kisses and hugs. She hadn’t seen Georgie and Jack in more three years so this was a family reunion as much as it was a birthday celebration. Sarah ran into the living room shouting, "They’re here! Time for cake!"

Dan and Phil were almost overwhelmed by the hugs and kisses and happy birthdays that came to them as they settled into the living room, having a space on the leather sofa reserved for them. After they took their seats, everyone gathered around them as the now foreigners had a lot of catching up to do. While Georgie was telling a story of the time, she had gotten the chance to see a Hollywood premiere of The Hobbit remake, Michael and James came down stairs, hugging Dan and Phil. Dan made fun of Michael’s messy hair and he whined, “Dad" making James laugh. Only God knows what they were doing up there… alone… in a soundproofed bedroom. Memories of the early days before the two were married coming back and making Michael blush furiously even though he was almost forty years old. 

There was yet another ring of the bell and they figured it would be Johanna, finally, and Thomas. Soon, every member of the family would be there to celebrate.

When the bell sounded, there was a bark coming from the entry way.

"Don’t bark at them, Lilah!" Sarah told her golden retriever.

"Keep that her away from the food, alright Sarah-love?" Sophie told her, coming down the stairs and opening the door.

"Yes, Mummy. Amma said I should leave her upstairs but I don’t want her to miss the party," Sarah told her. In their home, Sophia was Mum and Maya was Amma, the title coming from Sinhala for mother. 

Sarah let Johanna come in with pans of food and greeted her while still talking to Sarah, “Figure something out— Hi, Jo!”

"Are they here yet?"

"Yes, in the living room with everybody. It smells wonderful!"

Thomas shut the door and said, “Thanks. I stayed up all night cooking.”

"Like hell you did," Johanna rebuffed, rolling her eyes.

"It was only a joke, Joey."

"I know. I know," she laughed, moving into the kitchen and setting everything down on the counter.

"We should get started right?" Maya asked Sophie, taking her hand and swinging it as they walked through the corridor and into the kitchen. 

"I think so."

***

"Don’t you have something to give Papa, Sarah?"

"Oh yeah!" she exclaimed, getting up from her seat at the table just as everyone was settling down into their own seats, grabbing chairs from the basement to hold them all. The girl returned with party hats and handed the first two to Dan and Phil who laughed at the gesture.

"He’s seventy! Aren’t these for children?"

"Oh hush, Danny. I like them," Phil giggled putting on the cone shaped hat with the elastic around his chin. "It makes me feel young."

"I thought I made you feel young," Dan mumbled, feigning anger.

Phil lifted his chin and pressed his lips to Dan’s, murmuring, “You do, love. You do.”

"Aw," Lucy said picking up her camera and snapping the shot. The men blushed and everyone just continued cooing and laughing at their reaction to the attention. Lilah the dog came to sit by Phil’s leg and he smiled at her, then snuck a piece of meat onto the wooden floor to seal the friendship. Dan saw and rolled his eyes jokingly and put an extra party hat on the canine.

Dinner started and they all dug into the food, which ranged from assorted pastas, dishes from Sri Lanka that everyone had fallen in love with when Naomi brought her skill from home, and crisps and things to snack on. Lucy and Tommy started a fight, as they often do, about his latest girlfriend, a girl whom she deemed too ‘bloody stupid.’ His retort was, “Well, take a look at your boyfriend! The freak with fringe!”

"Oi! I used to have a fringe, Tommy!" Dan informed him.

"We both did remember?" Phil laughed.

"Yes. I loved it," Dan answered fixing a stray hair just above Phil’s ear. He always picked and groomed his husband, something that grew into an impulsive, but cute, habit. "Well, that was normal fifty years ago. Now, it’s just weird."

"He isn’t weird! At least he has a soul!" Lucy retorted.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"She doesn’t think! All she does is her hair and makeup and—"

"Stop fighting!" Johanna told them. "You’ve been this way for too long and I can’t take it anymore. It’s Papa’s birthday. Can you two be a little less self-centered? For once?"

"Sorry, Mum. Sorry, Papa." Lucy focused on her plate and began eating again.

"Yeah, sorry."

"That was very heartfelt Tommy," Dan chuckled.

The conversation flowed nicely afterword, the various sibling groups avoiding argument. Lucy and Tommy were always prone to behaving this way. After primary school their relationship had changed for the worst. It was generally accepted that sometime during puberty they just stopped agreeing on most things and wanted to be separate entities. This is a common issue among twins, triplets etc. They no longer wanted to be seen as a package or as The Twins so they rebelled against the idea of getting along.

Georgie, Naomi and Ellen caught up with each other. They had been best friends since Naomi’s adoption was final and they helped her settle into the UK. All being young women in their twenties, they shared a lot in common. Lucy who had yet to begin Uni listened in on their conversations of wild parties and freedom.

Phil had caught on to their conversation and butted in by asking, “Georgie, is there anyone special we should know about?”

"There is this girl…"

"Who?!" Everyone asked getting excited. Even Lilah picked her head up.

"I met her at a book signing a few months ago. Um… We’ve been hanging out a lot since then. She’s very nice."

"Helen?" Jack guessed with a knowing laughter in his words. "I knew you fancied her!"

"Can we change the subject please, Papa?" He saw the blush on her face and wanted to tease her.

"She must be a pretty one if the very thought of her makes you turn bright red."

"Oh God…” she groaned putting her head in her hands as everyone else laughed at her embarrassment. “ I know! Let’s talk about Jack’s girlfriend!”

"What can I say? She’s hot," Jack said confidently, grinning brightly.

"Yeah mate, she is!" Tommy agreed giving him a high five. Dan looked to Michael and Thomas. Their sons were characters and sometimes the fathers had to shrug of their childish behavior. They were eighteen so it was to be expected.

James brought everyone back into the birthday spirit by bringing out the cake, topped with the digits 7 and 0. Phil had joked that they should not use that amount of candles. One house fire was enough for a lifetime. As James walked it, Maya turned down the lights and everyone began singing, “Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday dear Papa! Happy Birthday to you!”

Phil clapped when they finished, smiling wide for them. He tried blowing out the candles in one big breath but the flames just wouldn’t budge. He looked over to Dan and said, “A little help?”

"One, two, and three!" he counted and they both blew out the candles together, then kissing as their family clapped in celebration. Dan swiped his finger across the edge of the white iced cake and put some on Phil’s cheek. Phil pulled away from the kiss giggling, "What did you do that for?"

"I thought you needed some more sweetness in your life."

"Never, Danny. I have you."

"Aw!" the women gushed over them. Thomas turned the lights back on and Johanna started cutting the cake, handing the first piece to Phil and kissing him on the cheek. The evening when swimmingly and ended in one big sleepover because the snow had gotten too high to leave. Sarah and Lexi were overjoyed because it reminded them of Christmas, having the family together in one house, eating, drinking and laughing. When it got late, Dan and Phil settled into the nicest guest room, the one on the first level.

They were all snuggled into the duvet and blankets in no time, ready to drift off in each other’s arms. Just before Phil nodded off, Dan asked, “Did you have a good birthday?”

"Best sweet sixteen ever," he joked and yawned. "Wish I got a car though. I mean I do have my license and everything."

"You’re so silly tonight, Lion" Dan giggled then sighed. He held Phil tighter, bringing him closer for a kiss. Their lips met and parted quickly, fatigue taking over their bodies. "Happy Birthday.

I love you."

"Thank you. I love you too."

"Good night, my lion."

"G’nite, my love."

Eyelids fluttered shut and the hold they had on the other loosened. Sleep and peace took over after a wonderful evening of family and celebration. 


	46. Epilogue

They lived well into old age. Phil went first at 95. He slipped away in his sleep. Dan went only one month later at 93. When he said he couldn’t live without him, it was true; he died of a broken heart. They were survived by three children, eight grandchildren and sixteen great-grandchildren.

There was only one funeral because by the time Dan accepted that he was gone and the family could plan a ceremony, he had died as well. They were buried next to each other.

Dan and Phil left behind an incredible legacy. Their children were artists, activists, and parents. They left behind a legacy of love, tolerance and family values. Sophia had told their story and spoke about being raised by a homosexual couple. She said,

“I never lacked love. I was surrounded by it daily. They were not evil or dirty. They loved with their whole hearts. When we were growing up, so many people said what we had was wrong. That our family was wrong. All of us were bullied in one way or another. How could adoption be wrong? How could birthdays and Christmases spent in the loving arms of your family be wrong? How could love be wrong? We were never abused by them; we were abused by the world. It was the outside world that made us feel inferior, not our parents. I raised my daughters with my wife. Our children never wanted for anything. We loved them the same way all parents do. When they fell, we picked them up. When they cried, we wiped their tears. When they said, ‘I love you,’ our hearts swelled just like any mother would, like any father would. To hear those words was a blessing. To say them to my fathers one more time is something I ask for every day.

“I see the world becoming more tolerant of us. It is 2075 after all but I still feel the need to explain who I am, my family and my way of loving. It was no different really. We fought, laughed, and cried just like every other family.

We loved just like you.”


End file.
